Pay Attention to Me!

I read an excellent article on Facebook that my friend posted about experiencing things instead of immediately tweeting or posting a status on Facebook. To read the article, click here.

It's sad to realize that some people are so concerned with something else that they pay more attention to that rather than to their companion. This has gone on for a long time but is in the limelight again because people ignore their friends to look at their cell phones.

Distractions are a variety of things from another person's clothes, another conversation, another phone call, a program on TV, or a cell phone, to name a few things. How many times have I talked on the telephone to someone when they say "hang on, I have another call," or I'm talking to someone and they divert their attention to look at or listen to someone else, or they stop talking to me and instead watch something on TV, or their cell phone vibrates or they get bored so they concentrate on it.

Is it so hard for people to spend time with their friend? Are people's attention spans so small that they need to notice something else when they get bored? It seems like if people aren't constantly entertained they'll do something else. I'm glad I learned to sit and quietly listen but it's a skill some people don't display.

When a person is with me but then concentrates on something else, I feel ripped off. I think to myself am I not important enough to receive their undivided attention? They may apologize for getting distracted, and I may forgive them, but it's still rude.

When a person is with their friend they need to be fully present. That's the only way their friend will feel heard and believe they care. I agree, they need to leave their cell phone in their pocket.

Being Real

There's something to be said about being authentic and saying, "What you see is what you get." I've become that way since being sick and think I'm truly myself. Before I got sick I tried to keep up appearances. After getting sick I dropped the expectations I had for myself and thought, This is me, take it or leave it.

I thought I knew how other people behaved but I didn't. After getting sick, I saw that a lot of people wanted me to think they had it together when they didn't. They appeared perfect but I knew of perfection as an impossible achievement in this lifetime, and recognized that sooner or later everyone fell short. I wanted people to know this too, and to be their real selves. 

Perfection can never be fully achieved in this lifetime, but it's not okay to say, "I'll never be perfect so why try?" For some reason and for years, I expected perfection from myself. For example, I thought I should play the piano perfectly. My unrealistic expectations said, "If I can't then why try?" I got down on myself for my imperfect playing and chose to see only my faults; I only saw what I lacked. Eventually, I got so fed up with my imperfect playing that I didn't touch the piano for months.

I consider my piano example dramatic and rigid. Back then, I thought of life as black and white, this or that - no in-between. Since being sick I realize that instead of appearing perfect it's more beneficial to work on becoming the best person possible. (If I am good at something, I aim to be even better. If I don't have a certain quality and I want it I try my best to get it.)  I know now that it's only helpful to compare my progress to my previous self. I truly believe that progression is the important thing, not perfection.

I can see how when a person acts perfect, they could become too proud to admit the false identity. It's not bad to say, "I fall short." In fact, it's humble to admit weakness and inspiring to say, "but I'll try harder."

I wonder how a person could ever ask God to help them when they think they have nothing needing improvement. If they say, "I'm weak, I can't do it on my own, please help me" I think God will help them because of their humble and sincere plea. I know that God will help a person who takes the action to ask for help while they attempt to change. I believe that God wants people to do something instead of just wish.

Some people say that their neighbor thinks they're perfect. If they're right then it's sad because it's not true. The neighbor may APPEAR perfect, but usually what a person appears to be vs. who they are doesn't match.

I am convinced that actions speak louder than words. It's one thing for someone to say, "I want that" but another thing for them to work to get it. I love the saying, "I cannot hear what you say because who you are rings so loudly in my ears." I want people to be who they are in their hearts so that I can trust them.

I Will Never Stop Hoping

Sometimes people don't choose what I would. My heart has been broken and I've felt discouraged many times but I comfort myself by remembering 'that is what they choose today and I hope they'll choose differently tomorrow.'

Sometimes all I can do are two things: 1) pray that they'll choose the good thing and 2) think good things about them. I never stop loving them just because they choose something I wouldn't but it's hard to love someone who chooses something else. My human nature wants to punish, turn away from, and be mad at them. But what would that do? (Other than them not talking to me because I pushed them away.) I don't want them to be out of my life even though they broke my heart, therefore, I choose to be nice to them.

I hope that one day they'll choose better.

Some people do things differently than me. It's hard to think the best instead of the worst because thinking the best means I trust them. That's hard for me because I'm not very trusting. I question motives and tend to think the worst. When I do that, people probably think I'm mean and  don't want to talk to me. All I can say is that it's not because of them but because of my lack of trust that causes me to act this way.

I hope that one day I'll choose better.

Those two scenarios tell me that no one is perfect and that hoping for the best is a good thing.

He is Risen!

Easter is definitely my favorite holiday. I love it because I'm thankful  for three things, namely that Jesus Christ suffered for my sins, that He willingly gave his life on the cross, and that He rose from the tomb.

His resurrection gives me hope that one day I will be resurrected too. I  believe that when I die, my body will be buried in the ground but my spirit will go to heaven. If Jesus hadn't been resurrected and hadn't overcome death, then when I died that would have been it - my body and spirit would have gone to the grave. Thanks to His resurrection, my spirit can now go to heaven.

What a gift! Thank you Jesus for doing that for me. "I stand all amazed at the love Jesus offers me" is part of a song that my church sings and is how I feel today.

I am a Christian even though some people say that I'm not. They say that Mormon's aren't Christians for various reasons but I know that I am. I believe in Jesus Christ; that He's the Son of God; and that He will return again to rule the earth. I believe what Christian's believe and celebrate Jesus Christ today.

The Bible says Jesus said: "I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live" (John 11:25). All human beings were dead. Lucifier said to Eve that she would not die when she ate the forbidden fruit but he lied. Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit and brought death upon themselves and us. We needed someone who could break the bond of death and that's what Jesus Christ did. He overcame death and we will too: meaning that when we die we will go to heaven instead of just going to the grave.

Jesus said: "I lay down my life, that I might take it again; No man taketh it from me but I lay it down myself. I have power to lay it down, and I have power to take it again" (John 10: 17-18). He did what he said he would and it makes me believe the other things He said. He never said 'because I was resurrected, so shall you,' but throughout His life He talked about how people would go to heaven. For example, He said "In my Father's house are many mansions. I go there to prepare a place for you" (John 14:2) and He told the thief on the cross "Today thou shalt be with me in paradise" (Luke 23:43). If people didn't go to heaven He never would have indicated such a thing.

I'm thankful for Jesus Christ's example. I want to emulate him and am thankful that his life is documented in scripture. I feel grateful that he suffered for my sins in Gethsemene, died on the cross at Calvary, and rose again.

Addiction

We all need God's mercy - not just the addict. In a way we're all addicts. An addiction is something that is very hard (if not impossible) to quit. Some people are addicted to drugs, or cigarettes, or alcohol, or gambling, and it's easy to know a person does those things because we see them, but what about a person who has anger, or tells lies, or is encompassed by the desire to see pornography, or has a low self image, or is not able to wait?

Those unseen behaviors aren't considered addictions - we call them tendencies. Like "She tends to get mad," or "He tends to bend the truth," or "He tends to sit in secrecy and look at in appropriate things," or "She tends to be so hard on herself," or "He tends to be impatient."

We want to think we are better than the addict but we aren't. We may not smoke or drink, but we all have addictions to things that are hard or impossible to quit. When we get fed up with our behavior, we ask God to help us. He will if we sincerely want to quit. That's the problem, we want to quit but we don't.

Truthfully, most people have become used to their addiction and don't know what will happen when they give it up. They need to trust that their life will be okay and that they'll be able to live without it. Rationally speaking, they're not gonna curl up in a ball and die when they give it up. They need to believe that bad behavior will be replaced with good behavior. They need to know that they're strong and can handle more than they thought.

I hope they won't be like Smeagol in The Lord of the Rings who confronted Golum (his schitzophrenia.) Smeagol said "leave now and never come back" but when Golum left, Smeagol wanted him to come back. Smeagol wanted to have his friend even though Golum brought him down. Golum had been a part of Smeagol's life for so long and he didn't really want to give him up (even though it seemed nice.)

Once I heard a person say "we keep a summer cottage in Babylon." I think the speaker meant that we give up our addictions, but not completely. We give up most of our addiction but then visit it in the summer. If we keep doing that, eventually the addiction will return and we will end up not only having a summer cottage but also a house where it lives all the time.

All we can do is be willing to give it up. I think some things can't be eliminated without God's help. It would be unfortunate to avoid giving something up because of not understanding how God does it. I don't know how He does it, but I know that He does. I know that when we sincerely want His help, He gives it. Perhaps He removes the desire, or gives us knowledge, or strengthens us to be able to endure the burden, or all of the above.

Patient and Loving

Most people want things done right now. They also want them to be done the "right" way. If the thing doesn't get done when or how they want then they tend to force. They nag and complain until it's done. As part of their nagging, they threaten.

Being forced to do something doesn't feel good. No one wants to be told what to do. People like to be asked. They want to be treated like a person, and given respect.

When "do this" is said, what will happen if it doesn't get done also needs to be said. Saying "Please take out the trash before you leave. If you don't then you can't go. If you leave without doing it I'll call you to come back and do it" let's the person know what is expected. It also puts the choice on them. If they choose not to follow instructions then they suffer the consequences. Most likely, they will do it and both people will be happy.

Will it hurt anything if it's done in five minutes and not right now? What's the rush? If it's done later isn't that okay? I think the people who want it done now don't want the person to forget. Waiting says "I believe you'll do it." Maybe patience is a virtue because waiting is hard. But I think patience gives the other person respect.

Force causes power struggles and animosity.

"I will be mad at them if they don't do what I say" is mean. It's loving to be persuasive. It also takes more effort to be persuasive than to bark orders. It takes time to think of what to say than to just say "don't do it." If I say "don't get a tatoo" I may have my reasons for not doing it but the other person may not agree. If I get mad and alienate them because they did it, they might not want to be around me because I alienated them.

Perhaps they won't always do what I would, but that doesn't mean I stop loving them.

I believe that people need to be loved regardless of what they do. Humans tend to give more or less love to a person based upon what they do. If someone does something considered wrong the tendency is to love them less than when they do something considered right. That's conditional. I want to have unconditional love.

I thinks it's necessary to separate who someone is from what they do. That way they can always be loved regardless of what they do. In scriptural terms "Love the sinner, not the sin."

Reacting to Honesty and Understanding the Meaning

When someone is honest with me they run the risk of me getting mad or defensive. They feel like they're walking on egg shells because they don't want to upset me. They want to be honest but they don't want me to be mad at them.

My family is honest even if it hurts the other person. They say how they feel and the other person listens. When I'm the other person, usually I cry (because the truth hurts) but I most likely change because they're right.

Recently I went on a ride with Andrew which gave us the chance to talk. I appreciate our talks because he is honest, understanding, and kind. I know he cares about me. He doesn't want to hurt my feelings when he says something true, but he wants to say how he feels and be understood. Therefore, I listen, hear him, and make the changes that I can.

I want to be the best person possible. How can I be that unless people are honest?

Andrew described the circle of life so well. He compared life to a globe. He said that a baby's globe is the size of a marble. As we have experiences, our globes grow. Then, as we age, they shrink but never to the size of a marble because we've had experiences. He said that everyone's globe is a different size.

He said that some people considered the things on their globes to be no big deal or small. He indicated that to me those same things were big. He said that perhaps people considered it no big deal to put on socks or to shower, but to me those same things were a big deal because they took a lot of effort.

I appreciated that he understood why I reacted to some things in a certain way.

Sometimes people can't understand why I make such a big deal about something that to them is small. Perhaps when I blow up they just shake their heads in confusion. Things are a big deal to me because they take my effort or I consider them important. I know that most likely when I throw a fit it won't change anything but I want people to understand what I mean.

I like this quote: "Seek first to understand then to be understood."

Sometimes it's hard for me to understand a person because I'm not really listening. Perhaps I think I already know so I tune them out. I need to consider that perhaps I don't know and that's why they keep saying it.

To understand someone I need to listen, internalize what they said, and possibly change.

Forgiveness and Letting Things Go

Forgiveness is a tough word. If I feel I can't forgive (because I was wronged and the thing can never be made right) I could at least let it go and have it stop affecting me.

When I think of forgiveness I think of having  "forgiven" only one person in my life. That situation was beyond my ability to fix. All I could think of was that God would make things right. Eventually, I was able to forgive the person (although they never asked for my forgiveness) and genuinely love them. If I hadn't forgiven them I would have felt their control in my mind and it would have affected me for as long as I let it.

I used to be controlled by unfair things and cry when I saw bad things happen to people. I saw them as injustices and wanted them corrected. They made me feel the control my own situation had over me. I felt sad.

My personal injustice could only be remedied by not letting the thing that controlled me do that any more. I let it go and didn't even hold a grudge. I felt happy. I took a stand and told the person I would no longer sweep their lies under the rug. It didn't stop them from being them but it allowed me to be me.

It's not true that I've only forgiven one time. I've let many things go and not allowed them to affect me. Life is full of unfair things but I believe that God will make things right.

I just watched my church's general conference and one of the speakers said that if you are contentious then Stop It! He was talking about siblings quarreling or fighting. He made me think about how I felt contentious about some things. He said that even if you feel you're right you should stop fighting. I thought about how I felt right about the things that made me mad and how even though I felt right I needed to stop feeling angry.

I realized that anger was like a spreading cancer and the only way to get rid of it was to eliminate it...to stop it...to let it go. I let my anger go and could see how bitter I'd become. I could see how my upset feelings had hurt other people and not just affected me.

I believe that forgiveness and letting things go is not for the other person but for me. The other person may not even think they did anything wrong. They will probably never ask me for forgiveness. They may never see my point but God will. He will be on my side and make things right. When I'm able to let unfair things go I live in the moment instead of the past. When I stand up to wrong things I don't allow them to control me. When I hold grudges and don't let things go, they fester, grow, and spread like cancer. I say let it go and be happy!