Monday, June 24, 2013

Once A Parent, Always A Parent

I longed for my little children once they had grown and left the nest. I had been a mom for so long that, when they left, I didn't know my purpose. Recently I said to one of my children, "I miss being a mom." He said, "You're still a mom."

I may not be raising kids anymore, but my kids are still learning from me. I may not be doing but I am being and the only thing that's changed is position. When I had little kids, I was first, I was the leader, and I knew what's best. Now that they're grown, they're first. They're the leader and we all get to see what they can do. I may have taken a back seat to my kids, but I think it comforts them to know that they're not alone. 

I'm here anytime they need me, but, unlike children who can run to their parents, when they need me they may be a little further away; they might get to drive to my house or pick up the phone. "Once a parent, always a parent" is a true statement. I spent a little time doing (raising,) but I get to spend my entire parenthood being my children's parent. What a happy realization!

Monday, June 17, 2013

Don't Wait, Do It Now

Two things: 1) It's important to do what I say I'll do, so that people know they can count on me, and 2) I need to do it sooner than later. The question is not only if I will, but also when I will. Do I wait until the last second to act or do I act right away?

Looking back: When I waited until the last second to act, usually that meant that either -I didn't want to do it, or -I let other things have higher priorities. If I wanted to do something, most likely I did it right away. I always waited to do things until the last minute. In thinking about this, these are the possible reasons why: 1) I gave my all to whatever I did, and most likely I waited until the last minute because I knew I would go all out and it would take effort, 2) I felt more creative at the last minute (when under pressure.)

My creativity back then shined in most of the things I did (because I'm creative.) But when I waited until the last minute to do something, I felt stress. Also, by waiting until the last minute things came to my mind that couldn't be done because I needed more time. (Stress is a motivator. I believe that stress is a natural feeling that will always be felt. A person who prepares may feel butterflies in their stomach as they anticipate the thing for which they've prepared. But when a person procrastinates, they don't feel butterflies but anxiety.)

Since being sick, if I wait until the last minute the thing simply won't get done. My illness gives me the opportunity to prepare in advance...and allows me to feel more calm. I think back to when I waited until the last minute and believe the anxiety wasn't worth the procrastination.

Friday, June 14, 2013

Swearing, Fake Swearing, or Saying Something Original

OMH could mean "Oh My Heck!" but it could also mean "Oh My Hounis!"  Why be unoriginal and say what people expect? If a filler word has to be said, why say something that sounds like something else? It may be boring to say, "That's awesome!" but at least it doesn't sound like almost swearing. (In today's world, some people say freakin' - like, "That's freakin' awesome!" To me, that word sounds too close to the 'F' word.)

I wish people wouldn't use an emphasis word that sounds like swearing. Instead of fake swearing, I wish people would say either nothing or the real thing. If a person says, "I don't believe in swearing", I'd say, "Then don't fake swear; both words mean the same thing." (If an emphasis word needs to be said, why not say something like, "That's totally awesome!" and be thought of as not swearing?)

Some people don't want to swear but come close to the line when they say something that sounds like a swear word but isn't. I think that the best thing is to not use a filler word at all, and the next best thing, if something has to be said,  is to say something that isn't fake swearing. (In my opinion, when the emphasis word is a fake swear word, it means the same thing as the real word; if the real word is edgy, why say anything? I consider a filler word the same as saying, "Um" or "Like" between sentences; unnecessary.)

Regarding fake swearing, I say, "Don't say a filler word at all, and if a word needs to be said, then be creative and say something other than freakin; flipin'; cheese and crackers; heck; H-E-double toothpick; darn; dang; shiz; shut up; and shut the front door, otherwise, just say the swear word - it means the same thing."

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

How Do I Want to Say This?

I just had an epiphany. It is that sometimes I'm misunderstood because of my words. I may be correct, but the words I use make what I say sound incorrect. I have felt that many times I'm misunderstood - maybe it's because the words I've said have hurt people. I didn't mean to hurt people with my words, but sometimes I sounded offensive or condemning to them. I may have wanted to speak the truth, but my words sounded either harsh or negative. I never intended to be misunderstood, but I can see how my words could have been taken wrong.

I'm considered nice if I say nice things, but I'm considered mean if the things I say are mean. I had been considered nice for a long time, but I was nice at my own expense - I didn't say anything when other's hurt me because I wanted to be liked. After getting sick, I felt to not to sacrifice my feelings for someone else's - so I stood up for myself and honestly said how I felt. Many of the people who knew me before me getting sick thought I had become mean - I hadn't, I just respected myself and said honest things, whereas before getting sick, I didn't.

When I say something and someone hears it, I can't take it back - it's been said - it's out there. I can't erase the past and change what I said, all I can do is hope for the best, and change from that point forward. I've said things in a blunt way. Now see that it wasn't the best way to say it. I'm sorry if my words caused any unnecessary pain. I may still say hurtful things from time to time because I'm an imperfect human. But hopefully I'll remember to think before speaking, and maybe my words will hurt some people less.

Friday, June 07, 2013

My Gratitude for Grandma Clark

After preparing to go visiting teaching this coming Mon & Tues (something the ladies in my church do,) I decided to read some of my Great-Grandma Clark's journals. My mom had given me the journals (which had belonged to Grandma Gordon-Gma Clark's daughter.) One journal (in 1958) documented her trip to Europe where she sailed on the Queen Mary, attended the London, England temple dedication (where she saw and heard President David O. Makay,) went to the World's Fair in Belgium, toured Europe, and sailed home on the Queen Elizabeth. The entire trip took three months. She saw the Statue of Liberty in NY (from the Queen Elizabeth) before flying to Cleveland, Ohio from LaGuardia airport. She wrote much of the things said at the Tempe Dedication, visited English relatives, and did a lot of genealogy.

I'm very grateful for the history and example of my grandma. She was a remarkable woman. Perhaps I inherited my desire for knowledge from her. She wrote many facts, and I love that - facts are fascinating to me. I want to type what she wrote and share it with my relatives, that way I'm not the only one who'll have the information. I look forward to knowing her better on the other side of the veil.

Monday, June 03, 2013

Having a Passion or Not

Some people know what they want to do with their lives. They identify their passion early in life and do what they love in their work. A lot of people don't know what they want to do with their lives. They don't identify their passion until later in life (usually in their 40's) and instead do a skill they learn. Sometimes when they discover their passion, they change jobs to do what they love. I've heard that if a person does what they love, they'll never work a day in their life. That's great for people who know what they love, but what if a person doesn't know what they love? In that case a person needs to do what they do well.

What a person loves (their passion) comes naturally. Maybe they develop it, but at the core it's an innate quality. It takes some people more time to discover their passion. I think of it like different body types: some people have high metabolisms and other people don't. Likewise, some people can identify their passion and other's can't.

I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life so I just took a job that paid good money and taught me a valuable skill. I did that skill for many years then switched to do another skill that I also did well. After getting sick, I identified my passions. I see how my jobs used my qualities, but those jobs weren't passions - they were just jobs that I did to get a paycheck. 

If I wanted to do my passion, I'd need more education. I'm not going to attend college now, so that option's out. What's another option for me? To identify my passion(s) and realize how I used my qualities in my jobs.

Qualities are parts of my character - they say how I am. They are ways I've always been. For example, I've always philosophized and I've always been a deep-thinker; I've always loved people; I've always loved to research things; I've always loved to express myself; I've always been religious; I've always loved music; I've always been creative; I've always loved men; I've always been domestic; I've always loved my things.

I see how my qualities have influenced what I've done. I'm a good mom and have a happy home because I'm domestic; I have many heirlooms because I cherish my things; I have a husband because I love men; I make things because I'm creative; I sing and play the piano because I love music; I talk about spiritual things because I'm religious; I have many journals because I love to express myself; I know certain things because I research them; I help people because I love them; I figure things out because I ponder. Each one of my jobs have included things that I like to do, as well as things I'm good at. Everyone has qualities whether or not they've identified their passion(s).