How Being Different is a Good Thing

My favorite philosopher, Jim Rohn, said, "For things to change, you've got to change". He also said, "Don't wish things were different, wish you were better". I wanted respect. I decided not to go to lunch, something that I've always done in the past, because the person I was supposed to go with made me mad. In the past, that person made me mad but I always caved afterward and did fun things with them because I wanted to be a nice person. This time I thought, No! I won't do that, they made me mad! When it came time to go to lunch I said, "I'm not going." I heard, "Are you sure?" but I didn't cave. People were shocked that I stood my ground and didn't give in. I felt bad several times but I just kept thinking, for things to change, you've got to change.

This morning, the day after the lunch thing, I felt bad. As I thought about the scenario I realized that at least they knew where I stood. I began to feel happy that I'd had a backbone and said "No!" because essentially I'd claimed my spot and said, "I won't budge." I can see how I'd get respect because I stood up for myself. I'm still a nice person and now they know that I'm not a pushover.

Six Qualities of a Good Leader

In a world of darkness a leader can shed some light on the path that leads to a good place.

1. Inspiration. A good leader inspires people to be the best they can be. They tell them what they don't know and understand that when someone assumes their role - they automatically move up (they keep growing - just because they no longer have that role doesn't mean they go backward...no, they go forward.)

2. Respect. A good leader follows rules and respects authority. They don't tell people to do things "their way." They believe in the organization and support what it says.

3. Hope. A good leader hopes that people will back up their words with action. They give people room to learn and grow and hope they will learn and grow. They never stop hoping even when people make mistakes because they know that people learn from their mistakes and become more.

4. Mercy. A good leader is merciful. They forgive people when they admit they did something wrong. They wipe the slate clean and forget about the past. They don't hold grudges and condemn people for who they are but inspire them to become more than they thought possible.

5. Example. A good leader inspires from the other person's perspective. They don't expect people to think like them - because people get stressed and think I can never be like that - but they say things that cause people to consider possibilities.

6. Action. A good leader is a regular person. They aren't perfect but are willing to do things that others aren't. They get called courageous, inspiring, and other things but it all comes down to one thing, namely that they act; that they do what others only wish. 

Some leaders are in the public's eye but for whatever reason some people think, I could never be like them. The truth is that everyone is a leader. Everyone inspires someone whether they're a parent, a spouse, a friend, or a co-worker. Everyone has the same opportunity to lift up or drag down, to see the best or see the worst, to forgive or hold a grudge.

A Reason to Love Christmas

I watched a video on YouTube called Wanted Claus and talk about taking something good and making it seem bad. Santa Claus brings goodness into people's lives. The idea of someone giving you a gift inspires hope and gratitude. There are people who don't believe in Christmas who might want Santa to seem like a bad person, though he's not. People see something twisted and might think "that's creepy" not realizing that they've been duped by someone who doesn't like Santa Claus, Christmas, or whatever.

This is a merry time of year. A time when people are more kind and call it "Christmas Cheer". Haters are gonna hate but I won't hate, I'll love. When I see something good made bad I won't automatically believe it but think about why I love the good thing.

Is the Only Constant Thing Change?

Someone told me that a software program only names things in lower case. My rant: Written rules are changing right before my eyes! The rules have existed for hundreds of years, but now (because of what I consider arrogance and ignorance) they will change - and maybe cease to exist! Some people may think that lower case looks cleaner, but who cares?! - it's not right! :End of rant. I feel like I'm swimming upstream against something that will change anyway. I won't change but language will change and in the future people will think it's how it is. No! The truth will be that language changed to what it is now, but it didn't used to be that way.

I know that the only thing constant is change and that language has evolved. It's a fact that some things aren't said now that used to be said. I guess I want to hang on to how it is now because when things change then I will become obsolete. The only thing I can do is be myself and know that how I am now won't always be how it is.

How I Had Courage Instead of Fear

My body reminded me again that it's sick. A few days ago I went to bed and every time I sat up I felt really dizzy. I thought that maybe it would stop when closing my eyes but that just made it worse. I laid in the dark and felt very woozy. For the next few days the dizziness was bearable and even forgotten in the daylight. Then recently, while sitting in my office, a wave of dizziness washed over me, followed by me feeling like I was on a roller coaster as stationary things on my desk seemed to spin, followed by me feeling really hot, followed by me feeling sick. I sat in my downstairs chair and thought about how I hadn't felt like that since initially getting sick five years ago.

I felt fine while sitting in my chair, but every time I moved the dizziness came back. Per helped me walk from my chair to the stairs so that I wouldn't fall. (I'm sure he felt worried but he put on a brave face for me.) I awoke in the middle of the night and when I sat up the dizziness hit me. I bumped into the door when walking to the bathroom (which I'm sure awoke Per) and felt sad when getting back into bed.

I laid there in the dark feeling scared. I didn't know for how long the dizziness would last - maybe a short time but maybe forever! Tears welled up in my eyes and I felt sad. After a little while of feeling terrible I thought No! I'm not gonna lay here and feel sad when I don't know what will happen. God knows my fate and I give my life to him. Think good things. I thought of my favorite story about how trials are like clouds but there is sunshine and clear sky above the clouds. I thought about good things and the sad feeling went away. 

Sad things happen to me but I won't dwell on them - it is what it is. What am I gonna do? Live my life, that's what! I refuse to give in to defeat. I'd rather have courage than fear. The sadness persists until I choose not to be sad and until I think happy things that change my attitude. (Five years ago I would have allowed the sad thoughts and bad feelings to overcome my mood.) Being sick isn't fun but - as crazy as it sounds - my trial has given me better self-esteem and correct thinking. Maybe it's a silly thing to say but I'm grateful for my trial; I'm an improved person. I step back and remember my goal (to have eternal life) and every challenge I face is worth it if it gets me closer to what I want. That night, I felt scared about having a new symptom but not for very long.

Four Differences Between Men and Women

After a couple has been married for a while, they know each other well. They seem to think like each other and know each other's tastes and interests. Even though they are alike, they both have unique differences and qualities that the other doesn't have. Their differences complete each other. It would be a shame if they became so close that they lost their uniqueness; that they became like their opposite.

I went to a class once that pointed out the differences between men and women. The class suggested seeing life from the spouse's perspective. The teacher said that each person interpreted love differently, and that the way a person said, "I Love You" didn't necessarily say it to another person. The teacher said that people usually gave others what they liked, but the most effective gift was to give what the other person liked. The message of the class said, "Consider what the other person likes and give to them what they think says I love you."

I thought about the differences between men and women and came up with this:

1. Men are like the countryside and women are like the wind.

Women talk more than men. Women explain things in 10,000 words when it takes men 5,000 words to make their point. Most women like to keep busy, too whereas most men are quiet and still. 

2. Men are like the calm before the storm and women are like the storm. 

Each thing is important - if women were the calm, there would never be the storm.

3. Men are like lakes and women are like rivers. 

A lake holds the reserve of water and doesn't give the river too much or it overflows. A river takes what it has and keeps it moving. (Like the wind and the storm, each is necessary in what they do. If a woman became a lake there wouldn't be a river!)

4. Men are direct and women are roundabout.

Men get complimented for their clothes and they say, "Thanks!" whereas women say, "Thanks! I got it on sale at Macy's". Not only do women state their bargain but they say where they got it. Women want to tell others where they got a deal, men don't.

Some partners think, it would be better if they were like me. I beg to differ - it would be better if they were like them; a person possibly thinks that because they want their life to be easier. I think that if their spouse was just like them, they wouldn't like it. Spouses might not acknowledge it, they might even think the differences drive them crazy, but I believe that in one way or another they actually like them.

Does It Really Matter?

Every year (for the past few years) I've written a letter to "my girls". The girls who were Laurels (16-17) when I was Young Women's President. I've never forgotten about them and the joy they brought into my life. They are 22 or older now. Most are married and some have kids. Whatever they are doing is great.

In my opinion, you're never too old to hear an encouraging word. It's true that when a girl leaves the YW program she is welcomed into Relief Society and watched over by them (truly, a person in my church is never alone), but the fact is that all of my girls aren't going to stay in my church. Whatever they do, I want them to know that I love them.

As much as I want my life to be perfect, it isn't. It's a fact that life makes people face hard things. (Hopefully, those hard things make them stronger, but nobody likes or wishes for them.) It's a fact also that people face good things; things that bring joy and happiness.

What I want to point out is that when I don't see the good I miss out on the good things.

Last night I told Per that every time I walk into the guest bathroom I see the Christmas decoration that's in there and my attention is drawn to the antler that is broken on one of the reindeer. There are many good things about that decoration but I look at the one flaw. He said, "I've looked at that thing many times, and an antler is broken?" Then he told me that every time he goes in that bathroom he looks at the floor that he tiled and notices the chipped tile. I said, "One of the tiles is chipped?" 

How many times do I look at the flaw instead of the masterpiece? Maybe because I'm a perfectionist I notice the flaw when I want perfection. I will always be a perfectionist who wants perfection, but I also know that flaws don't = bad. 

No one wants to acknowledge that sometimes they see flaws. But no one is perfect or positive all the time. (Some things make me mad and I'm not positive about them.) It takes choosing to see the good instead of the bad; I hope to always see the good and I strive for it, but I know that always = someday. Instead, I'll try for as long as I can to see the good.

I Respectfully Disagree

I am going to disagree with someone at some point. When that happens, all I can do is say, "I respectfully disagree". Everyone has the right to their opinion. I may not like it but I just say, "I respectfully disagree" because I like them.

Why Did I Say That?

I'll admit it - I said an unsavory word; I got influenced. (I didn't swear but in my mind I might as well have, because to me the real and the fake words are one and the same.) I ask myself, "Why walk on the line and sometimes accidentally cross into the swearing world?" Then I say to myself that I choose to walk in the middle of the lane (safely away from the line) and say other words that aren't even close to sounding like swear words.

I said that word because I couldn't think of another word to say instead. Just yesterday I used that word in my question when The Chiefs threw an interception in their end zone (they could have scored but the other team got the ball! Aaaaah!)

I don't feel like saying that word right now, so I'll think of other words to say instead; "Super", "Stupid", and "Really" come to mind. A song I repeatedly heard over 30 years ago runs through my mind:

The Words You Speak

The words you speak, the words you say,

The words you utter give you away.

Like "Please", "Thank you", and "Yes, you may", 

I can tell what you are by your words.

If you speak only what is true, 

I know that I can depend on you. 

For you are honest in all you do, 

I can tell this because of your words.  

I can tell where you've been, what you've read, 

How you think, by your words did you know? 

And what's more I can tell by the words that you speak

Where you're going to go. It's the truth, it's really so.

So little friend you must beware, 

And choose your words with the greatest care.

You'll be a champion if you dare

To speak only the very best words;

Only the very VERY BEST words.

High five-the author for writing that! I believe that words are powerful. I don't want to be misunderstood or considered something I'm not, so I'll choose my words carefully.