I Don't Believe in Feminism

Where I grew up, men and women had defined roles. In the 70's, my church taught that women had divine nurturing abilities and needed to be in the home raising children. Many people in my town had that opinion in the 80's. I felt guilty working back then but I had to work because I had responsibilities and I didn't have a husband who could earn the money needed to cover them.

Now that I no longer work, I look back and wonder why my church said women needed to stay home. The feminist movement had a lot of influence back then. In the 70's, a lot of women left their homes and took jobs. Back then women talked of equality and equal pay for equal jobs. Women had the best of both worlds because they worked AND after they got pregnant and had their baby, some of them stayed home to raise their children.

I have an "I don't like it" opinion about feminism. I believe that the movement damaged my husband's chance to succeed in that his income got lowered because now more people work. I think that the workplace would be better off being a man's world. I believe that women have different attitudes than men and that women complicate environments where both men and women work. Men know how to do business with other men. Men know how men think. Women can be catty but men can be crushing. Men know how to deal with crushing blows, but when a woman gets crushed she retaliates. Men let things go whereas women hold on to things (and it takes longer for them to let go if they ever do.)

I believe that women should do what they do best. Some men want to take care of women. They want to be the breadwinner, but some women have an I can do it myself attitude, and want to have the best of both worlds. Some women want to work as well as be mothers and they want to do it right now! (Imagine a little girl with a straight armed fist stomping her foot.) That woman's attitude has caused her children to think that all women are like her; that all young women need to be like her; and that women are better than men. (Where's the equality in "better than"?)

Some of my friends are thinking right now I can't believe you're saying this because I have to work. Other friends are thinking right now I can't believe you're saying this because I want work. I'm not saying to women, don't work, I'm saying do what you do best (which is, if you're young, to raise children and be a woman, or, if you're older, to do what you love and be a woman.)

To women I say, be women; embrace your womanhood and don't try to be men.

Grateful For the Simple Things

Something simple makes me as happy as something complicated. I find pleasure in anything that brings me joy. Today, the simple thing is my mattress. Let me fill you in... I've thought many times I love my bed because I've felt comfortable when I've laid on it. Recently, my back began to ache because I waited too long to flip my mattress. Per flipped it for me but it didn't help, so, a few days later, I asked him to flip it another way. This time, after I slept on it, my back felt better. So good, in fact, that I went back to bed a second time and got some much needed rest. Once again, I awoke thinking I love my bed. My back still hurts, but I know It'll get better.

I am thankful for solutions to problems. I know that my husband is too, because I'm not crabby when a solution is found. I feel sad that I get crabby when faced with something that brings me pain. (I wish I had a nicer temperament when facing that kind of situation. It's not fair that I take my frustration out on the people I love because I know they are only trying to help.) Back to my bed, I can say with assurance that my husband is happy that I love it again.

My New Life

I raised children for 22 years. This is the first year since 1990 that I haven’t needed to know when school starts because my baby graduated from public school last May. I feel happy in some ways but sad in others. I find myself asking “now what?” regarding what to do with my life.

My oldest son graduated from college and married at the end of the spring term. My youngest son also graduated, but from high school. For years I wanted to see those days come. Now that my raising children time has been and gone, I look back over that time and realize how fast it went by. Back when I raised children I couldn't see the end and the time seemed like it would last forever. Now that my children have moved on with their lives (and I’m happy for them,) I want my babies back because raising children is what I know.

I find myself at a crossroad of leaving behind what I knew. The discovery of moving into new territory is exciting, but, as a creature of habit, I keep looking back. (I faced this when I got sick. I had to leave behind my old life and discover my new life. I lamented when I got sick because I wanted my old life, nevertheless, it had gone and I needed to embrace the new.)

I realize that the only thing constant is change. (Actually, I wouldn’t want things to stay the same because I’m not the same.) I like change but I like what I know…the two don’t mix.