Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Choosing the Right

Choosing the right used to be popular; when a person chose wrongly, society or their parents shamed them until they chose the right. Now, if a person wants to be a part of the 'in crowd' they need to choose the wrong. (It seems like when a person chooses the right in today's world they get pressured to choose the wrong.) 

Being a hero by doing the right thing used to be glorified in films and on TV. Superman, The Lone Ranger, and Kwai Chang Caine of Kung Fu were all hero's. Now it's Jason Bourne, Dominic Toretto and Walter White. 

Today we cheer for hero's that are actually bad. Jason is an assassin but we like him because he's kind. Dom is a theif and running from the law but we like him because he's loyal. Walt make's drugs but we like him because he's a good guy at heart. Every bad guy has a good quality but they're still bad!

We embrace what we like (their skills,) and overlook what we don't. Crime Drama's like CSI and Bones show a murder or dead body at the beginning of every show...but we overlook that part because we want to see how the murder gets solved. The Mob Boss show on TV glorifies killing. Some say The Sopranos were good (even though some of them killed people) because that show had likeable characters.

Even though right and wrong seem to be upside down, right is still right and wrong is still wrong. Choosing the right may be unpopular now, but I think we still need to have the courage to stand up for it. We need to be brave enough to walk out of theaters or turn off our TV's when we see something unsavory instead of just sitting there and watching it and tolerating what we know in our hearts is wrong. Let's decide to not even begin watching a show that is wrong because we know we will think it's OK when we fall in love with the characters.

If society says that the good movies are children's movies because they're bland, then let's have the guts to say "OK, then I guess I only watch children's movies!" We can withstand what society says is popular when our heart tells us that it's not. We need to be willing to stand with the millions of other people who choose the right.

Sunday, September 16, 2012

We Do Important Things

I went to a women's conference yesterday. While the keynote speaker (The President of the Mormon KC Temple-President Hardy) spoke, I realized that most women thought poorly of themselves. President Hardy said that Heavenly Father loved us and he reminded us of our importance. His talk reminded me of the talk I heard President Uchtdorf give about the forget-me-not flower and how essentially he had said the same thing.

Women are nice. They are about feelings and friendship. They like people. Men can be nice but they aren't nurturing. They are brave and knights in shining armor. They are providers and tough. Men are supposed to protect women not dominate over them! Men and women each have individual qualities that make them great. They compliment each other but one isn't better than the other!

I think male domination is why feminism came about. Women didn't like being dominated by men and so not only did they want to be better than men but they wanted men to not exist. When they looked back at history, they didn't want to see how men had evolved but how men hadn't existed at all! 

I don't agree with the feminist thought that men are good-for-nothings! I believe that men and women have different roles; that one isn't better than the other; and that they need each other to truly be happy.

Some women in my church treat themselves like second-class citizens. I realized this one time when I sat in Relief Society and listened to a sister's words. She said her calling required her to tell people what to do. She thought a man needed to have that calling because she felt uncomfortable directing men. Some people in my church call men "the priesthood" instead of calling them men. True, men hold the priesthood but that power blesses both men and women. Men are no better than women because they have the priesthood any more than women are better than men because they can have babies.

Perhaps women would have good self-esteem if they valued what they do. Too many women shrug off the things they do because they come easy to them. They think of the things they do as no big deal because they do them without effort. I believe that just because a person can do something naturally doesn't mean it's not important. Everyone can't do what they can! Take a photographer, for example. Taking pictures seems easy to them. But, not everyone knows how to capture the right scenery in a photo. Not everyone knows how to frame things or how to take pictures just right. Look at me, I'm not a photographer. I don't know how a camera works or even how to hold a camera correctly. I don't know about lighting and the details that make picture taking an art. Basically, I take pictures to document history. But I have other talents that I do know details about.

Women are important. Who women are and what they do IS as important as who men are and what they do.

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Violence in the Middle East

Yesterday felt somber to me. The memory of 9/11 and all those who died touched my heart and caused me to feel sad. Today I learned that four Americans were killed yesterday at U.S. embassies in the Middle East. While in America, we mourned the loss of those who lost their lives, people in Cairo and Lybia killed Americans as well as burned and tore apart the U.S. flag. Why do we help them when for decades they have hated us?! The news is infuriating to hear. Just because we aren't yelling and shooting guns in the street doesn't mean we aren't passionate!! But, it does mean we're civilized.

Americans wouldn't have a bias toward Arabs if they didn't do things like this! The Arabs are causing the bias by their actions. 

I feel further infuriated when the leaders of my country apologize to the Arabs! Are the Arabs apologizing to us because they killed our people? No! And yet we bow down to them time and time again so they won't hurt us! They are being bullies! I think we need to be the tough country we should be!!!

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

My Thoughts about 9/11

That horrible experience happened 11 years ago, but I remember it like it happened yesterday. The things I will never forget (besides what happened) are the humanity of the media, the patriotism of Americans, and the outpouring of support from around the world. The pictures I saw for weeks after that event, and every year afterward will always be etched in my memory. I looked in my journal to see if I had written anything about the event and here's what I wrote:

Monday, September 10, 2012

We Need to Act

About a month ago I felt compelled to write a talk about afflictions and trials. I don't know why I wrote it other than because I felt the need. To make a long story short, I gave that talk in church on Sunday. (I truly feel I received inspiration to say the things I did.) I could have been a better speaker because I spoke too fast and didn't make eye contact. I know that, but didn't do them for a couple of reasons. First,  looking into people's eyes would have made me cry after feeling their emotions.  I can't contain my feelings, therefore I didn't look at them. Second, I spoke quickly because I know that my voice gets worn out when I speak, and to me it sounds worse.

When I step back and review this accomplishment, the important thing is not the words but that I spoke. I didn't let fear stop me from delivering the talk, but swallowed my pride and said things that hopefully touched another person. I put myself aside and gave the talk (even though I have limitations) because I hoped the words would reach someone.

After I'd been asked to speak in church, I kept thinking of the words "slow of speech."  I had read those words in the Bible where God told Moses to tell the Israelite's something and Moses said they wouldn't listen to him because he was slow of speech. I think God told Moses to speak, to test Moses' obedience. I believe God wanted to know that Moses would do what God told him. Moses could have made excuses, but instead he did as directed...and became a great leader.

I'm not comparing myself to Moses, but saying that it's important to be obedient when compelled to do something. We need to act not make excuses for why we don't. When we're obedient to promptings, God knows He can count on us. He uses us to convey messages that He wants people to hear. Perhaps the opportunity is lost when we don't act. I spoke even though I felt many insecurities. I hope that God knows he can count on me.

Here's the talk:

Afflictions and Trials
Im Hawaiian and in the Hawaiian language there is the word Ohana which means family. In families people express their love. I hope you will feel my love for you today and that the Holy Ghost will teach you (through my words) what you need to learn.

I have been sick for four years. Before that time, I could stand and walk and talk just like you.  I have MS and some of my symptoms have never gone away. I had a life before I got MS. I worked. I made dinner for my family almost every day. I cleaned my house. I exercised. I ran errands. I wrote in my journal. I played the piano. I sang and I served at church.

After I got sick, my life turned upside down. I became disabled. I had to quit my job. I couldn't cook, clean, exercise, or shop any more. I no longer had balance. My strength became weakness. I felt dizzy. My hands wouldn't hold things correctly. Writing became difficult. My hands shook whenever I attempted to play the piano; my fingers wouldn't stay on the keys of my favorite instrument; and, my playing became slow and included lots of mistakes. This has been a great learning experience for me. I always wanted to stay home and not workbut I didnt mean and be sick too!

 Anyway, my illness is a blessing because now I get to talk to you about it. I cant stand for very long (because then I get hot and feel like I want to cry) so Im sitting while I talk to you, I hope you dont mind. My voice has been affected by my illness. I havent always sounded like this, so I hope you can understand me.

Afflictions and trials arent the same thing. Most trials start out as afflictions but trials can be manmade, for example, when one doesn't learn a certain lesson so they experience the same trial again.

Sometimes people get afflictions to learn to live with them. When a person learns from their afflictions, they receive the benefit of being improved. We learn through the furnace of affliction. Isaiah records God saying: "Behold, I have refined thee, but not with silver; I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction." (Isaiah 48:10) We dont learn from happiness but from sorrow. God doesnt teach us when we feel happy He rejoices with us! God teaches us when we feel sad.

Afflictions are a part of sanctification. Abraham recorded God saying: "And we will prove them herewith, to see if they will do all things whatsoever the Lord their God shall command them." (Abraham 3:25) God wanted to know if wed be obedient to his commandments. Essentially, He said: Put your money where your mouth is. He wanted to know if wed keep his commandments even when afflicted. 

Afflictions are whatever the Lord determines we need to experience. A great prophet in the Book of Mormon said: "For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been since the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, as a child doth submit to his father." (Mosiah 3:19)

Joseph Smith suffered for months because bad people accused him of a crime he didnt commit. He said that hed seen God, and because of that and other things, bad men locked him up.

He sat in the Liberty Jail during one Missouri winter. (Ive lived in Kansas for over 20 years and know how cold it gets in the winter on the plains. Joseph Smith received the revelation that Im about to quote from at the end of March - its still pretty cold then. Plus no glass covered the windows of his cell. Im sure it got pretty cold in his jail room.) Joseph received a very touching answer when he prayed to God to ask how long he and the saints had to suffer persecution before God intervened. God answered him with this: My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; and then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes. Thou art not yet as Job; thy friends do not contend against thee, neither charge thee with transgression, as they did Job. (D&C 121:7-10) Then God went on to say “…if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good. The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than he? (D&C 122:7-8)

(I cry because I consider that the things God said to Joseph He would also say to me. Gods words comfort me and I believe that everything I suffer will be for my good.)

God told Joseph comforting things  the last thing is also a bit chastising. Joseph wanted to know how long he had to wait for God to intervene, and God reassured him. God also said in essence, Ill intervene when its time, not when you want. He basically said: Be patient. Sometimes we need to patiently endure our afflictions until God determines our endurance is enough. I believe that Joseph would have been willing to have patience, but that he really wanted the assurance that God would intervene. I think the experience is in the scriptures to tell us to trust that God will do the same for us. Trust is a hard thing for us to have because weve been let down. The thing to remember is that were trusting in God not a in a human. God wont let us down.

We know that Jesus suffered. Its not as well known that he suffered throughout his life. Paul told the Hebrews: "Though he were a Son, yet he learned obedience by the things he suffered." (Hebrews 5:8) Jesus thought higher than everyone else and even though He had friends He basically went through His life alone because no one related to Him. In the Garden of Gethsemene He sweat great drops of blood. On Calvary He got stabbed, had nails driven through His hands and wrists, and got crucified on a cross. He willingly suffered for me and I love Him. I thank Him. He had no sins - He was a perfect person - and yet He paid a price for me with His life. His atonement saved me from my imperfections. He is my savior and I will praise his name forever. Jesus had many happy times, but He also suffered greatly.

We learn through suffering - probably because in suffering were humble. God wants us to be humble, not proud, so He can teach us. When I first got sick I kept thinking about the scripture about the natural man. At the time, I also thought of this story about a crab. (Please visualize the images as I tell you my story.) 
"I'm brave. I'm fine. I can handle my problems" said the little crab.
"I have a shell and I'm tough. Nothing can break me", it continued.
The wise old crab asked the little crab to take off its shell.
"If I take off my shell, I'll be weak. I could be crushed" said the little crab.
"Take off your shell" said the wise old crab.
"Trust me. I have a reason for asking you to do this", he said.
The little crab took off its shell.
It saw the wise old crab and felt deflated.
"I'm exposed. I'm vulnerable. I'm not pretty without my shell," said the little crab.
"I can't hide. Everyone can see me for who I really am, and I'm just a crab" it continued.
The wise old crab saw the little crab without its shell.
The little crab is beautiful, he thought.
Other crabs saw the little crab.
"It doesn't have a shell" they whispered and thought of him as brave.
"I took off my shell like you asked" said the little crab.
It frowned and said "Now I'm not pretty. Everyone can see my problems. I'm not tough and I don't feel happy."
"That doesn't matter" said the wise old crab.
"One day you'll feel happy. Here, take my shell." he said.
The little crab crawled in the wise old crab's bigger and stronger shell.
"This new shell is good" the little crab said as he crawled into the shell and it fit just right.
The little crab realized that he had outgrown his old shell.
He felt grateful that the wise old crab had seen something in him that he hadn't seen in himself.
The little crab had taken off his shell and received a bigger and stronger one.
The little crab felt happy.
After I thought of that story, I wondered how God could comfort or teach a person when they had their shell on. It occurred to me that God wanted His people to be exposed and vulnerable so He could come to them. In my story, the crab's shell represented pride tough and hard to crack. In my own life, I had replaced my Savior by thinking I'm tough, I can handle my own problems. I didnt have humble thinking - but didn't consider myself arrogant and prideful. God wanted to be with me, comfort me, and tell me how to solve my problems, but when I thought I could handle my problems on my own, I wouldnt let him help me and faced them alone. 

Recently, I read a book where the author also talked about a crab. He said that a crab had to walk backward to move forward because its front claws were too heavy. He related going backward to us becoming like a child. He quoted King Benjamin when he said that to live with God again we had to become like children. King Benjamin didnt mean that we had to be children but that we needed to be like childrento have child-like qualities. He listed a bunch of qualities and basically said we needed to be willing to learnwhich is a child-like quality.

Children dont have egos that can get hurt or offended. They honestly acknowledge what they dont know, then do what it takes to find out. They are positive and optimistic. They make friends without judgment. They include people. They have fun and dont stay down in the dumps. Those are some the qualities that King Benjamin meant that we needed to have in order to have eternal life. He basically said that we needed to develop Godly qualities in order to live with God.

When I got sick, I had served in this ward for two years as the Young Women's President. I felt spiritual and did things like listen to good music and read my scriptures. I refrained from things that would make the spirit leave because I liked feeling His presence. Sometimes, I had spiritual experiences that caused my heart to swell. I'd been taught to be self-reliant and take care of myself and my family and that's what I did. I cooked. I cleaned. I ran errands and I tended to my children's and my husband's needs.

One day, right after I got sick, I sat in my living room wondering how I would endure sitting there for one hour, let alone for the entire day. I had always kept myself busy and felt torture doing nothing. As I sat there, I could feel no warm feelings in my home. On the contrary, my home felt empty, and, in a way, cold. I thought Id rather be at work.

In speaking about our personal lives, we just did the motions at my home. We acted like a happy family, but everyone did their own thing and we were slowly drifting apart. Today, I shudder to think what my family would be like if I hadnt gotten sick. Isnt it strange to hear me say that my family would be worse off, if I hadnt gotten sick? Even though my illness caused us to suffer, I consider it a blessing in that were close.

Ive cried many times when Ive thought of my limitations, but then the Lord has taught me something that has resulted in me feeling grateful to him. Whatever Ive wanted to know Ive learned, and then the thing has taught to me. I think of the quote: Leap, and the net will appear. Thats quote speaks the truth. Ive taken the leap of faith many times throughout my life. Sometimes the net has been a book, and sometimes it has been a song. Other times it has been something someone said, or something Ive seen.

In all of those cases however, it has been up to me to learn. If the net appeared to teach me something, but I didnt learn it because I didnt want to listen or hear, then it would re-appear until I learned its lesson. That scenario reminds me of the scripture in the D&C that says: For what doth it profit a man if a gift is bestowed upon him, and he receive not the gift? (D&C 88:33)

What good does it do if we take a leap of faith but dont learn from the experience? We wont become a better person but will stay the same. Some people think well, I dont want that lesson! They want to control their life instead of let the net be in control. They dont get to determine the lesson they only get to reap the reward or pay the consequence.

Another quote that I love is this: When the student is ready, the teacher appears. I believe that God puts inspired teachers in our life to teach us something. Again, sometimes its a book, a song, a person, a scene, or many other things. We pray and ask God for help then, when He gives it, we say: No! Not that! and dont accept it. Wed be better off to accept His help, trust Him, and remember that he knows what we need better than we do. Lets remember and believe what He said to Joseph Smith and apply it to ourselves - He said the experience would be for our good.

Im thankful that I got to tell you this and that I got to spend some time with you. I know that our Heavenly Father loves us and wants us to have successful lives. Sometimes we are thick-skulled and wont learn the things. He wants to teach us but if we wont learn His lesson, we get to experience the thing again. If we experience something and dont learn from it, it can become a trial in our life.

Lets let Heavenly Father be in charge. Lets trust him. We can spend our entire life focusing on things that dont matter things that build our pride and ignore the things that do matter and that make us better people. Lets be willing to learn what God wants to teach us. Sometimes we have to go backward to go forward. Remember the crab and that we need to be teachable and like a child in order to be taught. The only things we possess, that we can give to Heavenly Father, are our wills and our actions. Lets take the leap of faith required to learn. And, lets believe the lesson will help us become the person Heavenly Father knows we can be.

Not all the things we suffer are bad. Remember that our goal is to have eternal life. When we step back from the things we suffer and remember what we want, somehow the things we need to endure seem worth it. Sometimes all our faith needs in order to regain perspective is for us to step back, look at the big picture, and remember our goal. We want to live with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ again. Thats a good goal to have. They also want to be in our lives right now. Jesus taught that he stands at the door of our heart and knocks. (Revelation 3:20) Its up to us to let Him in. He wont just open the door and walk in, we have to open the door and invite him in. Opening the door and inviting him in is taking a leap of faith to let God make our life better than we imagined.

Heavenly Father has made my life great as I've put my trust in Him. He's turned my sorrows into joys. My life may not be what I imagined, but like Nephi, I know in whom I put my trust. The Book of Mormon is the word of God. Thomas S. Monson is the prophet today. God is my friend and will be with me throughout my life. I love him and will praise His name forever. He is my rock and my everlasting God. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Saturday, September 01, 2012

Then and Now

I’m transcribing a document for Per and the process has taken weeks because of slowness and fatigue. I used to type really fast; so fast, in fact, that I thought in words instead of letters. One of the things I experience because of MS is that my right hand is slow and inaccurate. To use an analogy, I used to be a rabbit and now I’m a turtle.

Slowness isn’t the only thing I experience – I get tired too. Once I did many things, but now I do one thing before feeling extremely tired.  I work on the document then stop after a short time because of fatigue. For the rest of the day I sit in my living room chair because I feel too tired to do anything more.

After getting sick I lamented about my lost abilities. One day I realized that lamenting just made me feel bad and caused me to live in the past. (In my heart I want to be a fast typist like before, and wish I could do many things, but I can't and that's realistic.) Accepting what I can do now causes me to live in the present moment (even though I remember what I once could do.)

Now to be philosophical: We can do many things at a young age, but when we get older we wish we could do the things we once could. (I think excessively wishing this causes mid-life crises.) We’d be better off to accept the current reality and let the past remain in the past. When we accept the current reality, we don't give in or giving up or say “Why try?" but “I'll do my best with what I can do right now.”

I want to remember the positive and hopeful feelings I have when I think of what I can do and not what I can’t.