Bryan's marriage has caused me to reflect and realize I'm not in the current generation anymore. I feel weird realizing that my kids are grown and that I could be called "grandma" in a few years.
When I got married, at 22, being a grandparent seemed so far away. I had my second child at 25 and for the next 15+ years, Per and I focused on parenting. We watched our kids play soccer and football, listened to them fight, and tried to teach them even when they didn't want to listen.
We attended church, encouraged them, and gave them the benefit of the doubt. We went on family vacations (usually to visit other family) and gave them as many opportunities as we could. They usually thought the things we did were dumb and I consoled myself by thinking that one day they would appreciate it.
I made countless dinners for my family, sat up with my kids when they were sick, and kissed their boo-boo's when they got hurt. I sang songs to them, read them several books and played many games with them. I wanted to do everything I could for my kids because I loved them.
It felt hard for me to accept the discord of them wanting me when they were little but repelling my direction when they got older. (I knew of it being natural for kids to want their own identities because of being told what to say and do. I understood that after kids got older they realized they wanted to do what they thought. But when my kids did that, it didn't stop my feelings from hurting.) As a mom, I had always directed my kids and been in charge. After my kids became teenagers, and no longer wanted my direction, I felt like they no longer wanted me. I took their rejection personally. (That's how I felt at the time, but today I know that just because they didn't want my direction didn't mean they didn't want a mother.)
When I stood in the thick of parenting, I thought those years would never end. Now that I no longer parent children, I look back on that time and consider it short. (I will probably live until I am at least 80. Eighteen years out of 80 doesn't seem very long.)
I think my real parenting starts now. The advice I'll give my adult children is based on life experience. Perhaps they'll ask me questions like "How do you handle...?" or "How do you do...?" (Just like with raising kids, there is no handbook or 'right' answer.) I will say what I know when my kids ask me a question and hope my words suffice.
When I got married, at 22, being a grandparent seemed so far away. I had my second child at 25 and for the next 15+ years, Per and I focused on parenting. We watched our kids play soccer and football, listened to them fight, and tried to teach them even when they didn't want to listen.
We attended church, encouraged them, and gave them the benefit of the doubt. We went on family vacations (usually to visit other family) and gave them as many opportunities as we could. They usually thought the things we did were dumb and I consoled myself by thinking that one day they would appreciate it.
I made countless dinners for my family, sat up with my kids when they were sick, and kissed their boo-boo's when they got hurt. I sang songs to them, read them several books and played many games with them. I wanted to do everything I could for my kids because I loved them.
It felt hard for me to accept the discord of them wanting me when they were little but repelling my direction when they got older. (I knew of it being natural for kids to want their own identities because of being told what to say and do. I understood that after kids got older they realized they wanted to do what they thought. But when my kids did that, it didn't stop my feelings from hurting.) As a mom, I had always directed my kids and been in charge. After my kids became teenagers, and no longer wanted my direction, I felt like they no longer wanted me. I took their rejection personally. (That's how I felt at the time, but today I know that just because they didn't want my direction didn't mean they didn't want a mother.)
When I stood in the thick of parenting, I thought those years would never end. Now that I no longer parent children, I look back on that time and consider it short. (I will probably live until I am at least 80. Eighteen years out of 80 doesn't seem very long.)
I think my real parenting starts now. The advice I'll give my adult children is based on life experience. Perhaps they'll ask me questions like "How do you handle...?" or "How do you do...?" (Just like with raising kids, there is no handbook or 'right' answer.) I will say what I know when my kids ask me a question and hope my words suffice.
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