Point of My Book

The book is called:

My Life as a Mother

With chapters including:

Introduction
Teen Mother
Single Mother
Married Mother
Mother of Two
Mother of a Rebellious Teen
Mother of a Missionary
Motherhood Now

I wanted to say how my life and events have been more calm since God has been part of my life.

I think it's interesting that I was a teen mother and that for me life has turned out good.

But I realize I didn't 'have' to become a mother. Being a single mom was hard for me too, but again, I chose to become a mom.

I'm glad that I married Per and that his perspective has brought a different point of view to my life. Now, I don't know what to say. Do I impart words of wisdom that I know now? Do I just tell the story (I think NO on this one) What is my point in writing this story? Is it to bring clarity to my mind of past events? Is it just a history for me and my family?

Some things I've learned:
- a parent needs to tell their child they have plans for their future, and have plans for their future, that way the child will make decisions for their future. There is no use in focusing on Now only.

- thinking "Figure it out. I had to, so you do it" about your child is dangerous. The child is counting on the parent to have figured it out and to help them, because they don't know. It's like saying to your 18 year old "buh-bye, have a nice life." The child doesn't want to be left alone to make their own decisions. Teaching life lessons occurs when parents teach adult children.

- having two children makes for a more disorganized life. You need to know what you would do because you will be tested to make the right choices.

- a parent needs to always love their child even when they are acting out. If a child can't turn to their parents for love, who can they turn to?

- a parent needs to let their child make their own choices, even if the child makes choices the parent wouldn't make.

- a parent needs to learn how to not judge their children. If a child feels judged by a parent, the child will feel resentment towards the parent like they don't accept them.

- a child doesn't have perspective because they've only lived according to what their parents think. Children need to get away from their parents so they can make decisions for themselves.

My Strengths

I am:

Patient - I've learned patience through sitting and waiting to find out was was wrong with me.

Loving - I have the capacity to love people.

Obedient - I want to do what is right. One time I was praying and the spirit whispered to me that I am obedient person. I've always known that and I was glad to hear it.

Believing in God and Jesus Christ - I believe in their words. I love the scriptures. I try to emulate what they say.

Spiritual - I love spiritual things and see life spiritually more than temporally. I see eternity not just this life.

Accepting - I believe everyone has their own pathway back to God. What's the rush? I believe in people's freedom and their right to choose what they want. God accepts me the way I am and he encourages me. He leads and guides me and doesn't give up on me. I appreciate that.

Funny - I have a sense of humor. I like jokes that don't make fun of others. I like to make my family and friends laugh.

I think it's important to remember my strengths.

My New Doctor

I have a new doctor - her name is Dr. Lynch. She works at KU and
see's only MS patients. I thought she would care more about me than my current doctor and I think I am right.

I went to see her yesterday afternoon and she was very thorough in her testing. One of the things I like about her is that she listens to me. I have been telling my current doctor since October last year that I thought I was getting worse. It started with subtle things that I noticed and progressed from there. He was sure it was all in my head and said I needed a better attitude. He said I have RRMS (relapsing remitting MS) and that's it...no ifs, ands, or buts about it. That's what he diagnosed me as having and it's what most people have. They get an 'attack' but then it goes away (into remission) for a period of time before coming back. Sometimes it can go away for years and you'd never know the person had MS unless they told you. Anyway...he would cut me off when I said things and I felt stupid when I saw him. I thought, if I have a cronic illness am I not supposed to like my doctor and not feel stupid when I talk to him? I thought, I'm not going to tolerate this, so I made an appointment to see Doctor Lynch. The earliest day I could get an appointment was three months away in April but I made the appointment and looked forward to it with anticipation.

She reviewed my MRIs and records from Dr. Arkin and said it was peculiar. She said I'm not the normal MS patient because my brain only shows lesions in the brain stem. She said my balance is worse than it should be for a person my age and then she said she thinks I might have PPMS (primary progressive MS) because my symptoms have just gotten worse over time and I have never gone into remission. She thinks I should get an MRI of my neck because usually people with PPMS have more lesions in their neck than their brain.

I was relieved to hear her mention PPMS because my other doctor would never entertain the idea but I have felt more like I have PPMS than RRMS. There is no treatment nor medication for PPMS and it is more rare. Only about 10% of people with MS have PPMS. She did say however that sterhoids might help alleviate my symptoms for a time. I'm going to the hospital tomorrow for a sterhoid treatment and to have her monitor me. She was surprised that I have never had sterhoids...I have to admit I am surprised myself since that's usually the first treatment a person has. She said sometimes the sterhoids make a persons blood sugar go high and if that's the case, she will keep me in the hospital for five days, to receive all the sterhoids, instead of just one day. She said people with PPMS usually do well with sterhoids for about three weeks, then it starts to wear off and they have to get a treatment about once a month.

She doesn't think Tysabri will work for me since it's more helpful for people with RRMS. I am relieved to hear this because I really don't want to take a chance in getting that very dangerous brain disease (PML) which could be a side-affect from taking the medication.

Why am I writing all this in my blog? 1)I don't want to explain it to everyone who cares about me. I can simply say "read my blog." 2)I am trying to acknowlege my new self and therefore am posting this to the world 3)For some reason, I feel better writing it all down.

I don't know how quickly this is going to progress but I feel like I need to have a good attitude. I've heard attitude makes all the difference in whether or not a person with a chronic disease does well, and I thought I should have a good attitude too. Not only will a good attitude help me but I think it will also bring comfort to my family. I plan on living a good happy life and I want everyone to know that. I am content.

I remember what a friend said to me one time in church. I said to her one day when I was feeling sorry for myself, I'm fatal. She looked at me and said "honey, we're all fatal" that makes me laugh because it's true! We're all fatal, so why not enjoy life now. I smile as I type this and look forward to enjoying my life.

Music

I got an email from DeseretBook.com recently that offered a free music download, so I went to their website and downloaded it. It's from the album Nearer called Nearer My God To Thee by Kyle Henderson. At first I didn't like the song, but the more I listened to it, the more I liked it...so I bought the album.

I really love the Reflections of Christ CD. I've never felt the spirit so much from listening to an entire album. Maybe it's because I've seen the Reflections of Christ exhibit and really liked it. Maybe it's just because I love the savior and I love reading about his life, and I love reading his words. I've never heard of some of these artists before and I like the way they sing. I gave away the CD to one of the missionaries in our ward and I really missed listening to it, so I bought it again.

Dallyn Vail Bayles is an awesome singer. He sings my favorite song Savior, Redeemer of My Soul the violin is exquisite. Both his albums are awesome. I love his voice.

I love music. I could just sit here all day and tell you what I love about each artist, but I guess it just comes down to my love for music. I love sitting at the piano, playing and singing. I feel love. I feel love when I listen to music.

Old Movies

The TCM channel declared Ginger Rogers as Star of the Month in March. They showed a bunch of her movies (without commercials) and I recorded them on my DVR. I've watched most of the recordings and have really enjoyed watching her acting. Most of the movies so far are from the 30's (before she and Fred Astaire became famous.) Credit goes to her for singing "were in the money" in Gold Diggers of 1933: a funny show. She acts well and it surprised me to learn how many movies she acted in before becoming famous. Some of the movies end suddenly or with an innuendo, but that's how producers made movies in the 30's.

Some of her movies that I liked are:
-Gold Diggers of 1933. (She didn't star in the show.) 
-Bachelor Mother. (Because of how the guy fell in love with her.)
-Stage Door. (The movie announcer on TCM said Katherine Hepburn didn't like Ginger Rogers. Warner Brothers considered then BOTH leading ladies because Ginger Rogers brought in money with her movies and Katherine Hepburn had prestige. The TCM movie announcer quoted Katherine Hepburn as saying "Ginger Rogers brought Fred Astaire some sex appeal and he brought her some class." Ouch - I can tell Hepburn didn't like Rogers.)

I'll admit, I like all of the movies so far. Each of them has something that I like. Sometimes the leading man is good looking (Suicide Fleet.) Other times, the story appeals to me. Most of all, I like her. ("You've Said a Mouthful" didn't strike me as funny. Not because of her but because of Joe Holt. He bugged me so I turned the movie off.)

Her movies (that I've seen) are:
Gold Diggers of 1933
You Said a Mouthful (didn't like)
Suicide Fleet
Stage Door (with Katherine Hepburn)
Bachelor Mother
Finishing School
Chance at Heaven
Vivacious Lady (with Jimmy Stewart)
Having Wonderful Time
5th Avenue Girl
Upperworld
Romance in Manhattan

I recommend watching any of these movies (except for "You Said a Mouthful".) I enjoy watching these old movies and now know that Ginger Rogers is one of my favorites.