Being Real

There's something to be said about being authentic and saying, "What you see is what you get." I've become that way since being sick and think I'm truly myself. Before I got sick I tried to keep up appearances. After getting sick I dropped the expectations I had for myself and thought, This is me, take it or leave it.

I thought I knew how other people behaved but I didn't. After getting sick, I saw that a lot of people wanted me to think they had it together when they didn't. They appeared perfect but I knew of perfection as an impossible achievement in this lifetime, and recognized that sooner or later everyone fell short. I wanted people to know this too, and to be their real selves. 

Perfection can never be fully achieved in this lifetime, but it's not okay to say, "I'll never be perfect so why try?" For some reason and for years, I expected perfection from myself. For example, I thought I should play the piano perfectly. My unrealistic expectations said, "If I can't then why try?" I got down on myself for my imperfect playing and chose to see only my faults; I only saw what I lacked. Eventually, I got so fed up with my imperfect playing that I didn't touch the piano for months.

I consider my piano example dramatic and rigid. Back then, I thought of life as black and white, this or that - no in-between. Since being sick I realize that instead of appearing perfect it's more beneficial to work on becoming the best person possible. (If I am good at something, I aim to be even better. If I don't have a certain quality and I want it I try my best to get it.)  I know now that it's only helpful to compare my progress to my previous self. I truly believe that progression is the important thing, not perfection.

I can see how when a person acts perfect, they could become too proud to admit the false identity. It's not bad to say, "I fall short." In fact, it's humble to admit weakness and inspiring to say, "but I'll try harder."

I wonder how a person could ever ask God to help them when they think they have nothing needing improvement. If they say, "I'm weak, I can't do it on my own, please help me" I think God will help them because of their humble and sincere plea. I know that God will help a person who takes the action to ask for help while they attempt to change. I believe that God wants people to do something instead of just wish.

Some people say that their neighbor thinks they're perfect. If they're right then it's sad because it's not true. The neighbor may APPEAR perfect, but usually what a person appears to be vs. who they are doesn't match.

I am convinced that actions speak louder than words. It's one thing for someone to say, "I want that" but another thing for them to work to get it. I love the saying, "I cannot hear what you say because who you are rings so loudly in my ears." I want people to be who they are in their hearts so that I can trust them.

Fake vs. Real

I don't like fake people.

When I say "I don't like," I mean "I don't relate." How can I relate to something I'm not? Perhaps fake people can pretend to like real people but actually -- they don't like them. They are just pretending to like them but truthfully -- they don't. A real person would rather know the truth. Real people don't like it when fake people try to spare their feelings because it usually ends up hurting their feelings.

I used to be fake. I did things to please others instead of myself and denied what I really wanted.

Perhaps people are fake because they haven't learned how to be real. They don't have their eyes open to reality. Maybe they don't like the reality they see and would rather see rainbows and unicorns. It could be that seeing reality is seeing the negative and seeing rainbows and unicorns is seeing the positive. If that's true then it's sad because a person will never improve.

Criticism may be perceived as negative but if a person changes, they turn the negative to positive when they become greater.

Usually, everyone will listen to someone. I listen to Per. Even when his honesty hurts me, I know that hurting me is not his intention. His intention is that he wants me to quit doing something wrong and start doing something better. He can see the forest more clearly because he isn't close to the trees like I am.

That thought reminds me of how God knows my full potential. He wants me to be real; genuine; how I am in my heart. Some of my experiences hurt but when I learn something it causes me to grow and experience a good thing. The idea reminds me of this part of the song Ocean in Me, "When I feel like just a teardrop in the rain, God sees the ocean in me." God sees the ocean in me but if I just see myself as a teardrop I will never allow myself to be what God knows I can become. If I stay fake and never become real I will never improve.