I wanted to write a book about my life as a mother so I started writing about Per, being a teen mother and single mother, and now I have no desire to finish. I realized a lot of things while writing like: 1) I AM a writer 2) I love Per and am glad to have him in my life 3) I didn't need to go through pregnancy alone, Per's mom really cared and would have taken care of me 4) Per loved me the five years I was a single parent but I told him in a letter when I was pregnant to leave me alone, so he did 5) I didn't need to be alone for five years, as soon as I wrote to Per, he came back.
The rest of the book takes place in my married life. I don't want to throw my family under the bus which is what the other chapters would do. I am not a perfect person and heaven knows I have not been a perfect parent, but as I have learned better I've become better.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Last Night
Here's my attempt at writing something that happened to me:
The bed was soft as I comfortably lay on it playing Angry Birds and Solitaire on my iPod. Before I turned out the light I whipped the covers off me and swung my feet over the side of the bed, stood up and crouched down to the floor to pray. Immediately, upon kneeling down, the pain began shooting up my leg. Ouch! my right knee. I forgot that I was being gentle on my knee and letting it heal from the injury I caused when I knelt on it and twisted wrong one night getting into bed. Back then, I knew I tore something because the side of my knee on the inside of my leg hurt when I touched it. For the last two weeks I had gotten into bed bum first then swung my legs around and scooted and adjusted myself until I found my comfy spot in bed. It was much easier getting into bed using my knee because I could pull myself up to where I wanted to lay and fall back onto the pillow. And, there wasn't as much scooting and adjusting involved.
Kneeling on the floor was not as comfortable as it used to be even on both knees. It's probably because I'm old and out of shape I thought. I shifted from right knee to left. Nope, that still hurts. I knelt on the front and back of each knee, and when I realized I wasn't going to get comfortable I started praying. The pain went away, or I forgot about it, and I focused on what I said. My prayer wasn't very long and when I stood up I did a face-plant on the bed. I used the bathroom for the final time then turned out my light and got into bed, bum first.
It was dark as I put the mask connected to my breathing machine over my nose. I got the mask and machine in 2000 because I have sleep apnea and used to snore loudly. Per shook the bed when I started to snore and I would stop (I really just woke up.) Now, as a result, I am a very light sleeper. (Honestly, I knew I snored because I felt my throat relax but I couldn't help it, getting the machine was a relief.) I reached over to my night stand and pushed the ON button of the machine. Air began blowing into my mask and I relaxed.
Laying snugly in bed, my thoughts turned to Uncle Carl and Aunt Leonette telling me I needed to forgive and move on with my life. Next thing I know, the buckle of my mask came off and air swished around my face from the machine. Darn mask! I thought to myself and fixed the buckle in the dark. When the mask covered my nose tightly, I carefully pulled the right strap down by my jaw so it didn't curl my ear.
Again I lay in silence waiting to fall asleep. I didn't move so the buckle wouldn't come off and my thoughts returned to Carl and Leonette. I went to church with them my first Sunday in Utah and had lunch at their house afterward. I wanted answers about my family that I wondered as a result of writing my book and I knew they would tell me the truth. Uncle Carl had known grandma and palled around with her so I thought he was a good person to ask. At the end of our conversation, and lunch, Leonette said to me "it sounds like you need to forgive and move on with your life". She was right, I had been holding grudges and thinking "if only" when that's not how it "was" no matter how hard I wished. Before I left, she asked me if I wanted Uncle Carl to give me a blessing. No one in my family had given me a blessing before and I said "yes" with excitement. After the blessing and wiping the tears from my eyes Leonette said "that was from God just for you".
A warm tear rolled down my face into my left ear and I choked up with my mask on as I thought about them. I lay in the dark for the next hour tearing up and wiping my eyes as I thought about forgiving and moving on, my family, and the many ways God has blessed my life. Despite my challenges, I am happy...truly happy.
The bed was soft as I comfortably lay on it playing Angry Birds and Solitaire on my iPod. Before I turned out the light I whipped the covers off me and swung my feet over the side of the bed, stood up and crouched down to the floor to pray. Immediately, upon kneeling down, the pain began shooting up my leg. Ouch! my right knee. I forgot that I was being gentle on my knee and letting it heal from the injury I caused when I knelt on it and twisted wrong one night getting into bed. Back then, I knew I tore something because the side of my knee on the inside of my leg hurt when I touched it. For the last two weeks I had gotten into bed bum first then swung my legs around and scooted and adjusted myself until I found my comfy spot in bed. It was much easier getting into bed using my knee because I could pull myself up to where I wanted to lay and fall back onto the pillow. And, there wasn't as much scooting and adjusting involved.
Kneeling on the floor was not as comfortable as it used to be even on both knees. It's probably because I'm old and out of shape I thought. I shifted from right knee to left. Nope, that still hurts. I knelt on the front and back of each knee, and when I realized I wasn't going to get comfortable I started praying. The pain went away, or I forgot about it, and I focused on what I said. My prayer wasn't very long and when I stood up I did a face-plant on the bed. I used the bathroom for the final time then turned out my light and got into bed, bum first.
It was dark as I put the mask connected to my breathing machine over my nose. I got the mask and machine in 2000 because I have sleep apnea and used to snore loudly. Per shook the bed when I started to snore and I would stop (I really just woke up.) Now, as a result, I am a very light sleeper. (Honestly, I knew I snored because I felt my throat relax but I couldn't help it, getting the machine was a relief.) I reached over to my night stand and pushed the ON button of the machine. Air began blowing into my mask and I relaxed.
Laying snugly in bed, my thoughts turned to Uncle Carl and Aunt Leonette telling me I needed to forgive and move on with my life. Next thing I know, the buckle of my mask came off and air swished around my face from the machine. Darn mask! I thought to myself and fixed the buckle in the dark. When the mask covered my nose tightly, I carefully pulled the right strap down by my jaw so it didn't curl my ear.
Again I lay in silence waiting to fall asleep. I didn't move so the buckle wouldn't come off and my thoughts returned to Carl and Leonette. I went to church with them my first Sunday in Utah and had lunch at their house afterward. I wanted answers about my family that I wondered as a result of writing my book and I knew they would tell me the truth. Uncle Carl had known grandma and palled around with her so I thought he was a good person to ask. At the end of our conversation, and lunch, Leonette said to me "it sounds like you need to forgive and move on with your life". She was right, I had been holding grudges and thinking "if only" when that's not how it "was" no matter how hard I wished. Before I left, she asked me if I wanted Uncle Carl to give me a blessing. No one in my family had given me a blessing before and I said "yes" with excitement. After the blessing and wiping the tears from my eyes Leonette said "that was from God just for you".
A warm tear rolled down my face into my left ear and I choked up with my mask on as I thought about them. I lay in the dark for the next hour tearing up and wiping my eyes as I thought about forgiving and moving on, my family, and the many ways God has blessed my life. Despite my challenges, I am happy...truly happy.
Sunday, July 04, 2010
My Trip to Utah
I went to Utah for two weeks in June to stay with my sisters. I stayed one week with Lani and one week with Maile. Andrew also went to visit Bryan. (I couldn't have gone without his help, so thank you Andrew!) Also, I stayed with mom for two days and saw my brother, Ken, which was nice.
Bryan surprised Andrew with a trip to California the day after we got there. Andrew had no idea until Bryan couldn't take it anymore and spilled the beans. He told Andrew that he had a confession. He said he was tired and they were going to stay the night in Las Vegas and go to Cali the next day. Andrew just kept saying "are you serious?" and Bryan mentioned it being "sweet."
I told my sisters that they didn't have to entertain me and that I just wanted to blend into their lives. I had a lot of fun talking to them and "blending" :) My first week there, I went to church and afterward had lunch with Uncle Carl and Aunt Leonette Clark. (He isn't really my uncle, he's mom's first cousin, and my first cousin once removed, but my siblings and I have always called him uncle Carl, so that's what he is to me.) I had a really great time visiting them.
One of the highlights of my trip was the day Lani got a slip 'n slide for her little girls who are 6 and 3. The first time they tried it, they ran, jumped, and...stuck,no sliding! It was so funny! They finally got the hang of it and had a blast getting wet. I'm so bummed I didn't take any pictures, I was too busy watching I guess!
Another favorite highlight was when Maile took me for a ride up American Fork Canyon. We drove up to Tibble Fork Lake with the windows down. Tibble Fork is a man-made lake that's really a dam. People seemed to be having a good time picnicking, fishing and playing in the water up there.
I loved this ride. I really enjoyed talking to Maile. The quaint two lane road really let me enjoy the canyon. I could smell and hear the river as we drove. The barbecues smelled so good! This is the first time I've ever stayed with Maile, and I really enjoyed getting to know her - we are a lot a like!
This will probably be my last trip out to Utah unless I feel better, but I'm glad I got to spend some time with my family. Now it's their turn to come and see me in Kansas!
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| Mom and me on Mom's front porch |
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| Andrew and Bryan in Cali |
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| Aunt Leonette and Uncle Carl |
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| Sophie |
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| Claire and Lani |
I loved this ride. I really enjoyed talking to Maile. The quaint two lane road really let me enjoy the canyon. I could smell and hear the river as we drove. The barbecues smelled so good! This is the first time I've ever stayed with Maile, and I really enjoyed getting to know her - we are a lot a like!
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| Maile |
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