I've Done It!

Well folks, it's done! I've typed my Grandma Clark's journal of her trip to Europe in 1958. If you want to read it click here. If you want to read what the speakers said at the London Temple dedication click here.

I've gotten to know Gma Clark through her words. The trip lasted for three months and let me know Gma's personality. What I noticed while typing at the end is how much Gma Gordon's (her daughter) handwriting and hers were alike. At one point I thought I was reading Gma Gordon's handwriting. Gma Clark was a remarkable woman and it makes me want to read the other things she wrote.

My Opportunity to be Brave

Whenever something might upset the other person it's best to distract them then do it quickly. For example:

• When ripping off a Band-Aid, first think of something nice then, while thinking of it, rip it off as fast as possible.
• When giving a child a shot, have someone say, "Look at me!" then give 'em the shot as fast as possible and say, "All done! That wasn't so bad now was it?! You were brave!"
• When a parent drops their child off somewhere and the child starts crying the teacher diverts their attention to something else so the parent can leave.

Per has traveled our entire married life. This has been no big deal to me because I've always been at work. Now that I don't work and am home all the time I miss him when he leaves. My logical mind says, "If he were home he'd be doing his own thing." True. But my emotional mind says, "Yes, but at least he'd be home."

I'm fine during the day because I always have something to do. It's at night (when we hang out) that I distract myself by watching or reading something good. Here's me distracting myself: I'm fine. I'm brave. I can handle anything that comes my way. If the cowardly lion in The Wizard of Oz can have courage I can too.

Enduring a Hard Thing

Hard Things are Hard
Everyone faces hard things, from that I'm not immune. Five years ago MS scared me. Everything I experienced was new and I just wanted things familiar to me. Now life with my disease feels more normal than life without my disease. Yes, there are things I wish I could do but I love to learn and be improved and I'd trade anything I have for things that improve me.

My Hard Things Have Become Blessings
Before getting MS I did well. I was at a good time in my life. But as I look back I see how having my disease corrected things and brought more happiness to my life. I learned so much in the first year of my illness, and many things I couldn't have learned any other way. I thought I knew a lot, but there's so much I didn't know.

More than five years have gone by since I've had MS and the things that were once hard for me have now become blessings. In contemplating my blessings, here are some that come to mind:

 

• More gratitude (it could be worse)
• Less judgmental
• Less rigid
• More authentic (being vs. just acting)
• More patience
• No negative voice in my Head
• Realizing the importance of my family
• Per and I are our true selves (humble, serving)
• More sure of myself (I am valiant, good enough, an example, I stand for the right even if standing alone)
• Realizing my strength
• Allow myself to focus on other skills
• Focusing on what really matters (behavior vs. attributes, giving time rather than things, acknowledging people)
• Accepting myself (progression not perfection in this life)
• Accepting my husband (allowing him to be himself)
• More trust
• Willing to be honest
• Placing importance on what I think

My Willingness to Endure The Hard Thing Has Brought Me Blessings 

I'm reminded that Neil A.Maxwell said, "In order to feel more joy we must be willing to feel more sorrow." I won't become a greater person without experiencing a little heat. The Lord said that he will try me in the furnace of affliction (Isaiah 48:10). Taffy is yummy when it gets pulled because it becomes it's potential. A caterpillar becomes a butterfly - a totally new creature - when it submits to the chrysalis and is willing to transform. Wonderful statues are carved out of marble but the marble starts out as a block before being chiseled into something magnificent. Likewise, I am willing to endure any trial because I know I will become marvelous. 

 

Let me expound on each thing listed above and say why they're blessings:

 

More gratitude (it could be worse)

I felt scared one day when I first got sick and thought, 'I'm gonna die'. Negative thoughts crossed my mind and I felt sad. The thought, 'It could be worse' crossed my mind, and as I thought about how it could be worse I felt grateful that it wasn't. Thinking of ways it could have been worse caused me to count my blessings and to feel grateful instead of angry. My mindset caused me to see the good instead of the bad. Everyone has trials and experiences unfairness. The way I look at things (positively vs. negatively, the glass being half full vs. half empty, optimistically vs. pessimistically) determines the way I'll face it. I'm so glad the 'It could be worse' thought crossed my mind and caused me to stop thinking negatively.

  

Less judgmental

I didn't realize I was so judgmental but it's true. Internally, I looked at people up and down and judged their appearance; their hair, their fingernails, their clothes, their clothing fabric, their shoes, and the list goes on. I judged what people did, what they said, and who they were. I was kind on the outside but on the inside judged harshly. I didn't forget wrongs but I didn't hold grudges. I liked what I liked and didn't like what I didn't like, end of story. I'm more accepting now. People can be who they are and I will try my best not to judge them. Everyone chooses the person they are. I give people mercy because mercy has been given to me, and because I want to receive mercy in the future.

 

Less rigid

I used to think very black or white - either this or that. I didn't allow for mistakes and expected perfection. The term "Good Enough" was hard for me to accept before getting sick, but after getting sick I simply couldn't do more - even when I wanted to. I learned that good enough is acceptable when in our hearts we want to do more.

 

More authentic (being vs. acting)

I placed a lot of value on what other's thought, but imagined their thoughts in my mind. Everything; the appearance of my home, my actions, my children's actions, my appearance, my job, and many more things had to have a good appearance or I thought people would judge me. I wanted others to think my things were perfect, even when they weren't. After getting sick, I wore things not because of their cuteness but because of how they helped me. I had a lot of pride and wouldn't let others help me because I didn't want to be considered weak. Today, I know that when people serve they show their love. Then, my pride didn't allow people to do things for me; I served (appear strong) but didn't get served (appear weak.) Today, I'm just myself - what you see is what you get (WYSIWYG) - and what I say is what I mean. I only do what I want, not what I think others want. I'm real - something a lot of people wish they were but won't allow themselves to be.

 

More patience

I've learned many forms of patience. I waited for four months while doctors figured out my problem. I waited for weeks for medicine to help me. I learned patience with myself when I had moments for eight months. I patiently endured other people learning to drive my car so they could drive me around. I'm not perfectly patient but I'm more patient than before.

 

No negative voice in my Head

I used to have a negative voice in my head that criticized me. I listened to it and believed its damning words. I thought of myself as a positive person, but the trait was something I wanted more than was. After getting sick, the negative voice went away - perhaps I just stopped listening to it. My focus became the things I could do not the cant's. Perhaps positive thoughts stopped the negative voice. (I choose to also consider it a tender mercy from Heavenly Father because he loves me.)

 

Realizing the importance of my family

Even after marrying, I worked. My kids both had daycare. I wanted to stay at home with my children, but financially it didn't make sense. When having my last job Andrew was old enough to stay home without a babysitter. Honestly, I liked being at work more than being at home because at work I saw my purpose and accomplishments, whereas at home I just considered each of my accomplishments as items checked off a never-ending list. When I first got sick, I remember sitting in my living room and feeling nothing (no happiness or warmth in my home.) Immediately I thought, I'd rather be at work. Today, I shudder to think in what state my family would be if I hadn't gotten sick because now we're close. My illness has bonded my family and me together.

 

Per and I are our true selves (humble, serving)

A person can have good intentions, but act differently because of life events. Negative behavior isn't true nature. Goodness can be overrun by wrongs and unfairness. Before getting sick, life was boring. We did the same thing every day and were stuck in a rut. My illness brought out our true personalities. Per loves to serve people; he also loves to cook. He works all day then comes home and makes dinner for me because he likes to do it. I love to read and learn - especially spiritual things. Today, we are our true selves and do what we love.

 

More sure of myself (I am valiant, good enough, an example, I stand for the right even if standing alone)

For years, internally I thought harshly about myself. I blamed myself for wrongs, and took responsibility for things that sometimes didn't belong to me. I thought of others as more important than me. Since being sick, I think more highly of myself. I acknowledge my traits and talents, and consider myself important and special.

 

Realizing my strength

After I got sick people would tell me "You're handling this so well" and "I couldn't do it." I'd think Yes, you could! What would you do - curl up in a ball? People don't know their strength until they have to use it. Strength allows a person to be resilient and sometimes surprise themselves. My disease never went away and caused me to realize my strength; something I didn't know I had.

 

Allow myself to focus on other skills

Before getting sick I thought I didn't have time to develop any other skills. After getting sick I couldn't work and wondered what I'd do with my time. I felt uncomfortable calling myself a *writer* because I didn't have the qualifications or degree to match the title. Several times, Per told me that I didn't need a degree to have talent. I felt uncomfortable with the title but wanted to write. One day, I realized that I had several journals and had already written a bunch of journals, so maybe I was a writer. I began writing, and the words poured out of me. Now I feel comfortable calling myself a writer. My illness has allowed me to develop a skill that I wouldn't acknowledge. Looking back, I see how I have always loved words, the English language, and articulately expressing myself. In high school I wanted to be a linguist or lawyer. I write blogs (I have eight - yikes!) and think my words help others. I'm thankful to have time to develop skills that I love.

 

Focusing on what really matters (behavior vs. attributes, giving time rather than things, acknowledging people)

After getting sick, I would first think about the awfulness of not being able to write, sing, play the piano, or basically do everything I loved, then second I would think about the many things I could still do. (I'm a deep thinker and like to contemplate things.) Early into my illness, a thought occurred to me that behaviors could be distractions from developing what really mattered. For example, I could spend my whole life developing my voice, handwriting, or piano playing, but those abilities could be taken away at any moment. Alternatively, developing attributes like being loving, patient, kind, and merciful could never be taken away once they became a part of my character. I decided to develop attributes and it made me real not fake. WYSIWYG. Before getting sick, I had the tendency to show my love through things (gifts, crafts, things I made,) but after getting sick, I realized that time mattered more than things. Things might have said, "I love you," but spending time with someone said that too (if I didn't love them, I wouldn't have done it.) Before getting sick, I didn't talk to some people - to be honest I didn't even see them, I saw the people in my group and that was all. After getting sick, I had to slow down. The people I never saw before were nice to me which really surprised me because I never talked to them. I judged everyone in my mind and thought they would judge me back and think of me the way I had thought of them. I didn't consider myself superior, but, after getting sick, realized that I'd be like 'normal people.' I considered myself above average, and above the "little people." My illness caused me to consider myself the same as people, but my traits made me unique.

 

Accepting myself (progression not perfection in this life)

I used to hear "accept yourself" and think, how can I ever do that when I can always be better? In my heart I hated myself because of my faults. I wanted to love myself but only would if I was perfect. After getting sick, the only reason I didn't do something was simply because I couldn't do it. I knew that if I could, I would. I learned to believe that God accepted "good enough" from me, because He knew that I gave my best and it was all I could do; He knew my heart and that I wanted to do more. I began to be kinder to myself with each passing year. I learned that He didn't expect perfection in this life but only progression. I came to know that I could love myself even with weaknesses. I accepted who I am and realized that acceptance didn't mean accepting my weaknesses but that I had them.

 

Accepting my husband (allowing him to be himself)

I wanted my husband to be the person *I* thought he needed to be; I thought my life would be easier if he thought like me. I didn't consider myself controlling, but wanted to control who he was. After getting sick, I submitted my will to HF, and gave up my need to control by realizing that God was in control. That realization gave my husband the freedom to be himself. I accepted my husband for who he is and knew that my only responsibility was to love him.

 

More trust

I only trusted myself to do things right. I knew of my abilities and that I would do a good job. It was a risk to trust anyone else because maybe they wouldn't do it as good as me. I didn't delegate very often unless I knew I could trust the person to whom I gave the responsibility. After getting sick, I kept thinking about how I needed to put my trust in God; but I felt uncomfortable trusting. One day I realized that He was perfect and decided to trust him. My trust in Him developed quickly once I realized He wouldn't let me down. (Trusting imperfect humans is a risk. What I need to know is that they'll do their best. Knowing that they won't cut corners allows me to trust them.)

 

Willing to be honest

I married an honest person and got used to hearing the truth. Sometimes I wouldn't be honest to other people because I didn't want to hurt their feelings. A lot of times I would sacrifice my feelings for someone else's - I wouldn't say the truth (be true to myself) because I wanted them to like me. After getting sick, I said the truth even if it hurt someone; I didn't lie, it was the truth. (The truth can hurt the person who hears it, but if they consider the truth it can help them improve. If they change, they can become an even greater person. How can a person change if they never hear the truth?) I didn't want to hurt people with my honesty, but when I didn't tell the truth, I didn't have faith in them that they'd improve. When I didn't say the truth, I didn't help them to potentially progress. The process of writing my book about my life caused me to realize the truth about many things. I said the truth in my book, but it hurt some people. (It hurt them because they chose to be hurt instead of being improved. It may have hurt them but it liberated me.) There is honesty in my family and we can handle hearing the truth, but most people want to hide from the truth and don't want to hear it.

 

Placing importance on what I think

I wanted people to like me so much that I considered what they thought as more important than what I thought. I considered them first and me second. I was very concerned about what people thought of me. After getting sick, I found value in what *I* thought. Perhaps my thinking of myself seemed arrogant, but I didn't look at it that way. I considered it as being sure of myself and being willing to acknowledge the good things about me - my talents, my skills, and the things I loved.

 

My Thoughts

Lehi was a prophet who saw a great vision. His son, Nephi, wanted to know the meaning of things in his father's vision so he prayed to God and not only learned what things meant but also learned so much more. I compare what Lehi and Nephi received to my trials and blessings. I got some trials when I got MS but the blessings I've received are so much more than my trials. This sounds funny but in contemplation of my trials and blessings I can say that I'm thankful for my hard thing because it has improved me.

 

Why do I talk so much about God? Because He has been there with me every step of the way as I've gone through my hard thing. He has been in my mind encouraging me, comforting me, and causing me to consider things. I have leaned on him and He's been there every time. I love Him. He is my rock and my everlasting God and I will praise His name forever.

Is There Humor in Heaven?

Does God sit on his throne all day with a scowl on his face? I don't know what it's like in heaven but here's what I believe: I think God has a smile on his face. I believe He see's the best in situations and if they're funny, He laughs. He doesn't take our lives too seriously but has a perfect perspective. He never laughs at anyone, He loves us. But I think He laughs at some situations. His optimism makes me optimistic and to want to look at the happy side of life. Life isn't perfect but why not make the most of a bad situation? Make lemonade out of lemons.

I'm a serious person and when I get too serious Per says or does something funny. I appreciate his humor because he gets me to lighten up and to change my mood. I've said this quote before, "I'd rather laugh than cry, crying gives me a headache". I believe that laughing makes things better. I'm not saying that anyone should bury their head in the sand and avoid reality, all I'm saying is that once reality is known I have a choice to either make the most of it (lemonade) or be sad (lemons). Why not go for the sweet instead of the sour? Besides, it tastes better.

I hope there's humor in heaven because I laugh all the time. I'd strongly dislike being in an eternal place where I couldn't look on the bright side and laugh when something's funny.

I Won't be Blindsided by Fear

I truly believe that fear is a tactic Satan uses to stop us in our tracks. I see so many things happening in the world that if I focused on their reality I'd feel really scared. Wars are happening in various places, the cost of living is going up, food costs are rising, the cost of gasoline is ridiculous, unfairness happens, I have to deal with new symptoms of my disease, and on and on and on. It's at that moment that I have to step back from the problems, take a deep breath, and tell myself this:

• I was destined to be born now and knew before I was born that the world would have turmoil. I'm strong and can handle it.
• I will believe truth and not be blindsided by lies (fear being the biggest of all).
• It is what it is. Bad things happen but I choose what I focus on and I won't get stopped in my tracks by fear, I'll have faith that God will support me and give me peace as I put my faith and trust in Him.
• Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness. - Isaiah 41:10
• Truth: Satan has pulled out all the stops. He wants to make God's children afraid so they won't have faith. He knows his fate has been decided and that he's destined for hell and he wants to take as many of God's children with him as he can. Here's the clincher: he doesn't care about anyone but himself, he just wants to hurt God!
• Fear doesn't mean I'm going to hell it just means I feel fear instead of faith.

It's true that opposition exists to make me choose. It's also true that when I choose to feel afraid I just scare myself. If I choose to have faith instead and tell myself that whatever scares me God knows about too, I'll feel peace. Bad things are gonna happen - it's a part of life - but I won't dwell on the bad and I'll continue to live my life.

Making It About Them

Before I got sick, someone did something at work that really bugged me. I felt so bothered that I talked to someone else about the situation. They suggested that I be nice and not let the person know that I felt bugged. I did it and it took tremendous effort on my part. I never expressed my frustration to this person. We worked together for several more months and if I saw them today I'd say that we're friends. They have many good things about them.

I think of that situation and how even though I wanted to be mad, the thing I did diffused my anger and let me see them as my friend. I have to go back to my mantra, 'You can never be too nice'.

Throwback Thursday: Us Gordon/Chu Females

 

It was the spring of 2000. From L-R Gma Louise Gordon, my sister Lani, her daughter Jasmine, Me, my sister Maile holding her daughter Kea, my mom Lynda. Wow, that was a long time ago! Today Gma is gone, Jasmine is 20 and Kea is 16. Time flies!

He Knows

For whatever reason, I felt impressed to share my notes of this talk. It was given at the April 2014 General Conference by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Here are my notes:

JEAN A. STEVENS - Primary General Presidency, 1st Counselor
(Great talk)
-Father in Heaven reaches out to [me] with His divine love; [I] reach back to him with [my] faith.
-God hears and answers [my] prayers. He watches over [me]. [I'm] not alone.
-God knows [me] and hears the pleadings of [my] heart.
-God accomplishes miracles one prayer at a time, one person at a time.
-God helps [me], not necessarily in the way [I] want but in the way that will help [me] to grow.
-Many people have put their trust in the Lord. (e.g. David escaped death by Goliath, Nephi escaped potential death from his brothers, Joseph Smith escaped the powers of darkness and received miraculous answers. Each person did so by relying on the Lord.)
-Some people who have trials, do all they can do and put their faith in God.
-Some people say, "I would never ask for this trial but I would never wish not to feel God's love."
-"Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness." (Isaiah 41:10)

I believe her words. I have reached out to God many times and know that He hears me and gives me peace. Sometimes all I can think of is to turn to Him and know that He will make it right.

Living by The Golden Rule

The Golden Rule says to treat others the way you want to be treated. So, if I want people to be kind to me I need to be kind to them. I remember when society tried to live by The Golden Rule; they often thought of others. People held the door open for others because they knew it would be held open for them, they didn't call people after 9PM because that was rude, they quieted their kids so they wouldn't bother someone, and they gave the older person their seat. They did many more things but the bottom line is that they thought of someone besides themselves.

I wish that society today would live by The Golden Rule but it seems like society lives by this: Whatever you do to me I'll do to you. The Golden Rule thinks about the other person, but the current way of thinking seems selfish. It's hard to live by The Golden Rule, especially when others don't, but how I behave says how I am and it comes down to this question: Do I think of others or just myself?

Healing My Heart

I must still be in Sunday mode because today I realize how much the atonement of Christ helps me. When I feel mad, that it's not fair, and like my heart is breaking, I know I can turn to my Savior and not only will he comfort me but He will cause me to feel peace.

My heart didn't feel good today. I thought, 'how can I blog when I feel terrible?' I read my last two blog entries and something in my mind said to rely on the atonement. I gave my terrible feeling to Him and believe that He made my heart feel peace.

This is a fallen world where life isn't fair and people aren't perfect. Sometimes situations or people hurt me, but I truly believe that not only does God watch over me (and not from a distance) but that He heals my heart.

Easter, the Greatest Day of the Year

This is a great video (Click Here)

To me, today (Easter Sunday) is the most important day of the year.  Some people might differ and say that if Christ was never born he would never have died; they believe Christmas is more important than Easter. I won't argue with them; Christmas is important. I guess I just choose to step back and look at the bigger picture, that Jesus Christ was pre-destined to be the Savior of the world. 

In His own words, he told Pontius Pilate, "To this end was I born, and for this cause came I into the world." (John 18:37) Jesus Christ's destiny was to be the Savior. Therefore, if he never suffered, died, and rose from the tomb He wouldn't have fulfilled His destiny. That's why I think today is the most important day of the year.

Getting Real and Saying It Like It Is

I know I can be honest
I imagine sitting on my couch with my friend and honestly sharing from my heart. I know I can be honest because I'm just saying what *I* think. People are told not to talk about certain things because the other person might not believe the same. I think anything can be discussed as long as I speak for myself. I love people and never want to hurt them. I believe in freedom and know that everyone has beliefs. I don't say things to convince anyone to think like me but to just express myself.

I love being Christian
With Easter being this weekend I reflect on why I'm Christian not Buddhist, Hindu, Muslim, Atheist, New Age or something else. I'm Christian because I believe that only through Jesus Christ can I have eternal life (my greatest desire). I belong to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints because I believe that it is the only church that has the authority to give me the ordinances I need to have eternal life.

Easter is my favorite holiday
I thank Jesus Christ (in words that don't adequately express my feelings) for suffering, for atoning, for dying on the cross, and for rising from the tomb on the third day...all for me. I have no friend (except Jesus Christ) who would do those things for me and who would provide a way for me to have eternal life.

Jesus Christ wants me to have eternal life
He suffered not only for my sins but also so that he could perfectly empathize and comfort me when I suffer. He will make up the difference for me when I face God at the final judgement. God The Father said, "No unclean thing can enter heaven". There's no way that I could ever enter heaven because I'm an imperfect human and unclean (fallen). But Jesus Christ said that if I believed in him (a perfect human and a God), (tried my best to) keep the commandments, got the ordinances I needed, and remained faithful to the end I'd get eternal life. He also said that if I did those things he'd make up the difference between me and God The Father and be my advocate (plead to God on my behalf).

I love Jesus Christ's words
He said: "Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool. If ye be willing and obedient, ye shall eat the good of the land: But if ye refuse and rebel, ye shall be devoured with the sword: for the mouth of the Lord hath spoken it." (Isaiah 1:18-20).

I'm a fallen human being-like scarlet, red like crimson and he's a perfect God-pure, as white as the snow, like wool. On one hand, if I believe in Him, want it, keep the commandments, get the ordinances I need, and remain faithful to the end I'll have eternal life. On the other hand if I don't believe in Him, rebel and don't care I won't have eternal life. Either way, the choice is mine.

Christianity will get me my goal
Jesus Christ's actions at Gethsemane, at Calvary, and at the tomb showed me that He wants me to have eternal life. I'm grateful for such a gift and I love Him. He's my savior and has redeemed me from the effects of the fall.

I'm Doing Something Besides Just Complain

The Unified Party
I'm starting my own political party. I'm tired of the two parties we have because both sides are hateful. What America needs is a party that unites not divides. I'm a registered Republican but some of my dearest friends are Democrats. I refuse to not like them just because we have differences.

The last presidential election had so much hate spewing from both sides. Children were crying because people on TV were so mean. I did my duty and voted but I didn't like how my candidate seemed to lower himself just to play a political game. I believe that people can keep their dignity and their ideals because they respect each other.

Do Something or Don't Complain
I'm not political-I don't even like watching the negative news. But I'm not going to do nothing and just complain about things. I believe 'either do something to help or don't complain'. I think a lot of people are like me-they're for unity not division. I will be the change I hope to see in my country. This morning I bought the domain name unifiedparty.org. It may become nothing but at least I did what I could.

I bought the domain, but there are people out there who are a lot smarter than me who can make the site look good. It doesn't just belong to me but to everyone who wants unity. I don't know what the site will contain, all I know is that I took action. I love my country and being American. I love patriotism and freedom. I'm not gonna hide in a corner as if ashamed but will openly declare my love for my country and do all I can.

The Political Game
Perhaps the politics we know has been a game where people lied to get what they wanted. Lying isn't a good political strategy in this digital world when nowadays everything one says is on the internet...most likely YouTube. I'm for honesty. I believe in strategy but I think it can be done honestly.

It seems like the political world in America has gotten too big for its britches. People pridefully seem to consider themselves above others and sometimes even above the law. I think everyone should follow the same rules because without rules there's chaos.

I  believe that we are in some ways the same (humans, male, female, attended the same school, have similar ancestry, believe similar things, etc.) but that our character is what defines us and makes us different. We are unique and individual. We aren't perfect but learn from our mistakes. We all did things when younger that we wouldn't do now that we're older because we learned from our experiences. Let's not hold our mistakes against each other but celebrate that we learned. Let's look at the good not the bad. Let's lift each other not tear each other apart.

Unity Not Hate
When there's good in the world, somewhere there'll be bad. Someone will always say something negative when someone else says something positive. Opposites attract. But I firmly believe that although opposites attract they can work together to make something good. I'm not like my neighbor but I don't hate him; I just know that he does things his way and I do things my way. Although we're different we're friends who want the best for each other. I say, "Enough hate. I want love." I want things that bring people together, not division. Our pledge of allegiance says, "Indivisible", let's not fight each other but only fight the enemy.

Throwback Thursday: Our Move to Kansas

We moved from Iowa to Kansas on October 1, 1991 and were welcomed to Kansas with freezing rain. Bryan was five and a half, Per was 24 and I was barely 23. We had found our duplex as a stroke of luck when we happened to see a for rent sign near the apartments we had just seen on 103rd Street & Antioch (not anywhere near the duplex). I called the phone number, we went to see the duplex on West 83rd Terrace & Farley Street, we gave her a deposit for it that afternoon, and moved a few weeks later. Meant to be? Yes. 

Choosing the Good

I don't believe in accidents. I believe that I make choices and things happen based on what I choose. If I make good choices then good things happen, and if I make bad choices then bad things happen but it all depends upon my choices.

Things happen when they will - sometimes immediately and sometimes down the road, but they *will* happen. Some people believe in karma and some people just believe in this phrase: "What goes around comes around." The message is the same - "You reap what you sow."

Sometimes it seems like something bad happens when doing good. I believe that a bad thing happens to teach something. I was at a very good time in my life when I got MS. I felt like the disease brought many bad things into my life but time went by and now I can say they were good things because they taught me; they became blessings.

Hard things happen to everyone, in that case I'm not unique. When hard things happen I choose to see the best not the worst, to learn (expand my mind) not to keep the same what I know.

I'm Focusing on My Goal In Order to Get It

A person only did one hour's work when the rest of the workers had worked all day. They got paid for their work and all got the same amount. Some of the workers said, "That's not fair! We worked longer than him and yet we all got the same amount!" The person who paid them said, "I didn't treat you unfairly. You agreed to the amount and that's what you got paid." Then he said, "Why do you choose to be jealous when I choose to be kind?"

That last question really gets me when I think about it. Am I being jealous when I think something's unfair? Does it really matter what someone else gets when I get my fair share? That story makes me tell myself, "Just be concerned with yourself, not them."

Concerning myself about others is one of my biggest weaknesses. Imagine my coach saying, "Just look at me" and motioning imaginary walls around him and me as I dart my head from side to side and look at everyone else. If I'd just focus on him I'd get my goal instead of focusing on others and getting distracted. When I type what I need to do it becomes clear-focus on my goal, and not focus on things that will distract me.

My Family is Awesome!

Don't most people say their family is awesome? Yes. Well add me to the list. I love my family (Per, Bryan, Kimbra, Andrew) with all my heart. Here's my philosophical side showing: Maybe the reason we're born into families is to feel love.

Per's wants the happiness of his family. He's like a golden retriever - loyal, patient, happy to see us, and our best friend. He knows so much and happily imparts what he knows (I'm glad, because I've learned a lot from him.) He gives 100% to whatever he does, and I appreciate that because I know he'll never cut corners.

Bryan has a lot of courage. He takes action to get what he wants. He's smart logically and emotionally - he reads people and knows what they might be feeling and thinking - then he says something to help them.

Kimbra is a kind and positive person. She sees the best in situations and is the perfect wife for Bryan. It seems like they were meant to be because they have so much in common! I'm not used to having another girl in my family but she's a person that's easy to know.

Andrew sees things through to the end. He knows what he wants and goes after it. He's a good listener and gives great advice. He's the kind of friend who brings out the best in people. His positive attitude has reminded me to look on the bright side when sometimes I don't.

My family is great because of who they are, not because of what they do. If they did nothing they'd still be great to me.

Standing Strong

I read something today that really hit me, it said, "Don't give in to the pressure of others." It seems like if I don't agree with someone on something they'll pressure (bully) me to believe (or at least accept) what they believe. I won't cave on my beliefs. I'll stand strong even when bullied. I'll respect the individual (and hope they'll respect me) but I'll stand for my beliefs.

When someone bullies me or states the unfairness of something, what good does it do to buy into the drama? I believe what I believe and won't get swayed or angered by what they say. Instead, I won't listen to it and I'll do what makes me feel happy.

Some people these days say things just to get me on their side. Once I'm on their side, they don't care about me anymore. (It might sound negative but it's true.) It's up to me to discern whether or not to follow them; just because they pressure me doesn't mean they're correct. I have a plan for my life and won't get off track because of pressure.

Soft Around the Edges

I'm a perfectionist who once thought in extremes - either this or that. I didn't used to give myself or anything around me a break, 'Why would I? Things can always be better', I used to think. Back then, I was nice on the outside (never said a mean thing to friends, said what I thought people wanted to hear, agreeable, friendly, nice) but tough on the inside (mostly to myself-judgmental, always expected more, did things to the nth degree, never gave myself a break).

When I got MS, I felt very sad to know that all I could do was sit-sit and realize everything I wanted to do but couldn't. I had to let others help me, and as a result felt their love. I let others do my things, and as a result saw their ability. Letting others into my life has made me soft around the edges (instead of rigid and stiff like I used to be).

I've experienced many hard things but from them have come many blessings. Five years later, I can look back at my trial and see the good. I'll always be a perfectionist - someone who strives for the best - the good news is that I've learned many things that have made me a good perfectionist. My trial, although hard, has given me many benefits.

The Happiness I Feel

This is cute :) Click here

I love my things but if a tornado took them all away, eventually I'd feel happy because everything I need is already in my heart. 'Of course' I'd feel sad for a while because a tornado and losing my things would be devastating! But I wouldn't let the sadness permanently affect my mood. Just like with my MS, one day I'd say, "Enough!" Then, once again, I'd determine how I feel.

Feeling happy is my choice, and it's something I face everyday. I ask myself, "Will I rise above the unfair thing and not let it affect me?" I used to let things affect my happiness. If something didn't go right I attacked myself. I'm a perfectionist who likes perfect things, and when things didn't go perfectly, or when I did something wrong, or when someone was mean to me, or when I ruined something, or when I didn't accomplish everything on my list, or when I burned dinner I thought rotten things about myself.

What I know now is that the world is not fair; nothing in this world is perfect and that's okay; I'm not always gonna do things right but I'm always gonna do my best, what people say and do is a reflection of them not me, sometimes things get ruined but I'll try as much as possible to avoid it, and sometimes dinners don't turn out the way I want but the important thing is that I tried.

I want to have a happy heart and know that more than just wanting it I must do what it takes to make it so. I live in the western world which means that I love things. But I know that 'things' don't determine my happiness.

Throwback Thursday: Per and Me

I had just turned 22 and Per was 23 on October 13, 1990. Our wedding was in Orem, UT and this picture was taken at Aspen Grove (in the canyon, a little bit up the road from Sundance). The backdrop isn't canvas, it's real. It was a beautiful fall day.

Respect

I understand the Savior's declaration, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do."

He was looking at the situation from their view point. If a person wasn't spiritual and they didn't believe in him they wouldn't understand why He did what He did. Instead, they wouldn't like that He rocked the boat of normalcy, they'd dislike his honesty, and they'd want to get rid of Him.

If I don't believe what another person does and I don't respect them, I might mock them and the things they hold dear; in that case, I don't understand and know not what I do. Sympathy and Empathy can only happen when I have respect for them. If I don't respect them, I might be able to pretend that I care but really, I don't.

Journaling is Important

I have a journal from 1958 that belonged to my Great-Grandma Clark. As I've read her words they have allowed me to know her more than just her name and the dates when she was born, married, and died. Her journal has also let me know her character and the kind of person she was.

During that trip in 1958 she:

• Sailed from America to England on the Queen Mary
• Met some of her relatives in England
• Attended the London, England LDS Temple dedication
• Did much genealogy in England before going to the European continent
• Went to the Worlds Fair in Brussels, Belgium
• Toured the European continent (Belgium, The Netherlands, Germany, Switzerland, Austria, Italy, and France)
• Did much genealogy in England after going to the European continent
• Sailed from England back to America on the Queen Elizabeth
• Visited her brother in Cleveland, OH, USA

I am very much like Grandma Clark. We're both alike in these ways:

-Religious

-Tall

-Left-handed

-The oldest child

-Creative

-Love facts

-Love people

-Want to know about ancestors

-Independent

-Do what we want

I wouldn't have known so much about her if she hadn't kept a journal. She recorded many of the things said at the LDS Temple dedication; I know now that people say many of the same things today. I admire her tenacity because when she kept a journal she wrote every day. Sometimes she wrote just one sentence, nevertheless even that tells me something about her. She's been dead for more than 30 years, and I'm grateful to get to know her in the next best way (through her words) because she died when I was too young to appreciate her life. The things I have of hers mean more to me now because I know her better. Journaling helps me and it also helps my posterity to know me. I'll live on because of my words and truly become more than just a name on a page. UPDATE: If you want to read Grandma Clark's words see April 30th.

Kindness Goes a Long Way

Here's what I think: Be Nice.

Never hurt anyone. That's hard to do, especially when they've hurt me, but my actions always say how I am. I want to be loving so why would I be mean? Being nice means being nice at all times; that means even when people aren't nice toward me.

• The Dalai Lama said, "If you can, help others. If you cannot, at least do no harm."
• Mother Theresa said, "Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are endless."
• President Monson said, "You can never be too nice." 

Three people from different backgrounds all saying the same thing. What does being nice mean? Having love in my heart. There's always two ways to say things: 1) Nicely, 2) Meanly. The question is: Do I want to be kind or unkind? Here's another question: If I died today, would I want to be considered nice or mean? Whatever my answer is, that's how I need to always be.

I love this message:

"It's nice to be important. But it's more important to be nice." How true. I may get five seconds of fame but the way I am will live on for more than five seconds. So many people are sad. I may never know when someone's at the end of their rope, all I know is that what I say could either make them let go or encourage them to hang on. I want to be a bright spot in someone's day. I want to lift.

Enduring Something Hard

I heard a talk once where the guy said it was better to look on the optimistic side of mistakes and challenges because then you could laugh at them later. He said, "Come what may and love it." Another person said that in life you either had to laugh or cry. She said that she'd rather laugh than cry because crying gave her a headache.

I agree with them and think it's best to look on the bright side. I want to cheer myself up not feel down in the dumps. But let's be honest, I don't love everything. Sometimes I think, Come what may and endure it. I want to be optimistic and I think I'm pretty positive, but some things bug me and they always will.

There are some things that I really dislike about my trial.

At those moments I think about this picture:

Sometimes things are hard.

When things are hard I tell myself,
"I don't have to like it, I just have to endure it."

I live with people who care about me. Sometimes I don't want to hear any pep talks from them or even anything (because I'm close to tears.)
I smile, and imagine myself with kindness.
Then I think, You can do it. 
You're tough and you can handle it. I have faith in you.

Defening Truth

Satan's deceives people with lies, and I will point them out. I want to help people. Some of the tools Satan uses to deceive people are these:

Anger
When I allow myself to get riled up...especially on things I can't control...I feel upset. If I'd just not pay attention to it and change my focus, I'd feel peace. It's possible to feel fine amidst turmoil when I work on myself and focus only on the things I can change. It's not helpful to anyone to be Debbie Downer. Does assuming the worst do any good? No, it just makes me feel sad and miserable. Why condemn things and bring people down? Instead, I'll live my life and focus on being the best me possible.

Unfairness
Life isn't fair so why do I expect fairness? Isn't expecting fairness like being insane? The definition of 'insanity' = doing the same thing but expecting different results. There will always be unfairness somewhere, but I don't need to focus on it. Instead, I'll live my life and focus on being the best me possible.

Feminism
Women are capable, intelligent creatures who can do many things. How does it help women to bash men when most women secretly love them? I understand that women want to be all they can be, but I think they can do it without blaming anyone. No one determines my accomplishments but me. I won't hate men. Instead, I'll live my life and focus on being the best me possible.

Attack on men/boys
Most men/boys are not considered 'gentlemen' these days. I beg to differ. I think that men/boys are gentlemen but their gentlemen-like acts are expected and unnoticed, and, I'm sorry to say, even AFTER men/boys are gentlemen sometimes other people think it's not good enough and they just want more. Granted, most men/boys don't hold open doors for people, pull out people's chairs so they can sit, or stand up when a lady enters the room, but:

• How many men/boys pull up to the door (instead of just parking) so that people don't have to walk?
• How many men/boys let people out to walk under covered walkways so people don't get wet when they themselves walk in the rain?

Those are just two examples of how men/boys are gentlemen these days, and I could give many more examples. Men/boys are not zombies who are at other people's beck and call. No, they are people who deserve the same respect that other people want. It's true that back in the day men/boys got things that women didn't. But to blame men/boys today for something that changed many years ago is like blaming them for something they can't control. I won't attack anyone. Instead, I'll live my life and focus on being the best me possible.

Attack on family
The definition of 'family' seems to be open for discussion. To me, a family is one that is made naturally and consists of a mom, a dad, and children. Of course I describe the ideal which isn't always the case, but the ideal should be what I strive for.The family described has been that way since the beginning of people...that a family consisted of a mom, a dad, and children. Families aren't perfect, sometimes they disagree, fight, and dislike things, but in no better place can a person also learn to love, to serve, and to think about someone besides themselves. Why fix something that's not broken? Why redefine something just to make it modern? I won't judge. Instead, I'll live my life and focus on being the best me possible.

Satan deceives people to get them to follow him. I know that some people don't believe in Satan and they can believe whatever they want. I believe he exists and I won't sit idly by and watch him deceive people without saying something.

Daring to be Different

When I was younger I wanted nothing more than to be like everyone else. I didn't want to stand out but wanted to fit in. I remember crying in first grade when I asked my mom if I had to have the name 'Jade' in heaven and she said yes. I wanted my name to be common and printed on a pencil. In high school I remember hearing "Dare to stand alone". The leaders where I lived often spoke about daring to be a diamond in the rough and being one who stood out...they had a point. The one who stands out makes more of an impact than the one in a crowd of alike people.

This picture says it all.

I have the opportunity to possibly influence someone's life for the better if I'll just have the resolve to stand up for my beliefs. So many people need a friend. I say to myself, "Why not be that friend?"

Throwback Thursday: Ode to Some TV Shows During My Childhood

Here are five TV Shows that aired each year somewhere between 1975-1985 according to IMDb: 1975: Wonder Woman, Starsky and Hutch, Welcome Back Kotter, The Jefferson's, Isis 1976: Charlie's Angels, The Muppet's Show, Lavern and Shirley, The Bionic Woman, Alice 1977: The Love Boat, CHiPs, Fantasy Island, Eight is Enough, Three's Company 1978: Dallas, The Incredible Hulk, Battlestar Galactica,WKRP in Cincinnati, Mork & Mindy 1979: The Dukes of Hazzard, The Facts of Life, Knotts Landing, Hart to Hart, Benson 1980: Magnum P. I., Bosom Buddies, Too Close For Comfort, Sanford, Solid Gold 1981: Dynasty, Cagney and Lacey, The Fall Guy, The Greatest American Hero, Gimme a Break 1982: Cheers, Family Ties, Knight Rider, Silver Spoons, Remington Steele 1983: The A-Team, He-Man and the Masters of the Universe, Wheel of Fortune, Webster, Hardcastle and McCormick 1984: The Cosby Show, Murder, She Wrote, Miami Vice, Night Court, Who's the Boss? 1985: Growing Pains, MacGyver, Moonlighting, Spencer: For Hire, Mr. Belvedere.

 

Click here to see a great video. I loved watching this guy on PBS. He had such a calm voice and was an awesome painter. Did you know that he permed his hair to save money on haircuts? He didn't have naturally curly hair but his hair became one of his trademarks.

Saying What I Want is Best

Recently, I learned this and think it's really helpful: "Most people say what they don't want but they don't say what they do want. Unfortunately, when they say what they don't want that's exactly what they get because it's their focus. If they don't want something they need to say the opposite." Saying what I want is best; here are some examples:

• I want to be thin instead of I don't want to be fat.
• I want to have money instead of I don't want to be poor.
• I want to do what I love instead of I don't want to do this job.
• I want to live in my dream home instead of I don't want to live here.

Happy April Fools Day

"I'd rather laugh than cry, crying gives me a headache." -Marjorie Hinckley

Today is April Fools Day and I won't trick anyone because if they tricked me back I'd probably start crying! (Because of my disease.) Before I got sick, I loved doing unexpected things and laughing. I still think things are funny but if I laugh too much I'll cry. (Because of my disease.) If someone jumped out from behind a door and scared me I'd probably fall over. The situation is funny but they'd probably feel bad, and hence they'd never do it.

Jokes are funny but they should never hurt anyone. A joke is only funny if both people laugh. I used to do jokes and laugh and never consider the other person's feelings. I'd make a joke, laugh, and sometimes do so at their expense. I'd laugh but they wouldn't. I'd say, "Lighten up" and they would...if they thought it was funny. A joke is relative: some people think it's funny and other's don't. (I'm sure that what I think is funny, some people don't.) But a person's feelings are never relative, and they are more important than a joke. When I make a joke to someone, either I'll laugh with them, or they won't laugh and I'll say, "I'm sorry" because I'll respect them.

Yesterday, I mentioned April Fools Day to someone and heard the best joke. They said to say if you put nylons (pantyhose) over a monitor, TV, iPad, or iPhone the screen would become 3-D. The thought of nylons covering monitors is hilarious to me!!! And the idea of someone putting their phone in a knee-hi cracks me up!! I know that some people won't find that funny, but I do. :)