Getting Real and Saying It Like It Is

I know I can be honest
I imagine sitting on my couch with my friend and honestly sharing from my heart. I know I can be honest because I'm just saying what *I* think. People are told not to talk about certain things because the other person might not believe the same. I think anything can be discussed as long as I speak for myself. I love people and never want to hurt them. I believe in freedom and know that everyone has beliefs. I don't say things to convince anyone to think like me but to just express myself.

I love being Christian
With Easter being this weekend I reflect on why I'm Christian not Buddhist, Hindu, Muslim, Atheist, New Age or something else. I'm Christian because I believe that only through Jesus Christ can I have eternal life (my greatest desire). I belong to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints because I believe that it is the only church that has the authority to give me the ordinances I need to have eternal life.

Easter is my favorite holiday
I thank Jesus Christ (in words that don't adequately express my feelings) for suffering, for atoning, for dying on the cross, and for rising from the tomb on the third day...all for me. I have no friend (except Jesus Christ) who would do those things for me and who would provide a way for me to have eternal life.

Jesus Christ wants me to have eternal life
He suffered not only for my sins but also so that he could perfectly empathize and comfort me when I suffer. He will make up the difference for me when I face God at the final judgement. God The Father said, "No unclean thing can enter heaven". There's no way that I could ever enter heaven because I'm an imperfect human and unclean (fallen). But Jesus Christ said that if I believed in him (a perfect human and a God), (tried my best to) keep the commandments, got the ordinances I needed, and remained faithful to the end I'd get eternal life. He also said that if I did those things he'd make up the difference between me and God The Father and be my advocate (plead to God on my behalf).

I love Jesus Christ's words
He said: "Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool. If ye be willing and obedient, ye shall eat the good of the land: But if ye refuse and rebel, ye shall be devoured with the sword: for the mouth of the Lord hath spoken it." (Isaiah 1:18-20).

I'm a fallen human being-like scarlet, red like crimson and he's a perfect God-pure, as white as the snow, like wool. On one hand, if I believe in Him, want it, keep the commandments, get the ordinances I need, and remain faithful to the end I'll have eternal life. On the other hand if I don't believe in Him, rebel and don't care I won't have eternal life. Either way, the choice is mine.

Christianity will get me my goal
Jesus Christ's actions at Gethsemane, at Calvary, and at the tomb showed me that He wants me to have eternal life. I'm grateful for such a gift and I love Him. He's my savior and has redeemed me from the effects of the fall.

Sometimes Tears are Good

Honesty sometimes causes me to feel the spirit. The Lord works miracles through me and I can feel it when I feel the spirit. I cry when I feel the spirit. Even though I wish I wouldn't cry, I think others feel the spirit too. I heard once that if I feel it then they feel it. Crying doesn't feel good to me, but feeling the spirit does.

A Truth About Opposition

The adversary can only tempt, not force me. Perhaps this knowledge was obvious to some people but I had never thought about it. In considering it, I see how he uses bad feelings to keep me in his clutches. When I think bad things, I'm his. And when I think good things, he inflicts bad feelings until I think bad things, and am his once again. Thinking good things is not arrogant or prideful. How is telling myself 'I love you' prideful or arrogant? 

How convenient for the devil to say that he doesn't exist. When people believe that there's no hell, he wins. I'm good but he tries to convince me that I'm bad. He wants to bind me in the chains of my negative thoughts and drag me down to hell. Actually, he can only tempt, not force me, therefore, he can only whisper in my ear and make me feel bad. If I choose to believe his lies, I drag myself down to hell. I will choose to believe only the truth and think positive thoughts - even when I feel bad - and drag myself up to heaven.

Being religious isn't popular. In today's world a religious person is considered weak. Who instilled that idea?..Satan. He wants me to hate God and Jesus Christ, because he doesn't want me to choose them but to choose him. His fate has already been decided; and he lost. Lucifer (Satan, the devil, the enemy, the father of all lies) got kicked out of heaven; he and his followers were never born. He and his evil minions got sent to earth to cause me to choose good or evil, God or him, heaven or hell. I have the upper hand to him. I didn't get kicked out of heaven. I was born, but he's cunning. He knows me better than I know myself, because he remembers heaven and I don't. He knows that I was faithful and he wasn't. He whispers lies to me because he want me to believe him and take me away from God.

To some, this sounds unreal, because real is only what is seen. I disagree. Just because God, Jesus, and the Devil aren't seen doesn't mean that they don't exist. I realize that some people will think I'm just a religious kook who believes in a lie (They are the same kind of people who thought that Noah was a kook, even when the rain fell.) I don't really care if some people think I'm a kook. There will always be haters who only see the negative. I want to warn people not to fall into Satan's trap. I'm blatant. I say it like it is, and I'm not scared of the people who hate (bully.) People can choose to believe whatever they want.

When I choose the good and the positive, Satan doesn't like it. He's miserable and wants me to be miserable too. He is a liar, who may tell me what I want to hear, but he won't - absolutely won't - support me in the end. He whispers damning things in my ear, but I won't listen to him! I say, "I won't listen to you, Satan." 

Saying positive things but thinking negatively doesn't mean that I'm positive. (It means that I 'want' to be positive, but it's not necessarily true in my heart.) When I choose to think positively, my inside matches my  outside. I will think positive things - good things - not only say them. I will be authentic and avoid the enemy's trap.

Why I Am Focused and Religious

I behave based on what's in my heart. The thing I want most in my heart is eternal life - I want to live again with God and JC. The first year after getting sick, I realized that I could spend my entire life focusing on things that didn't matter - things that could be taken away - and never develop (focus on) the things that DID matter and that would never be taken away - my character (see Behavior vs. Attributes in November 2009.) I decided to focus on the important things to me: my family relationships, my character, and my relationship with God.

I want my goal some day, but want to have Godly attributes in my character right now. (I could go somewhere today, get hit by a bus, and be killed. I don't know for how long my life will be - I assume, but, in truth, simply don't know. No matter for how long I live, I want to be prepared now for when I meet God.) I want to be real - not just appear real because I know that I can't fool Him; He who looks at my heart. I want to be the same...both on the inside and outside - I don't want to look nice on the outside but on the inside be filled with dead men's bones.

Fast forward to today. I'm focused and religious because I only develop in me what matters most. I've dropped the things that really don't matter and have tried to focus on the things that do matter (my character.) I'm authentic, and believe that I'm someone who could live in God's presence. I live with no regrets. I love the words to Kenneth Cope's song "Treasure the Truth" and believe what they say.

Treasure the Truth

Treasure, lost in a field.
Found by a traveler, then quickly concealed. 
Rejoicing, he gives up his all,
To have the treasure, the Kingdom of God. 

Jesus knew we were lost. 
He came as a traveler to cover the cost. 
Unfailing, He paid with His death. 
Hoping we'd join Him in the Kingdom of Heaven. 

Now truly we see what we are.
For treasure will govern the heart. 
And if His heart moved Him to die, so we could live, 
Then His treasure is you and I. 

There's treasure waiting in heaven, 
For all who follow the truths He has given. 
He bids us come, so that's what I will do. 
To have this treasure, I'll treasure the truth. 

Truly we show what we are, 
For treasure will govern our hearts. 
And if our hearts will give up all to live with Him, 
Then our treasure's the Son of God. 

Like treasure laid in a tomb 
Brought forth triumphant in glorious view. 
I pledge my faith, and all that I can do, 
To win His treasure, He is my treasure, 
To be His treasure, I'll treasure the truth.

My Greatest Hope

Today is Easter. Many people open gifts, eat candy, search for eggs, and think of the Easter Bunny. I wonder how many people think of Jesus Christ and the gift He gave us. He gave us the gift of immortality. He gave the gift to all people - whether or not they believe in him. To be saved and rise again when we die, what a gift!

I want to live with God in eternity, and I believe that I will. Some people don't believe in God, and that's okay with me. I accept them and hope they will accept me. I believe the scripture that says, "Every knee shall bow and every tongue shall confess to God." (Romans 14:11) and look forward to His return happening one day.

I believe with all my heart that Jesus is the Messiah, and the Savior of the world. I thank Him for suffering for me so that I can be resurrected and live with God again. I celebrate Jesus Christ today.

Guides for Living Right

People like guides; they like direction so they know they're doing it right. Unfortunately, life has no instruction manual. No document exists that tells us how to be a kid, an adult, a sibling, a spouse, a parent, or the thousand other things we are. Same with the way to be. No manual tells us how to be kind, loving, patient, virtuous, unselfish, obedient, and the thousand other ways we strive to become. Or does it?

It's no secret to anyone that I believe in a higher power. I'm thankful to have a guide in the scriptures as to how to be a good person, but that guidance won't just magically appear in my mind, it's up to me to read it; even more so, it's up to me to understand it. The scriptures are written in a way that sounds like garble-dee-gook to some people. But I believe that if a person truly wants to know what the scriptures say, it will make sense to them.

When I mention Jesus, God, or religion, some people immediately get turned off. Some people have memories of condemnation, or think that's bull-honkey, or confirm in their minds that they don't believe it. When I think of Jesus, God, or religion, I think of love, goodness, and teaching. Whatever people think about Jesus, God, or religion, is up to them. I won't judge them for their beliefs and I hope they won't judge me for mine. I like people and separate what they do from who they are. I hope my friends will give me the same courtesy and not judge me for the religion in which I believe. They can judge my religion for it's beliefs, or me for the kind of person I am (I hope they will be merciful and realize I'm not perfect,) but it's not right to judge me for what I do. 

Anyway, I'm thankful to have a religion that teaches me how to become the best person possible. My gratitude is even more present when I think about all the good people who've taught my children and blessed their lives. I think about how we do have guides to teach us how to live and be happy. One guide that I love is directed at the youth, but I believe it applies to all of us. Click here to read it. Click here to read the scriptures.

I feel gratitude and have a thankful heart knowing that guides for living right DO exist.

It's More Righteous to be Poor (my theory)

It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God. (Mark 10:25)

And he began to be lifted up in the pride of his heart, and to wear very costly apparel...  (Alma 1:6)

I've noticed that some people make due with hand-me-downs rather than strive to have quality. Yet they try to get as rich as possible. It seems like a rich person is frowned upon whereas a poor person is accepted. Whether rich or poor, some people flaunt their money. What they appear to be or to have rather than who they are seems most important.

Per's theory may likely be true that if a person wins the lottery, they are a hero. But if a person earns or inherits their money, they are selfish.

Money has nothing to do with righteousness. The important thing is the desire of the heart. If money is loved more than God it's a problem. Money is not evil, the LOVE of money is. The scriptures above emphasize this.

He is Risen!

Easter is definitely my favorite holiday. I love it because I'm thankful  for three things, namely that Jesus Christ suffered for my sins, that He willingly gave his life on the cross, and that He rose from the tomb.

His resurrection gives me hope that one day I will be resurrected too. I  believe that when I die, my body will be buried in the ground but my spirit will go to heaven. If Jesus hadn't been resurrected and hadn't overcome death, then when I died that would have been it - my body and spirit would have gone to the grave. Thanks to His resurrection, my spirit can now go to heaven.

What a gift! Thank you Jesus for doing that for me. "I stand all amazed at the love Jesus offers me" is part of a song that my church sings and is how I feel today.

I am a Christian even though some people say that I'm not. They say that Mormon's aren't Christians for various reasons but I know that I am. I believe in Jesus Christ; that He's the Son of God; and that He will return again to rule the earth. I believe what Christian's believe and celebrate Jesus Christ today.

The Bible says Jesus said: "I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live" (John 11:25). All human beings were dead. Lucifier said to Eve that she would not die when she ate the forbidden fruit but he lied. Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit and brought death upon themselves and us. We needed someone who could break the bond of death and that's what Jesus Christ did. He overcame death and we will too: meaning that when we die we will go to heaven instead of just going to the grave.

Jesus said: "I lay down my life, that I might take it again; No man taketh it from me but I lay it down myself. I have power to lay it down, and I have power to take it again" (John 10: 17-18). He did what he said he would and it makes me believe the other things He said. He never said 'because I was resurrected, so shall you,' but throughout His life He talked about how people would go to heaven. For example, He said "In my Father's house are many mansions. I go there to prepare a place for you" (John 14:2) and He told the thief on the cross "Today thou shalt be with me in paradise" (Luke 23:43). If people didn't go to heaven He never would have indicated such a thing.

I'm thankful for Jesus Christ's example. I want to emulate him and am thankful that his life is documented in scripture. I feel grateful that he suffered for my sins in Gethsemene, died on the cross at Calvary, and rose again.

The Golden Rule

People SAY they believe in the the principle of the golden rule, to treat others the way they WANT TO BE treated, but they tend to believe in the principle of an eye for an eye, to treat others the same way they HAVE BEEN treated. If someone is mean to them then they are mean back.

A person can never be too nice. If they err, they need to err on the side of being nice. Being nice causes a person to love them. Whereas being mean causes a person to hate them.

Jesus was loved by many people. He was honest (to help) and always gave people the benefit of the doubt. When someone needed something he didn't act put out, but helped them. In turn, they loved him for it. Maybe they could have found the answer themselves. But he helped them when they asked and later showed them how to help themselves.

Even when people were mean and crucified him he said "Father, forgive them."

He was truly a great example of how to be.

What Was Once Done Out Of Goodness Has Stopped

After I awoke, I rolled to my side and looked at my clean clothes on the floor. I wish I could hang them up but going from the bedroom to the closet and reaching to hang up each article of clothing is hard. A person who isn't sick wouldn't consider it a big deal to walk 30 steps to the closet while carrying their clothes, and then hang them up. I used to think of that as a little thing among the many things I had to do.

In just my room this is what I did: Opened the curtains daily and opened the blinds to let light in. Made my bed. Kept the floor clutter free and vacuumed. Maintained the clutter and put or threw things away when necessary. Wiped dust off the furniture, walls and lamp shapes as needed. Emptied the trash cans when they filled up. Picked up stuff on Per's side of the room. Washed the bathroom counter and sinks when they got dirty. Cleaned the toilet and shower. Vacuumed the bathroom floor.

Now, it good when I do one thing. It takes effort to walk even a few feet. My head feels dizzy when I stand. I don't have the balance to carry things and could fall. Reaching makes me feel tired. Bending over causes even more dizziness. My fine motor skills are clunky, for example: compare an adult and a child buttering bread and think of me as the child.

As I walk through my house, that I used to keep clean, I see all the things that need to be done. I think pick your battles and decide to lower my expectations.

I used to maintain my home and cook most of our meals. I wanted to do it. I still do, but I can't. It's crappy to realize I'll have to pay to have those things done but if I want them done I'd better get out my money. Non-sick people wouldn't dream of paying for a service they could do themselves. 

A person never knows when they will go from non-sick to sick. I pity the sick person who stays sick because people will help them for a while but then...they will stop. If the sick person wants a thing done, they will either have to pay for it or realize that it won't be. If something is paid for, the idea is sad because what is paid for was once done happily and for free.

I am grateful for my illness because it has taught me many things. Nevertheless, I wish I weren't sick and could do things myself. I'm the kind of person who likes to be in charge of my own destiny. I don't like to be dependent upon others. I was independent for years. Now I'm not. I remember when I could do things. 

I imagine this is how an old person feels. I'm young (43) but I feel like my illness has caused me to age 40 years. I won't allow myself to get depressed but I could be if I went there. I feel frustrated that people once helped me and now they don't. They don't do what I need when I need it most. I'm sad that I served people in my church but they won't serve me back. I gave everything I had to people but they won't give it back to me.

I want to scream "I'm a person with feelings" because I want certain people to acknowledge me. I want them to embrace me and be charitable because that's what they preach a person should be. I want them to do what they say otherwise I feel like they are temporary and fake. I want them to put their money where their mouth is and practice what they preach.

The church's policies are implemented based upon interpretation. No one is perfect except God and he doesn't live here. My church is run by imperfect people who I thought tried to do their best, and some do, but some don't. The ones that don't say helpful things, instead make people feel guilty or they offend people by their unkind acts and words. I can see why some people get offended and leave the church - because while the principles are perfect the people aren't.

A person thinks the healthcare system is fine - until they have a need and don't receive the care they expect. The same is true for my church. It's fine as long as a person is well. When that person has an ongoing need that doesn't get helped it causes them to feel confused, then hurt, then to want to broadcast the injustice to the world.

How will a problem ever be fixed when the person who discovers it is cast to the side and the problem is swept under the rug? The problem has to be faced otherwise it will remain a problem. 

Positive and Negative

Kids tend to be positive and optimistic because they see life through rose colored glasses. They haven't had to face hard things that may bring realistic viewpoints (which are often seen as negative although they're not - they're just real).

Thinking of things in a positive way is a matter of choosing to think positively when faced with both the positive AND negative. Saying something negative (that might be true) doesn't make for a negative person. A person isn't negative unless they choose to be that way.

Hearing the negative is not fun to hear. Sometimes the truth hurts. But on the good side, hearing the truth could also make for a greater person.

I know that to become a greater person doesn't come without pain; unfortunately it hurts to have a chip taken off here and a chunk removed there. But, if DaVinci wouldn't have chiseled the marble, he wouldn't have made the beautiful David.

I like this quote: "I saw in myself a cottage, but God saw in me a mansion". To me, the essence of this quote is that God will mold me into the person I'm meant to become. (But the chiseling, tugging and pulling will hurt.) What I know is that I will endure God's molding and trust Him to make me beautiful because He will turn me into my potential.

We Are All Pumpkins

We are all pumpkins. God lifts us up, takes us in, and washes all the dirt off of us. He opens us up, touches us deep inside and scoops out all the yucky stuff-- including the seeds of doubt, hate, greed, etc. Then He carves us a new smiling face and puts His light inside us to shine for the entire world to see.

Love comes from God

The word 'love' has been hijacked by people claiming spirituality but not Godliness. People who are part of the new age movement seek spirituality but not religion. I referred to this the other day when I talked about morals vs. ethics. One is from God, one is man-made. One teaches right living based on God, one teaches right living based on self. I don't call new age teachings spirituality I call it psychology.

Of course when a person learns a better way they open themselves up to more love but that's not spirituality! Spirituality comes from God when you follow his commandments and he pours out his spirit upon you.

The new age movement teaches a person not to feel bad about themselves because they did something "wrong". They say it's not wrong and that confuses people. It reminds me of when I went to a new age seminar in Salt Lake City. A guy stood up and said he was LDS and felt guilty because he'd had unmarried sex (which the Church teaches breaks the law of chastity) and the leader of the seminar told him that what he did wasn't wrong and that he shouldn't feel guilty. I thought 'you need to repent and confess to your bishop and change your life so you don't feel guilty'.

Gods plan for our lives includes giving us the freedom to choose even though some people will choose 'wrong' and by their wrong choices take themselves out of God's light. Our conscience kicks in when we do something wrong so that we'll get back on the right track. I believe our conscience is the Holy Ghost and He lets us know when we've broken one of God's laws by causing us to feel guilty so we will repent and correct our behavior and get back into Gods light.

The new age spirituality movement is so close to Godliness people can get confused, but it's not spiritual and it certainly isn't Godly. People don't want to feel guilty but they don't want to change their behavior. They want someone to tell them that what they're doing is okay when they know it's wrong. Leaders of the new age movement like Eckhardt Tolle, Louise Hay, Wayne Dyer, etc. are treated like gods because they are "so smart". In reality they have just learned about human behavior and others don't have their knowledge so they are looked upon as "smart".

I believe in learning human behavior (psychology) but I also believe in God's plan which teaches that all people can make their own choices and if they make the wrong choice they can repent through the atonement of Jesus Christ and get back on track. It says in the scriptures "even the elect will be deceived" and Joseph Smith told Brigham Young in a dream to tell the people to "stay close to the Holy Ghost and it will lead them right". We need to listen to our conscience so we know when we are doing right or wrong.

Just because people don't believe in Heavenly Father's plan doesn't mean it doesn't exist. People want spirituality in their life but they are confused as to what to believe. When they find correct teachings they are happy. I am glad that our Church has a missionary program that teaches the truth about God and Jesus Christ. Other religions teach what they know about God but some things aren't true and some people are confused. When the truth about the Gospel was restored through Joseph Smith a lot of teachings were restored so people wouldn't be confused.

When missionaries teach the truth about God and Jesus Christ some people don't want to be baptized into God's church (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) because they don't want to go against the culture in which they were raised. If they were raised as a Catholic they don't want to become Mormon, which is really a true follower of Jesus Christ, because they don't want to go against their culture. It really has nothing to do with religion. They probably don't even know what their religion teaches, they might even believe in what the Mormon Church teaches, but they've been a Catholic all their lives and becoming a Mormon would be like turning their back on Catholics. They are really turning their back on Catholic teachings not on Catholic people. They are turning their backs on a religion that doesn't teach the truth about God and Jesus Christ and embracing a religion that does. Just because you turn your back on teachings doesn't mean you have to turn your back on people.

I think that's why people embrace new age teachings because they can stay a part of their culture but have an "awareness" of themselves. Again, just because someone becomes aware doesn't mean they become spiritual! Spirituality comes from being in Gods light and feeling the presence of the Holy Ghost. Love and awareness, or spirituality as new-agers call it, aren't the same thing.

Morals vs. Ethics

Ethics is a belief in right living based on philosophy. A moral is a belief in right living based on ancient teachings and is usually tied to life today with a parable or a fable.

There are two kinds of religions in the world today. One teaches a person to believe in themself. One teaches a person to believe in God. A lot of different religions believe in God but no necessarily in Jesus Christ.

Some believe morals or laws of righteous living come from god. Others believe ethics or right living come from people wanting to do what they think is right.

I believe in morals and that laws come from God. I believe when a person replaces God for themself they are breaking the first command which says "Thou shalt have no other Gods before me".

Therefore, I reject the New Age philosophy to replace God with self.

Being the Neck in My Marriage

(I'm probably going to get some boo's for this from some fellow women, but it's really how I feel)

 Short version
The wife needs to be like him first for him to develop his trust in her. She needs to encourage him and let him take the lead; be the head of the household. (The wife who does this is not subservient but strong. Conceding to him says she’s confident enough in herself to let him be in charge.)  After he trusts her then she can be herself. She’ll find that he acts like her in the ways she wants because he trusts her; from the time he trusts her - she calls the shots - but through him. (Publically he wants to look like the lead but he’s happy to listen to her privately.)

Like the wife said in My Big Fat Greek Wedding, “The man may be the head but the woman is the neck and she can turn the head any way she wants.” The woman is the neck because the man trusts her. How can he trust her if she controls him and tells him what to do? (In that case, over time he’ll become whipped or resent her.) He’s not a pet that is subservient to his wife – he’s not a robot that takes commands. Marriage isn’t just one person– it’s both.

During dating, he may like the same things as her but he’s doing that because he likes her. After they’re married he’ll act like him – like his stuff, be himself. At some point she’ll think this is crap! I want him to be like me like he used to. If she forces him to be like her and belittles him (doesn’t give him respect) a wedge will form in their marriage. (If worse comes to worst he might leave.)

When she thinks this is crap! it’s the critical time – it’s the time he starts to trust her (because her actions show him that she’ll stay by his side no matter what.) If she lets him be the head she’ll be the neck.

Long version
I’m a believer in the husband being the head off the household in all cases - not just in some. Perhaps the wife thinks she knows better than her husband, therefore she takes the lead. That is wrong. She should inspire and encourage him to do it instead. Most husbands want to be in charge, but their wives castrate them when they take charge.

Wives need to swallow their pride and let their husbands take care of them. Of course women do some things just as good as (probably better than) men, but husbands want to do things and be in charge - I say, “let them.” Wives need their husbands, and I ask, "What better way to show it than to believe in them?"

I used to think, if only. If only he had this quality; if only he did this; if only he did that. One time the thought came to me, he IS all those things, you just have to treat him like that. I didn’t want to. I wanted him to do, and be, the things I wished. I look back to that time and say, "Luckily, I swallowed my pride and treated him as if he had those qualities, because my shift in attitude did wonders for our marriage!"

He stepped up the plate in ways that he hadn’t before - because I let him. I gave him my control, and it made him more of a man in my eyes. I know that my husband is capable to do the things I thought he couldn’t. I love him more, and he feels the same way about me. Believing in him to take the lead has greatly paid off. I’m not subservient, I just let him do what comes naturally.

I truly believe that husbands and wives needed to be close to each other and like-minded. That doesn’t mean that they needed to like the same things. They need to be like-minded not alike. My husband and I like very different things. But we think alike in many ways. Some of our differences are:

·         I like show tunes and he likes rock.

·         He listens to music with bass and I hate it.

·         I like musicals but he won’t go to one.

·         He likes tasting a lot of spice and I don’t mind the bland.

·         He likes electronics and I just like having electronics work.

·         I’m hot-headed and he’s patient.

·         I play the piano and he wants to know what makes it play.

·         I liked to program computer software and he likes to know how the program works.

·         And on and on and on….

On a different note, we believe in a lot of the same things; the longer I’m married the more I realize this truth. Here are some of the ways we are the same:

·         When we hear things, sometimes we feel the same way.

·         When we speak, sometimes we say what each other would.

·         When we watch a movie or TV, sometimes we like the same things.

·         We appreciate a lot of the same foods.

·         We listen to some of the same music.

·         And on and on and on….

At one time I thought, we have nothing in common. We have different interests and different likes. Why try to make this work? It felt hard to focus on wanting to be close to him. It seemed easier to let us drift apart. I didn’t like him. I wished he did things (and thought) more like me. I wanted to leave, but, thankfully, I didn’t. Now, I appreciate being with him. We have aged, grown together, and choose to focus on the things we have in common instead of our differences.

I see it happen often that the wife never really leaves her family. She also expects her husband to be like her. If he does think and become like her, he also becomes whipped and resentful of being controlled and not being allowed to be himself. He becomes a person that says, “Yes dear” to make his wife happy and keep the peace, but in his heart he resents her for treating him like a slave. When a husband becomes whipped and resentful it puts a wedge in their marriage. If worse comes to worst, it could lead to him saying, “I'm fed up. I've had enough. Buh-bye.”

Men deserve respect. They deserve to be themselves. They deserve to have their likes. Husbands may become more refined because of their wives, but they shouldn’t lose their identity in the process.

A wife thinking like her husband doesn’t happen overnight. Before a man and woman become a couple and then marry, he's is a bachelor. He may only think about himself and his needs. He can do whatever he wants. He thinks rationally. He says whatever it takes to convince others that he knows what he’s talking about. He puts on his best behavior so a girl will like him. He isn’t more mature than she is, but he acts like it.

If she knows that last truth, she shouldn’t capitalize on that error. After the honeymoon wears off, she may think that her husband doesn’t get it. He might say honest things, but they may also be hurtful and mean and cause tears. He needs to respond in a better way, but he also may act like he knows how to do it because he doesn’t want to come across as unmanly.

She can help him to respond better by encouraging him instead of attacking him. Attacking him may cause the wife to feel better in the short run but it does nothing for their marriage in the long run; in fact, it causes him to get defensive. He doesn’t want to admit that he did anything wrong, therefore he defends himself (even though he did wrong.) The thing she needs to remember is that, 'he does what he knows.' The result of encouragement may take longer to see, but it WILL pay off. Encouragement is teaching in a kind way. Her encouragement will build his trust instead of him thinking that he will never measure up.

When a wife listens to her husband, he comes to know that he can count on her.  Her actions say, “I trust you” and “I choose YOU over my family.” In the movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding the mom says something like “The man might be the head of the house but the woman is the neck and she can turn the head any way she wants.” She says the truth because he will listen to her. I wonder, how can the wife be the neck when the husband doesn’t trust her and when she thinks he doesn’t know anything?

In my marriage, trust has come over time, and after we have faced hard experiences together...and survived. I believe that the only remedy to divorce is to stay married. I also believe that a wife needs to be committed to her marriage even when she doesn’t feel committed to her husband. When a wife sticks with her husband in hard times her actions say, “I'm with you.” I ask myself, "How can a wife become the neck if she bails when the goin' gets tough?"

I love my husband and want to say "honey I'm with you. Thanks for being with me".

The Book I Received

I completed an online survey for TOFW and they said they would send me a free book in exchange for my time and thoughts. I picked a book from the three they offered. Today I opened a package from them and inside was a note saying that because of an inventory error they were sending me another book instead. This new book is a memoir by Paul Cardall called Before My Heart Stops. The cover also says "I was born with half a heart. God made up the difference." I've only read a few pages but look forward to reading the rest.

 

I was thinking about how he and Kris Belcher have such a spiritual outlook to their trials. It's been two years for me and I'm still trying to get a grip on mine. I was starting to get down on myself then a couple of things occurred to me in the blink of an eye:

1) They have struggled with their trials all their lives. I got MS out of the blue and it turned my life upside down.

2) They were born to good parents and raised to have the gospel in their lives. My dad was a non-church going Catholic who joined the church for my mom and then went inactive. I also had turmoil in my life growing up and was raised in the church by a single mom.

3) They've both been on missions and have a deep understanding of the gospel. I think I have a deep understanding of the gospel but I've never been on a mission. I don't think about the atonement first, usually first, I have a pity-party for myself.

Certain scriptures come to my mind or a song goes through my head that relates to an experience I'm having and it gives me a deeper understanding of the gospel than I had before. Also, certain experiences make it easier for me to handle this trial gracefully - but I'm no Paul Cardall or Kris Belcher. The important thing is to not compare myself to them. I'm sure my trial has a positive impact on someone and I'm grateful to help them in some small way.

Hope

Kris Belcher's blog today has this quote:

"Elder Orson F. Whitney said: “No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude and humility. All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure it patiently, builds up our character, purifies our heart, expands our soul, and makes us more tender and charitable, more worthy to be called the children of God … and it is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we came here to acquire and which will make us more like our Father and Mother in heaven” (quoted in Spencer W. Kimball, Faith Precedes the Miracle, 98)."

I really like this quote because it reminds me that everything I experience is worthwhile (even if I don't like it). I'm glad for the opportunity I have to still learn and grow and know that the trials I face in this life won't follow me into eternity.

Utah

I was born and raised in Utah and my family still lives there. I recently visited my family for two weeks in June and stayed with one sister then the other, each for a week.

I am also Mormon and love my religion but didn't do anything religious while I was there (except go to church one time) because the rest of my family is not religious and doesn't want anything to do with Mormons.

When I came home a friend of mine said her daughter went to Especially For Youth (EFY) at BYU-Provo with lots of other teenagers. My friend loved how there was a Deseret Bookstore and a Mormon distribution center right there! Another friend talked about how many temples there were in Utah and how easy it was to go to them. Another friend just posted her vacation pictures on Facebook. The thumbnail pic was of them standing in front of the Christus at Temple Square.

I think all these things are cool and want to be excited about going to each of them and just be the Mormon that I am. The problem I have is that my extended family lives there and those things aren't fun to them. (At least I have my own family who will do those things with me and will think it's cool.) I want to go to Utah and be happy about being a Mormon and do Mormon things. Next time, I guess I will.

Patience

I was talking to a friend today and said, "The thing I realize right now is how patient God is." She said, "I think patience is one of the things we are meant to learn in this life."

 

I know I can't understand God's perfect patience. I want to say, "I'm done" so often when I've forgiven people time and time again. But then I think of the story in the bible where Jesus got asked how many times a person needed to forgive and Jesus said, "Seventy times seven" or in other words, every time. THAT is patience. I'm glad God doesn't say, "I'm done" about me because I certainly make the same mistakes over and over again and he just continues to love me.

It makes me think of how mad I was at someone yesterday. I'm supposed to turn that hurt over to the Savior and continue to love that person even though they hurt me. That's hard to do because I wanted to say, "I'm done." I know that each time I turn my pain over to the Savior, He heals me and I progress spiritually.

I complained about this person to Per, to my Journal and to my Sister yesterday. I guess when I complain I'm wanting sympathy from the source to whom I complain. It's hard not to complain. It's hard not to seek that sympathy from others. I know that when I pray to God, He will have sympathy for me. I need to remember to turn to the right source and not seek approval from others. I have so far to go. I'm so far from perfection. I am learning, and maybe one day I'll actually 'do'.

Dear Uber-dude

Per always has a way to make me laugh. We say a prayer before every meal and sometimes he says "Dear Uber-dude." It makes us laugh then he says a 'nice' prayer. Thanks, honey, for your sense of humor. I don't think God minds.