Why Things are Done That Way

In some cases, I imagine people asking questions and hearing "I don't know." In other cases, I imagine them asking questions and receiving an answer. For example, my neighbor lets her kids play outside until 10pm. Perhaps her mom said, "I don't know how late kids should stay out" so my neighbor decided on 10pm. If I asked my mom the same question, she'd say, "Don't bother people after 9pm."

Society gets changed when people do things a new way either because they don't know or because they DO know but don't want it done that way. For years, people didn't get bothered after 9pm. My neighbor came along (who either didn't know the tradition or wanted to set a new one) and BAM! the tradition changed. 

I don't hear it called changing traditions but evolving. Sometimes I don't think evolution is necessary. I think we need to keep some things the way they are and teach people if they don't know. If I don't know, I need to find out before changing it.

The New and the Old

After 20 years we changed dentists. I thought about going on Angie's List to see what dentists people recommended, then I remembered how before Angie's List existed I used the Better Business Bureau to determine a company as good or bad. (I thought of a company as bad if they had unresolved complaints or a score less than A. I thought of a company as good if they had no complaints or an A. I thought of a company as really good if they had no complaints AND an A.)

Angie's List allows everyday people to comment about services. That can be good and bad. It's good because we get to see people's opinions, but bad because if they have a derogatory opinion, the company can be smeared without any form of protection. Also, haters exist who say mean things just because they can.

The Better Business Bureau may not tell people's comments but it protects companies from harm. People on Angie's List may have the ability to say whatever they want, but it's only good as long they have a positive comment. Some people say bad things, and sadly nothing stops them from being as mean as they want.

I think people don't consider how their derogatory comments may hurt the company for a loooooooong time. Perhaps the hurt person feels so angry at the company that they don't care if they hurt them.  (I can guarantee that the hurt person doesn't consider how their mean words might affect the company's future. Saying something mean is like sticking a red hot poker in the company's belly to make them pay for what they did. How vengeful! How spiteful! Does the hurt person really want to contribute to the reason for possibly ruining the company's success? Where's their mercy?) I believe in the statement more and more that "If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all."

No wonder companies need lawyers, because some people are mean. At least the company accredited with the BBB has the Attorney General on their side. The Attorney General doesn't investigate complaints on Angie's List but he/she does investigate complaints filed with the BBB. I say that a company needs to protect themselves by getting accredited with the Better Business Bureau.

Back to my search for a dentist. My post makes me appreciate people wanting to save me from trouble; however, I don't want to read derogatory comments. I think I'll stick with the BBB's accreditation score and realize that if a company has a score less than A,  someone doesn't like them.

Some of the things society has done for a long time seem to be unraveling as we advance. People may intend for new things to be helpful, but some people are not nice and the things they say are hurtful.

I think we'll see the return of established companies like the BBB when people realize that the grass isn't always greener on the other side.

The Evolution of My Son, Andrew

His initials are ANGL. It suits him to be an angel because he cares about people. 

He had a happy personality as a kid. As a child, he showed his emotions on his face. I used to call him "puppy dog" when he felt sad because his eyebrows would point upward and coupled with pathetic looking big brown eyes, he looked like a sad little puppy.

He started drawing at three. His fascination with Pokemon led him to put a Pokemon card next to his paper and draw what he saw. Amazement struck me when my little three year old  produced at least 20 drawings in crayon that each looked like their respective cards. I thought he would be an artist. 

My little dare-devil artist who loved facts and always wanted to know the truth. He had no fear when he jumped off the coffee table and landed in my arms at one year old, or at three when he sped on his little pink bike on the sidewalk, going like a bat out of hell, and purposely rammed a wooden beam that threw him from his bike and made him cry, or at four when he jumped to the floor from the top bunk of his bed (just because,) and screamed bloody murder.

He got his first "real" skateboard for his sixth birthday. He positioned his ramp so that he landed on the grass, then he skated outside for hours whether the temperature felt hot or cold. When I think about his skateboarding skills then and now there's no comparison. He couldn't do an Ollie when he got his first board but he watched Tony Hawk's Trick Tips and practiced until he could. Now, he can do many tricks on his board. 

As a young kid,  if he couldn't be found outside skating he either sat in front of the TV watching his Tony Hawk video or played with his tech decks. He must have had at least 50 of them. He'd take them apart and change their wheels. If a tech deck didn't appear in his hand, he made whatever he held (if anything!) into a skateboard and did tricks with his fingers complete with sound effects!

He did well in school. His beautiful penmanship and detailed pictures on his assignments caused awe in his teachers and they would often write something like "Wow!" on his work. He never waited until the last minute to do anything. When given an assignment, he usually started working on it that day.

He began making movies in 9th grade with my little Canon digital camera. It surprised me that he could make good videos from a camera that didn't have video as its main feature. Sometimes he filmed his friends doing tricks at the skate park. Whether making a movie or filming skateboarders, he knew how to make videos because over the years he had filmed himself skateboarding many times. 

I promised to send him to Camp Woodward in California the summer before his senior year of high school. He dreamed of going to that skateboard camp and wanted to one day be a professional skater. Many times after skating he came home bummed because he didn't land a trick. When he filmed movies, he always came home happy and displayed excitement and anticipation to see the outcome. He had a natural talent for filming. His endless film ideas gave him energy, yet he wanted to be a pro skater and gave all he had to be something that required a lot of natural skill and some luck. Skateboarding didn't come naturally to him but he wanted to do it more than anything.

He chose to get a nice camera instead of going to Camp Woodward in 2011 because a camera would last longer than a week at camp. Also, he decided not to pursue becoming a pro skateboarder. He knew he had a talent in film that he didn't have in skateboarding. Ultimately, he decided to pursue filming pro skaters, and to one day become a director.

He officially graduated from high school six days ago on May 20, 2012. His huge accomplishment of completing 12 years of school causes me to feel proud of him.

• He won 1st place in a writing contest in 2nd grade with his piece called "My First Loose Tooth."
• KC Wolf (The Chiefs mascot) honored him at a school assembly in 4th grade when he won the "Three Dairy a Day" contest with his picture that depicted a Chiefs football player running with a carton of milk instead of a football.
• The Olathe Daily News mentioned him in their newspaper when he drew the ad that won their contest in 6th grade.
• He also won the top youth bowler award at the Olathe Lanes bowling alley that year.
• From 7th to 9th grade, Chisholm Trail Junior High honored him each year with academic awards for having a high GPA.
• Olathe Northwest High School honored him in the 10th and 11th grades with high GPA academic awards.
• In 10th grade his e-Comm team won 1st place in video for the Martin Luther King "Only Light, Only Love" commemoration.
• The varsity bowling team accepted him for two years and he lettered in the sport in 11th grade.
• He won 2nd place in the late night Call of Duty competition at Best Buy and received a copy of the game.
• In 12th grade, at the Student Television Network (STN) national conference in Dallas, TX, he won two awards for his documentary, "Freeling" .
• At STN, his e-Comm team also won 2nd place for their music video.
• Another award at STN said his e-Comm team won 1st place for their "sweet sixteen" film.
• He received a 1st place award for "Freeling" at the eMagine Film Festival in Kansas.
• Lastly, at the end of 12th grade, and just before graduation, he learned he won the opportunity to fly to LA to be a part of the film crew for the ATandT and Wayfinder.tv production of "On The Road With Paul Rodriguez" (a pro skateboarder.) He flew to LA the day before the graduation and began working with Paul and the crew shortly thereafter. He never gave up on having a dream and now he's living it.

Andrew is no stranger to receiving awards. It seems like he's good at whatever he touches whether it's art, school work, bowling, playing the trumpet, working at Rock Band, doing his best in Call of Duty, or making films. I'm excited to see where his future leads.

Bryan and Kimbra Married!

On April 26, 2012, Bryan and Kimbra married in the Salt Lake temple! They married on a Thursday and shared their special day with at least six other couples. As I entered the temple, I could feel the reverence of the Lord's house. Temple workers, dressed in white, whispered respectfully and directed us where to go.

First, a temple worker instructed us to take off our shoes. (I'm guessing we did this to preserve the carpet and as a form of reverence.) Anyone could put on socks, stacked neatly in a basket. We didn't change into white clothes because we only witnessed the wedding, so we wore what we had on. Second, we went to a waiting room where we sat until we heard our party's name called. I didn't say anything to the lady sitting a few chairs from me (and in another wedding party,) but I heard her say she lived in Overland Park, KS, the town next to mine...what a small world.

Third, another temple worker called our name and our party went to the room where Bryan and Kimbra would be married. During the ceremony I realized I sat watching a wedding. (Members of my church call weddings in the temple "sealings" because we believe that couples with temple marriages are sealed for time and all eternity versus marriage until death.) Bryan and Kimbra exchanged rings after the ceremony and again I didn't realize that they had just been married. The temple sealer had said "husband and wife" and Bryan and Kimbra had kissed across the alter but the fact that they had married didn't hit me until at almost the end.

We went back outside and waited for the bride and groom to come out so we could say "Congratulations!" and take pictures. Bryan and Kimbra came out of the temple and some people in our party cheered. The bride and groom plus family and friends posed for pictures on the stairs of the temple. The day felt beautiful and didn't get windy until just before we left.

Bryan and Kimbra had arranged to have a really fun wedding reception in Provo that night. They did a great job and made the event a true celebration. The food tasted awesome. Instead of a guest book they had a photo booth where participants could pose for pictures taken in black and white or color; and use props or not. The participants could keep one sheet of photos and put another sheet in a book with a note they had just written. The photo booth added to the entertainment and documented people's personalities well.

Bryan and Kimbra's Wedding Video

Bryan and Kimbra went on a cruise to the Bahamas for their honeymoon. They had a lot of fun and relaxed a bunch! They saw lots of exotic fish, ate some amazing dinners, and swam in beautiful water. They spent so much time in the sun that they got burned! (sad face)

At the Atlantis water park - Nassau, Bahamas

A little burned - but VERY happy!

They both graduated (on April 20, 2012) from BYU six days before they tied the knot.  Bryan graduated with a Bachelor of Science in Advertising and Kimbra graduated with a Bachelor of Science in Human Development. They studied hard in school but felt extremely glad when it ended.

BYU Graduation Day

I have a married son and a daughter. Kimbra's a very nice girl. She's so sweet and caring. Boys are sweet and caring too but in a different way. I didn't realize how like my boys I'd become but when she didn't laugh at some things I thought of as funny, I saw how masculine my thoughts and behaviors had become. After living in a predominantly male house, I feel happy about adding another girl to our family.

Bryan and Kimbra visited us for two weeks right after their honeymoon and attended a wedding open house for them here in Kansas. Per cooked some yummy things for dinner and Bryan, Kimbra, and I did some fun things during the day. I'm glad they visited us because it gave us more happy memories of them. I know that they need to live on their own and establish their married life, but I will miss them.

Nick Camillo (the guy who sang the song on their engagement video) gave them this as a wedding present.

Wedding Gift from Nick Camillo

Here's the actual engagement video:

Bryan and Kimbra's Engagement Video

I love them both very much and wish them much happiness in years to come!

Choosing Love over Hate

This morning, I heard an audio clip of the leader of the black panthers going on about how much he hates white people. He even called them crackers. It seems like freedom of speech is alive and well on the radio but if a child expresses their opinion in the classroom (also free speech) then it's slander if the teacher disagrees. Why is it OK for one person to speak their mind but not OK for someone else? One's opinion is never wrong - it's how they feel or what they think. To not allow certain opinions seems hypocritical to me.

As I heard the black panthers leader talk I thought give me a break, black people haven't been the only one's oppressed. I also thought just because a person has white skin, doesn't mean they're white. My dad had very dark skin. So much so that when he served in the Navy in the 1960's, when segregation still existed, an officer told him he couldn't use the white man's restroom because of the darkness of his skin. Segregation didn't exist only against the black person...but against anyone of color. I have white skin because I have some European heritage, but I also have some Hawaiian heritage. Am I a cracker just because my skin is more light than dark? Isn't judging me based on the color of my skin segregation? I find it ironic that a person who speaks against segregation seems to be doing that very thing.

I agree that oppression is wrong. I believe that no one should be forced to do anything. But I don't agree with being hateful because wrong things are done. We live in an imperfect world where inevitably wrong things happen. But we are free to choose how we will react. It comes down to whether we have hate or love in our hearts. The leader of the black panthers said hateful things. I could be hateful and bitter because injustices have been done to me and those I love, but I choose to be loving because that's the kind of character I want to have. My feelings get hurt but I'd rather forgive than hold a grudge.

I read somewhere that a person who holds on to anger is more susceptible to cancer. That makes sense to me because vile thoughts spread through the mind. Perhaps they also spread throughout the body and cause dis-ease when they are allowed to fester.

It's More Righteous to be Poor (my theory)

It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God. (Mark 10:25)

And he began to be lifted up in the pride of his heart, and to wear very costly apparel...  (Alma 1:6)

I've noticed that some people make due with hand-me-downs rather than strive to have quality. Yet they try to get as rich as possible. It seems like a rich person is frowned upon whereas a poor person is accepted. Whether rich or poor, some people flaunt their money. What they appear to be or to have rather than who they are seems most important.

Per's theory may likely be true that if a person wins the lottery, they are a hero. But if a person earns or inherits their money, they are selfish.

Money has nothing to do with righteousness. The important thing is the desire of the heart. If money is loved more than God it's a problem. Money is not evil, the LOVE of money is. The scriptures above emphasize this.

My Mother(s)

Moms are just naturally nice. A mom does everything she can to make her child comfortable. Even though I'm grown and don't live with my mom I'll always love her. I have two moms now that I'm married, and honor them both today!

My Mom (Lynda)

Per's Mom (Monika)

Looking Back to the Next Generation

Bryan's marriage has caused me to reflect and realize I'm not in the current generation anymore. I feel weird realizing that my kids are grown and that I could be called "grandma" in a few years.

When I got married, at 22, being a grandparent seemed so far away. I had my second child at 25 and for the next 15+ years, Per and I focused on parenting. We watched our kids play soccer and football, listened to them fight, and tried to teach them even when they didn't want to listen.

We attended church, encouraged them, and gave them the benefit of the doubt. We went on family vacations (usually to visit other family) and gave them as many opportunities as we could. They usually thought the things we did were dumb and I consoled myself by thinking that one day they would appreciate it.

I made countless dinners for my family, sat up with my kids when they were sick, and kissed their boo-boo's when they got hurt. I sang songs to them, read them several books and played many games with them. I wanted to do everything I could for my kids because I loved them.

It felt hard for me to accept the discord of them wanting me when they were little but repelling my direction when they got older. (I knew of it being natural for kids to want their own identities because of being told what to say and do. I understood that after kids got older they realized they wanted to do what they thought. But when my kids did that, it didn't stop my feelings from hurting.) As a mom, I had always directed my kids and been in charge. After my kids became teenagers, and no longer wanted my direction, I felt like they no longer wanted me. I took their rejection personally.  (That's how I felt at the time, but today I know that just because they didn't want my direction didn't mean they didn't want a mother.)

When I stood in the thick of parenting, I thought those years would never end. Now that I no longer parent children, I look back on that time and consider it short. (I will probably live until I am at least 80. Eighteen years out of 80 doesn't seem very long.)

I think my real parenting starts now. The advice I'll give my adult children is based on life experience. Perhaps they'll ask me questions like "How do you handle...?" or "How do you do...?" (Just like with raising kids, there is no handbook or 'right' answer.) I will say what I know when my kids ask me a question and hope my words suffice.

Living in Tornado Alley

The emergency siren went off yesterday as I sat in the basement. The weatherman said the storm headed right for our house. The sirens go off every year but the threats are hardly ever close to our house. 

I hoped we wouldn't get any damage because last year, after it hailed in April (and after our insurance paid us,) we paid a company over $800 dollars of our own money to fix our broken stuff. (And they took nine months to do the work!)

As I sat in the basement, I thought please don't let it happen again as I waited for the storm to end. The storm totally passed over us and Andrew said "what a let-down." Personally, I felt happy. 

Per stayed in the kitchen (with the news on) and continued to cook dinner. He said "I'm not gonna let this food get ruined if the storm turns out to be nothing!" After the storm passed and Per declared the situation safe, I emerged from the basement and we sat at the table and ate what he cooked!

My friends in other parts of Olathe had hail, but we didn't. Their power went out for hours but ours only went out for seconds. Some people sighted a tornado to the south of us but it happened 20 streets away. 

I've lived in Tornado Alley for 21 years but, in all that time, I've never seen a tornado and only had hail damage twice. We live in what I call the Olathe jet stream. The wind always blows at Heritage Park (located just south of us) and the storms almost always go north or south. I feel glad to live in Johnson County. We may have severe weather but are rarely affected. 

If I lived in Eastern Kansas or Oklahoma I'd be more worried. If I lived there in a trailer, I'd be even more worried! Yet, people continue to live in those types of homes in those places - go figure. You never know where a tornado is going to hit...look at what happened in Joplin, MO. 

My kids learned about tornado safety in elementary school. They got scared every time they heard sirens.

One time, when we lived at the Wyncroft Hill apartments, the weatherman said a tornado might touch down only a mile away. The sirens went off and one of our sons started packing our bags. Per and I stood outside on our patio watching the storm. Our son came out to us and said "you'd better pack two pair of underwear in case you pee your pants." I laughed to myself but the siren truly scared him! Our other son wouldn't watch Twister. He had seen a similar scary movie at school.

I'm used to the sirens and the severe weather, but realize that the kids and new people get scared. 

Giving Things My All

My Microsoft Word program has a place to indicate spacing as 'At Least' or 'Exactly'. I could indicate either setting when making a document. If the text size would always be the same, I could say 'Exactly.' However, if the text size could fluctuate but I never wanted a line to be less than the spacing indicated, I could say 'At Least.'

I compare my Microsoft Word program to myself. In most things I do, I am exact. I want my food to taste the same every time so I follow recipes and always use the same ingredients. (I only use substitutions if the substitute will be the same or better.) I follow rules or at least try my hardest to do so: I'm not perfect and sometimes break rules, but if someone points out my error, and I agree, I do my best to rectify the situation.

I am exact in everything except painting. The walls in my home, that I've painted, are not painted perfectly. Even though they're imperfect, I think at least there's paint on the walls. I believe the painted walls are 'good enough'. However, I strive for perfection in most things.

My husband and children are perfectionists too. They give 100% to everything they do. They never settle for second best (unless they have no other choice.) And, they never say "Oh well." I appreciate that they do their all. My husband is more of a perfectionist than me. He doesn't accept less than a person's best for anything, but I do. I give people the benefit of the doubt whereas he thinks they could always do better.

We are nice but I believe intimidating. I think people are intimidated by us because we want everyone to try and to do their best. I believe that most people won't try new things because of fear. They are afraid they'll fail. They fear looking stupid too so they won't even try. (If they never try, they'll always be the same.) I estimate that they'll probably fail and look stupid the first time they try, but I firmly believe they need to do it anyway. An improved person never becomes more without failing and looking stupid along the way: the important thing to focus on is the end result not what it takes to get there.

It's hard for me to accept less than perfection now that I'm sick. I would do my hair better, and wear cuter clothes and shoes, and put labels and stamps straight on envelopes if I could, but I'm doing the best I can.

To me, accepting my limitations and saying "Oh well" are not the same thing. I may accept what I can do but it doesn't mean I like it. I push myself to do my best no matter my limitations. If I said "Oh well" I would give up and not care to even try.