Reflecting on What I've Said

I believe I'm a better writer than five years ago. Back then, I wanted to learn things about writing. I'm not an expert (especially in grammar and punctuation) but I've greatly improved. I've learned things and had experiences over the years that have made my writing better, and I'm happy to say now that I'm improved.

As I read the entries on my writing blog I see how I could make things better. The content is still good but technically it could be improved . My book is a work in progress and I address it again. I have plans for my writings and they don't include just being on my blog. Let me clearly state my meaning and not be vague: I plan to improve my works and maybe publish them. (If I do publish, I hope they will be well received.)

My words are my art. I'm stronger now so if my words get rejected I can handle it. No one wants to be like the mother who shows her baby to someone and they say it's ugly. Nevertheless, I know that what someone says is just an opinion and it won't stop me from getting what I want.

I Love Songs and Music

Music is awesome!
I love the words to songs.  I love compositions, too, even though sometimes they eventually go out of style.  One of my favorite genres of music is choral. I was in choirs for many years and dreamed of one day singing in the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. Now that I no longer sing I look forward to one day singing in the Heavenly Choir. I digress, back to music:

To me, some songs are like prayers. I don't care when the words were written because truth is truth even if it was written a hundred years ago. The music to some older songs may be dated but their words are just as true now as the day they were written.

Words to songs never go out of style
A popular song in the 80's written by an LDS person was sung at many sacrament meetings that were also called "Missionary Farewells". The song called "How Great Shall Be Your Joy" is written by Janice Kapp Perry. There are two parts to this song that are sung separately then they are sung together in harmony then they are followed by some other stuff.

The first part is:

And if it so be that ye should labor all your days

And bring but one soul unto me, how great shall

Be you joy with him in the kingdom of my father.

How great shall be your joy.

The second part is:

My sheep hear my voice and they know me.

And I know them and they follow me.

Those two parts are sung together followed by these words:

After Jesus had risen he came to the sea,

Asking three times of Peter, "Lovest thou me?"

"Yea Lord" he answered, "Thou knowest I love thee",

Then Jesus commanded him "Feed my sheep"

Then the two parts are sung again in another key and solidify my belief in their words.

Some songs generate feelings
The second verse of a certain hymn comes to my mind and causes gratitude and love to swell in my heart. The words are:

I marvel that He would descend from his throne divine

To rescue a soul so rebellious and proud as mine.

That He would extend His great love unto such as I

Sufficient to own, to redeem, and to justify.

Oh, it is wonderful that He would care for me enough to die for me.

Oh it is wonderful, wonderful to me.

Some words solidify my beliefs
I love these words, written for EFY (Especially For Youth) in the early 90's, because they are just as relevant today:

Now, in this day of darkness, can we see / Evil and suffering ripe on every hand. / Wounded by lies, by loneliness, and fear / With joy we lift our hearts to feel thee near. / Walk with us through the wilderness of life, / Savior, thy life alone can mark the path, / Hush the confusion, still the storm within. / Help us at last the victory to win. / Help us

at last to see the light he gives. / Savior, thy words are written on our hearts, / Gladly we seek the beauty of thy way. / Grieving with those who stumble, lose their way / When wandering the blinding mists of night. / Unlock our understanding as we seek / To lift the soul who stumbles, find the one / Who cries to thee. Oh let our lights burn fair / As we go forth to lift, to bless, to share.

How true today, 21 years later, are those words? How much those words strengthen me and remind me how precious I am and how precious every person is to God. The scriptures say, "The worth of souls is great in the sight of God." I believe it. I feel in my heart that he loves me and believe that he loves and has loved every person who has ever walked on this earth.

Some things help me when I think of them
I think of Jesus as my coach. I imagine this scenario: I'm looking in his direction but darting my head to look at things happening on either side of him. He takes my face in his hands, and causes me to look at him. He says, "Focus." Then he coaches me. He gestures imaginary walls on either side of him and me, then says "Just look at me. We got this. You can do it. I believe in you."

The 23rd Psalm reminds me of this scenario:

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.

He maketh me to lie down in green pastures.

He leadeth me beside the still waters.

He restoreth my soul. He leadeth me in the

Path of righteousness for his namesake.

Then it get's personal. When I face something hard it's just him and me:

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil for thou art with me, thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies.

Thou annointest my head with oil, my cup runneth over.

In happy times it's not so personal. I can stand on my own two feet:

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life.

And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

My thoughts
I love God and Jesus Christ with all my heart. They have helped, comforted, and sustained me in good times and in bad; I truly believe they will do it all my life. They are loving beings that I want to become like, and I believe that I will someday. The words to songs solidify how I feel. I'm glad that good things exist to help me.

Saying What I Mean

Sometimes I say "We", "You" and "They" when I really mean "I" and "Me." I want to be helpful but my words push people away...because they sound like lectures. I don't mean to sound annoying, self-righteous, perfect and judgmental but I do when I don't speak about myself. (I don't mean to sound 'preachy' but it's how I sound when I talk about anyone other than me.)

Sometimes lecturing is good (like when parents teach their young children, or when work leaders teach their employees), but my good intentions turn bad when unfairly I tell other people what to do. No one likes to see someone make a mistake or have a trial, but unless they're my young child I need to not lecture, turn my head, have faith in them, and hope for the best. Everyone has the right to make their own choices. Sometimes I learn the most when making the 'wrong' choice, and when I hear a person talk about themselves it inspires me to make a better choice.

(I have something to say about the word 'wrong.' The word 'wrong' is relative; what someone thinks is wrong someone else thinks is right. I think that focusing on someone's 'right' and 'wrong' choices distracts me from loving and having faith in them. Mother Theresa said that when you judge people you have no time to love them; that is so true! When I'm tempted to judge I need to not do it, let go of my control, tell myself, "It is what it is" and instead choose to love.)

I can hear moms saying to their young children, "We use our quiet voice in the house and save our loud voice for outside." I can hear dads telling their young families, "We don't do that in our family because we're the Joneses." I can hear managers saying to their employees, "At ABC Company we do this because that's who we are." None of those things sound 'preachy' because they're teaching and it's expected. But if that's not my situation no wants a lecturer but a friend.

Why Did I Say That?

I'll admit it - I said an unsavory word; I got influenced. (I didn't swear but in my mind I might as well have, because to me the real and the fake words are one and the same.) I ask myself, "Why walk on the line and sometimes accidentally cross into the swearing world?" Then I say to myself that I choose to walk in the middle of the lane (safely away from the line) and say other words that aren't even close to sounding like swear words.

I said that word because I couldn't think of another word to say instead. Just yesterday I used that word in my question when The Chiefs threw an interception in their end zone (they could have scored but the other team got the ball! Aaaaah!)

I don't feel like saying that word right now, so I'll think of other words to say instead; "Super", "Stupid", and "Really" come to mind. A song I repeatedly heard over 30 years ago runs through my mind:

The Words You Speak

The words you speak, the words you say,

The words you utter give you away.

Like "Please", "Thank you", and "Yes, you may", 

I can tell what you are by your words.

If you speak only what is true, 

I know that I can depend on you. 

For you are honest in all you do, 

I can tell this because of your words.  

I can tell where you've been, what you've read, 

How you think, by your words did you know? 

And what's more I can tell by the words that you speak

Where you're going to go. It's the truth, it's really so.

So little friend you must beware, 

And choose your words with the greatest care.

You'll be a champion if you dare

To speak only the very best words;

Only the very VERY BEST words.

High five-the author for writing that! I believe that words are powerful. I don't want to be misunderstood or considered something I'm not, so I'll choose my words carefully.

Swearing, Fake Swearing, or Saying Something Original

OMH could mean "Oh My Heck!" but it could also mean "Oh My Hounis!"  Why be unoriginal and say what people expect? If a filler word has to be said, why say something that sounds like something else? It may be boring to say, "That's awesome!" but at least it doesn't sound like almost swearing. (In today's world, some people say freakin' - like, "That's freakin' awesome!" To me, that word sounds too close to the 'F' word.)

I wish people wouldn't use an emphasis word that sounds like swearing. Instead of fake swearing, I wish people would say either nothing or the real thing. If a person says, "I don't believe in swearing", I'd say, "Then don't fake swear; both words mean the same thing." (If an emphasis word needs to be said, why not say something like, "That's totally awesome!" and be thought of as not swearing?)

Some people don't want to swear but come close to the line when they say something that sounds like a swear word but isn't. I think that the best thing is to not use a filler word at all, and the next best thing, if something has to be said,  is to say something that isn't fake swearing. (In my opinion, when the emphasis word is a fake swear word, it means the same thing as the real word; if the real word is edgy, why say anything? I consider a filler word the same as saying, "Um" or "Like" between sentences; unnecessary.)

Regarding fake swearing, I say, "Don't say a filler word at all, and if a word needs to be said, then be creative and say something other than freakin; flipin'; cheese and crackers; heck; H-E-double toothpick; darn; dang; shiz; shut up; and shut the front door, otherwise, just say the swear word - it means the same thing."

How Do I Want to Say This?

I just had an epiphany. It is that sometimes I'm misunderstood because of my words. I may be correct, but the words I use make what I say sound incorrect. I have felt that many times I'm misunderstood - maybe it's because the words I've said have hurt people. I didn't mean to hurt people with my words, but sometimes I sounded offensive or condemning to them. I may have wanted to speak the truth, but my words sounded either harsh or negative. I never intended to be misunderstood, but I can see how my words could have been taken wrong.

I'm considered nice if I say nice things, but I'm considered mean if the things I say are mean. I had been considered nice for a long time, but I was nice at my own expense - I didn't say anything when other's hurt me because I wanted to be liked. After getting sick, I felt to not to sacrifice my feelings for someone else's - so I stood up for myself and honestly said how I felt. Many of the people who knew me before me getting sick thought I had become mean - I hadn't, I just respected myself and said honest things, whereas before getting sick, I didn't.

When I say something and someone hears it, I can't take it back - it's been said - it's out there. I can't erase the past and change what I said, all I can do is hope for the best, and change from that point forward. I've said things in a blunt way. Now see that it wasn't the best way to say it. I'm sorry if my words caused any unnecessary pain. I may still say hurtful things from time to time because I'm an imperfect human. But hopefully I'll remember to think before speaking, and maybe my words will hurt some people less.

The Evolution of Technology

I created a Pintrest account the other day. The application allows me to collect images, websites, recipes, etc. that I like and anyone who views my page can see it. I like how my likes are visible to the world because maybe someone will like something that I found and pin it to their wall...thing...or whatever it's called. Someone told me, "if you pin things you like, then I'll know your style." I thought, "why don't I just tell you?" It seems like as the world evolves, people talk to each other less. People appear to be more comfortable talking to each other through technology than in person. I envision people in the future never talking to each other and saying, "if you want to know me, look at my page."

I can see a day where the only people one talks to are those within their family. Parent's talk to their children to teach them how to speak. Siblings talk to each other and develop strong bonds from spending so much time together. Then parents give their children smart phones or computers and they talk to people through chat or social media. Children grow up and feel more comfortable talking to people through technology. Then they say, "if you want to know me, look at my page."

It seems like in the future, languages will exist but will only be spoken within the family and maybe with close friends otherwise, they'll be written. I don't have to talk to cashiers now because after they scan my items, I pay for them by swiping my card. Technology is advancing so quickly that I can't keep up with it; nor do I want to. I feel old and I'm only in my 40's. Things change (evolve) and I find myself wanting to hang on to what I know. I don't want to evolve, I want to stay the way I am, after all why fix what isn't broken?

It's Only Funny If Both People Laugh

Recently, someone said something disrespectful to me. When I said I didn't like it, I heard something to the effect of, "Suck it up and quit having such thin skin!" I got told that they obviously didn't mean it the way I took it. Just because the words were meant differently than way I understood them doesn't mean my feelings didn't get affected. I believe we need try not to hurt people.

If a gay person heard something hurtful so they stood up for themselves and said, "How rude!" would it help them to hear, "Suck it up and quit being so thin skinned"? No, the thing that would help their feelings would be to not hear it. If a black person heard a racial slur would saying, "Oh, sorry" after saying it make it better? No, the thing that would help them would be to not say it.

When we think something would be funny, we need to ask ourselves if the other person would think it's funny. If the answer is "No" then we need to not say or do it.  It's only funny if both people laugh. Telling someone to, "Suck it up" after they see or hear something offensive doesn't mean they don't get offended. A joke is never funny when made at someone else's expense.

We need to think about what we say to other people and not make jokes at their expense. It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice. When we don't like someone, or don't agree with someone, or don't do what someone does, we don't have the right to hurt them. We need to respect and not laugh at them.

We don't usually laugh at someone outright because that's just rude, but we laugh at them subtly with poorly chosen words. We don't think of them when saying something rude - we think of getting a laugh -but poorly chosen words said at someone's expense hurt them. This is the formula: say something rude, laugh, get forgiven. The person who got hurt may laugh, but they may also think How rude! I'll never talk to them again.

The same thing applies when someone says something hurtful in the name of honesty. Sometimes there's no way of getting around the truth without hurting someone. But honesty is only helpful when the person gets hurt the least. Saying hurtful words may cause the person who said them to feel better, but the person who heard them may feel worse. How does honesty help the other person when the words are poorly chosen? The Golden Rule seems appropriate here: "Do unto others as you would have others do unto you." More clearly stated: "Don't hurt people."