Next year Per and I will be "empty nesters". Andrew is a Junior in High School and will graduate in May next year to go to greener pastures at BYU in Provo then on to a mission and living the rest of his life away from home. Bryan is also a Junior but in college. He will graduate next year from BYU with a degree in Advertising and wants to live in France for a few years. He hasn't lived with us since he was 19 and is happy being on his own (even though we still pay for a couple of things for him).
I always wanted my boys to have their own lives. I didn't want them to be afraid to leave home and live with us when they are 40. I wanted and still want them to be independent and think for themselves. I know they will always love to come home and be pampered by mom even after they're married. I understand Per's mom more now that my boys are grown up and why she makes his favorite foods and babies him when she sees him. She does those things because she loves him and he will always be her son even though he has a wife that takes care of him. It's true "no one does it as good as mamma".
I have said several times to my husband "if you want me to mother you, you can forget it. Go live with your mom". Kids are torn because they want the comfort of home but they want to be themselves. I think they need to leave home and be themselves but once they leave they leave and from then on are welcome to come home for visits. Part of me wants my kids to never leave but I know that is selfish, so I'll just suck up my insecurity of being a childless mother and be a big girl. I get to follow my dreams now, and I don't want to because I like being a mom, but I must remember I'll always be a mom even when I'm pursuing my dreams.
I look at moms now and realize "I've been there". I have advice to offer them if they want to hear it but I won't force them to listen. I'm the kind of person that likes doing things myself and making my own decisions. Some moms learn from other people and I guess I did too -- from a distance. I didn't and still don't like to be told what to do because I trust in my abilities and believe I'm capable. Some moms don't trust themselves and like being told how to parent. They are also domineering and pass their insecurities and lack of trust in themselves onto their kids. I want to say to those moms "trust that you do know better because you do, and you have more experience than your kids. Your kids want a parent who knows whats right and can guide them. They'll never leave you even though they leave home, believe that. Be positive, your attitude will help your kids face life with confidence. You may feel insecure on the inside, but don't say it to your kids. It will just hurt them and they will feel insecure. You're doing a good job, but always strive to be better".
Motherhood has changed for me in that I'm no longer "doing". A mom once gave me advice and now I get to pass it on to younger generations.
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