Parents: Have Faith in Your Kids

Technology evolves every day. It's good because it introduces people to new things, but it's bad because kids give it more attention than before. Parents want their kids to have their values but technology is replacing their teaching in some ways. 

It really has to do with money and morality. The main question companies ask themselves is: "How can I make the most money? (and I don't care if it's right or not.)" Kids play into their hands because they don't know better. Kids need to listen to caution (which is usually what their parents do-because of experience) but caution is boring to kids. Kids used to do two things: 1) They listened to their parents, and 2) they did the right thing. In today's world I see a trend forming where a lot of kids do neither.

The inclination of some parents is to get rid of everything that could harm their kids. That action won't solve the problem of their kids not listening to them. I wonder why parents think their kids would increase their interaction after they eliminate the things their kids like. The fact is, today's kids live in a technological world whether their parents like it or not. It doesn't help kids when their technology is taken away and they are forced to live in a past time. I don't think parents want to knowingly handicap their kids and make them social outcasts but that's what happens when they take away what other kids have. 

One day kids are going to live in society, but if they don't know how to do normal things, then society will think they're weird. I believe parents want their children to succeed, they don't want to punish them, but they are scared. I understand this fear because when I raised kids I wanted to live in a technological world, but I also wanted my kids to listen to me. 

The positive outcome I see is parents teaching their kids as much as they can, and then BELIEVING they'll make right choices. Kids want to do right things but they also want to choose for themselves. Often, kids don't know what the right thing is. Their parents can teach them but then they need to step back and let their kids decide. When a kid makes a mistake they will eventually correct their error (because of experience) but they want to know that their parents love them no matter what they do. Every kid wants to know that their parents believe in their ability to make good decisions - they want to believe that their parents have faith in them.

It's risky for parents to trust their kids because they are so young and inexperienced. But when a kid falls flat on their face because they chose wrong, they learn and eventually think "I'm not going to make that mistake again!" It's hard (sometimes heartbreaking) for parents to watch their kids make mistakes.  Parents want to save their kids from hurting so they force their choice on kids, but kids want to choose for themselves.

Parents of the past said "you should" and made kids feel guilty.  Kids conformed because they wanted to do the right thing-at that time, the popular action. Some of today's kids hear "you should" and think "I won't." They don't want to feel guilty so they stop doing what their parents say and instead listen to their friends or strangers.

I believe that if parents want their kids in their life (without their kids holding a grudge or feeling animosity) parents will stop making their kids feel guilty and instead have faith in them.

Being Your Child's Friend

Parenthood makes it all about your kid. Friendship makes it about you and your kid. If a parent wants a friend, they need to pick someone besides their kid.

Obedient vs. Rebellious

I was obedient as a child. I was the "dutiful daughter" never wanting to dissapoint anyone and always wanting people to like me. I did what I was told because I didn't want to get into trouble. I was considered "mature for my age" and given the responsibility to take care of my siblings from the time I was eight. I was told to think of others before myself and to be an example. As a result I couldn't be a normal selfish kid. I considered my needs after others if at all and when I was a teen I compared myself to a cameleon who changed to be what I thought people wanted.

I didn't have my own identity and had low self esteem. I didn't think I was worthy to pray and wondered why God would want to hear from me. People told me all the time that I was too hard on myself. I became a perfectionist and it was very hard for me to let someone help me because I wondered why they would be so nice.

My sister was considered to be "rebellious". She would stand up to adults and tell them "No!" I always admired her and thought she was brave. Secretly, I wanted to be brave too. I don't think she was rebellious, she just didn't think the same way as adults and that's how she was labeled. She was nice but misunderstood. She had her own way of doing things but adults wanted to dictate her actions because she was a kid.

Back when we were growing up parents didn't ask their kids opinions they said "kids are to be seen and not heard". We didn't have an opinion and if we did adults said "I'll tell you what your opinion is" or "If I want your opinion I'll ask for it".

I think kids got offended even in the early days. We've all heard stories of people who left home or never talked to their parents again when they got older. They didn't talk about their feelings and we thought they were tough but they also had feelings.

We need to treat our kids with respect and not raise them like kids were raised in the olden days. We've evolved and acknowledge our feelings now. Kids have feelings too and if they are hurt they grow up to be angry adults.

We need to LOVE our kids and not label them. We need to have faith in them that they'll learn and our kids need to know that we believe in them. If we want our kids to have more than we did isn't this something we can give them?

Let them be kids, selfish, dreamers, etc. We need to realize we will always have more perspective than them because we are older.

Kids are going to hurt our feelings but they don't mean to it's just that they're kids and don't know any better. We know better so why take our feelings out on them? As someone with more perspective we need to suck it up and have faith in them instead of getting mad at them. They'll learn but it will take time.

Sometimes our kids don't want to listen to us instead they want to "do it myself". We might get offended and think "well then figure it out yourself!" We may feel justified but how will we feel when our kids grow up and never talk to us again because they feel like we weren't on their side? Some kids don't make good choices but does that mean we don't help them when we can? If kids can't go to their parents who can they go to? If kids feel like their parents will just get mad at them they will go to their friends. Their friends' advice will replace their parents' and do we want that?

Kids aren't dumb just because they are small. They are growing and isn't it our job to teach them to be responsible contributing adults? Our kids need to know we love them most of all and next they need to know we want to help them. Maybe instead of looking at it as Parent/Child we should look at it as More Perspective/Less Perspective. We are all kids it just that some of us have grown up.