I just came back from being in Utah for three weeks. This was my most challenging trip so far. I don't like going back to my hometown because I don't feel happy there and it reminds me of the past.
I guess I'm too honest and now one of my family members isn't talking to me. This bums me out. Another family member made me mad and caused me to distance myself from them. Drama isn't fun but I think that every family has it.
I realized while in Utah that people don't change unless compelled.
First, by my husband. He honestly tells me how he feels, and like the adage says, "The truth hurts." After thinking about what he says, I change because I realize that he's right. He's my husband, I listen to him and don't think I have all the answers. I want to be the best person I can be; how can I be that unless he's honest with me and I change?
Most people don't want to hurt my feelings. They only want for me to do or think in a correct way. They have perspective and can see the trees because they're not in the forest. They can see what they think is best when I can't.
On a spiritual note, the only thing I can give to God is my will. He will not compel me, I have to make each choice myself. I don't feel that I'm strong enough to choose the higher path freely I only do so because I am compelled. It makes me sad to realize that I'm so weak, but it makes me happy to realize God's mercy. I change (for the better) and He accepts it.
I guess I'm too honest and now one of my family members isn't talking to me. This bums me out. Another family member made me mad and caused me to distance myself from them. Drama isn't fun but I think that every family has it.
I realized while in Utah that people don't change unless compelled.
That's certainly true for me. I changed not because I freely chose it but because I was compelled. I've been compelled in a couple of ways.
First, by my husband. He honestly tells me how he feels, and like the adage says, "The truth hurts." After thinking about what he says, I change because I realize that he's right. He's my husband, I listen to him and don't think I have all the answers. I want to be the best person I can be; how can I be that unless he's honest with me and I change?
Second, by my illness. It 'forces' me to decide whether or not to change. My weaknesses are in my face and I have to look at them. I don't change unless forced or compelled because I like my life the way it is. I don't like the way some things are, but they're familiar and I am used to them. I say that I want things to change in my life but I also want the familiar; an oxymoron, and impossible. When I got sick I learned that I didn't like change, in fact, it occurred to me that most people didn't. (People deal with change but they don't like it.) After I got sick, I got frustrated with my 'new normal' and sometimes cried.
I chose to change after I got sick because I wanted to be an improved person. When someone tells me something honest that hurts, my first reaction is to not listen and to think they're mean. Plus, I want to defend myself and say why I did it. However, when someone is honest with me and either I realize they're right or I'm compelled, I think it's mean but I still change.
Most people don't want to hurt my feelings. They only want for me to do or think in a correct way. They have perspective and can see the trees because they're not in the forest. They can see what they think is best when I can't.
On a spiritual note, the only thing I can give to God is my will. He will not compel me, I have to make each choice myself. I don't feel that I'm strong enough to choose the higher path freely I only do so because I am compelled. It makes me sad to realize that I'm so weak, but it makes me happy to realize God's mercy. I change (for the better) and He accepts it.
