Obedient vs. Rebellious

I was obedient as a child. I was the "dutiful daughter" never wanting to dissapoint anyone and always wanting people to like me. I did what I was told because I didn't want to get into trouble. I was considered "mature for my age" and given the responsibility to take care of my siblings from the time I was eight. I was told to think of others before myself and to be an example. As a result I couldn't be a normal selfish kid. I considered my needs after others if at all and when I was a teen I compared myself to a cameleon who changed to be what I thought people wanted.

I didn't have my own identity and had low self esteem. I didn't think I was worthy to pray and wondered why God would want to hear from me. People told me all the time that I was too hard on myself. I became a perfectionist and it was very hard for me to let someone help me because I wondered why they would be so nice.

My sister was considered to be "rebellious". She would stand up to adults and tell them "No!" I always admired her and thought she was brave. Secretly, I wanted to be brave too. I don't think she was rebellious, she just didn't think the same way as adults and that's how she was labeled. She was nice but misunderstood. She had her own way of doing things but adults wanted to dictate her actions because she was a kid.

Back when we were growing up parents didn't ask their kids opinions they said "kids are to be seen and not heard". We didn't have an opinion and if we did adults said "I'll tell you what your opinion is" or "If I want your opinion I'll ask for it".

I think kids got offended even in the early days. We've all heard stories of people who left home or never talked to their parents again when they got older. They didn't talk about their feelings and we thought they were tough but they also had feelings.

We need to treat our kids with respect and not raise them like kids were raised in the olden days. We've evolved and acknowledge our feelings now. Kids have feelings too and if they are hurt they grow up to be angry adults.

We need to LOVE our kids and not label them. We need to have faith in them that they'll learn and our kids need to know that we believe in them. If we want our kids to have more than we did isn't this something we can give them?

Let them be kids, selfish, dreamers, etc. We need to realize we will always have more perspective than them because we are older.

Kids are going to hurt our feelings but they don't mean to it's just that they're kids and don't know any better. We know better so why take our feelings out on them? As someone with more perspective we need to suck it up and have faith in them instead of getting mad at them. They'll learn but it will take time.

Sometimes our kids don't want to listen to us instead they want to "do it myself". We might get offended and think "well then figure it out yourself!" We may feel justified but how will we feel when our kids grow up and never talk to us again because they feel like we weren't on their side? Some kids don't make good choices but does that mean we don't help them when we can? If kids can't go to their parents who can they go to? If kids feel like their parents will just get mad at them they will go to their friends. Their friends' advice will replace their parents' and do we want that?

Kids aren't dumb just because they are small. They are growing and isn't it our job to teach them to be responsible contributing adults? Our kids need to know we love them most of all and next they need to know we want to help them. Maybe instead of looking at it as Parent/Child we should look at it as More Perspective/Less Perspective. We are all kids it just that some of us have grown up.