The Only Thing Constant is Change

I just realized that the things I thought were appropriate seem to have changed. We used to not call or bother people after 9pm - now, it's 10pm. Actors didn't swear on tv - now, they do. Girls didn't call boys - now, they're forward. People insinuated - now, they come right out and say it. I never knew most people's views - now, I do.

I wish things would go back to the way they were, but they won't. Instead, I'll lament about the "good ol' days." I was innocent back then. I don't really want to go back to that time, it just occurs to me that I liked some of the ways things were. Times have changed but they aren't necessarily better -  they're just different. I'm not the young person now. Time caught up with me before I realized it. Now, another generation has grown up called "my kids”.

Every generation probably realized this. Girls stopped having escorts and the older generation said "it's not right." Rock-N-Roll was hated by parents but kids loved it. Girls didn't wear bras in the 70's and older people just shook their heads. I could go on and on. Count my beginning paragraph as part of this one.

I've become my parents. I'm a head shaker and someone who mumbles under their breath. The only thing I can say to this is "oh no!"

When to Serve

Is it only necessary to serve someone who appears needy? Is there a time limit set as to how long a person should be served? If a person has money and capacity should they be served or expected to be self-sufficient and take care of themselves?

Service means doing something for someone that they can't do for themselves. A person's station shouldn't matter, nor should the length of time, but whether or not they need help. 

When a person gives service it says how they are. When a person receives service their actions also dictate their character. They may feel humbled and show a grateful character. They may feel embarrassed and show an ungrateful character. If they don't receive service they may feel hurt and show a bitter character. Whatever they show says something about their character, not the other person. No matter what they show, if they have a need that they can't do for themselves they should be served.

In the story of the good Samaritan a man was beaten and left on the road for dead. Two people passed by him, looked at him, and did nothing. A Samaritan man saw and took care of him. He didn't know the man or if he had money. He just saw that the man needed help and helped him. 

He gave service and it said something about the kind of person he was.

When people refused to help me, it really hurt my feelings. My hurt caused anger, bitterness, and a desire to hurt back. Ultimately, I chose to show love and kindness because that's how "I" wanted to be. If I would have chosen to be something negative, it wouldn't have hurt them - it would have only hurt me. 

I felt angry (which is always a symptom of something else - I really felt hurt) but I didn't let the anger dictate my character. After feeling the negative emotions, I thought about it and chose how I wanted to be. I know now that the way I am doesn't mean that others are the same way. I thought it did. I assumed that if two people went to the same church then they believed the same things. I learned that is not true. People think differently and not everyone thinks the same.  I am the way I am because I choose to be.

When I give service, it doesn't say how the other person is, it says how I am. Am I the kind of person that when I see a need passes it by and says "I'm glad it's not me," or do I stop and do what I can?

People want to think of themselves as a good Samaritan, but if the service is too hard for them to do are they?

Common Sense or Political Correctness?

Society used to have a minority of people who didn't have common sense. Now the minority seems to be the majority. It appears that a lot of children were taught to see happy things like unicorns and rainbows instead of being taught that sometimes life is unhappy and unfair.

Common sense requires people to think rationally. I don't think that some people have that ability. Maybe that's why being politically correct is more popular than having common sense. 

Political correctness is something that everyone can have. Political correctness says "everyone can get an award because everyone is a winner." Common sense says "everyone who gets an award earned it but not everyone will get one."

Political correctness will never go away but it will create Wuses who cry when they think they aren't treated fairly. Political correctness causes people to treat each other better. Now, most people try to avoid saying things (sexist and racist) that might hurt someone else. I like that part of political correctness.

But, I like common sense too. It causes people to "suck it up because life's not fair." Common sense causes people to be tough. There's something to be said about boys not crying.

Can you imagine men crying when things don't go their way?  How can a man be a knight in shining armor, a protector, and gallant when he shows his weakness and cries? I don't want my man to cry. I want him to be brave and chivalrous. I want him to show me that he can defeat whatever he faces. I want to know that he's smart and willing to do the right thing.

I'm for people acknowledging their feelings (because everyone has them!) But, I'm also for people being tough. It seems like society thinks we should be one or the other - either politically correct or have common sense.

I think we should have both. People need to be nice but they also need to be tough.

Thinking "Make it Work"

I've always had the attitude to "make it work." This attitude applied at home, when I felt tired but my kids needed something. And at work, when I didn't know how to accomplish the thing someone wanted. 

A few weeks ago on Sunday, Andrew asked me if I was going to church. I should have said "No." I didn't plan to go. I knew I'd sleep in and I did. I awoke at 8:46.  In order to go out in public and be at church by 9:00am, I needed to flat iron my hair, put on makeup and get dressed.

I did my hair and makeup and just needed to get dressed. I tried to hurry since I didn't want to miss the sacrament. (After all, whats the point to attend sacrament meeting if I miss taking the sacrament?) I tried to put on my newly opened opaque hose but I kept  slipping off the bed and had to keep standing up and sitting down again. I tried to hurry but I felt myself getting hot. Then I looked at my shirt - it had cat hair all over it. I removed the hose from my legs and thought I'm not going. This is not how I want to arrive at church - a mess. I'd rather have time to get ready the way I wish.

I didn't go to church and wrote this instead.

I think the "make it work" attitude comes from the pioneers. They passed that attitude down to their children and it continued for generations.

I grew up hearing my mom say "make it work" and "do whatever it takes." The pioneers were tough, Mom was tough, and I was tough. Now, I don't want to be that way. I don't want to do things just to please others. I want to please God and I think He wants me to do things because I want to do them.

I realize that the "make it work" attitude causes me to participate in things I might have missed. However, I wonder if I participate because I want to or because of duty. When I do things because it's what I want, it comes from my heart. Does doing my duty come from my heart? When I honestly think about it, usually not. I want to do the things that come from my heart, therefore, I will make it work...when I want to...not when I'm compelled.

Thinking "I'll do it if I want to" is not how most people think. Most people do things to please others...even if they don't want to do it. I did that for many years. The person who had the most unhappiness was me. 

I refuse to be that way any more. Too bad if some people don't like it. My thoughts usually go against the grain. But...I think my thinking is right. I'm not taking the low road  but being authentic. I act one way, the same way in all situations. I don't act two ways, one way to please people and one way to please God.

Getting Over My Pain

Recently, some people said things to me that really hurt my feelings. I felt offended and wanted to hurt their feelings like they'd hurt mine. For weeks I struggled. I truly didn't know what to do. I wondered how I could go to church and see them when they made me mad.  

When I thought about what they said, again it opened my wound. I thought of their words as unkind and unfair. Although painful, I had to allow myself to feel anger before I could come to terms with the truth and decide how to be. Only then could I feel happy again.

It happened so long ago that I no longer wished to lament. I also didn't want to feel upset. I wanted to find a solution. One day, I realized that their actions were a reflection of them and my actions were a reflection of me. I decided to be loving and kind even if they weren't that way toward me.

I love my church but it's full of imperfect people including some to whom I don't relate. Some people are kind -- but some aren’t. 

The thing I know is that I can't control anyone else's thoughts, feelings and actions. All I can do is work on being the way I want to be.

That knowledge has helped me overcome my dilemma. Now, I can go to church and see the people who hurt me without feeling angry and bitter because I focus on how I want to be instead of their words.

Fake vs. Real

I don't like fake people.

When I say "I don't like," I mean "I don't relate." How can I relate to something I'm not? Perhaps fake people can pretend to like real people but actually -- they don't like them. They are just pretending to like them but truthfully -- they don't. A real person would rather know the truth. Real people don't like it when fake people try to spare their feelings because it usually ends up hurting their feelings.

I used to be fake. I did things to please others instead of myself and denied what I really wanted.

Perhaps people are fake because they haven't learned how to be real. They don't have their eyes open to reality. Maybe they don't like the reality they see and would rather see rainbows and unicorns. It could be that seeing reality is seeing the negative and seeing rainbows and unicorns is seeing the positive. If that's true then it's sad because a person will never improve.

Criticism may be perceived as negative but if a person changes, they turn the negative to positive when they become greater.

Usually, everyone will listen to someone. I listen to Per. Even when his honesty hurts me, I know that hurting me is not his intention. His intention is that he wants me to quit doing something wrong and start doing something better. He can see the forest more clearly because he isn't close to the trees like I am.

That thought reminds me of how God knows my full potential. He wants me to be real; genuine; how I am in my heart. Some of my experiences hurt but when I learn something it causes me to grow and experience a good thing. The idea reminds me of this part of the song Ocean in Me, "When I feel like just a teardrop in the rain, God sees the ocean in me." God sees the ocean in me but if I just see myself as a teardrop I will never allow myself to be what God knows I can become. If I stay fake and never become real I will never improve.

I Feel Grateful

"...for ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith."  Ether 12:6

This scripture is so true. I felt angry (hurt) but read a book that helped me to have understanding. I wondered why people didn't care but when I went to church today more than one person said they loved me. I received a new VT companion and think we'll work well together. My new visiting teacher just visited me and left me feeling good.

God is blessing me with His tender mercy to let me know that He cares. 

I could have been angry back at the people who hurt me but who would that have affected? Me. Instead, I went to church, read a helpful book, and continued to have faith. Today God pours out blessings on me more than I can receive.

I think of the above scripture and the word that stands out is AFTER. He didn't bless me before I showed my faith and character. I showed Him how I wanted to be even when I'd been hurt. I didn't shrivel when faced with adversity (like the seeds on the rocks did when the sun beat down on them in the parable of the sower.) I complained and lamented but didn't let it defeat me. I was given the choice of how to react and chose to take the high road. As a result God blessed me.

I feel so grateful to know that He lives. He knows my heart and loves me.

I love the saying "when the student is ready the teacher appears." I have had this happen many times in my life. I'm like the pioneer who thinks about just taking one more step. Always striving for more and reaching a little higher. The pioneer's attitude inspires me and tells me "if I can do it then you can."

My gratitude doesn't express how I feel.

Positive and Negative

Kids tend to be positive and optimistic because they see life through rose colored glasses. They haven't had to face hard things that may bring realistic viewpoints (which are often seen as negative although they're not - they're just real).

Thinking of things in a positive way is a matter of choosing to think positively when faced with both the positive AND negative. Saying something negative (that might be true) doesn't make for a negative person. A person isn't negative unless they choose to be that way.

Hearing the negative is not fun to hear. Sometimes the truth hurts. But on the good side, hearing the truth could also make for a greater person.

I know that to become a greater person doesn't come without pain; unfortunately it hurts to have a chip taken off here and a chunk removed there. But, if DaVinci wouldn't have chiseled the marble, he wouldn't have made the beautiful David.

I like this quote: "I saw in myself a cottage, but God saw in me a mansion". To me, the essence of this quote is that God will mold me into the person I'm meant to become. (But the chiseling, tugging and pulling will hurt.) What I know is that I will endure God's molding and trust Him to make me beautiful because He will turn me into my potential.