Giving in to Fear Just Leads to Having More Fear. Be Strong!

The most helpful thing to me has been reading about the voices in the book Following the Light of Christ Into His Presence. In that chapter it says that there are three voices in everyone's head: The first voice says positive things; The second voice says negative things; And the third voice wonders which is right. (Imagine a confused person with a little devil on one shoulder and a little angel on the other shoulder who holds their hands up as if questioning which one to listen to. One voice says, "Do it" another voice says, "Don't do it" and the person thinks, what should I do?)

For years I had a little voice in my head that said bad things to me and made me doubt myself. I listened to that little voice, even though I didn't like it, because I wondered if it said the truth. About ten years ago I learned that it had been lying to me and began thinking good things. (Ever since I got sick the little voice stopped talking to me - and never came back. I don't know why it stopped, but, being the religious person that I am, I choose to consider it a gift from God because He loves me.) Recently, I read the following story and thought the wolves were like the little devil and angel on the person's shoulders:

An old Cherokee told his grandson: "My son, there is a battle between two wolves inside us all. One is evil. It is anger, jealousy, greed, resentment, inferiority, lies, and ego. The other is good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, humility, kindness, empathy, and truth."

The boy thought about it, and asked, "Grandfather, which wolf wins?"

The old man quietly replied, "The one you feed." 

How true that the dominant voice in my mind is the one I feed.

Last week, Per and Andrew both went on trips, leaving me home alone with Fluffy. For five days I felt fine. (Albeit a little bored at night, but mentally and emotionally OK.) On day six, I sat upstairs doing something in the kitchen. Someone impatiently rang my doorbell three times, and by the time I opened the door he stood at the end of my driveway on his phone. I let my imagination see a bad possibility that scared me. He held a clipboard and could have been talking to his boss, but I also considered the possibility that he had called a thief to tell them to rob my home because no one answered the door. I let my fear go so far as to text my son, text a friend, turn on every light in the house, turn on the TV, lock every lock, move the key that unlocks my room, and lock my bedroom door when I went to bed. 

I worried all night about a robber getting me. Every time I saw the light outside my bedroom door, I thought about the bad scenario and felt more scared. The next day I thought about how if a robber wanted to do something bad, they'd find a way to do it; I might deter them but if they wanted to do a bad thing, they would.

There are many things that I don't like and that scare me, but I tell myself, "You can handle it!" I'd rather be tough than fearful. I prefer to think, I can! I'm strong and capable of doing hard things. I fed my fear that day and it became stronger. Had I not given in to fear I would have been strong, and, although scared, I would have thought, You can handle it instead of thinking, I'm more scared now. In retrospect, I would have been mentally and emotionally fine had I not fed my fear. People are strong and capable of handling things - I hope they will be strong even when they feel scared.