Defending My Beliefs

Recently (in the last year or so) it seems like many people and TV shows are pushing society to accept a behavior in which a lot of people don't believe. People in the media and on TV refer to this behavior as okay, and many people have change their beliefs. If I said, "That's wrong," some people would call me a name. Name calling is an intimidation and bullying tactic to get me to change my views. Those tactics won't work on me. I see them for what they are and don't feel scared. I stand firmly for my beliefs instead of changing them when I get bullied. I truly believe this, "If you don't stand for something you'll fall for anything."

I will defend my beliefs. Cunning ways are employed when trying to convince me to change. I don't blindly do what I hear, but research and think about it first. Therefore, when someone says, "Believe this, not that," I don't automatically do it. A while ago, I heard a TV producer say, "The best way to get people to change their beliefs is to make them like or pity the thing they think is wrong." That seems true. 

For example, look at the show "Sister Wives." When asking most people about their views on polygamy, they'll say, "It's wrong." Then they'll watch the show (probably out of curiosity,) and over time fall in love with the wives, the husband, and the children. The next time they're asked about their views on polygamy (what they once considered wrong,) they'll think of the wives, or the husband, or the children, or all of them and soften their views. If bombarded to accept polygamy they'll eventually change. This example could be said for many shows. Bottom line: I'm not willing to watch something that challenges my beliefs, and possibly changes them. I stand up for what I believe.

I love this poem that I've heard more than once:

"Vice is a monster of so frightful mien

As to be hated remains to be seen;

Yet seen to oft, familiar with her face,

We first endure, then pity, then embrace."

I don't want to embrace anything that I consider wrong, therefore I won't keep myself in any situation that causes me to endure or pity it. I'm willing to stand for what I think is right even if I'm the only one.

Caring

Recently, I've been looking at pictures on Pinterest. This habit has caused me to feel and realize things I hadn't thought about or felt in a while. The benefits of Pinterest are: 1) Identifying the style I like - traditional; 2) Realizing that I like flowy dresses (as opposed to form fitting ones;) 3) Discovering what young girls like these days, namely owls and foxes; 4) Noticing that "shabby-chic" is a very popular style; 5) Getting the urge to redecorate my home and make it look more modern so it will be attractive to younger people when we sell it; and 6) Wanting a new wardrobe.

The biggest benefit about Pinterest is that I've started to "care" about how I look. I take the time to do the things about which I used to say, "I don't care." (I had the habit of wanting approval from others, so saying, "I don't care" caused me to break that habit. Here's the truth, I DO care.) Lately, I've taken the time to flat iron my hair, put on makeup, wear accessories, and dress in clothes that match because I feel good when I look good.

About a month ago I realized that there are different colors and textures to black clothes. I always had the opinion that black is black, but I realized that even though certain things had a black color they didn't necessarily blend.

I care about my looks, and my clothes; in a way that I've never before cared. This is goofy but I feel special when I put on makeup, do my hair, and get dressed. I take the time to care for myself now whereas before I didn't, and I think about what to wear instead of just throwing something on.

Why do I look at Pinterest? Because I like it and because it has benefited my life.

God's Communication

I've been told that there are things a person should never talk about; namely, 'income, political persuasion, and religion.' I think that's true IF a person thinks their beliefs are better than another person's. I talk about what I believe because 1) I know that people respect what I say even if they don't agree, and 2) I don't think my beliefs are better than anyone else's; everyone has the right to believe what they do. I say what I believe and know a person may disagree; I also know that at least they know my opinion.

Talking about God is a volatile subject because many people believe differently. I don't intend for anyone to change their beliefs based on what I say. I only want to say what I believe. I think that God is loving, but many people don't. They think of him as condemning, punishing, and judgmental. Some people think he doesn't exist. Some people don't care whether or not he exists - all they know is that they rely on themselves, not Him. Some people believe that anyone who believes in God is weak-minded. People are free to believe whatever they want. Here's what I believe:

God is real and He's a person. He's a perfect, glorious, being, and the kind of person I strive to one day become. He is called Heavenly Father because He's the father of my spirit. Part of me is divine, godly, and beautiful. When I think of myself as stupid, ugly, dumb, and the many other negative attributes I may say I am, I remember to tell myself the truth: that I'm smart, beautiful, divine, and can rise above those negative things. I tell myself that the negative attributes are lies that hold me down and make me not believe who I really am.

I'm in awe when I consider that God created this planet, all the things on it, this vast universe, and that He cares about me. I am so small compared to the many things He created and yet He created those things for me; for my happiness. I am His greatest creation and He wants me to be happy. He cares about me as much as (probably more than) I care about my children. The love I have in my heart for my kids is the way he feels about me. He wants me to succeed and to realize that everything I experience is for my good. 

God communicates with me in several ways. He inspires me to think something good and I take the thought and run with it. He whispers peace to my soul and comforts me when I'm sad; I've felt his presence many times and it feels like a hug and that my heart will explode with happiness. I believe He comes to me whenever I need him, like a father would go to his daughter just to say, "It'll be okay." Sometimes I feel something good when I hear a song, or read a book, or watch a movie, or talk to a friend, and know it's God talking to me through them and telling me what He wants me to know.

God is good and is in my life more than I think. He encourages me and never stops, even when I don't think about Him. He's blessed me many times in my life when I didn't do anything. I know He loves me. My earthly dad may not have been in my life but my heavenly dad is. Knowing that He loves me gives me great self-esteem when I think of who I am; when I consider the truth.

Loving People

It's easy to love people who are nice but not so easy to love people who are mean. People's imperfections hurt when they affect me. Whatever people do gives me the opportunity to be how I want to be... loving. Having the knowledge that people might hurt me gives me the freedom to choose to be loving, kind, and merciful; all the things I want God to be toward me. Loving someone stops me from judging them. I think judging is the thing people do most. Jesus told us to do one thing and one thing only...to love people; he said that by doing this we showed our love to Him. I will add another attribute to the things I want in my character; namely mercy. I want to be loving, patient, kind, and merciful. (Really, I could just say loving because it encompasses the other three attributes, but specifically, I'll say that I want to have the other three attributes too.)

I used to have more judgmental thinking, and thought people needed to be a certain way. I am not that way today, and believe that people can be who they are. Recently, I told my son that I wanted my mom to come here. He mentioned that it sounded hypocritical because the things I had said about her for the past two years didn't match that I wanted her to visit me. I see his point. I had spoken badly of my mom and had felt mad about injustices in my youth. (Now, I look at those experiences and realize they are in the past.) Every kid experiences wrongs, because no parent is perfect. I had always thought of my childhood as happy, but when I wrote my book in 2011 it caused me to consider my childhood again. I looked at my childhood with adult eyes and saw a different perspective.

I held a grudge against my mom because I wouldn't have done some of the things she did; I judged her. Not only did I not like her, but I told other people (Per, Bryan and Andrew) about my childhood injustices and they didn't like her. I caused my family to judge her based on what I said. Today, in 2013, I want to let go of the grudge I've had in my heart for two years. I called my mom, we talked, and I told her how I felt. We resolved all the bad feelings we had. I love my mom, she's a good person; she parented the best way she knew. (Forgiveness has allowed me to see good things about her.) She's not perfect and neither am I. I will try my best not to judge her, so I can love her instead.

The scenario about my mom seems to relate to the story in the Book of Mormon about the Anti-Nephi-Lehi's; that they laid down their weapons of war for peace. If I relate the story of the Anti-Nephi-Lehi's to myself, I say, "I laid down my anger toward my mom to love her instead." Jesus said, "Inasmuch as ye do it unto the least of these[,] my brethren, ye do it unto me." (Matt 25:40) I added the comma after the word "these" because I consider myself one of Jesus' brethren when I show mercy to someone. I want to show Jesus that I love him, and the way I do that is by loving people.

Using Facebook Again

I'm torn as to how to stay connected with my friends and family. On the one hand, people talk to each other on Facebook, but I don't want Facebook to determine what I do, therefore I'm willing to not use it. On the other hand, if I don't use Facebook, I won't know what's happening. People are most important to me and the thought of not talking to them is torture; therefore, I've decided to use Facebook again.

The scenario of not using Facebook reminds me of when I stopped using my iPhone for a year and started using my older phone because I didn't want to pay the data fee the phone company required me to have. At the time, I stopped using my iPhone and felt out of the loop for twelve months. (Eventually, my friends stopped texting me because I didn't text them back...because texting on that phone was hard. Also, I stopped texting my family for the same reason.)

I stopped using the current technology (my iPhone) because I didn't like something, and it made things worse. I felt so happy when I returned to my iPhone because, once again, I could communicate. (In thinking about my Facebook dilemma I realize that I may not like how things are, but I need to consider what's most important to me and not stop using it when I don't like something.)

Not Using Facebook

I think I'll stop using Facebook and give people their privacy. I don't want to know who's doing what. I realize that having an account with Facebook is keeping up with the times, but it is also taking up my time when I look at it. I'll still have a Facebook account so people will know how to reach me; but they'll have to send me an email if they want to say something. I'll also still post my blog to Facebook, I just won't go onto Facebook.

I like email. I like that if someone wants to email me...they can, and if I want to read their email...I can. In some cases, email has been replaced by Facebook messages. Facebook has also replaced sending many photos and videos through email. Facebook keeps changing and is telling more and more of peoples activities. I don't want to know what article a person looked at or what picture they're tagged in, and I don't want people to know what I do. (Since I'm going to quit using Facebook, I probably won't get a lot of news about my friends, unless they send me an email.)

I wish people used email as much as Facebook but society progresses and doesn't go backward. I'm going backward for my own sanity. I just want to be myself; not so public.

Following a Low-fat Diet

Starting in 2013 I decided not to eat red meat (beef and pork) and to take my health into my own hands. I wanted to go the natural way, not just take drugs approved by the FDA; drugs that (in my opinion) had stopped working. I wanted to do anything that helped me (that I considered morally right.) In December 2012 I bought a book by Roy Swank called The Multiple Sclerosis Diet Book. (Dr. Swank was a neurologist who studied the causes of MS beginning in the 1940's. He did a study that included over 2,000 people who ate a low-fat diet that improved their health so much that they barely had any MS related symptoms. That study lasted for 36 years but isn't mentioned by doctors because it never got FDA approved.) It's not a diet just for people with MS (even though the title says it is) but for anyone who wants to eat little fat. The book is written in a way that keeps people with MS in mind, looking up "Swank Diet" on the internet will probably be more beneficial for people without MS. I got off on a tangent from what I wanted to say. Back to my post...

I'm not sure what results I'll see when following this diet but I think I'll be healthier. My goal is not to lose weight but to feel better (but I won't argue if I lose weight!) It will probably take me an entire year to get used to this new way of eating. I'm going to have to adjust my current diet to include new recipes, and get used to eating a new way (since this is something I'll do for the rest of my life.) 

Per and I made "butter" the other day. It's called "spread" but it's really butter. (This diet says to eat hardly any animal fat and instead to eat most fat from oil.) The "butter" recipe includes buttermilk, nonfat dry milk and oil (to name a few ingredients) and looks like mayonnaise when blended. (We used vegetable oil but will also try other oils.) We used more salt than the recipe said because the mixture tasted kinda sweet (probably from the milk.) 

Last night, Per combined garlic and parsley with a bit of the spread and made garlic bread. He put a thin layer on the bottoms of the bread, and a thicker layer on the tops. It looked and smelled like garlic bread bought from the freezer section of the grocery store, but when he cooked it - the butter on top didn't completely melt. The breads looked like they had cheese on top. (I'm guessing the butter didn't melt because it wasn't completely butter.) But...it tasted great.

Per also made meatless spaghetti which tasted great too. It's gonna take a while for us to adjust to not eating beef and pork because we've gotten into the habit of eating those things a lot. It will be a challenge to find a substitute meat for the recipes we like, and a substitute for dairy products, but once we find what we like I think we won't miss the other things.

In 2008 I asked my doctor if I should follow a certain diet since I had MS. He said "no" and that no research had proved that a certain diet made MS better. I had a natural medicine book (The Prescription to Natural Healing) and looked up what it said about MS, but decided not to follow it because it seemed too radical. (It said not to eat red meat and to take a bunch of vitamins.)

In the four years since I've had MS, I've learned that doctors only recommend things approved by the FDA. When I asked my doctor if I should follow a certain diet since I had MS and he said what he did, he meant that NO RESEARCH HAD BEEN APPROVED BY THE FDA to prove that a certain diet made MS better. (My theory about doctors is that they truly want to help people. But doctors also don't want to say something for which they could get sued. It's a shame that when a doctor says something in this country and it doesn't work out - the person can sue them. I think doctors don't say the things they want to say because they don't want to get sued. It's my experience that doctors don't say things that "might" or "could" help people.)

Last year (2012) I wondered if I should follow my doctor (who tells things to do, based on a product being researched and approved by the FDA,) or follow the natural way (which tells things to do, even if a product is not approved by the FDA.) I felt that my doctor wasn't loyal to helping me do the best thing, but loyal to research and to the FDA. (Research will certainly continue, but according to researchers, I'm just someone with the MS disease, not a person. I could live my entire life without a "cure" being found, and that's not good enough for me because I'm alive; I have a life; I'm not a number.)

Many studies occur but aren't considered "proven" because they aren't approved by the FDA. I think the reason things don't get approved by the FDA is because of money. The FDA has requirements and if they aren't met, the thing (study) won't be approved. Big pharmaceutical companies can afford what the little guy can't so their drugs get approved while things that actually help people, don't get approved for many reasons. One of the reasons is that the FDA doesn't approve herbal remedies. The FDA only approves drugs (which have side affects.) If a person wants to take natural things into their body, they most likely won't be approved by the FDA.

In the late 1980's Herbalife got sued because distributors claimed their products "cured" things like cancer, heart disease, etc. Lawyers told Herbalife they couldn't use the word "cure" because although their things helped people, those people still had the diseases that might return when the people stopped taking their products. Natural health companies (like Herbalife) want to help people feel better. I believe that just because a product isn't approved by the FDA doesn't mean it's bad.

I'm getting off on a tangent again, back to the low fat diet...

Dr. Swank theorized that people with MS have a sensitivity to fat. There's no way to know who's sensitive to fat until a person gets sick, so the recommendation is for everyone to be thin and eat healthy foods so they don't get sick.

As I put the puzzle pieces together, I see that perhaps my dad also had a sensitivity to fat because he received a diagnosis for CIPD; a rare disease similar to MS. He loved food and he loved fat. (Whenever we had pork chops, he cut the fat from our (the kids) meat.) Now that I think about it, we are very similar (except for the meat :) I know I inherited some things from him, but if MS is one of them...I'll never know. All I can do is help myself. I think this diet may help me and it's something I'm willing to try.

Teach

Parents can really help their child by teaching them things they don't know, instead of assuming they know; because they don't.

The best thing a mom can do is teach her son to communicate. Boys don't naturally know how to communicate their feelings; they aren't "talkers" like girls. Girls relate, talk, and share their feelings, but boys don't; boys may learn to do those things, but they aren't natural, innate qualities. Boys grow up to be men who hold their feelings in and aren't comfortable talking about how they feel, unless they have been taught taught (usually by their moms) how to express themselves with words.

Girls watch their moms and learn how to be women. Boys watch their dads and learn how to be men. A boy and girl marry, and if the boy hasn't learned to communicate, the girl thinks she talks to a wall. The girl tries to get the boy to talk and he thinks she's a nag. The girl gets fed-up that her man won't communicate with her so she says "buh-bye." The boy wonders what happened? and what went wrong? If the girl doesn't say "buh-bye", she feels sad because she wishes he would communicate with her. (She really wishes he'd communicate and share his feelings without blaming her.) That scenario can be avoided (or at least lessened) if a boy learns to communicate.

If a parent won't talk a certain way to their daughter, they need to not talk that way to their son. Boys have feelings too, they just don't talk about them. Boys need to be treated, by their parents, as lovingly and girls. 

I see many effeminate boys these days; and less boys who are gentlemen, knights in shining armor and chivalrous. To me, boys who cry about unfairness are acting like girls. I think to myself boys don't cry, they suck it up and are brave. Life isn't fair, so why do we lie to our children and not prepare them for the future? Some people think I had to learn it and so should they. I think I'll tell my kids whatever I know. Of course kids will learn things they don't know - because they're smart, but why would I want my child to learn something I know when I could just tell them? What if they never learn it?

I can see some parents saying, "According to this post, I didn't do the best for my child because I didn't do those things and now my kid is grown." To those parents I say, "Don't be so hard on yourselves, you did the best you could with what you knew. The past is in the past and can't be changed; let it go and don't beat your self up, instead say "would shoulda coulda" and realize you would have done things differently if you'd known. Give your child the advice about boys when they ask for your help; they'll think you're wise :)."  

Why I Say the Things I do

After reading my blog posts, I realized my intentions could be misunderstood. I want to clear up any misunderstandings and tell why I say the things I do.

My intention is never to hurt anyone. I say things about kids to help parents and I say things about what I notice to help people in their lives. I notice things and say them hoping my words will help someone when they truthfully consider them. I say things about myself because I have nothing to hide.

I think everyone thinks like me, but they don't. I like to consider things and constantly strive to become an improved person. I say things about myself not because I think I'm great, but because I hope someone will learn from my mistakes.

I never intend to say mean things, but because of my honesty some of my words sound either mean or that I think I'm better than others. I love people and perhaps say things wrong. My intention is always the hope that people will consider my words.

My Goal in 2013

The year 2012 gave me many discoveries. I learned how people are; how I am; how Per is; how my kids are; how my extended family is; how my friends are; how people in my church are; and how society is.

In 2012 I had a goal to be nicer (blog post). My honesty and bluntness hurt some people in 2011 when I felt compelled to be honest; not sweep things under the rug; and say how I felt. In 2012 I wanted to hold my tongue (just realize things but not necessarily say them.)

In 2013 I want to continue to practice holding my tongue and to work on developing my character. My goal is to be patient, loving, and kind.

New Year's Eve 2012

I have fond memories of working on puzzles or playing Scrabble at Grandma's while munching on Frito's and watching Dick Clark's Rockin' Eve, donning hats that said Happy New Year and blowing plastic horns at midnight.

To me, staying awake until midnight on New Year's Eve is only fun when 1) being young; 2) attending a party; or 3) celebrating at a dance. Call me a humbug, but I go to bed before midnight and know it will be the new year when I wake. I hear fireworks at midnight, but seeing them isn't enough to tempt me to stay up.

Earlier in the evening, we have our traditional New Year's Eve dinner, including the usual: seafood; a baguette; brie cheese; and red grapes. Although messy, I enjoy it nonetheless.

New Year's Eve dinner, including the usual: seafood; a baguette; brie cheese; red grapes. 

This year we watched Young Frankenstein (hilarious movie) but still had a few hours to wait until midnight. We turned on the TV and watched a few different stations before realizing the programs showed more commercials than the actual program. Per switched the channel to a cable news station so we could see the celebration going on at Times Square in New York City. After watching that for a while (and before midnight,) I stood up and said, "Good night, I'm going to bed."

The Ritual of My Cat, Fluffy

Every morning Fluffy and I do the same thing. It is this: -She sits outside my door until I come out; -She meows at me as I walk down my stairs; -I turn around and pet her.

Sometimes I say to her "What do you want?" I wish I spoke cat so I knew what she said; if anything. I've heard that pets are keenly aware when someone's sick; maybe she sits outside my door and then meows to give me comfort. She can't be wanting human contact, because Per awakes earlier than I but when he leaves our room she doesn't meow at him.

He sits in the living room when he first gets up. She jumps up on his lap and he pets her. When I get up, Fluffy hears me stir and runs for my door. After I pet her, she runs off and does her cat thing. I'm puzzled as to why she does the same thing every morning, but one things for sure..I love my little kitty.

Fluffy, on the stairs