Saying What I Mean

Sometimes I say "We", "You" and "They" when I really mean "I" and "Me." I want to be helpful but my words push people away...because they sound like lectures. I don't mean to sound annoying, self-righteous, perfect and judgmental but I do when I don't speak about myself. (I don't mean to sound 'preachy' but it's how I sound when I talk about anyone other than me.)

Sometimes lecturing is good (like when parents teach their young children, or when work leaders teach their employees), but my good intentions turn bad when unfairly I tell other people what to do. No one likes to see someone make a mistake or have a trial, but unless they're my young child I need to not lecture, turn my head, have faith in them, and hope for the best. Everyone has the right to make their own choices. Sometimes I learn the most when making the 'wrong' choice, and when I hear a person talk about themselves it inspires me to make a better choice.

(I have something to say about the word 'wrong.' The word 'wrong' is relative; what someone thinks is wrong someone else thinks is right. I think that focusing on someone's 'right' and 'wrong' choices distracts me from loving and having faith in them. Mother Theresa said that when you judge people you have no time to love them; that is so true! When I'm tempted to judge I need to not do it, let go of my control, tell myself, "It is what it is" and instead choose to love.)

I can hear moms saying to their young children, "We use our quiet voice in the house and save our loud voice for outside." I can hear dads telling their young families, "We don't do that in our family because we're the Joneses." I can hear managers saying to their employees, "At ABC Company we do this because that's who we are." None of those things sound 'preachy' because they're teaching and it's expected. But if that's not my situation no wants a lecturer but a friend.

Giving Up What's Holding Me Back

What I gave up
I thought my main addiction was something else, but it's not. My main addiction is food. Food is what stands between me and God. It's what I turn to for comfort, for peace, and for happiness. I asked God to help me lose weight but immediately had the impression that I didn't 'really' want to give it up; part of my heart was still attached to it. (I know He'll help me if I ask with all my heart, but that's where I feel stuck.)

I can hear Neal A. Maxwell saying, "We keep a summer cottage in Babylon." I can hear the father in Mark 9 saying, "Help thou my unbelief." It's a matter of trusting in God more than trusting in food. It's a matter of having faith that God will give me good things instead of having fear from thinking that bad things will happen.

How it held me back

He's already helped me in ways I can't explain. I need to remember His goodness and how He'll help me, and let go of something that will give me more of the same. I see myself carried in the air and wanting to rise, but holding on to something that keeps me down. If I'd just let go, I'd rise and experience happiness. It's like a person who went down with a sunken ship; they want to go to the top and get air but they're holding on to a dead body. They need to let go of the dead body, go to the surface, and save themselves.

For me, I need to trust God rather than trust food. Food has been my comfort, and my friend. It has brought me happiness and peace. But now it's time to let it go. God will replace all the things food gave to me. I'm not giving up my addiction to food to replace it with nothing. No! I'm giving it up to replace it with God. Giving it up is letting go of the past to have a new future. Everything in the future is new and the future is a place where I do it only because I choose.

Additional thoughts

This has been a huge learning experience for me.

The quote, "What you resist, persists" runs through my mind as I think about my 'diet' and what I couldn't have. I thought I'd have to give up certain foods, sacrifice, and that it would be hard. My 'sacrifice' became the elephant in the room that sat there EVERY DAY, and losing weight felt like a constant challenge.

Now that my focus has shifted I don't think it will be hard. I have absolute belief that I'll accomplish my goal and the great news is that it will be done while doing what I love...eating food! I look forward to this year as I slim down and reveal the 'real' me. This year will be fun, exciting, and the beginning of something new. My impression is that I'll still need to make wise choices, but that He'll help me.

Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith? (Matthew 6:30) I need to trust Him to take care of me.

The Truth About My Body

I took a shower today and, unfortunately for me, the mirror in my bathroom is huge and directly across from the shower. (I get to look at myself every time I'm in the shower...and I never do!) Today I thought, I wish I had a different body. You know me...I ponder, and that's exactly what I did after my shower.

• I thought about how for many years I hated my body and, honestly, myself.
• I thought about how the 'skinny' girls on TV, in commercials, in movies, in magazines, and in person caused me to hate myself every time I looked at them.

Being the religious person I am: 

• I thought about how if my child hated themselves because they wished for a different body I'd be sad because I loved them and wanted them to be happy, and that's probably how Heavenly Father felt about me.
• I thought about who wanted me to hate myself and my body because he intended to hurt me, and because he never got born and didn't have a body.

Then:

• I thought about how wonderful it was for me to have a body and mind that helped me be a great person.
• I thought, So what if my body isn't the one I want. I can be a great person no matter the kind of body I have. 
• Lastly, I thought about all the ways I could be a great person.

It's a lie made up by Satan that if I'm not the 'right' shape I need to feel ashamed and be that shape. The truth is that all kinds of body types exist and honestly how I look doesn't matter, but who I am. The idea that I have to be a certain body type distracts me from working on important things like aspects of my character.

No More Beef

I knew five years ago that beef was hard on people with MS, but it took me four years to give it up. When I still ate beef I thought things like this:

• It's too hard. 
• I won't be able to stick to it. 
• I like beef too much to give it up. 
• What will I eat? 

Why didn't I think things like this?:

• I can do it. 
• I will stick to it and not quit. 
• I like other meat too, not eating beef will be okay. 
• I will eat chicken, pork, turkey & fish, and my options are more than what I will give up.

I haven't eaten beef for over a year and I feel great! Here are some things I did:

• Not ground beef, but ground turkey.
• Not beef roast, but pork roast.
• Not beef ribs, but pork ribs.
• Not beef burger, but turkey burger.
• Not steak, but some other kind of meat.

I thought I'd miss beef, but I don't. My experience tells me that 1) It's better to look on the bright side, 2) It's not giving it up to nothing but giving it up to another choice.

My Miracle

Miracles can be big or small
Anyone who knows me might know that I love to iron. I especially love to iron shirts and pillow cases, and think I'm really good at it. To me, I love the smell and feel of crisply ironed pillow cases. Why is ironing a miracle? Because for five years I didn't have the ability (or the energy) to iron and now I do. Yesterday, for the first time in five years, I ironed my pillow cases. To some people it may seem like no big deal, and to others they might say, "Ironing? Yuck!" But the fact that I can once again do something I love is truly a miracle to me.

Miracles happen every day
Do people not acknowledge miracles as such because they don't want to be arrogant? Why is it arrogant to say that you experienced a miracle? Perhaps some people don't want to say the word 'miracle' because they think miracles no longer happen. According to the dictionary a miracle is 'a marvel; wonder', and that exactly defines my ironing experience yesterday.

Notice the wonderful things experienced
I'm sure that everyone has a miracle happen to them every day. Some miracles are big, but many are small. Perhaps the phrase, "Stop and smell the roses" means, "Stop and notice miracles". Maybe a miracle comes from seeing the good instead of the bad (the doughnut not the hole).

Miracles and Gratitude go together
When I experience something wonderful, I'm so grateful! The fact that I could iron yesterday is wonderful and I'm extremely thankful. I'm glad when I get to do or learn things, and, if I give credit where it's due, some of those things are miracles.

Jade's Ironed Pillow Cases

 

How A Person Should Be Treated

Everyone is equal
When a person becomes handicapped they stop being "normal". Some normal people tend to think the handicapped person doesn't know anything or they're at the bottom of the barrel. In my case, before I became handicapped I was the Young Women's President at church, as well as had many skills and knew several things. Just because I'm handicapped doesn't mean that my personality changed, nor does it mean that I forgot all my skills and don't have any knowledge. No! I'm the same person on the inside although I'm different on the outside.

I don't want to be disregarded to do some things that "normal" people do just because I have a handicap. I'll say something if it's too much for me, but I can do some things and say, "Please, let me try!" I strive to improve myself even though I have a handicap. I've always wanted to become more and truly believe that having a handicap has taught me many things about myself; things that could only be learned through having my challenge. I totally believe that I don't stop improving just because I have a handicap.

Challenges make people stronger
For me, a lot of learning has been accomplished during my challenge. Comparing the person I am today to me five years ago shows vast improvement. For example, I had a weaker personality back then and am much stronger today. To me, having a challenge is a blessing instead of a curse because so many good things happen as a result of it. Honestly, I shudder to think what life would be like if I hadn't gotten challenged.

Every challenge can become a blessing when given the chance to be a blessing. The challenges aren't as important as the lessons learned from them. Being the religious person that I am, I truly believe that God wanted to teach me something so he gave me a challenge. I believe these words with all my heart: "All these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good". When I first became handicapped I didn't consider it for my good, but as I look back over the last five years I can clearly see the blessings.

Everyone is handicapped in some way
My challenge is physical - everyone can see it, but most people's challenges aren't seen. Everyone has challenges.

• Would it be fair to the person with a challenge, who asked to do more, if they weren't even considered to fill a need because they "had too much on their plate"?
• If they ask for it, why not help them instead of overprotecting?
• It's nice to pamper a person who seems to have a hard time, but when they say, "I can do more" isn't it crazy to not let them try? 

We don't have to stop being nice or caring when a person with a challenge says, "Thank you for caring about me. Please, let me do more. Let's make this thing work." If they want to try then why not let them? God gives us challenges because he see's more in us than we see in ourselves. When we learn from our challenges we become strong. I'm reminded of what my favorite philosopher said: "Asking is the beginning of receiving. Make sure you don't go to the ocean with a teaspoon. At least take a bucket so the kids won't laugh at you."

Help people
Let's help people improve when they ask for it.

Some Great Words of Wisdom

My favorite philosopher is Jim Rohn
Currently, I'm reading his book called Leading an Inspired Life. Chapter 7 - The Road to Financial Independence has a section called Enriching Your Life.

Here are some excerpts, that I love, from that section:

• An enriching lifestyle is a matter of awareness, values, education, and disciplined taste. It is an art that brings joy as it is practiced; it's not just a subject to be studied. It is the deliberate decision to savor and enjoy all the experiences and possibilities of life. Having an enriching lifestyle means expanding your knowledge and experience with books, people, films, and new adventures. So appreciate everything and everyone with whom you come in contact. You can begin expanding your lifestyle today.
• All good things take effort, a conscious act from a unique thought.
• The key to happiness is not more. Happiness is an art to be studied and practiced. More money will only make you more of what you already are and send you more quickly to your destination. If you're inclined to be unhappy, you will be absolutely miserable if you get a lot of money. If you are mean, you will be a terror if you get a lot of money. If you are inclined to drink, you will be a drunk when you get a lot of money. More money will only make you more. But the good news is that more money will amplify your happiness if you are inclined to be happy.
• Style is not more. Style is an art, a genius, a design. Lifestyle is reserved for those who are willing to study and practice the higher arts of life. Lifestyle is culture, music, dance, art, sculpture, literature, plays, and concerts. Lifestyle is a taste of the fine, the better, the best. The philosopher Mortimer Adler once said that if we don't go for the finer tastes, we will settle for the mediocre ones. So develop an appreciation for the finer things in life. That is a worthy purpose - developing an appetite for the unique things in life. Remember, it's not the amount, it's the quality.

Why Jim Rohn is my favorite
How can I not love this book when he says things that help me to become a greater person?! He says so many great things that if I quoted all of them I'd repeat the entire 460 page book. I'm thankful that wise people take the time to say things that enhance my life.