It's Only Funny If Both People Laugh

Recently, someone said something disrespectful to me. When I said I didn't like it, I heard something to the effect of, "Suck it up and quit having such thin skin!" I got told that they obviously didn't mean it the way I took it. Just because the words were meant differently than way I understood them doesn't mean my feelings didn't get affected. I believe we need try not to hurt people.

If a gay person heard something hurtful so they stood up for themselves and said, "How rude!" would it help them to hear, "Suck it up and quit being so thin skinned"? No, the thing that would help their feelings would be to not hear it. If a black person heard a racial slur would saying, "Oh, sorry" after saying it make it better? No, the thing that would help them would be to not say it.

When we think something would be funny, we need to ask ourselves if the other person would think it's funny. If the answer is "No" then we need to not say or do it.  It's only funny if both people laugh. Telling someone to, "Suck it up" after they see or hear something offensive doesn't mean they don't get offended. A joke is never funny when made at someone else's expense.

We need to think about what we say to other people and not make jokes at their expense. It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice. When we don't like someone, or don't agree with someone, or don't do what someone does, we don't have the right to hurt them. We need to respect and not laugh at them.

We don't usually laugh at someone outright because that's just rude, but we laugh at them subtly with poorly chosen words. We don't think of them when saying something rude - we think of getting a laugh -but poorly chosen words said at someone's expense hurt them. This is the formula: say something rude, laugh, get forgiven. The person who got hurt may laugh, but they may also think How rude! I'll never talk to them again.

The same thing applies when someone says something hurtful in the name of honesty. Sometimes there's no way of getting around the truth without hurting someone. But honesty is only helpful when the person gets hurt the least. Saying hurtful words may cause the person who said them to feel better, but the person who heard them may feel worse. How does honesty help the other person when the words are poorly chosen? The Golden Rule seems appropriate here: "Do unto others as you would have others do unto you." More clearly stated: "Don't hurt people."