Then and Now

I’m transcribing a document for Per and the process has taken weeks because of slowness and fatigue. I used to type really fast; so fast, in fact, that I thought in words instead of letters. One of the things I experience because of MS is that my right hand is slow and inaccurate. To use an analogy, I used to be a rabbit and now I’m a turtle.

Slowness isn’t the only thing I experience – I get tired too. Once I did many things, but now I do one thing before feeling extremely tired.  I work on the document then stop after a short time because of fatigue. For the rest of the day I sit in my living room chair because I feel too tired to do anything more.

After getting sick I lamented about my lost abilities. One day I realized that lamenting just made me feel bad and caused me to live in the past. (In my heart I want to be a fast typist like before, and wish I could do many things, but I can't and that's realistic.) Accepting what I can do now causes me to live in the present moment (even though I remember what I once could do.)

Now to be philosophical: We can do many things at a young age, but when we get older we wish we could do the things we once could. (I think excessively wishing this causes mid-life crises.) We’d be better off to accept the current reality and let the past remain in the past. When we accept the current reality, we don't give in or giving up or say “Why try?" but “I'll do my best with what I can do right now.”

I want to remember the positive and hopeful feelings I have when I think of what I can do and not what I can’t.