Tuesday, August 12, 2014

A Book That Helped Me Immensely

Feelings Buried Alive Never Die by Karol K. Truman identifies the differences between feelings, thoughts and emotions. The book helped me to allow myself to feel peace. It says "It seems that part of us is crying out to be liberated from untold years of suppression and denial. What's more, this cry for liberation comes from every corner of the globe. The cry comes seeking relief from pain, hate, anger, fear, war, suffering, hurt, sickness, resentment, loneliness, depression, failure, misery, prejudice, guilt and many other undesirable conditions that afflict mankind today."

It's ironic that I (someone who loves words and expressing themselves) couldn't do that very thing. I remember not being able to identify my feelings beyond saying, "That's mean." I was very hard on myself and lots of mean things ran through my mind. I believed the words in my mind and beat myself up internally many times. My theory is that we allow mean thoughts in our minds because we want to be humble and not arrogant. But it's not arrogant to be kind, loving and nice to ourselves and others.

This book has a section that identifies positive words for every negative thing I might think. I'm so very grateful this book came into my life and helped me. I believe that everyone needs to read it, get in touch with their internal dialogue and allow themselves to feel peace.

Monday, August 11, 2014

Making Lemonade out of Lemons

I'm an extremely light sleeper - the slightest thing awakens me. Thanks to MS my night now includes insomnia - where I'm awake for two hours (at least) after getting awakened. Sometimes my body wakes me up and I lay in my bed thinking I'm not gonna get up because if I do then I'll wake up every day at this time. Sometimes a noise awakens me then my body tells me, "Get up." Again, I think I'm not gonna get up... (No matter what wakes me my thought is also, annoying!)

Last night a noise awoke me at 2:55, and I stayed awake until 5:15. During my awake time (after thinking annoying! and I'm not gonna get up...) my thoughts turned to my YW's lesson this month (I'm teaching in two weeks). While laying there completely awake, ideas ran through my mind about what to teach. By the time I went back asleep my entire lesson was planned.

It's super annoying to be awake for hours in the middle of the night. (My mind isn't blank when I'm awake but is full of thoughts.) At least this time while awake my thoughts got used and not wasted. I'm grateful I had a productive mind last night.

Friday, August 08, 2014

The Truth

"You can please some of the people some of the time , but you can't please all of the people all of the time"

I'm just me, and I'm an American. I believe a subtle trap is to be like everyone else - to be politically correct (not say things that could upset someone), to be fair (not be all I can be because someone else isn't) and to not care about money (but instead care more about what I do regardless of money).

The American way is freedom
  • To climb the ladder, be all you can be and make as much money as possible.
  • To strive for and get to the top and be rewarded with success.
  • To live where you want, do what you want and be who you want.
It's NOT American to be politically correct
It's impossible to say things that don't offend someone because eventually it'll happen. Political Correctness is control - controlling someone to say nice things when the people who push political correctness sometimes don't say nice things themselves. The truth is that most people try to say nice things and not hurt people but sometimes they do, and if they don't try to be nice then it's their choice. Another truth is that it's a choice to be offended.

It's NOT American to try to please everyone
Everyone doesn't win (there's survival of the fittest and it's a common fact...if they get something they don't deserve, they know it.) The truth is that making everyone a winner just makes everyone weak - when someone loses then they try harder to hopefully win the next time. If they don't win and get offended it's their choice to be offended.

It's NOT American to think money is evil
Just because someone doesn't have it doesn't mean I shouldn't have it either. The truth is that everyone has the same ability to get what they want. If someone get's offended by someone else having what they don't it's their choice to be offended instead of doing their best to get it.

The Truth
When drama is stripped away all that's left is choice. Everything is a choice and the things I stated are things designed to bring America down, to not make America great and to make America like everyone else. I'm proud to be an American and I love my country - the land of the free and home of the brave.

Tuesday, August 05, 2014

I'm Back! and My Greatest Wish

I've missed writing my blog since I did it for six years, but want to change my focus from handling my trial to living my life. I took a break from my blog because I needed it, but now I'm back. With having MS, I feel better than before and want to just live my life, but what I notice is that a lot of people treat me like I'm incapable and different. It's true that I'm not a "normal" person (I don't do things fast but instead take my time) but can still do things and want to try.

My challenge now is facing the pre-conceived notions of people that see me as different than them. They may judge me and think they know who I am, but unless they find out...it's just an assumption. No matter how they are, I choose to be loving because that's how I am. Life is full of injustices but it's up to me to either focus on the unfairness or focus on being how I want.

I focus on being how I want and on living my life. One of the things I want to do is publish my book because I think it will really help people. My book now is different from the original one. It's called  Peaks and Valleys and is a true story about various peaks and valleys in my life. The book is hopeful throughout every chapter. I want to say a few things I've experienced as well as how no one stays permanently in the valley but eventually they climb the mountain, reach the summit and see the beautiful world. I say honest things that everyone thinks but few dare vocalize. I believe people will relate to my story because they, too, face hard things, but more than relating I want them to know they can overcome, be brave, and know they can do it. I love people and my greatest wish is their happiness.