Life's Not Fair But I Don't Need to Focus on That Fact

Yesterday, at the movie theater, a worker discriminated against me. I think handicapped people are sometimes treated unfairly and I've experienced it several times. Some people are nice; when they see a person walking with a cane or sitting in a wheelchair, they smile at them and are helpful. But some companies don't train their employees (enough or at all) on how to treat handicapped people.

My first inclination told me to post on my blog that AMC discriminates against handicapped people. I wanted to say it because I wanted their company to change. I thought about the consequences of the situation and decided to stay out of the discrimination fight for many reasons. First and foremost, I want to say inspiring things. Life's unfair, and although justified, the discrimination situation is bigger than me and would cause me to become a negative person. I have valid points, but making them just proves I'm right. (I want to be improved not justified.)

Life is full of unfairness and it stings when it touches me. I could retaliate or work at becoming the best me possible. My perception comes down to my focus. I know that life is unfair and includes discrimination, and knowing it and yet choosing not to give it my focus makes me improved. It hurts when I experience unfairness, but when I show mercy (don't stick it to them) my character grows.

I don't automatically think mercifully, but choose mercy after thinking. I'm glad I learned to think before acting because I know I would regret my first inclination.

Traditions

One of the things we always do on Christmas Eve is eat the same Swedish dinner. Per usually salt cures a ham for three weeks then cooks it the day before Christmas Eve. For dinner, we always have cold ham (Jul skinka;) potato casserole (Jansson's frestelse;) cracker bread (Knäckebröd;) rye bread (Limpa bröd;) pickled herring (Sill;) cheese (Ost;) little wieners (Prinskorv;) meatballs (Köttbullar;) summer sausage (Köttkorv;) peas (Ärtor;) boiled sausage (Värmland's korv;) boiled whole potatoes (Potatis;) and Christmas soda (Jul must.) Truly a smörgasbord.

Per's Swedish and I'm American, therefore we compromise by having an American Thanksgiving and a Swedish Christmas. We always have turkey; mashed potatoes and gravy; stuffing; green beans; yams; cranberry sauce; rolls; and pumpkin pie on Thanksgiving, but the recipes may be different. Not so, when it comes to Christmas Eve dinner - the recipes are always the same. On Christmas Eve we've eaten the same recipes for twenty years, and will most likely eat them for at least another twenty.

I like to do things the same way, so I guess you could say I'm not very adventurous. I usually order the same things at restaurants and go to the same places. I wear the same kinds of shoes and get similar hair cuts. I follow recipes and buy the same things when they need to be re-bought. I try new things (when I feel like it) and when I find something that I like I stick to it like glue.

I don't handle change very well; I'm usually the one that says, "Why do things have to change?" I love traditions, especially the ones we have at Christmastime.

Christmas Eve Table

Ham, Meatballs, Jansson's frestelse, Peas, Potatoes,
Varmland's korv, Little wieners, and Summer sausage

Per, slicing homemade Limpa bread

Cheese, Cracker bread, Herring

Does Anyone Send Christmas Cards Anymore?

As of today (December 19) we've received only five Christmas cards. Either 1) they aren't sending cards this year, 2) they've dropped us from their list, or 3) they are only sending cards electronically (but not to me.) We receive less cards every year. I enjoy reading the letters in some of the cards but now that most people use Facebook I already know their latest news. We live in an electronic world, but I still like to get cards, especially the ones that include letters and may or may not have pictures on the back. Maybe I like to get them because, to me, they say "I thought of you."

I know it takes a lot of effort to write the letters; put the pictures on the back; print them; sign the cards; stuff them; address them; lick them closed; and put a stamp on each one. (Believe me, I know! I sent my cards after realizing the time consuming process.) But giving is one of the gestures of the season. I can hear responses like, "I'm too busy - when will I find the time?" echoing in my head. I used to think of sending cards as no big deal, but it IS a big deal! It's a big deal because it takes time; and it's a big deal because each person receiving it is honored knowing they were considered.

It takes a lot of time and effort to get cards in the mail. To me, giving cards are like giving gifts - they say the same things, "I thought of you and wanted to give you this." True, the gift is in the giving, but even the person who thinks Christmas cards are no big deal will love it when they receive one.

Perhaps sending cards is a thing of the past. I hope not. Christmastime includes giving; and those who receive cards love knowing they were thought about. 

Christmas, To Me

The topic of Christmas is a volatile one for me because I don't want to be forced to give a present. When I think about that situation, I think of two things. First, I don't give things to people only at Christmastime but throughout the year. Second, being forced to give makes me mad. I'd rather give something because it's what I choose. I give gifts from my heart that say "I care about you" not "I got you something because I felt compelled." I realize Christmas doesn't just mean presents, but gift-giving is a major part of the holiday.

For some reason I equate Christmas with presents. If someone doesn't like what I give them; their displeasure is on them for not being happy with what they got - not on me for not giving what they wanted. (The fact that I gave them a gift at all meant I cared about them.)

It's okay if the main thing some people like about Christmas is getting presents. The main thing I like about Christmas is spending time with people. I can focus on what I like and give gifts to people because I care about them.

You Marry Who You Date

"You marry who you date" is good advice. Most people marry a person with whom they spend time. Therefore, if they can't see themselves marrying someone, why even date them? right? 

It's sad to see a person marry someone they didn't intend - and it happens when a person changes their standards or goals. They rationalize their behavior by saying, "I'm too in love to be without them." They sacrifice what they really want - and it ends up costing them most. I say, "have the courage to stand up for yourself and don't sacrifice your standards or goals for anyone" (no matter how cute they are or how attracted you are to them.) 

I believe a person can fall in love with the wrong someone and it spells T-R-O-U-B-L-E. People fall in love with all sorts of people who are nice to them (like doctors and patients.) Just because someone is nice to them doesn't mean they love them and it usually doesn't mean they want to spend the rest of their life with them. Affairs start with innocent flirting. The problem is that one person isn't available. Perhaps the unavailable person is unhappy in their relationship so they allow themselves to be attracted to the other person. The flirting starts, they cross the line, then the trouble begins. Why would a person allow themselves to get in a situation that causes heartache?

True love makes a person feel happy. I think single people need to only date available people and ones who improve their lives.

The Evolution of Technology

I created a Pintrest account the other day. The application allows me to collect images, websites, recipes, etc. that I like and anyone who views my page can see it. I like how my likes are visible to the world because maybe someone will like something that I found and pin it to their wall...thing...or whatever it's called. Someone told me, "if you pin things you like, then I'll know your style." I thought, "why don't I just tell you?" It seems like as the world evolves, people talk to each other less. People appear to be more comfortable talking to each other through technology than in person. I envision people in the future never talking to each other and saying, "if you want to know me, look at my page."

I can see a day where the only people one talks to are those within their family. Parent's talk to their children to teach them how to speak. Siblings talk to each other and develop strong bonds from spending so much time together. Then parents give their children smart phones or computers and they talk to people through chat or social media. Children grow up and feel more comfortable talking to people through technology. Then they say, "if you want to know me, look at my page."

It seems like in the future, languages will exist but will only be spoken within the family and maybe with close friends otherwise, they'll be written. I don't have to talk to cashiers now because after they scan my items, I pay for them by swiping my card. Technology is advancing so quickly that I can't keep up with it; nor do I want to. I feel old and I'm only in my 40's. Things change (evolve) and I find myself wanting to hang on to what I know. I don't want to evolve, I want to stay the way I am, after all why fix what isn't broken?

It's Only Funny If Both People Laugh

Recently, someone said something disrespectful to me. When I said I didn't like it, I heard something to the effect of, "Suck it up and quit having such thin skin!" I got told that they obviously didn't mean it the way I took it. Just because the words were meant differently than way I understood them doesn't mean my feelings didn't get affected. I believe we need try not to hurt people.

If a gay person heard something hurtful so they stood up for themselves and said, "How rude!" would it help them to hear, "Suck it up and quit being so thin skinned"? No, the thing that would help their feelings would be to not hear it. If a black person heard a racial slur would saying, "Oh, sorry" after saying it make it better? No, the thing that would help them would be to not say it.

When we think something would be funny, we need to ask ourselves if the other person would think it's funny. If the answer is "No" then we need to not say or do it.  It's only funny if both people laugh. Telling someone to, "Suck it up" after they see or hear something offensive doesn't mean they don't get offended. A joke is never funny when made at someone else's expense.

We need to think about what we say to other people and not make jokes at their expense. It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice. When we don't like someone, or don't agree with someone, or don't do what someone does, we don't have the right to hurt them. We need to respect and not laugh at them.

We don't usually laugh at someone outright because that's just rude, but we laugh at them subtly with poorly chosen words. We don't think of them when saying something rude - we think of getting a laugh -but poorly chosen words said at someone's expense hurt them. This is the formula: say something rude, laugh, get forgiven. The person who got hurt may laugh, but they may also think How rude! I'll never talk to them again.

The same thing applies when someone says something hurtful in the name of honesty. Sometimes there's no way of getting around the truth without hurting someone. But honesty is only helpful when the person gets hurt the least. Saying hurtful words may cause the person who said them to feel better, but the person who heard them may feel worse. How does honesty help the other person when the words are poorly chosen? The Golden Rule seems appropriate here: "Do unto others as you would have others do unto you." More clearly stated: "Don't hurt people."

Good Versus Evil

In America, the 1960's had two kinds of people - those for the Vietnam war and those against it. American's for the war believed in freedom from oppression, and American exceptionalism. American's against the war believed in free love, and an unrealistic ideal (that if they believed in peace real hard, the unpeaceful would become peaceful. Reality says that no matter a person's thinking, there are evil people in the world who want to kill them and unless they defend themselves, they will die.)

The hippies didn't go away, they just got older. In the 1980's they just changed their words to make them more appealing, but their message remained the same "make love, not war." They founded organizations that promoted social programs like political correctness (be nice,) and environmental awareness (take care of the earth.) The programs became ways to control people - how they talk, and what they believe.

There's a difference between being nice and being forced to be nice. It's nice to women not to call them "sugar" and "babe". It's nice to blacks not to call them "niggers". But you can't regulate what people say because they'll say what they want. People still call others retards, idiots, faggots, blondes, stupid, fat, ugly, and many other mean things. All political correctness has done is point out that it's not nice.

I think environmental awareness truly started out as a good thing. Don't throw trash on the ground, but in the trash can. Recycle and reuse.  Save animals from getting caught in plastic bags and soda pop rings by throwing those things away or not using them. Don't kill endangered animals, they'll become extinct. Many programs had good intentions but got corrupted as they evolved. Now, some people say that animals are as important as humans, and the EPA prevents things from getting built to preserve an animal's natural habitat.

In the 80's a lot of talk mentioned the rain forests getting demolished and how it affected the weather. Now we have climate change (once global warming,) and people say we need to protect the earth (polar bears, rain forests, the arctic circle) from evil capitalists who want to change our environment to make a buck. 

In other parts of the world, the word "communism" became derogatory so they changed their name to "green". The word green became synonymous with environment. The "greenies" took over good programs and tricked people with their words. Then they implemented radical ideas.

When I look at this situation I see that it's just good vs. evil masked by choice and control. And, I see that people are getting tricked into conforming because they aren't aware of the truth that good is being used to cause a person to do or believe in bad.

Some programs say things like this: "The environment is good and money is bad because money causes greed" (Not true. Money doesn't cause greed, people do - both rich and poor;) "Animals are good and capitalism is bad because capitalists kill animals" (Not true;) "Peace is good and war is bad because war takes loved ones away" (War does take loved ones away, but it's better to defend ourselves than to be sitting ducks;) "Saying nice things is good and saying mean things is bad because mean words hurt people's feelings" (It's not nice to hurt people's feelings, and it's worse to be forced to say nice things;) "It's better to think of happy things (like rainbows and unicorns) because the truth is just depressing" (It's better to be informed than in the clouds and led somewhere I don't want to go.)

Most American's believe in what they think is good. Unfortunately, in my opinion, America is no longer strong and most American's have become wimpy. So what are American's to do to be strong? Become aware of the tricks and stand for what's right.

Things Change

There's a time and place to do things, but some people do things at inappropriate times and places. Maybe they don't know they do wrong because no one told them, maybe they know they do wrong but don't care because they will do whatever they want. There are many reasons why people do things but when the situation is looked at stripped down, society changes unless people say "No!"

If society doesn't say anything but just turns their head for whatever reason, they accept the thing they don't defend. If they want to preserve something, they need to defend it. If they want something to change, all they need to do is nothing. When things change, all they can do is realize the truth.

Black Friday

One of my favorite things about the Thanksgiving weekend is Black Friday. Don't get me wrong - I love Thanksgiving; in fact I'm a purist, meaning that I think the entire day needs to be spent as a holiday. Sure, we watch football but we're at home not in a line somewhere waiting to buy stuff. We may not spend the day remembering how the Indians saved the Pilgrims from starvation, but if we thought about why we even celebrate Thanksgiving...I'm sure we'd be grateful.

My second favorite thing about the Thanksgiving weekend is going to Ihop (the international house of pancakes) on Friday morning for breakfast. I always get the Breakfast Sampler with plain American pancakes, and I eat my pancakes with boysenberry syrup. (I love their pancakes!)

Ihop used to be my third favorite thing and shopping early on Black Friday my second favorite thing, but I no longer go shopping on Black Friday since retailers got greedy and ruined the fun. I used to look forward to viewing the Ads the Wednesday before Thanksgiving (to see where I'd go on Friday,) but I don't even buy a newspaper since most sales for Black Friday begin before Black Friday! (On Thursday, I don't want to be shopping in some store or waiting in some line to get a deal - I want to be at home with my family eating turkey and watching football!)

Now that sales for Black Friday begin before Friday, the people who benefit are the one's who don't care about Thanksgiving. I care about the holiday, therefore, I get to miss out on waiting in the crowd for the store to open it's doors. And, because I don't shop on the holiday, I also get to miss out on the deals.

Our waiter at Ihop said they were really busy last night from 11:30pm to 4:00am. That means people shopped on Thanksgiving then went to Ihop to get food. I'm not gonna shop in the middle of the night - I'm gonna sleep! While I'm sleeping, people are buying things.

I feel sad to know I won't shop on Black Friday anymore, and that retailers ruined something fun because of their greed. But, I feel happy to know that I get to have pancakes on the Friday morning after Thanksgiving. Mmmm, pancakes!

YOLO

I don't say this to tattle on kids but to help parents:

Some kids are saying, "YOLO (yoh-loh)" these days instead of admitting they did wrong. As an alternative to saying, "That was wrong! I'll never do that again!", they justify their wrong behavior by saying, "You only live once (YOLO)." You don't have to touch the stove to know it's hot, but it seems like some defiant kids are ignoring their conscience and touching it just to say they did.

To me, saying, "YOLO" is like saying, "I can never do better, so why try?" I say, "Why settle?" and, "Why not keep trying?" What if someone worked to improve one of their qualities then said, "YOLO"? What if they said, "I didn't honk my horn at the guy in front of me when the light turned green, YOLO" or "I smiled instead of frowned, YOLO" or "I controlled myself instead of lashing out, YOLO" or "I didn't lie when I could have, YOLO." Why not say, "YOLO" when doing something right instead of wrong. I believe we don't have to accept the way we currently are because we can always be more.

MY WISH:

I hope for parents to be informed and to teach their children to listen to their conscience. Today's world says it's not cool to listen to your conscience or do what's right. Whatever the world says, kids know what's right. Parents help their kids when they teach their kids to choose the right - even if their kids will be considered "goodie-goodies" by some people. In today's world devils, darkness, and Satan are cool - angels, goodness, and Jesus aren't. Kids say that saying, "YOLO" is no longer cool; it's a joke, but they still say it, jokingly, as a justification for wrong behavior.

A Loving Heart

The only way to have a loving heart is to realize that God will make things fair in the end. (This has nothing to do with the election but the unfairness of life.) This is an imperfect world and some people have bad behavior. Not thinking God will make it right causes bitterness and grudges when people are wronged. (In the end, the people who hurt us keep living their lives and the only people who get hurt are us - if we're bitter and hold grudges.) Being loving inspires others to also be loving. (How sad to inspire people to hate.) Letting things go and being merciful gives us freedom when we're affected by unfairness.

It's OK; I still have hope

Part of me wants to sulk because my candidate didn't win yesterday. Part of me wants to say "its not fair!" and call people cheaters. But that's the natural man talking. I want to think beyond the negativity and have Godly thoughts.

I don't want to sink into a depression but rise with the optimism of a bright tomorrow. (Don't get me wrong, I don't think the optimism lies in the hands of our newly elected president. I just realize the truth, acknowledge that American's have spoken, and think it is what it is.) All I can do is work on becoming the best me possible. If I truly believe in forgiveness, mercy, and love, I will extend those things to everyone. It's hard to do - especially to the people to whom I don't think deserve it - but it necessary so that I don't get a bitter heart.

I won't hold a grudge against people who think differently than me. I will focus on the things we have in common not what we don't. My actions will say that I bring together not divide. 

Guides for Living Right

People like guides; they like direction so they know they're doing it right. Unfortunately, life has no instruction manual. No document exists that tells us how to be a kid, an adult, a sibling, a spouse, a parent, or the thousand other things we are. Same with the way to be. No manual tells us how to be kind, loving, patient, virtuous, unselfish, obedient, and the thousand other ways we strive to become. Or does it?

It's no secret to anyone that I believe in a higher power. I'm thankful to have a guide in the scriptures as to how to be a good person, but that guidance won't just magically appear in my mind, it's up to me to read it; even more so, it's up to me to understand it. The scriptures are written in a way that sounds like garble-dee-gook to some people. But I believe that if a person truly wants to know what the scriptures say, it will make sense to them.

When I mention Jesus, God, or religion, some people immediately get turned off. Some people have memories of condemnation, or think that's bull-honkey, or confirm in their minds that they don't believe it. When I think of Jesus, God, or religion, I think of love, goodness, and teaching. Whatever people think about Jesus, God, or religion, is up to them. I won't judge them for their beliefs and I hope they won't judge me for mine. I like people and separate what they do from who they are. I hope my friends will give me the same courtesy and not judge me for the religion in which I believe. They can judge my religion for it's beliefs, or me for the kind of person I am (I hope they will be merciful and realize I'm not perfect,) but it's not right to judge me for what I do. 

Anyway, I'm thankful to have a religion that teaches me how to become the best person possible. My gratitude is even more present when I think about all the good people who've taught my children and blessed their lives. I think about how we do have guides to teach us how to live and be happy. One guide that I love is directed at the youth, but I believe it applies to all of us. Click here to read it. Click here to read the scriptures.

I feel gratitude and have a thankful heart knowing that guides for living right DO exist.

Dress to be Taken Seriously

While on my way to church yesterday, I saw a guy drive into another church's parking lot wearing a t-shirt. I thought it was odd that he wore something so casual to worship the Lord. I kept thinking of a boy saying to a girl: if you don't want me to treat you like a hoochie, don't dress like one. That guy made me think of how we judge people based on their appearance. I also thought about how what a person wears dictates their behavior. Would that guy be as respectful in a t-shirt as he would if his shirt had buttons and was neatly pressed? 

A guy who's pants slouch under his behind will never get hired to work in an office. Maybe McDonald's will hire him but no other boss in their right mind ever will. I'd say that if he wants to get paid more he needs to take pride in how he looks and start by pulling up his pants.

I've seen girls wear tight (and revealing) clothes. Girls need to leave something to the imagination and respect themselves. They don't need to wear shirts that have straps so narrow that their bra straps show - it's just not attractive and people think of the girl as lower class. Something in my mind says it's wrong when I see girls wearing shirts that are so see-through (or non-existent) that their entire bra shows - the girl may think she looks good, but, believe me, when people see it they'll think she doesn't. If the trend is to be immodest, I hope some girls will have the guts to stand up for themselves and not follow it. I believe they don't want to wear something that later in life they'll regret.

Maybe some people think I say this because I'm conservative. It has nothing to do with that but respect, honor, decency, right and wrong. In today's world, everyone has their own version of what they think is best. No longer is there a standard that everyone lives by because some people say there shouldn't be one. (The standard is what's right and I stand for it.) I say that wearing inappropriate things is wrong - because people judge what we wear. If we want to be taken seriously, we need to look the part.

Doing What I Want

I do what I want during the day. If I want to go on the computer, or read, or do something else, I do it. I'm not confined to a chair and at the mercy of others. I may move slowly, but at least I have the freedom to do what I choose. Sometimes all I want to do is watch TV, but I don't do it every day. Other times, I go outside to the car, go somewhere with friends, or look at pretty things on rides. When I think about what I can do, I feel grateful that I have the mobility to do things.

Sometimes I read on Facebook that someone feels sorry for themselves. I know that some people struggle with depression too. I think people get down because something isn't happening the way they want. I believe that if they counted their blessings and realized what they have (even if it's not quite what they want,) they would feel better.

Today, I thought I'm like a baby. I just eat, drink, and sleep. Maybe I see that thought when I look at the the surface. But when I look below the surface and evaluate it, I realize it's not true. I do many more things than a baby; I just think that thought because I don't do what I once could. I do things differently now but that doesn't mean I do nothing. I do what I can, and don't sweat the small stuff.

I Love My Husband

If I didnt have a chonic illness I could manage to do 75% of the things that needed to be done; but I would need someone else to do the other 25%. My husband makes it 100%. He makes up for what I lack. He's logical, good with money and athletic. I need him and he needs me.

I notice things that he doesn't and make things look pretty. He's functional and I'm visual. As a single person, his house would run but it wouldn't look as nice as our's :)

He could do 75% too, but I make up for the things he lacks. For example, I have a kind of compassion that he doesn't. He's nice to people, but he's also honest and could hurt feelings. I say "don't say that, say this" when thinking something could be said better. 

He's logical and I'm emotional. He makes things work and I make them look good. We're different but we have things in common too. For example: we like things to smell nice; take the initiative to get things done; have similar humor; and strive to be the best at what we do.

I've learned a lot from him. I handle money better, don't give in to the people I once did, and no longer apologize for myself. I also believe he's learned from me. I'm glad he's in my life and when I say he's made me a better person, the above explains some things. I love him.

Show Kindness

Nobody's perfect and yet today's world expects perfection or a person gets smeared. Where's the forgiveness? Where's the mercy? Some lawyers tell people to get mad and not tolerate bad things, but when they do something wrong, they want mercy shown to them - don't they? I refuse to listen to people who tell me not to forgive; my lack of forgiveness will only make me bitter and angry.

I want to be someone who shocks people with my kindness. I like to do nice things for people and not only see happiness on their face but feel good inside. It's hard to forgive people who don't deserve it: especially when I feel mad and think it isn't fair! But when I let it go, it's over and can't fester within me. I don't want to be a part of the status quo of people who don't forgive. I choose to be nice because that's how I am.

Live The Golden Rule

It's easy to treat people nice when they treat me nice, but it's hard to be nice when they're mean. Some people say they live the golden rule and perhaps they do when someone's nice, but they retaliate and want revenge when someone's mean. (Suddenly they believe in 'an eye for an eye' instead of 'The Golden Rule.') When people get hurt, they want: 1) The people who hurt them to live the golden rule; and 2) The people who hurt them to be nice. It's hard to be loving when the other person isn't the same. When people act meanly, the first inclination is to be mean back. Perhaps it helpful for a person to ask themselves, "Is that how I want to be?" Maybe a follow-up question could be, "If I die tomorrow do I want people to consider me 'mean' or 'loving'? It might be helpful for them to realize that if they want to be considered loving, they need to be that way in ALL situations.

People don't automatically think nicely. Perhaps at first they think of revenge. But after they recognize their thought (and perhaps behavior,) they can choose differently. When their feelings get hurt, they might turn their pain over to the Lord and think 'Please help me deal with this. I don't want to be vengeful but loving.' (People have feelings that get hurt when someone hurts them.) Some people might think, 'This sucks a big fat hairy toe!' They may cry because of poor treatment. (It takes a lot of effort to be nice.) The important thing is that it's not helpful to retaliate. People need to be kind even when other's aren't.

I used to think be how you are in your heart. I want to rise above what I might think automatically to think the way I choose. Now I think be how you 'want to be' in your heart. I hope everyone will think that way too.

Choosing the Right

Choosing the right used to be popular; when a person chose wrongly, society or their parents shamed them until they chose the right. Now, if a person wants to be a part of the 'in crowd' they need to choose the wrong. (It seems like when a person chooses the right in today's world they get pressured to choose the wrong.) 

Being a hero by doing the right thing used to be glorified in films and on TV. Superman, The Lone Ranger, and Kwai Chang Caine of Kung Fu were all hero's. Now it's Jason Bourne, Dominic Toretto and Walter White. 

Today we cheer for hero's that are actually bad. Jason is an assassin but we like him because he's kind. Dom is a theif and running from the law but we like him because he's loyal. Walt make's drugs but we like him because he's a good guy at heart. Every bad guy has a good quality but they're still bad!

We embrace what we like (their skills,) and overlook what we don't. Crime Drama's like CSI and Bones show a murder or dead body at the beginning of every show...but we overlook that part because we want to see how the murder gets solved. The Mob Boss show on TV glorifies killing. Some say The Sopranos were good (even though some of them killed people) because that show had likeable characters.

Even though right and wrong seem to be upside down, right is still right and wrong is still wrong. Choosing the right may be unpopular now, but I think we still need to have the courage to stand up for it. We need to be brave enough to walk out of theaters or turn off our TV's when we see something unsavory instead of just sitting there and watching it and tolerating what we know in our hearts is wrong. Let's decide to not even begin watching a show that is wrong because we know we will think it's OK when we fall in love with the characters.

If society says that the good movies are children's movies because they're bland, then let's have the guts to say "OK, then I guess I only watch children's movies!" We can withstand what society says is popular when our heart tells us that it's not. We need to be willing to stand with the millions of other people who choose the right.

We Do Important Things

I went to a women's conference yesterday. While the keynote speaker (The President of the Mormon KC Temple-President Hardy) spoke, I realized that most women thought poorly of themselves. President Hardy said that Heavenly Father loved us and he reminded us of our importance. His talk reminded me of the talk I heard President Uchtdorf give about the forget-me-not flower and how essentially he had said the same thing.

Women are nice. They are about feelings and friendship. They like people. Men can be nice but they aren't nurturing. They are brave and knights in shining armor. They are providers and tough. Men are supposed to protect women not dominate over them! Men and women each have individual qualities that make them great. They compliment each other but one isn't better than the other!

I think male domination is why feminism came about. Women didn't like being dominated by men and so not only did they want to be better than men but they wanted men to not exist. When they looked back at history, they didn't want to see how men had evolved but how men hadn't existed at all! 

I don't agree with the feminist thought that men are good-for-nothings! I believe that men and women have different roles; that one isn't better than the other; and that they need each other to truly be happy.

Some women in my church treat themselves like second-class citizens. I realized this one time when I sat in Relief Society and listened to a sister's words. She said her calling required her to tell people what to do. She thought a man needed to have that calling because she felt uncomfortable directing men. Some people in my church call men "the priesthood" instead of calling them men. True, men hold the priesthood but that power blesses both men and women. Men are no better than women because they have the priesthood any more than women are better than men because they can have babies.

Perhaps women would have good self-esteem if they valued what they do. Too many women shrug off the things they do because they come easy to them. They think of the things they do as no big deal because they do them without effort. I believe that just because a person can do something naturally doesn't mean it's not important. Everyone can't do what they can! Take a photographer, for example. Taking pictures seems easy to them. But, not everyone knows how to capture the right scenery in a photo. Not everyone knows how to frame things or how to take pictures just right. Look at me, I'm not a photographer. I don't know how a camera works or even how to hold a camera correctly. I don't know about lighting and the details that make picture taking an art. Basically, I take pictures to document history. But I have other talents that I do know details about.

Women are important. Who women are and what they do IS as important as who men are and what they do.

Violence in the Middle East

Yesterday felt somber to me. The memory of 9/11 and all those who died touched my heart and caused me to feel sad. Today I learned that four Americans were killed yesterday at U.S. embassies in the Middle East. While in America, we mourned the loss of those who lost their lives, people in Cairo and Lybia killed Americans as well as burned and tore apart the U.S. flag. Why do we help them when for decades they have hated us?! The news is infuriating to hear. Just because we aren't yelling and shooting guns in the street doesn't mean we aren't passionate!! But, it does mean we're civilized.

Americans wouldn't have a bias toward Arabs if they didn't do things like this! The Arabs are causing the bias by their actions. 

I feel further infuriated when the leaders of my country apologize to the Arabs! Are the Arabs apologizing to us because they killed our people? No! And yet we bow down to them time and time again so they won't hurt us! They are being bullies! I think we need to be the tough country we should be!!!

My Thoughts about 9/11

That horrible experience happened 11 years ago, but I remember it like it happened yesterday. The things I will never forget (besides what happened) are the humanity of the media, the patriotism of Americans, and the outpouring of support from around the world. The pictures I saw for weeks after that event, and every year afterward will always be etched in my memory. I looked in my journal to see if I had written anything about the event and here's what I wrote:

We Need to Act

About a month ago I felt compelled to write a talk about afflictions and trials. I don't know why I wrote it other than because I felt the need. To make a long story short, I gave that talk in church on Sunday. (I truly feel I received inspiration to say the things I did.) I could have been a better speaker because I spoke too fast and didn't make eye contact. I know that, but didn't do them for a couple of reasons. First,  looking into people's eyes would have made me cry after feeling their emotions.  I can't contain my feelings, therefore I didn't look at them. Second, I spoke quickly because I know that my voice gets worn out when I speak, and to me it sounds worse.

When I step back and review this accomplishment, the important thing is not the words but that I spoke. I didn't let fear stop me from delivering the talk, but swallowed my pride and said things that hopefully touched another person. I put myself aside and gave the talk (even though I have limitations) because I hoped the words would reach someone.

After I'd been asked to speak in church, I kept thinking of the words "slow of speech."  I had read those words in the Bible where God told Moses to tell the Israelite's something and Moses said they wouldn't listen to him because he was slow of speech. I think God told Moses to speak, to test Moses' obedience. I believe God wanted to know that Moses would do what God told him. Moses could have made excuses, but instead he did as directed...and became a great leader.

I'm not comparing myself to Moses, but saying that it's important to be obedient when compelled to do something. We need to act not make excuses for why we don't. When we're obedient to promptings, God knows He can count on us. He uses us to convey messages that He wants people to hear. Perhaps the opportunity is lost when we don't act. I spoke even though I felt many insecurities. I hope that God knows he can count on me.

Here's the talk:

Afflictions and Trials

I’m Hawaiian and in the Hawaiian language there is the word ‘Ohana’ which means family. In families people express their love. I hope you will feel my love for you today and that the Holy Ghost will teach you (through my words) what you need to learn.

I have been sick for four years. Before that time, I could stand and walk and talk just like you.  I have MS and some of my symptoms have never gone away. I had a life before I got MS. I worked. I made dinner for my family almost every day. I cleaned my house. I exercised. I ran errands. I wrote in my journal. I played the piano. I sang and I served at church.

After I got sick, my life turned upside down. I became disabled. I had to quit my job. I couldn't cook, clean, exercise, or shop any more. I no longer had balance. My strength became weakness. I felt dizzy. My hands wouldn't hold things correctly. Writing became difficult. My hands shook whenever I attempted to play the piano; my fingers wouldn't stay on the keys of my favorite instrument; and, my playing became slow and included lots of mistakes. This has been a great learning experience for me. I always wanted to stay home and not work…but I didn’t mean and be sick too!

 Anyway, my illness is a blessing because now I get to talk to you about it. I can’t stand for very long (because then I get hot and feel like I want to cry) so I’m sitting while I talk to you, I hope you don’t mind. My voice has been affected by my illness. I haven’t always sounded like this, so I hope you can understand me.

Afflictions and trials aren’t the same thing. Most trials start out as afflictions but trials can be manmade, for example, when one doesn't learn a certain lesson so they experience the same trial again.

Sometimes people get afflictions to learn to live with them. When a person learns from their afflictions, they receive the benefit of being improved. We learn through the furnace of affliction. Isaiah records God saying: "Behold, I have refined thee, but not with silver; I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction." (Isaiah 48:10) We don’t learn from happiness but from sorrow. God doesn’t teach us when we feel happy – He rejoices with us! God teaches us when we feel sad.

Afflictions are a part of sanctification. Abraham recorded God saying: "And we will prove them herewith, to see if they will do all things whatsoever the Lord their God shall command them." (Abraham 3:25) God wanted to know if we’d be obedient to his commandments. Essentially, He said: “Put your money where your mouth is.” He wanted to know if we’d keep his commandments even when afflicted. 

Afflictions are whatever the Lord determines we need to experience. A great prophet in the Book of Mormon said: "For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been since the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, as a child doth submit to his father." (Mosiah 3:19)

Joseph Smith suffered for months because bad people accused him of a crime he didn’t commit. He said that he’d seen God, and because of that and other things, bad men locked him up.

He sat in the Liberty Jail during one Missouri winter. (I’ve lived in Kansas for over 20 years and know how cold it gets in the winter on the plains. Joseph Smith received the revelation that I’m about to quote from at the end of March - it’s still pretty cold then. Plus no glass covered the windows of his cell. I’m sure it got pretty cold in his jail room.) Joseph received a very touching answer when he prayed to God to ask how long he and the saints had to suffer persecution before God intervened. God answered him with this: “My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; and then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes. Thou art not yet as Job; thy friends do not contend against thee, neither charge thee with transgression, as they did Job.” (D&C 121:7-10) Then God went on to say “…if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good. The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than he? (D&C 122:7-8)

(I cry because I consider that the things God said to Joseph He would also say to me. God’s words comfort me and I believe that everything I suffer will be for my good.)

God told Joseph comforting things  – the last thing is also a bit chastising. Joseph wanted to know how long he had to wait for God to intervene, and God reassured him. God also said in essence, I’ll intervene when it’s time, not when you want. He basically said: “Be patient.” Sometimes we need to patiently endure our afflictions until God determines our endurance is enough. I believe that Joseph would have been willing to have patience, but that he really wanted the assurance that God would intervene. I think the experience is in the scriptures to tell us to trust that God will do the same for us. Trust is a hard thing for us to have because we’ve been let down. The thing to remember is that we’re trusting in God not a in a human. God won’t let us down.

We know that Jesus suffered. It’s not as well known that he suffered throughout his life. Paul told the Hebrews: "Though he were a Son, yet he learned obedience by the things he suffered." (Hebrews 5:8) Jesus thought higher than everyone else and even though He had friends He basically went through His life alone because no one related to Him. In the Garden of Gethsemene He sweat great drops of blood. On Calvary He got stabbed, had nails driven through His hands and wrists, and got crucified on a cross. He willingly suffered for me and I love Him. I thank Him. He had no sins - He was a perfect person - and yet He paid a price for me with His life. His atonement saved me from my imperfections. He is my savior and I will praise his name forever. Jesus had many happy times, but He also suffered greatly.

We learn through suffering - probably because in suffering we’re humble. God wants us to be humble, not proud, so He can teach us. When I first got sick I kept thinking about the scripture about the natural man. At the time, I also thought of this story about a crab. (Please visualize the images as I tell you my story.) 

"I'm brave. I'm fine. I can handle my problems" said the little crab.

"I have a shell and I'm tough. Nothing can break me", it continued.

The wise old crab asked the little crab to take off its shell.

"If I take off my shell, I'll be weak. I could be crushed" said the little crab.

"Take off your shell" said the wise old crab.

"Trust me. I have a reason for asking you to do this", he said.

The little crab took off its shell.

It saw the wise old crab and felt deflated.

"I'm exposed. I'm vulnerable. I'm not pretty without my shell," said the little crab.

"I can't hide. Everyone can see me for who I really am, and I'm just a crab" it continued.

The wise old crab saw the little crab without its shell.

The little crab is beautiful, he thought.

Other crabs saw the little crab.

"It doesn't have a shell" they whispered and thought of him as brave.

"I took off my shell like you asked" said the little crab.

It frowned and said "Now I'm not pretty. Everyone can see my problems. I'm not tough and I don't feel happy."

"That doesn't matter" said the wise old crab.

"One day you'll feel happy. Here, take my shell." he said.

The little crab crawled in the wise old crab's bigger and stronger shell.

"This new shell is good" the little crab said as he crawled into the shell and it fit just right.

The little crab realized that he had outgrown his old shell.

He felt grateful that the wise old crab had seen something in him that he hadn't seen in himself.

The little crab had taken off his shell and received a bigger and stronger one.

The little crab felt happy.

After I thought of that story, I wondered how God could comfort or teach a person when they had their shell on. It occurred to me that God wanted His people to be exposed and vulnerable so He could come to them. In my story, the crab's shell represented pride – tough and hard to crack. In my own life, I had replaced my Savior by thinking I'm tough, I can handle my own problems. I didn’t have humble thinking - but didn't consider myself arrogant and prideful. God wanted to be with me, comfort me, and tell me how to solve my problems, but when I thought I could handle my problems on my own, I wouldn’t let him help me and faced them alone. 

Recently, I read a book where the author also talked about a crab. He said that a crab had to walk backward to move forward because its front claws were too heavy. He related going backward to us becoming like a child. He quoted King Benjamin when he said that to live with God again we had to become like children. King Benjamin didn’t mean that we had to be children but that we needed to be like children…to have child-like qualities. He listed a bunch of qualities and basically said we needed to be willing to learn…which is a child-like quality.

Children don’t have egos that can get hurt or offended. They honestly acknowledge what they don’t know, then do what it takes to find out. They are positive and optimistic. They make friends without judgment. They include people. They have fun and don’t stay down in the dumps. Those are some the qualities that King Benjamin meant that we needed to have in order to have eternal life. He basically said that we needed to develop Godly qualities in order to live with God.

When I got sick, I had served in this ward for two years as the Young Women's President. I felt spiritual and did things like listen to good music and read my scriptures. I refrained from things that would make the spirit leave because I liked feeling His presence. Sometimes, I had spiritual experiences that caused my heart to swell. I'd been taught to be self-reliant and take care of myself and my family and that's what I did. I cooked. I cleaned. I ran errands and I tended to my children's and my husband's needs.

One day, right after I got sick, I sat in my living room wondering how I would endure sitting there for one hour, let alone for the entire day. I had always kept myself busy and felt torture doing nothing. As I sat there, I could feel no warm feelings in my home. On the contrary, my home felt empty, and, in a way, cold. I thought I’d rather be at work.

In speaking about our personal lives, we just did the motions at my home. We acted like a happy family, but everyone did their own thing and we were slowly drifting apart. Today, I shudder to think what my family would be like if I hadn’t gotten sick. Isn’t it strange to hear me say that my family would be worse off, if I hadn’t gotten sick? Even though my illness caused us to suffer, I consider it a blessing in that we’re close.

I’ve cried many times when I’ve thought of my limitations, but then the Lord has taught me something that has resulted in me feeling grateful to him. Whatever I’ve wanted to know I’ve learned, and then the thing has taught to me. I think of the quote: “Leap, and the net will appear.” That’s quote speaks the truth. I’ve taken the leap of faith many times throughout my life. Sometimes the net has been a book, and sometimes it has been a song. Other times it has been something someone said, or something I’ve seen.

In all of those cases however, it has been up to me to learn. If the net appeared to teach me something, but I didn’t learn it because I didn’t want to listen or hear, then it would re-appear until I learned its lesson. That scenario reminds me of the scripture in the D&C that says: “For what doth it profit a man if a gift is bestowed upon him, and he receive not the gift?” (D&C 88:33)

What good does it do if we take a leap of faith but don’t learn from the experience? We won’t become a better person but will stay the same. Some people think well, I don’t want that lesson! They want to control their life instead of let the net be in control. They don’t get to determine the lesson – they only get to reap the reward or pay the consequence.

Another quote that I love is this: “When the student is ready, the teacher appears.” I believe that God puts inspired teachers in our life to teach us something. Again, sometimes it’s a book, a song, a person, a scene, or many other things. We pray and ask God for help then, when He gives it, we say: “No! Not that!” and don’t accept it. We’d be better off to accept His help, trust Him, and remember that he knows what we need better than we do. Let’s remember and believe what He said to Joseph Smith and apply it to ourselves - He said the experience would be for our good.

I’m thankful that I got to tell you this and that I got to spend some time with you. I know that our Heavenly Father loves us and wants us to have successful lives. Sometimes we are thick-skulled and won’t learn the things. He wants to teach us but if we won’t learn His lesson, we get to experience the thing again. If we experience something and don’t learn from it, it can become a trial in our life.

Let’s let Heavenly Father be in charge. Let’s trust him. We can spend our entire life focusing on things that don’t matter – things that build our pride – and ignore the things that do matter and that make us better people. Let’s be willing to learn what God wants to teach us. Sometimes we have to go backward to go forward. Remember the crab and that we need to be teachable and like a child in order to be taught. The only things we possess, that we can give to Heavenly Father, are our wills and our actions. Let’s take the leap of faith required to learn. And, let’s believe the lesson will help us become the person Heavenly Father knows we can be.

Not all the things we suffer are bad. Remember that our goal is to have eternal life. When we step back from the things we suffer and remember what we want, somehow the things we need to endure seem worth it. Sometimes all our faith needs in order to regain perspective is for us to step back, look at the big picture, and remember our goal. We want to live with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ again. That’s a good goal to have. They also want to be in our lives right now. Jesus taught that he stands at the door of our heart and knocks. (Revelation 3:20) It’s up to us to let Him in. He won’t just open the door and walk in, we have to open the door and invite him in. Opening the door and inviting him in is taking a leap of faith to let God make our life better than we imagined.

Heavenly Father has made my life great as I've put my trust in Him. He's turned my sorrows into joys. My life may not be what I imagined, but like Nephi, I know in whom I put my trust. The Book of Mormon is the word of God. Thomas S. Monson is the prophet today. God is my friend and will be with me throughout my life. I love him and will praise His name forever. He is my rock and my everlasting God. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.