Monday, June 30, 2014

Being and Example of What I Believe

I want to be an example of what I believe and know that someone is always watching. Knowing that someone is always watching makes me think twice about what I do. Granted, I'm not a robot that does everything perfectly, but I have the thought 'be an example because someone's always watching' instead of  'can I get away with it without anyone noticing?'

Sometimes I'm alone but even then someone's watching: me. I can be an example to me and show myself that I have integrity and can do the right thing.  Even if I'm the only one there I can make a good choice and feel good, not feel bad or numb because of regret.

I love this poem:

Be an Example
You don’t have to tell how you live each day;
You don’t have to tell if you work or play;
A tried and true barometer stands in its place—
You don’t have to tell, it will show in your face. …
Being the religious person that I am, I add this to the poem and quote this scripture:

If you live close to God and His infinite grace—
You won’t have to tell; it will show in your face.

Be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity” (1 Timothy 4:12)

Sunday, June 29, 2014

Time is a Gift

The clock reminds me of how 'time' has multiple meanings:

- It tells me when to do things
- A span that allows my wounds to heal
- It allows me to learn and grow
- A gauge to keep me on track

Time keeps my schedule and helps me do things when I should. Time allows things to get better just because it passes and puts distance between me and my hard things. Time is my friend that helps me throughout my life. Time says to me, 'Until it's finished you can still do it.' Granted, some situations are better done sooner than later but until the time is finished it can still be done.

I've heard that time is a mortal thing because eternity is endless; simply said, eternity has 'all the time in the world'. I'm thankful for time that gives me the opportunity to become the true me.

Saturday, June 28, 2014

The Future is Bright

"If I knew then what I know now things would have been different." Maybe, but I would still have had good and bad times. I've heard, "If I could go back and tell myself some things I could save myself some heart ache." I don't know if that's true for a couple reasons:

1) I wouldn't have listened. Surely, I wanted a few things different but if they were different the changes wouldn't have meant what they mean to me now.
 
2) The bad AND good things would have changed. When I pine for the past I want the good things to stay but the bad things to go. If I could go back and tell myself some things I could save myself some heart ache, but everything in my life would also change and I wouldn't be who I am today.

The past is gone, it's over, it happened and I can't go back and change it. Good things didn't only happen in my past and only bad things happen now. I look back and miss certain jobs, and friends, but the only thing I can do now is know that in my future are new opportunities and new friends. When I look back at what I previously had I see the good things. I want them because I'm drawn to goodness but honestly if I got them I'd get the bad things too; when I consider that I don't want to have it again.

All I can do is say, "It was a time in my life " (the past), let it go, and look ahead. I look forward to good things - knowing what I know now.

 

Friday, June 27, 2014

One Person 'Can' Change the World

To Children of Baby Boomers:

Our generation is special because we know life both before and after technology. We are comfortable with computers and such, and we like the convenience they bring but we 'could' live in a world without technology if we had too. The generation ahead of us only knows technology. We might think 'I'm old, a younger generation rules the world now', but I say "No! I'm still alive and can share what I know. I stand up, defend and share."

Change happens with every new age. The Industrial age happened in the 1900's and forever changed society. The Information age happened in the 1980's (80 years after the Industrial age) and changed society again. The Technology age happened and continues to occur in the 2000's; the biggest difference between the ages is that the current age happened faster than the last one (only 20 years). Who knows how fast things will change in the future. Let's help the younger generations shape the world.

Thursday, June 26, 2014

My Church and Women's Rights

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (my church) is in the news again
A woman founded an organization to advocate women's rights and promote something my church doesn't believe. She pressured my church to adopt her belief and they wouldn't so after much discussion they let her go - like "You go your way and I'll go mine" or "Let's agree to disagree". But she didn't separate kindly, blaming my church and saying they did her wrong.

Her organization exists and says one point of view and I want to stand for what I believe (which is different than her) and say my point of view. (I don't say my beliefs to sway anyone to think like me, I just say what I think and hope to be friends with everyone ... even people who think differently than me.)

What I think:

The Priesthood (God's power) blesses all of God's children
Everyone has the same right to baptism, confirmation, and blessings. Yes, men and boys get ordained to hold the priesthood in my church but that doesn't make them more special. If anything, it gives them more responsibility because they have the duty to be true to it. Comparing women to men, they both have the duty to be true. Men have an extra duty to also be true to the priesthood. Honestly, I'm glad I don't have the extra duty.

Women's rights don't exist to promote women they exist to take rights away from men
I'm totally for promoting that women are capable and can do things. But to say, "Men need to stop doing it so women can" is something I won't say. Men want to care for women and others, it makes them feel like men, so I say, "let them do it".

This is an imperfect world where something will always be unfair. It's insane to expect perfection (equality) in an imperfect world because it will never happen. Women should try to be all they can be, and men should too - that's my idea of equality, not take that from him and give it to her. I don't like how women's rights say that just because I'm a woman I have to have it because maybe I don't want it; I hate being forced.

People will do what they want
If a person wants to do/believe something they'll find a way to do/believe it. To me, why get upset about something I can't control? People love drama and they like to be a part of 'the team'. In my mind, certain causes distract people from developing wanted character traits and they possibly develop unwanted traits (like anger, meanness, rudeness, and disrespect).

Let's get along
Why be angry instead of friends? Why see unfairness instead of what's fair? (It's like seeing the hole and not the doughnut.) I'll focus on what I can do and let the rest go; I hope the world will too.

Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Something I Believe is True

I truly believe that God is a glorified being who is only good and that human beings are spiritual beings without race, class, political persuasion, or status. This world gives us the opportunity to live in certain countries, be a part of certain ancestry, believe certain things, have certain knowledge, and choose this or that (kind or mean, judge or accept, love or hate, tolerate or discriminate, many more things).

The real test is to rise above the world to see us all together (without the things the world says we are), to see that we're all brothers and sisters, and to love one another.

If this world got stripped down to only people we'd see that the feeling in our heart is the only thing that matters. If the heart is bad then it's easy to forsake, but if the heart is good then it's equally easy to embrace. I know it's philosophical. Plainly said: Rise above the world to see the real person, and develop good things in the heart.

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

A Friend, Is a Friend, Is a Friend

True friends don't abandon, that's natural man thinking. It feels easier to leave when it's unsavory or when things get hard, but to me that's when a friend stays.

I think of the Bible story where the Pharisees (the supposedly righteous people) asked Jesus why he hung out with Publicans (a lower class than Jesus.) They said it would ruin his reputation, but Jesus basically said 'I hang out with people who need me'.

It also reminds me of the story about the shepherd who left the 99 sheep to find the one lost sheep. That lost sheep needed his shepherd to find him because he was lost. The 99 sheep were fine but the one sheep wasn't. How kind and loving for that shepherd to go find the lost one instead of thinking Oh well, I have 99 sheep, who cares if one is lost.

I want to emulate the good shepherd who always cares about the one. Relating the story to people, everyone is a life, a person. (Every human being is God's child and they all matter to Him.) Each person deserves true friendship and it's my desire to be as good of a friend as I can. In the words of my favorite business philosopher, Jim Rohn, "How long should you stay? Until."

Monday, June 23, 2014

Journal Writing Has Blessed My Life

Journal writing has been in my life since ten years old (35 years!) I was given my first journal from a girl named Tammy, who lived with our family. I believe she felt prompted to give me the journal and it was a tender mercy from the Lord. He knew my heart and that I would need a way to express myself. My journal has been my 'listening friend' for many years. Clarity comes to my mind when writing my thoughts and feelings.

I have 23 journals now and one is digital and includes six years. My past journals tell me different times in my life. They document history as well as say, "I existed." They include some of my hopes and dreams in words and sometimes pictures. They also include things important to me at the time. Journal's can be anything from books to notepads. Basically, a physical journal is a group of paper and an online journal is program that keeps the things you saved.

Keeping a journal is an individual thing. Some people use it as a diary (I went here, then there...) and some people use it to record their thoughts and feelings. Truly, I believe there's no correct way to keep a journal the only guideline I can give is, 'have one'.

Sunday, June 22, 2014

I Love Good Things

My husband makes me happy, I love talking to him! Some people drift apart after being married a while, but after 23 years I love him more today than in 1990 :) I'm thankful for happy things, and I'm grateful that they brighten my life!

I'm glad that happiness exists in the world. Some people are Debbie Downer and bring others down. How sad to bring down and not lift; I wonder if they consider how they'll be remembered after they die. It might be easier to be grumpy but what mindset does that include?

Happy, happy, happy. If that's childish then I'm a child because I choose to be happy. Happiness, love, kindness, tolerance, acceptance, patience ... thoughts of those things make me feel good. I love to feel good and think good things. With a smile on my face I'm off to blow-dry my hair and get ready for church, bye! :)

Saturday, June 21, 2014

Living My Life "Today"

"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, and today is a gift, that's why it's called the present" what a clever saying and how true! It doesn't say this but today is the only time I can affect. What I do today becomes what I did when today is over, but it can't be changed-I already did it. All I can do is a different thing now.

For example, I was an unmarried, pregnant teenager. Many people judged and shunned me, and didn't show me love but disapproval. All they can do now is be nice and loving today. All I can do now is forgive them, hope they'll do better today, and not let it affect my life. What's done is done and I can either
hold a forever grudge or move on with my life. For me, the experience happened many years ago and doesn't affect my life today.

I heard a talk once where the guy said, "The best time to plant a tree is right now". I love that statement! If I didn't plant the tree before it doesn't matter because I can plant it now. Just because I didn't plant it back then doesn't mean I can't plant it. In my mind it's never too late to plant as long as the garden is still there.

Friday, June 20, 2014

I Got Over It

I got shocked by the knowledge of something yesterday (and I'm not gonna say what it was because it doesn't matter.) I thought about it yesterday, discussed it with Per, thought about it again today, and considered blogging about it but decided not to because I'd rather express my faith than my shock / the uplifting instead of the demoralizing / what inspires growth rather than what says, "stay the same."

I see progression in myself where two years ago (when I got equally shocked) it took me a year to recover whereas now it's only taken a couple days for me to get back to myself. I'd rather focus on progress than shocking things. I'm thankful to know this when I'm 45 so it can help me the rest of my life, and I'm thankful to not focus on it but move on.

Thursday, June 19, 2014

Being In Charge of My Life

These are ways I want to be: Patient, Kind, Loving, Merciful, Virtuous, Full of Faith, Hopeful, Charitable, Nice, Funny, Knowledgeable, Wise, Real, and Honest. I want to be these things and it means being that way at all times; even when I don't want to. Sometimes people rub me the wrong way and my first instinct is anger and to get mad. But is anger anywhere on my list? No. I need to rise above my anger and desire to get mad to be who I want to be.

Mastering my emotions is doing just that, it's rising above the feelings that aren't "me" to being what is "me". What other people say and do is a reflection of them, not me. What they say or do causes feelings in me because it affects my ego. When I say "rise above my feelings" I could say "rise above my ego". I can rise above the feelings that aren't me by not letting my feelings be in control and dictate what I say and do but by me controlling them.

The only feeling that really matters is love. Everyone wants love and everyone wants kindness. Nothing matters except that I love. If someone doesn't hear/see/feel my love, again that's them and doesn't mean I didn't give it. All I can do is be who I want to be and not let my feelings and emotions run the show.

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

I've Heard Good Advice

Grandma always said, "Put it back where it goes" and I didn't want to because I wanted to put it right here. She said that so when I went to use it again it'd be there. Her words have helped me many times. (Most people aren't disorganized or forgetful, they just don't put things back where they go.)

I remember hearing 'Everything has a place and everything in it's place'. As a mature adult I see the wisdom in those words. As a young person I thought Ugh! and Blah, blah, blah... A mom knows what she has because she knows where things are and she tells her family members, 'Put it back'. It could be considered either 'nagging' or 'teaching good habits'. As a kid I thought nagging but as an adult I think the other.

Moms don't nag, they help; hopefully, one day their family members will see that. Don't tune Mom out when she speaks but listen to what she says ... her advice will establish good habits.  I'm grown and my kids are too. Now I'm older and say, 'If you don't want to lose it put it back where it goes.'

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Giving Unconditional Love is Sometimes Hard

My cat isn't perfect, but you take the good with the bad. She came in my office today and meowed. I said, "Kitty I'm mad at you" and didn't want to pet her. A thought flashed in my mind saying, "Love is loving even when you're mad". I petted my cat and thought about how withholding my love when I'm mad is so mean. I thought about all the things I love about her (her soft fur, that she meows at me, herself) and how sad I'd feel if she wasn't in my life.

Thankfully she seems to not notice my bad behavior because she comes to me even when I'm mad. She demands to be in my life and I pet her because I know she'll just meow. If only people were like cats. When a person isn't shown love they sooner or later get fed up and don't keep demanding love. They just go where they do feel love and sometimes aren't willing to give another chance that could hurt them more. Humans could take a lesson from both my cat and me; Cat: give another chance, Me: love even when you're mad.

Monday, June 16, 2014

Teaching in YW This Coming Sunday

I'm preparing to teach in YW this week; recently I received a calling to be a teacher in YW. It's a surreal experience to be in with the girls again after not being with them for almost six years. I don't doubt my ability but have insecure feelings because of not having a Sunday calling for so long. Instead of focusing on my doubts I'll remember what I read in my book called Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway. It said 'act as if'. Those words have helped me before. Here goes: I am: Patient, Kind, Loving, Merciful, Virtuous, Full of Faith, Hopeful, Charitable, Nice, Funny, Knowledgeable, Wise, Real, and Honest.

I'd rather state good things than doubts. This statement also encourages me and reminds me to have faith not fear:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. 'Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. WE WERE BORN TO MAKE MANIFEST THE GLORY OF GOD THAT IS WITHIN US. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.'
-Marianne Williamson
(quotations, italics, underline, and uppercase added for emphasis)

I'm looking forward to teaching on Sunday.

Sunday, June 15, 2014

'What I Say' and 'What I Do' Need to Match

I complained to my husband and he said, "But you're the same way so you really can't complain". His comment made me stop and think Yeah, why is it that I do that?  He's so right, I do the same thing and have no right to speak against it. On one hand I believed, "If you don't try to fix it then don't complain" and on the other hand I did the opposite.

I think many people do that; their beliefs relate to other people but not to them. (I was part of that group until he pointed it out and I realized I wanted to change.) Change means 'Do differently'. I know I can change, not just recognize it but actually do it. I want to improve, therefore I'm willing to make corrections and acknowledge the truth.

It takes honesty and courage to change. Honesty to acknowledge the truth; courage to indeed change. It's a private thing (change) but what the public sees is improvement and a better person than before. Is it obvious that I'm psyching myself up to change?

Saturday, June 14, 2014

Laughter is Truly the Best Medicine

Thank goodness for humor because otherwise I'd be serious. I have a serious personality and sometimes when I get too intense Per says something funny to lighten my mood. I am soooo grateful for humor! I love these quotes on humor, they are so true:

  • You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything, even poverty, you can survive it. -Bill Cosby
  • Humor is mankind's greatest blessing. -Mark Twain
  • Like a welcome summer rain, humor may suddenly cleanse and cool the earth, the air and you. -Langston Hughes
  • A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs. It's jolted by every pebble on the road. -Henry Ward Beecher
  • Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not; a sense of humor to console him for what he is. -Francis Bacon
  • A well-developed sense of humor is the pole that adds balance to your steps as you walk the tightrope of life. -William Arthur Ward
  • A sense of humor is a major defense against minor troubles. -Mignon McLaughlin
  • Humor is the weapon of unarmed people: it helps people who are oppressed to smile at the situation that pains them. -Simon Wiesenthal
  • If you could choose one characteristic that would get you through life, choose a sense of humor. -Jennifer Jones
  • As we look for humor... we can endure hardship and trial. We can say, as did my mother, “Come what may, and love it.” -Joseph B. Wirthlin
  • Find happiness in ordinary things, and keep your sense of humor. -Boyd K. Packer

If I didn't have humor I'd get offended so easily. Some situations are funny to me and all I can do is laugh. My favorite quote is by Marjorie Hinckley, she said: "In life you can either laugh or cry. I'd rather laugh, crying gives me a headache." If my choices are to either laugh or cry, laugh or get mad, laugh or feel offended then I'd rather laugh.

Friday, June 13, 2014

I'll Be a Friend

I've heard successful people say, "Choose your friends wisely." It's true that some people can bring you down, can curb your ambition or courage, and can squash or make fun of your dreams.

But I feel torn because I want success and yet I consider 'everyone' my friend. I might not listen to or believe some things, but I have hope in good outcomes. (Someone hopes for me and I follow that example.) I don't want to judge or stop being friends, but want to encourage my friends to reach further.

I believe in success. But I won't consider myself a success if I become successful by cutting off ties; on the contrary, I'll feel selfish and mean. I may protect myself from unsavory words or actions, but I'll be kind. I won't shun but embrace and have faith in everyone's ability to choose good things. I'll be a friend.

Thursday, June 12, 2014

Getting Closer to Where I Want to Go

I heard an excellent thing said today, "Sometimes we take the wrong road so we'll know the right road with assurity". I believe that statement with all my heart. Sometimes I've taken the road that leads to a bad place, but when I turned around and took the correct road I knew for sure it would get me where I wanted to go.

Life is full of forks in the road and I have to choose which road to take. It helps me to think of the final destination-where I want to go (I want to go there so I'll take this road). Sometimes I want to go there but take detours. The point isn't the detours but that I got there. Also, the point is not when I got there but that I got there-if it's still there than great!

Knowing the destination makes me think of Alice in Wonderland. Alice came to a fork in the road and said to the Cheshire Cat, "Which road should I take?" The Cheshire Cat said, "Where do you want to go?" Alice said, "I don't know" and the Cheshire Cat said, "Then, it doesn't matter which road you take." I love that example, it tells me that knowing a destination is good. Perhaps if Alice said, "I want to get out of Wonderland" the Cheshire Cat would have said, "Then, take that road because this road leads to the queen's house."

Even though Alice took the road leading to the queen's house all was not lost. She fought the Jaberwocke and learned about herself. I'm not sure she took the incorrect road but just the road that led to potential peril. She defeated the dragon and got out of Wonderland. Isn't that story a parallel to life? Sometimes our choices lead to potential peril, we defeat dragons, we learn about ourselves, we choose the correct roads, and we reach our destinations.

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Because I'm Happy...

This is cute (click here) It's a Stake Presidency lib dubbing (lip synching and audio dubbing in a video) to Pharrell William's song "Happy" (made for Despicable Me 2).

Happiness seems to be a state of mind. When I feel sad I can feel happy by what I focus on (thoughts, music, movies, images, words, ...). If I feel down in the dumps I can soon feel happy if I think about happy things.

I'd rather feel happy than sad. I hear, "But sometimes I feel sad and it means I'm gonna be sad." I don't believe that. I don't agree that my feelings determine my life. I believe that I determine my life. I'm in charge of my life, not at the mercy of my feelings. Maybe the thought is, "Well you're brave, but I don't dare do it." It's not that I'm brave but that I do it even though I'm scared. I've faced scary things because they were in my face. My choices were 1-face it, 2-be controlled by it. I did #1 because I hate to be controlled. I didn't know what would happen when I faced it, but what happened is ... I got stronger, the fearful things in my mind didn't happen and instead I knew I could do it; I knew I could face hard things because I did it.

I've had numerous experiences like that over many years and grown strong in several ways. Plenty of my doubts and fears have gone away and I hope the same for everyone. People are strong but they don't realize their strength until they have to be strong. I say when bad feelings come, "Direct your life, don't fall victim to it. You're strong and you can do it. Think happy thoughts, focus on happy things and be happy."

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

I Did It...and It Felt Great

The thought came to me (yes, in the bathroom) that wanting and doing things are different. I thought about the differences and it comes down to one word: excuses. I may want it but give  reasons why I won't get it. They may be valid reasons, logical reasons but in the end-when all those reasons are stripped away, they become excuses that hold me back, that keep me the same and that cause me to never change.

When I do it, it's the point of no return. I said it and can't take it back because now it's out there. I did it and things will never be the same again-life moves forward not backward. Changing is hard and a lot of times uncomfortable because it's leaving what I know and going to what I don't. New territory is unfamiliar and sometimes I feel afraid of the unknown and it stops me from even starting.

I hear 'dare', 'try', 'just do it' and all those things are easier said than done. Change is hard but it is also one step closer to my goal. Those words all have one word in common: courage. It's taking the leap of faith, stepping into the unknown, hoping for good things, and trusting that it can be done.

Excuses are negative and don't bring good things. Courage is hard, sometimes there's failure, but in doing it instead of just wishing it I act and can look back with no regret. Courage is positive, its the high road, it's the uphill climb, and, to me, it's worth it.

Monday, June 09, 2014

Being All I Can Be

I don't do special things, just do the same good things consistently. I don't believe that circumstances of my birth determine my destiny. No! I create my destiny, I decide what to do and I determine who I am. If I want something, I try my best to get it; I do my best, and give my all.

No one or no thing creates my destiny but me; I create my life. If I don't like something (circumstances, character trait, financial situation) I work to change it. I do all I can to make things different not say, "Oh well what can I do? I'll just live with it".

I really, super really want to lose weight for my vacation next year. Maybe my destiny is to be my current weight, and after doing all I can to change it, if it doesn't change then I'll say, "I tried", accept it and be happy. But until I've done everything I can, I'll try to get what I want. I'm not gonna say, "My ancestor's were that way and I will be, too". No! Perhaps they were that way because they didn't do differently Just because they were that way doesn't mean I will be that way.

I want to look back on my life knowing that I tried, not regret that I didn't try at all or that I didn't try my hardest. It takes extra effort from me but it's the price I'm willing to pay to get what I want.

Sunday, June 08, 2014

Be Nice 'Cuz Sticks and Stones Hurt When They're Thrown at People

When I see other people in pictures if I don't like the picture I would never post a mean comment. Bullying seems to be so much worse today than years ago. With the advancement of technology and the ability for people to comment on things, some people say things they would never say to a person's face; they are so bold and hide behind being anonymous on the internet. If their login name is 'jokester' how would anyone ever know its them? Even if their login is their real name, they don't care because they're typing a comment on their computer not saying it in person.

Today on Facebook, I saw a post about cyber bullying. A girl posted a picture of herself in a bikini and some comments were nice but some were really mean. She posted a comment saying that she knew there would be bullying posts, but she posted a picture of herself as a freshman because as a senior and doing a research paper on cyber bullying she said the comments would prove her point.

Why not try to rise above mean behavior to be kind? If saying mean things is the inclination then why not try to change it? Everyone can improve. I say, "Try".

Saturday, June 07, 2014

It's So True

I'll always remember what I read once
"Even a Superstar Needs a Good Leader"
The article talked about how high performers need encouragement. They need goals that help them be all they can be.

It applies to everyone
I believe that everyone is a Superstar. Everyone has the ability to reach for the stars and become more than what they currently are.

It can change someone's life
Everyone can also encourage others to be Superstars. They can encourage them to reach for the stars and become more than they thought possible.

Friday, June 06, 2014

The New Me - Turning a New Leaf

I'm tired of feeling shame, judgment and less-than some others. Whatever the judgments are, they are unloving and I don't accept them.

People sometimes have bad behavior-no one's perfect. I accept people but I don't accept bad behavior. I don't even expect the opposite treatment because it doesn't matter. I just declare that I don't accept bad things and will not let them effect me.

A person will get walked on and treated badly until they stand up and defend themselves. I didn't stand up for many years because I wanted to be nice. Now I know that 'nice' doesn't equal 'doormat', I can be nice and yet defend myself. Being nice does not mean being a sitting duck-a target for bad behavior.

To me, "Judge not and be not judged" means let your heart be free from judgment because what goes around comes around. Others will judge me but their judgment is a reflection of them, not me.

Judging is concerning myself with another person. I want patient, loving, kind and merciful traits in my character. Therefore, I'll work on developing those traits while being uplifting and only judging myself.

Thursday, June 05, 2014

People are the Most Important Things


People are more important than property
(A car, a figurine, a fridge, etc.) Sometimes things are said in passing and forgotten by the person who said them, but to the person who heard the words they left lasting scars. For example, I pretended to spill fingernail polish on my dad's desk when I was twelve. (I bought the spilled fingernail polish at the store.) While sitting at the desk, I said, "Oh no!" and acted like I had spilled it. My dad (who laid on the couch) jumped up and started to take off his belt-he was a big 6'3" angry man. My mom got in-between the two of us before he spanked me. She lifted up the polish and said, "It's fake, it's fake." Luckily, I didn't get spanked. In this case, I was my parent's property. (As the oldest, I got spanked every time one of them cried.) I considered my dad 'mean' and thought the same about men for many years.

People are more important than desires
(What is wanted/not wanted) Sometimes things are said but not actually meant. Sometimes they do or say something just to get people off their backs or to quit bothering them. For example, I was just ten years old when I asked my dad for some watermelon. He probably didn't want to get me some so he said, "Just look at you." He tried to make me feel ashamed about my body probably because he didn't want to be bothered. It worked. I felt ashamed about myself for many years and considered myself "not good enough". He said his words to me in passing but they left lasting scars. They don't affect me today, but I'm 45 years old and still remember them.

People are more important than beliefs
(What is right or wrong) Sometimes things are said to shame a person when they believe the person did wrong. That's not correct. A person deserves love no matter what they do. For example, as a 17 year old pregnant teen living in Orem Utah, I lived in a town where most people believed that only married girls were pregnant and if you weren't married then you did wrong. (I don't wish to point out right or wrong but the treatment I received.) I was good-imperfect but good, but I did something 'wrong', so I was considered bad. I lived in Orem until 22 years old. I was considered 'bad' for nine months but felt like a bad person for many years. The shame and judgment left lasting scars - some of which I still battle today.

The correct way to speak
The only helpful words are uplifting, inspiring, hopeful, kind, and good. The second verse of a primary song says:

Before you say an angry word
Remember you'll regret it
For once it's said the harm is done
And some folks won't forget it

When I feel angry and want to lash out, I need to remember that I'll regret it and hold my tongue.

Wednesday, June 04, 2014

Consider This...

Everyone has their own opinion. Sometimes people disagree but they can still be friends because of respect.

I used to have more narrow thinking and saw only my way. MS forced me to look at my life in a different way-I stepped back and considered my life with a bigger view. (When I think about it every trial has forced me to step back and has enlarged my view.) I've had MS for almost six years now and my thinking today is much different now than before getting sick.

I feel confident enough with my own beliefs to consider another point of view. Most of the time when I do, it reinforces my beliefs and I realize what they believe 'is what it is', and is out of my control to change-I may be able to influence them with my words but they're gonna believe what their gonna believe. I can either accept our differences, respect them, and be their friend knowing they think differently than me, or I can complain about the unfairness, or force them to think like me. Whatever I do is what I chose.

I don't say things to make people think like me. I just want to express myself and hope my words are 'considered'. Again, I don't say things to make people think like me. I just want to express myself and hope my words are 'considered'. Some people might disagree with what I say but I hope they will respect me and that we can be friends.

I read this poem last night and it seems to fit my words so well:

A WIDENING VIEW

When my eyes first opened
Behind the viewfinder,
There in closeup
Was a flower
The only possible flower.

Who turned the lens
for the pullback?
Life, I guess.
What
Another flower?
And another?
A field alive with flowers.
(The only possible field?)

Loss.
Delight.

Borders are forever gone.
Life is at the lens.
The view goes on
And on.

(Pearson, Carol Lynn, "A Widening View", Beginnings and Beyond, Utah: Cedar Fort, 2005. 46. Print)


Tuesday, June 03, 2014

Some Words Mean So Much More

I've been thinking about this poem ever since I read it. To me, it speaks about so much more than baking bread. (Words like 'love', 'progression', and 'creation' come to my mind.) I love this woman's poetry, it speaks to my soul.

BAKING BREAD

There seemed more accusation
Than admiration
In Vivian's voice
When she said,
"Well, I wish I had time
To bake bread!"...

And so sometimes when
The loaves were in the oven
And Vivian was at the door
Louise mumbled something about
Another bake sale again
 
And never even tried to explain
Her near-religious ritual:
 
How the flour on her fingers
Was the sun and the rain
And the earth
 
How the thump of her palms
On the dough
Was the dance of women
On the ancient threshing floor
 
How the smell of baking
Leavened her
And left her believing that
We rise, we rise
 
And how the cutting
Of the first warm slice
For the first child home
Made her a bounteous goddess
With life in her hand.
 
(Pearson, Carol Lynn, "Baking Bread", Beginnings and Beyond, Springville: Cedar Fort, 2005. 77. Print)

Monday, June 02, 2014

I Love Everyone

This morning I had an epiphany; to only love.

When I looked at certain pictures they gave me a pit in my stomach because I believed I saw 'wrong'. I asked myself why I believed this and realized my belief was stigma not truth. Furthermore, a belief in 'right and wrong' caused judgment when the true belief was in 'good and bad'. (A person can be good and rise above believing 'right and wrong' to see what's real.)

For example, I got pregnant at 17. Many people judged me based on what they saw and because they thought that I did 'wrong'. The truth is, they judged me based on my appearance not based on my character. My character said 'good'. I did my best, I strived for eventual perfection, and I wanted the same as them but because I behaved in what they considered the 'wrong' way, they judged me. I judged myself for many years before learning the truth that I'm good.

Everyone does imperfect things, but they all deserve my faith and love. I believe in good/bad. I believed in many right/wrong things for years but starting right now I'll look at every one of my beliefs and believe it only if its good.

Again, I believe in good/bad. My character says who I am. I can do good things and I'll call them 'good' not 'right'. I'll try my best not to judge because I want to have acceptance in my character. The opposite of judgment is acceptance. I accept all good things and invite them into my life.

Sunday, June 01, 2014

A Beautiful Day

I made these playlists on YouTube (in addition to my favorites) so I could hear and watch good things:

My new playlists on YouTube
Inspirational
Religious / LDS
Empowering



I love the inspirational words to You'll Never Walk Alone and wanted to share them today :)

You'll Never Walk Alone
When you walk through a storm
Hold your head up high
And don't be afraid of the dark
At the end of the storm
Is a golden sky
And the sweet silver song of the lark

Walk on through the wind
Walk on through the rain
Though your dreams be tossed and blown
Walk on walk on with hope in your heart
And you'll never walk alone
You'll never walk alone

Truly, there are blue skies and sunshine above the clouds.