God Cares

I sat in the yellow chair in my kitchen, feeling very sad and crying to my husband about the unfairness of something. All I could think to do was to pray to God in my mind and tell Him about all the things I didn't understand. My husband left the room, and I continued to feel sad. My thoughts took over and I didn't stay aware as I reflected. I don't know when the shift occurred, but I became aware that I was thinking of what I loved about God. To me, the miracle is that my attitude shifted and instead I felt happy.

Here are some of the things I thought about when I became aware: I love how God sees my potential. I love how He encourages me (often through others). I love how He gives me the courage to do what I consider impossible. I love how He forgives me every time I ask for forgiveness. I love how He cares about me. I love how He wants good for me.

Grown-up Make Believe

On Facebook, a friend posted an article written by a mom who lives in Utah County (Provo) about opting out as Supermom to instead be more real. Click here to read the article. She talked about how perfect the moms in Utah County seemed, as well as how clean their houses seemed, as well as how well-behaved their kids seemed, and as well as how everything they did seemed to come naturally. That sounds exactly like the former me - I was the Utah Valley Supermom...but I lived in Kansas. (A friend of mine even used to call me "Supermom.") Perhaps women from Utah are not fanatical about perfection, but I was. In high school, I made fun of Suzy Homemaker who got up at six AM and made freshly baked bread for her family, but I became like her in my own way as I attempted perfection in everything I did.

When I lived in Orem, Utah (which is a part of Utah Valley,) my friend said, "Jade, let him do it" when I moved my son's game piece. Many years later, I thought I was controlling, but perhaps I wanted to do it so that it seemed perfect. I agree with the author that it's better and a relief to be real - to just be yourself and to let your family be themselves, too, because real life isn't perfect, sometimes the house is messy, sometimes the kids wear mismatched clothes, and sometimes we eat ramen noodles for dinner. It takes a lot of courage to be "real" - to go against the grain when so many other people pretend. The author called pretending "grown-up make believe" and that is so true.

I didn't want to stand out and do something different; I wanted to be like everyone else. I wanted to be one of the millions who all did the same thing. And for years I did - I did what I thought was the typical but, according to the article I read, my pretending to be perfect was the extreme.

Haiku Poetry Attempts

My email has been receiving one haiku poem per day for years (from Tinywords.com). According to my research online, American haiku's are 10-14 syllables long, and it seems like they could be related to nature or a thought. Japanese haiku's have 17 syllables, with the format of 5-7-5, and are related to nature in some way. A haiku has two topics which relate to each other (are juxtaposed), and are short enough to say in one breath.

Today, I wrote my own haiku's and here are my attempts:

Sharp pencil

My words are

To the point

MS Diagnosis

I walk

Like I'm Drunk

Conformity

When in Rome

Do like the Romans

Birthday Ideas

My birthday is this month. In years past, when someone asked, "What do you want for your birthday?" I didn't know so I said, "World peace." They got me a gift, but since I never said what I wanted...I got whatever they gave. This year, I have thought about it and suggest that they give me something that relates to something I love. 

Here are some things that I love: Books. I love books that enrich my life or uplift me in some way. Music. I have a lot of music and I listen to something all the time. I love choral music, show tunes, and music that feels good to my soul. Movies. I'm a girlie-girl and love romantic comedies, but also I love science fiction/fantasy, and action. (I love drama's too, but have to stay away from them since I have MS because they make me cry.) All Jane Austen movies, Downton Abbey, Once Upon A Time, Star Wars, The Lord of the Rings, Terminator Salvation, Iron Man, Fast and Furious 5, Casino Royale, King Arthur, and The Bourne Identity are among my favorite movies. I do have some stipulations about movies: 1) It needs to be rated something lower than and not including R. 2) It needs to be appropriate; no nudity or steamy love scenes (consider me watching it with children.) 3) It needs to not depict the future in a sad, bleak way. (I didn't like War of the World, or The Matrix for that reason.) 4) No cartoons unless it's Disney, and no movies that patronize kids. (I didn't like Madagascar, The RV, or Cheaper by the Dozen, but I loved Mirror Mirror, Brave, and The Chronicles of Narnia.) I guess I have a lot of stipulations about movies since once an image is in my mind it's there forever. Maybe a gift card is best instead of a movie. Being creative.Decorating and beautiful things. Pictures. Family pics or pictures to hang on my wall, I love them all. Poetry. Nothing says something better than well-said words. Homey things that smell good. Looking my best.Writing/typing (expressing myself.)

Wow! That's quite a list, but I learned from a dear friend that if you don't say what you want, you have to settle for what you get...and that might be nothing. I love getting gifts that tell me that the person thought of me enough to give me something. Whenever I see or hear the gift I remember them.

My Personal Gethsemane

These words (from the song below) get me in my heart, 'My Lord Jesus, if you've got time to spend with me tonight then fly to me, Jesus fly.' When I feel sad, I think of something similar to, 'fly to me, Jesus fly.' In those quiet moments with just myself, when I'm in pain, I want Jesus to take my pain away.

God took away the pain I felt in my heart one time when I felt sad. (I cry because I truly love Him, and because I feel very grateful for what He did.) I consider myself the one sheep that the good shepherd left the other 99 sheep to find. A shepherd cares about every one of his sheep; if one got lost he would leave the flock to find it, and if it got wounded, he would care for and heal it. I was sad (wounded,) and God cared for me and healed my soul.

God loves every one of us-His children. Satan wants us to hate ourselves and to think we're not worthy of God's love; but we are. Satan lies to us, and tells us things that aren't true because he wants to hurt God by hurting us. Satan doesn't want us to feel good, he wants us to feel bad...so that he can control us with his lies, and so that we will believe him and be his. Truthfully, he just wants to win and to be better than God. Satan doesn't care about our fate; he couldn't care less if we burned in hell. God, on the other hand, cares about us, he wants to help us, and he cares about our eternal future. 

I believe that listening to God produces feelings of sureness, security, and confidence in believing that good things are deserved. Also, I believe that Satan whispers lies in my mind that cause me to feel unsure, insecure, and to only hope that desirable things are possible but not to believe that they're attainable. The good things (such as lessons learned, etc.) from suffering make my suffering (trials) worth it.

The first four paragraphs of the following song were written with the perspective of being in heaven and seeing Jesus suffer in Gethsemane.

Gethsemane

My Lord Jesus

Me in heaven, You on earth

You're in the garden

And Your heavy burden is growing worse 

I weep for You, Jesus

My poor Jesus

I'm so sorry to make You cry

But I'm far from like You

And all my sins, Lord, demand this price

I wish that I could come to You

And wipe away the blood

And then I'd bear Your cross, Lord

If I could

But I'm up here

And You're down there, Jesus

My poor Jesus

I'm so sorry to make You die

But, please, for me, Jesus

Die

Now Lord Jesus

You're in heaven and I'm on earth

Now it's my turn

And my little burden is getting worse

I weep for me, Jesus

Oh kind Jesus

I keep trying to win this fight

But I just can't change me

I need Your grace, Lord

Please provide

I wish that I could run to You

And all of this would end

If I could see Your face

Have You close again

But You're up there

And I'm down here, Oh Jesus

My Lord Jesus

If You've got time to spend with me tonight

Then fly to me, Jesus

Fly

I Celebrate Success

An untrue belief says that if someone else doesn't have something, not to celebrate it because it's "bragging." That's not true. That belief controls people's behavior. The truth is that people are free to celebrate what they have, and other people are free to either be happy for their success or be jealous because they have something that the other person doesn't. For example, one thought is that if I have a husband and they don't, don't say, "I'm grateful for my husband" because it rubs in the other person's face the fact that they don't have one. Another thought is that if I say "I'm grateful for my husband," the other person has the opportunity to be happy or jealous of me. If I lived according to the first thought, I could never celebrate what another person didn't have - we would always be equal - actually, I would be brought down from my success to their non-success.

A baby is good until they're born into this negative world. They may live negatively for many years; but once they're grown they can choose how to live. Everyone has the same opportunity to succeed, but the world's downward pull says, "Success is bad." It's a lie, success is good. A child's life may be bad, but their childhood doesn't dictate their future success.

I'm Proud to be an American

This song has been running through my mind since yesterday; it got to be the most patriotic song I've ever heard. Click here to hear it.  It's "I'm Proud to be an American" by Lee Greenwood. I love my country; the comfort that Americans expect, and the nice and helpful attitudes of most people.

I love traveling to places around the world. I enjoy seeing things and meeting people that are different than me. And I always enjoy coming home; having my things, knowing the culture, being familiar with the way people do things, and feeling happy to communicate in my language. Half of my family are from another country and I love them. 

I am an American and love my country. There are things in America that I don't like, but not enough to make me leave; I would never live anywhere else than America. I love my country. I'm proud to be an American.