Be of Good Cheer

It's hard to "be of good cheer" when you have little or no hope.

I went to a doctor last year who said to me "there's nothing I can do." She said no medicine existed for the kind of MS I had. Then I never saw her again. She didn't ask me to schedule a follow-up appointment with her and I felt like she didn't care. For ten months I lived in a constant state a limbo. I called it that because I never knew if that day would be my last. I thought what's the use with my life, I'm just gonna die! I never wanted to kill myself but I had no hope for my future happiness.

Last month as I drove and listened to the radio (which I never do, because I hate commercials, I only listened to the radio because I wanted to listen to something and didn't know how to make the satellite radio work) a commercial came that said something like "If you have MS you might qualify for our clinical trial..." I thought oh my gosh! and turned up the volume to hear who would say this. I went directly home and looked the company up on the internet. I felt shocked to realize a medical group existed in the town next to mine that focused on treating people with MS! I wondered how I had never heard of them. I also wondered why none of my previous doctors had mentioned this group. I thought I've had MS for two years and could have used their help!

I knew I liked them when I watched their videos. I scheduled an appointment and went there in March. I had a barage of tests done including telling them my history, having three MRI's (brain, neck, and spine,) having a neurological evaluation, having a sleep study (including spending the night), having an eye study, and giving blood. I just went there again yesterday for a follow-up appointment and felt disappointed when I learned that my previous doctors hadn't sent them my records. I could feel my heart swell when I learned that my MRI's showed very few lesions in my brain. Furthermore, they showed no lesions on my neck or spine. The doctor said that my neurological eval, sleep and eye study were all fine. He said that the thing they checked for in my blood came back negative (which is good!) He only didn't give me a diagnosis because he wanted to wait until he had learned my history and had seen all of my MRI's.

My first doctor said he couldn't help me. My second doctor had a terrible bedside manner. He also indicated that I had a bad attitude. My third doctor forgot about me. This is my fourth doctor, let's hope it's my last!

The nurse gave me hope when he said he wasn't sure that I had the rare form of MS (PPMS.) He said that since I'd had symptoms that went away, it sounded like an attack. People who have PPMS don't have attacks. He said he wanted to review my previous tests and MRI's to make sure I had received the correct diagnosis.

I think a person's level of happiness is dependent upon the level of hope they have.