The Lord Blesses Me With More Than What I Ask

I truly believe that The Lord wanted to bless me five years ago, before I got sick, but I couldn't receive it so he gave me a trial to make me stronger. How could I feel His love when I couldn't say, "I love you" to myself? His perfect love would have crushed me because I couldn't bear it. I felt that others deserved his love, but in my heart I didn't feel that I myself was worthy to receive anything good. It is so sad to hear how badly I thought and felt, but it's true. I've learned so many things in the last five years! Even in my trial, He blesses me as much as He can.

Before getting sick, I had plans for myself. Unfortunately, my heart didn't truly believe that some of the things I planned would actually come true. I wished and hoped for them to come true, but in all honesty, my heart didn't believe that some things would ever happen. 

To me, the Bible story in Mark 9 relates to this topic so well. The father wished and hoped that his son would be well, but in all honesty, he didn't truly believe it would ever happen. He hoped for any kind of help to stop his son from harming himself, but didn't ever think that his son would be completely healed and free from the things that tormented him. He said to Jesus, "Help me." The Lord knew the father's heart. The Savior knew that the father hoped but that even his hope was not complete. Jesus said, "All things are possible to him that believeth." I love the thing the father said in reply. He said, "Lord I believe; help thou mine unbelief." The Savior didn't condemn him, He didn't chastise him and say, "I won't help you until you believe," No! Instead, He completely healed his son. Jesus Christ blessed the father...and more than the father hoped.

The Lord is good. I believe that he wants to bless me. I truly believe Him - in my heart. I trust Him completely, and I couldn't say that five years ago. He doesn't want me to have trials, or hard times, but it's through struggles that I learn. He doesn't teach me when I'm happy - he rejoices with me! He teaches me when I'm sad. If my trial isn't permanent and if I don't learn, then I get to experience the same trial again. I love that He blesses me as much as He can.