Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Clearing my Clutter

My friend is here -right now- cleaning my house. She comes every Wednesday because she wants to. I am humbled. I am horrified at what a bad housekeeper I am! I am thankful to her for doing what I cannot do. She says "you'd help someone else if they needed it, wouldn't you?" I would. "So" she says "I want to help you". Words cannot express the kind of gratitude I feel. I am humbled that friends want to come over and help me, and that they are so willing to help. At first I wanted to hide my weaknesses but I know that friends want to show they care, they want to help, so I let them. It helps them, and it helps me.

I want to be strong and take care of myself. But I think it takes strength to let people help me. To let people into my world. Part of me feels like I'm nothing special, why help me? But to my friends I am special, I am loved. They are my friends because they like me, I am important to them. Me. Not what I do, not what I wear, not how much money I have. They are my friends because they like me. I know this because external things can be taken away but I'm always myself and they continue to be my friend.

I am fragile. I feel like a bird with a broken wing. I need my friends to be there for me, to love me because I've lost a lot and I'm sad. They don't judge me or say "snap out of it". They just spend time with me and I feel whole.

It's easier to be on the giving end because you can be unnoticed and in the background. But when you're on the receiving end it's sort of like you're in the limelight. All eyes are directed at you. All help is being directed at you. It can be uncomfortable if you're a giver not a receiver. But someone has to receive, right? So I'll let it be me. (I need the help anyway.) I hope everyone allows themselves to be a receiver because it's when we receive that we feel another's love.

Thank you for clearing my clutter, my friend. You are helping me more than you know.