I Choose Happiness

Things are changing all around me and all I can do is be myself. I can't control what other people do but I can control what I do. What I know is that I don't want to control. Things will be how they are. They might control my environment, but they can't control my mind. They might think they control my mind by telling me how to be, but until they control my thoughts they don't control me. What I know externally as freedom may one day change, but internally I'll always be free.

The Truth

"You can please some of the people some of the time , but you can't please all of the people all of the time"

I'm just me, and I'm an American. I believe a subtle trap is to be like everyone else - to be politically correct (not say things that could upset someone), to be fair (not be all I can be because someone else isn't) and to not care about money (but instead care more about what I do regardless of money).

The American way is freedom

• To climb the ladder, be all you can be and make as much money as possible.
• To strive for and get to the top and be rewarded with success.
• To live where you want, do what you want and be who you want.

It's NOT American to be politically correct
It's impossible to say things that don't offend someone because eventually it'll happen. Political Correctness is control - controlling someone to say nice things when the people who push political correctness sometimes don't say nice things themselves. The truth is that most people try to say nice things and not hurt people but sometimes they do, and if they don't try to be nice then it's their choice. Another truth is that it's a choice to be offended.

It's NOT American to try to please everyone
Everyone doesn't win (there's survival of the fittest and it's a common fact...if they get something they don't deserve, they know it.) The truth is that making everyone a winner just makes everyone weak - when someone loses then they try harder to hopefully win the next time. If they don't win and get offended it's their choice to be offended.

It's NOT American to think money is evil
Just because someone doesn't have it doesn't mean I shouldn't have it either. The truth is that everyone has the same ability to get what they want. If someone get's offended by someone else having what they don't it's their choice to be offended instead of doing their best to get it.

The Truth
When drama is stripped away all that's left is choice. Everything is a choice and the things I stated are things designed to bring America down, to not make America great and to make America like everyone else. I'm proud to be an American and I love my country - the land of the free and home of the brave.

Being and Example of What I Believe

I want to be an example of what I believe and know that someone is always watching. Knowing that someone is always watching makes me think twice about what I do. Granted, I'm not a robot that does everything perfectly, but I have the thought 'be an example because someone's always watching' instead of  'can I get away with it without anyone noticing?'

Sometimes I'm alone but even then someone's watching: me. I can be an example to me and show myself that I have integrity and can do the right thing.  Even if I'm the only one there I can make a good choice and feel good, not feel bad or numb because of regret.

I love this poem:

Be an Example

You don’t have to tell how you live each day;
You don’t have to tell if you work or play;
A tried and true barometer stands in its place—
You don’t have to tell, it will show in your face. …

Being the religious person that I am, I add this to the poem and quote this scripture:

If you live close to God and His infinite grace—

You won’t have to tell; it will show in your face.

Be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity” (1 Timothy 4:12)

Laughter is Truly the Best Medicine

Thank goodness for humor because otherwise I'd be serious. I have a serious personality and sometimes when I get too intense Per says something funny to lighten my mood. I am soooo grateful for humor! I love these quotes on humor, they are so true:

• You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything, even poverty, you can survive it. -Bill Cosby
• Humor is mankind's greatest blessing. -Mark Twain
• Like a welcome summer rain, humor may suddenly cleanse and cool the earth, the air and you. -Langston Hughes
• A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs. It's jolted by every pebble on the road. -Henry Ward Beecher
• Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not; a sense of humor to console him for what he is. -Francis Bacon
• A well-developed sense of humor is the pole that adds balance to your steps as you walk the tightrope of life. -William Arthur Ward
• A sense of humor is a major defense against minor troubles. -Mignon McLaughlin
• Humor is the weapon of unarmed people: it helps people who are oppressed to smile at the situation that pains them. -Simon Wiesenthal
• If you could choose one characteristic that would get you through life, choose a sense of humor. -Jennifer Jones
• As we look for humor... we can endure hardship and trial. We can say, as did my mother, “Come what may, and love it.” -Joseph B. Wirthlin
• Find happiness in ordinary things, and keep your sense of humor. -Boyd K. Packer

If I didn't have humor I'd get offended so easily. Some situations are funny to me and all I can do is laugh. My favorite quote is by Marjorie Hinckley, she said: "In life you can either laugh or cry. I'd rather laugh, crying gives me a headache." If my choices are to either laugh or cry, laugh or get mad, laugh or feel offended then I'd rather laugh.

Getting Closer to Where I Want to Go

I heard an excellent thing said today, "Sometimes we take the wrong road so we'll know the right road with assurity". I believe that statement with all my heart. Sometimes I've taken the road that leads to a bad place, but when I turned around and took the correct road I knew for sure it would get me where I wanted to go.

Life is full of forks in the road and I have to choose which road to take. It helps me to think of the final destination-where I want to go (I want to go there so I'll take this road). Sometimes I want to go there but take detours. The point isn't the detours but that I got there. Also, the point is not when I got there but that I got there-if it's still there than great!

Knowing the destination makes me think of Alice in Wonderland. Alice came to a fork in the road and said to the Cheshire Cat, "Which road should I take?" The Cheshire Cat said, "Where do you want to go?" Alice said, "I don't know" and the Cheshire Cat said, "Then, it doesn't matter which road you take." I love that example, it tells me that knowing a destination is good. Perhaps if Alice said, "I want to get out of Wonderland" the Cheshire Cat would have said, "Then, take that road because this road leads to the queen's house."

Even though Alice took the road leading to the queen's house all was not lost. She fought the Jaberwocke and learned about herself. I'm not sure she took the incorrect road but just the road that led to potential peril. She defeated the dragon and got out of Wonderland. Isn't that story a parallel to life? Sometimes our choices lead to potential peril, we defeat dragons, we learn about ourselves, we choose the correct roads, and we reach our destinations.

Turning to the Best Source

I believe that at some point everyone pleads "help me" to God. We'd like to think we have life under control and don't need his help, but perhaps when we're all alone or in our mind sometimes we pray to him to help us. We might think we're better than the person who's addiction we can see, but everyone struggles with something. At some point everyone needs their loving Heavenly Father to help them. He helps us but is it recognized?

Yesterday morning a negative thought and feeling reminded me that I'm a failure because I'm not perfect. I felt like crap. I took a shower and still felt bad then certain words to a primary song repeated in my mind: "Through a still small voice the spirit speaks to me...listen, listen to the still small voice". Two voices in my mind. I focused on good things and ended up feeling good. Another thought in my mind said to think only good things. I thought about how from childhood to now the church had been a huge influence in my life and had always been inspiring. Soon I felt good

I believe he helped me but I had the choice of which thought to listen to. (It's like a little devil sat on one of my shoulders and whispered bad things in my ear, and a little angel sat on my other shoulder and whispered good things in my ear but I had to choose which one I'd listen to.)

I truly think that if I don't focus on negative feelings they will go away. (It's like focusing on what I want not what I don't want.) When I'm on my way to overcoming something but then relapse I might think I'm a failure because I gave in; I suck; I can't do it so why even try; I'm weak, and let those negative thoughts become more negative thoughts. I could keep lying to myself and telling myself things that make me feel bad, or I could tell myself the truth and hope for good things like I'm not a failure just because I gave in; I'm not perfect but I'm trying to overcome this and I won't give up; I'm good; I'm strong.

Some things are really hard to overcome but I can do it and I won't quit trying. I know that God helps me - he loves me, he wants the best for me - just like a parent loves their child simply because they exist. I feel sad when I give in to things I'm trying to overcome, but I know that I'm not overcoming it alone because He helps me.

Is Kindness Diminishing?

People are outside mowing their lawns early on Sunday morning. What happened to courtesy? What happened to waiting until later to do things that might bother others? Is it just where I live? I feel disturbed by the selfishness I hear but maybe it only happens in my neighborhood.

I hope that at some point those people will think of someone besides themselves. I can only hope but the choice belongs to them. What they do is not up to me, but I can maybe influence their choice by my words. I feel like I'm complaining, but how can anyone fix something if they don't know about the problem?

I'm not implying that I'm perfect and they're not. I'm implying that they are doing something wrong and I hope they'll correct themselves. I love people and give them freedom to be how they will, but honesty sounds like judgment. I'm sorry if people think I'm judging because I'm not, I just want people (including myself) to have good behavior.

The Girl Continued to Smoke

I heard a good suggestion: To speak in the third person instead of the first person when writing; in my case, to say SHE and HER instead of I. I'm going try it and see how it goes. Please comment and tell me what you think.

A friend told her that the girl continued to smoke even when pregnant. She considered how it would be very hard to give up an addiction. She also thought about how every event came with a choice. She wondered if the girl had even thought that temporarily giving up smoking to have a healthy baby was worth the sacrifice. Maybe the girl rationalized in her mind why smoking while pregnant was okay.

She reflected on the girl and reminded herself how when tempted to give in, reminding herself of what she actually wanted helped her tremendously. (Looking at stuff, reading words, or hearing things about what she wanted created feelings of resolve.) She thought about how it's a choice to stay on track or to quit. She remembered how sometimes it's hard to stay on track. Then she reminded herself how when she stayed on track and remembered what she actually wanted, she more likely got it.

Thinking About Someone Besides Myself

I was sleeping this morning when I heard music playing outside at 730AM! Just because that person was awake and ready to work outside didn't mean their music wouldn't disturb me. That person was clearly not thinking about how other people would be affected by their choice.

I am reminded of how some people do things or allow things to disturb me then have the attitude like "they need to understand". Why do I need to understand and accept wrong behavior? They need to not allow things to disturb me.

I see the attitude of selfishness becoming more prevalent these days. It seems like a lot of people (even people my age and older) have this thought, 'everyone does it so I'll do it too'. I can hear a mother tell her child "If everyone jumped off a bridge would you do it too? You have your own brain and can decide for yourself between right and wrong."

It seems like even though some people have brains that can decide between right and wrong, they don't care and seem to tell me, "deal with it". I don't want to deal with it and don't think I should. My hope for people who do selfish things is that they think about someone besides themselves. Thinking about others removes the blinders from their eyes and allows them to see/consider others, not just think about themselves.

I Won't be Blindsided by Fear

I truly believe that fear is a tactic Satan uses to stop us in our tracks. I see so many things happening in the world that if I focused on their reality I'd feel really scared. Wars are happening in various places, the cost of living is going up, food costs are rising, the cost of gasoline is ridiculous, unfairness happens, I have to deal with new symptoms of my disease, and on and on and on. It's at that moment that I have to step back from the problems, take a deep breath, and tell myself this:

• I was destined to be born now and knew before I was born that the world would have turmoil. I'm strong and can handle it.
• I will believe truth and not be blindsided by lies (fear being the biggest of all).
• It is what it is. Bad things happen but I choose what I focus on and I won't get stopped in my tracks by fear, I'll have faith that God will support me and give me peace as I put my faith and trust in Him.
• Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness. - Isaiah 41:10
• Truth: Satan has pulled out all the stops. He wants to make God's children afraid so they won't have faith. He knows his fate has been decided and that he's destined for hell and he wants to take as many of God's children with him as he can. Here's the clincher: he doesn't care about anyone but himself, he just wants to hurt God!
• Fear doesn't mean I'm going to hell it just means I feel fear instead of faith.

It's true that opposition exists to make me choose. It's also true that when I choose to feel afraid I just scare myself. If I choose to have faith instead and tell myself that whatever scares me God knows about too, I'll feel peace. Bad things are gonna happen - it's a part of life - but I won't dwell on the bad and I'll continue to live my life.

Choosing the Good

I don't believe in accidents. I believe that I make choices and things happen based on what I choose. If I make good choices then good things happen, and if I make bad choices then bad things happen but it all depends upon my choices.

Things happen when they will - sometimes immediately and sometimes down the road, but they *will* happen. Some people believe in karma and some people just believe in this phrase: "What goes around comes around." The message is the same - "You reap what you sow."

Sometimes it seems like something bad happens when doing good. I believe that a bad thing happens to teach something. I was at a very good time in my life when I got MS. I felt like the disease brought many bad things into my life but time went by and now I can say they were good things because they taught me; they became blessings.

Hard things happen to everyone, in that case I'm not unique. When hard things happen I choose to see the best not the worst, to learn (expand my mind) not to keep the same what I know.

Standing Strong

I read something today that really hit me, it said, "Don't give in to the pressure of others." It seems like if I don't agree with someone on something they'll pressure (bully) me to believe (or at least accept) what they believe. I won't cave on my beliefs. I'll stand strong even when bullied. I'll respect the individual (and hope they'll respect me) but I'll stand for my beliefs.

When someone bullies me or states the unfairness of something, what good does it do to buy into the drama? I believe what I believe and won't get swayed or angered by what they say. Instead, I won't listen to it and I'll do what makes me feel happy.

Some people these days say things just to get me on their side. Once I'm on their side, they don't care about me anymore. (It might sound negative but it's true.) It's up to me to discern whether or not to follow them; just because they pressure me doesn't mean they're correct. I have a plan for my life and won't get off track because of pressure.

The Happiness I Feel

This is cute :) Click here

I love my things but if a tornado took them all away, eventually I'd feel happy because everything I need is already in my heart. 'Of course' I'd feel sad for a while because a tornado and losing my things would be devastating! But I wouldn't let the sadness permanently affect my mood. Just like with my MS, one day I'd say, "Enough!" Then, once again, I'd determine how I feel.

Feeling happy is my choice, and it's something I face everyday. I ask myself, "Will I rise above the unfair thing and not let it affect me?" I used to let things affect my happiness. If something didn't go right I attacked myself. I'm a perfectionist who likes perfect things, and when things didn't go perfectly, or when I did something wrong, or when someone was mean to me, or when I ruined something, or when I didn't accomplish everything on my list, or when I burned dinner I thought rotten things about myself.

What I know now is that the world is not fair; nothing in this world is perfect and that's okay; I'm not always gonna do things right but I'm always gonna do my best, what people say and do is a reflection of them not me, sometimes things get ruined but I'll try as much as possible to avoid it, and sometimes dinners don't turn out the way I want but the important thing is that I tried.

I want to have a happy heart and know that more than just wanting it I must do what it takes to make it so. I live in the western world which means that I love things. But I know that 'things' don't determine my happiness.

Kindness Goes a Long Way

Here's what I think: Be Nice.

Never hurt anyone. That's hard to do, especially when they've hurt me, but my actions always say how I am. I want to be loving so why would I be mean? Being nice means being nice at all times; that means even when people aren't nice toward me.

• The Dalai Lama said, "If you can, help others. If you cannot, at least do no harm."
• Mother Theresa said, "Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are endless."
• President Monson said, "You can never be too nice." 

Three people from different backgrounds all saying the same thing. What does being nice mean? Having love in my heart. There's always two ways to say things: 1) Nicely, 2) Meanly. The question is: Do I want to be kind or unkind? Here's another question: If I died today, would I want to be considered nice or mean? Whatever my answer is, that's how I need to always be.

I love this message:

"It's nice to be important. But it's more important to be nice." How true. I may get five seconds of fame but the way I am will live on for more than five seconds. So many people are sad. I may never know when someone's at the end of their rope, all I know is that what I say could either make them let go or encourage them to hang on. I want to be a bright spot in someone's day. I want to lift.

Choices, Choices, Choices - What Will I Choose?

Every action is a choice between indulgence and sacrifice. Will I have it now or later? If it doesn't make it better by waiting, why not have it now? But if waiting makes it better, why not wait? One of the things Per says most is, "He who waits for something good never waits too long". I love that statement and change "something good" to "the best". I want the best and am willing to wait to have it.

Per and I are planning a trip in 2015. I have a goal to lose a certain amount of weight by the time we take our trip. I get enticed to have yummy food now, but I know that if I don't have it now I'll be happy later. I want to be happy next year and not regret that I didn't stick to my goal. Therefore when I get enticed, I think of what I want and don't cave, and stay on track to get it. 2015 will come whether or not I try to reach my goal. I'm willing to sacrifice now to be happy then.

Choosing the Right

Choosing the right used to be popular; when a person chose wrongly, society or their parents shamed them until they chose the right. Now, if a person wants to be a part of the 'in crowd' they need to choose the wrong. (It seems like when a person chooses the right in today's world they get pressured to choose the wrong.) 

Being a hero by doing the right thing used to be glorified in films and on TV. Superman, The Lone Ranger, and Kwai Chang Caine of Kung Fu were all hero's. Now it's Jason Bourne, Dominic Toretto and Walter White. 

Today we cheer for hero's that are actually bad. Jason is an assassin but we like him because he's kind. Dom is a theif and running from the law but we like him because he's loyal. Walt make's drugs but we like him because he's a good guy at heart. Every bad guy has a good quality but they're still bad!

We embrace what we like (their skills,) and overlook what we don't. Crime Drama's like CSI and Bones show a murder or dead body at the beginning of every show...but we overlook that part because we want to see how the murder gets solved. The Mob Boss show on TV glorifies killing. Some say The Sopranos were good (even though some of them killed people) because that show had likeable characters.

Even though right and wrong seem to be upside down, right is still right and wrong is still wrong. Choosing the right may be unpopular now, but I think we still need to have the courage to stand up for it. We need to be brave enough to walk out of theaters or turn off our TV's when we see something unsavory instead of just sitting there and watching it and tolerating what we know in our hearts is wrong. Let's decide to not even begin watching a show that is wrong because we know we will think it's OK when we fall in love with the characters.

If society says that the good movies are children's movies because they're bland, then let's have the guts to say "OK, then I guess I only watch children's movies!" We can withstand what society says is popular when our heart tells us that it's not. We need to be willing to stand with the millions of other people who choose the right.

We Need to Act

About a month ago I felt compelled to write a talk about afflictions and trials. I don't know why I wrote it other than because I felt the need. To make a long story short, I gave that talk in church on Sunday. (I truly feel I received inspiration to say the things I did.) I could have been a better speaker because I spoke too fast and didn't make eye contact. I know that, but didn't do them for a couple of reasons. First,  looking into people's eyes would have made me cry after feeling their emotions.  I can't contain my feelings, therefore I didn't look at them. Second, I spoke quickly because I know that my voice gets worn out when I speak, and to me it sounds worse.

When I step back and review this accomplishment, the important thing is not the words but that I spoke. I didn't let fear stop me from delivering the talk, but swallowed my pride and said things that hopefully touched another person. I put myself aside and gave the talk (even though I have limitations) because I hoped the words would reach someone.

After I'd been asked to speak in church, I kept thinking of the words "slow of speech."  I had read those words in the Bible where God told Moses to tell the Israelite's something and Moses said they wouldn't listen to him because he was slow of speech. I think God told Moses to speak, to test Moses' obedience. I believe God wanted to know that Moses would do what God told him. Moses could have made excuses, but instead he did as directed...and became a great leader.

I'm not comparing myself to Moses, but saying that it's important to be obedient when compelled to do something. We need to act not make excuses for why we don't. When we're obedient to promptings, God knows He can count on us. He uses us to convey messages that He wants people to hear. Perhaps the opportunity is lost when we don't act. I spoke even though I felt many insecurities. I hope that God knows he can count on me.

Here's the talk:

Afflictions and Trials

I’m Hawaiian and in the Hawaiian language there is the word ‘Ohana’ which means family. In families people express their love. I hope you will feel my love for you today and that the Holy Ghost will teach you (through my words) what you need to learn.

I have been sick for four years. Before that time, I could stand and walk and talk just like you.  I have MS and some of my symptoms have never gone away. I had a life before I got MS. I worked. I made dinner for my family almost every day. I cleaned my house. I exercised. I ran errands. I wrote in my journal. I played the piano. I sang and I served at church.

After I got sick, my life turned upside down. I became disabled. I had to quit my job. I couldn't cook, clean, exercise, or shop any more. I no longer had balance. My strength became weakness. I felt dizzy. My hands wouldn't hold things correctly. Writing became difficult. My hands shook whenever I attempted to play the piano; my fingers wouldn't stay on the keys of my favorite instrument; and, my playing became slow and included lots of mistakes. This has been a great learning experience for me. I always wanted to stay home and not work…but I didn’t mean and be sick too!

 Anyway, my illness is a blessing because now I get to talk to you about it. I can’t stand for very long (because then I get hot and feel like I want to cry) so I’m sitting while I talk to you, I hope you don’t mind. My voice has been affected by my illness. I haven’t always sounded like this, so I hope you can understand me.

Afflictions and trials aren’t the same thing. Most trials start out as afflictions but trials can be manmade, for example, when one doesn't learn a certain lesson so they experience the same trial again.

Sometimes people get afflictions to learn to live with them. When a person learns from their afflictions, they receive the benefit of being improved. We learn through the furnace of affliction. Isaiah records God saying: "Behold, I have refined thee, but not with silver; I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction." (Isaiah 48:10) We don’t learn from happiness but from sorrow. God doesn’t teach us when we feel happy – He rejoices with us! God teaches us when we feel sad.

Afflictions are a part of sanctification. Abraham recorded God saying: "And we will prove them herewith, to see if they will do all things whatsoever the Lord their God shall command them." (Abraham 3:25) God wanted to know if we’d be obedient to his commandments. Essentially, He said: “Put your money where your mouth is.” He wanted to know if we’d keep his commandments even when afflicted. 

Afflictions are whatever the Lord determines we need to experience. A great prophet in the Book of Mormon said: "For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been since the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, as a child doth submit to his father." (Mosiah 3:19)

Joseph Smith suffered for months because bad people accused him of a crime he didn’t commit. He said that he’d seen God, and because of that and other things, bad men locked him up.

He sat in the Liberty Jail during one Missouri winter. (I’ve lived in Kansas for over 20 years and know how cold it gets in the winter on the plains. Joseph Smith received the revelation that I’m about to quote from at the end of March - it’s still pretty cold then. Plus no glass covered the windows of his cell. I’m sure it got pretty cold in his jail room.) Joseph received a very touching answer when he prayed to God to ask how long he and the saints had to suffer persecution before God intervened. God answered him with this: “My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; and then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes. Thou art not yet as Job; thy friends do not contend against thee, neither charge thee with transgression, as they did Job.” (D&C 121:7-10) Then God went on to say “…if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good. The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than he? (D&C 122:7-8)

(I cry because I consider that the things God said to Joseph He would also say to me. God’s words comfort me and I believe that everything I suffer will be for my good.)

God told Joseph comforting things  – the last thing is also a bit chastising. Joseph wanted to know how long he had to wait for God to intervene, and God reassured him. God also said in essence, I’ll intervene when it’s time, not when you want. He basically said: “Be patient.” Sometimes we need to patiently endure our afflictions until God determines our endurance is enough. I believe that Joseph would have been willing to have patience, but that he really wanted the assurance that God would intervene. I think the experience is in the scriptures to tell us to trust that God will do the same for us. Trust is a hard thing for us to have because we’ve been let down. The thing to remember is that we’re trusting in God not a in a human. God won’t let us down.

We know that Jesus suffered. It’s not as well known that he suffered throughout his life. Paul told the Hebrews: "Though he were a Son, yet he learned obedience by the things he suffered." (Hebrews 5:8) Jesus thought higher than everyone else and even though He had friends He basically went through His life alone because no one related to Him. In the Garden of Gethsemene He sweat great drops of blood. On Calvary He got stabbed, had nails driven through His hands and wrists, and got crucified on a cross. He willingly suffered for me and I love Him. I thank Him. He had no sins - He was a perfect person - and yet He paid a price for me with His life. His atonement saved me from my imperfections. He is my savior and I will praise his name forever. Jesus had many happy times, but He also suffered greatly.

We learn through suffering - probably because in suffering we’re humble. God wants us to be humble, not proud, so He can teach us. When I first got sick I kept thinking about the scripture about the natural man. At the time, I also thought of this story about a crab. (Please visualize the images as I tell you my story.) 

"I'm brave. I'm fine. I can handle my problems" said the little crab.

"I have a shell and I'm tough. Nothing can break me", it continued.

The wise old crab asked the little crab to take off its shell.

"If I take off my shell, I'll be weak. I could be crushed" said the little crab.

"Take off your shell" said the wise old crab.

"Trust me. I have a reason for asking you to do this", he said.

The little crab took off its shell.

It saw the wise old crab and felt deflated.

"I'm exposed. I'm vulnerable. I'm not pretty without my shell," said the little crab.

"I can't hide. Everyone can see me for who I really am, and I'm just a crab" it continued.

The wise old crab saw the little crab without its shell.

The little crab is beautiful, he thought.

Other crabs saw the little crab.

"It doesn't have a shell" they whispered and thought of him as brave.

"I took off my shell like you asked" said the little crab.

It frowned and said "Now I'm not pretty. Everyone can see my problems. I'm not tough and I don't feel happy."

"That doesn't matter" said the wise old crab.

"One day you'll feel happy. Here, take my shell." he said.

The little crab crawled in the wise old crab's bigger and stronger shell.

"This new shell is good" the little crab said as he crawled into the shell and it fit just right.

The little crab realized that he had outgrown his old shell.

He felt grateful that the wise old crab had seen something in him that he hadn't seen in himself.

The little crab had taken off his shell and received a bigger and stronger one.

The little crab felt happy.

After I thought of that story, I wondered how God could comfort or teach a person when they had their shell on. It occurred to me that God wanted His people to be exposed and vulnerable so He could come to them. In my story, the crab's shell represented pride – tough and hard to crack. In my own life, I had replaced my Savior by thinking I'm tough, I can handle my own problems. I didn’t have humble thinking - but didn't consider myself arrogant and prideful. God wanted to be with me, comfort me, and tell me how to solve my problems, but when I thought I could handle my problems on my own, I wouldn’t let him help me and faced them alone. 

Recently, I read a book where the author also talked about a crab. He said that a crab had to walk backward to move forward because its front claws were too heavy. He related going backward to us becoming like a child. He quoted King Benjamin when he said that to live with God again we had to become like children. King Benjamin didn’t mean that we had to be children but that we needed to be like children…to have child-like qualities. He listed a bunch of qualities and basically said we needed to be willing to learn…which is a child-like quality.

Children don’t have egos that can get hurt or offended. They honestly acknowledge what they don’t know, then do what it takes to find out. They are positive and optimistic. They make friends without judgment. They include people. They have fun and don’t stay down in the dumps. Those are some the qualities that King Benjamin meant that we needed to have in order to have eternal life. He basically said that we needed to develop Godly qualities in order to live with God.

When I got sick, I had served in this ward for two years as the Young Women's President. I felt spiritual and did things like listen to good music and read my scriptures. I refrained from things that would make the spirit leave because I liked feeling His presence. Sometimes, I had spiritual experiences that caused my heart to swell. I'd been taught to be self-reliant and take care of myself and my family and that's what I did. I cooked. I cleaned. I ran errands and I tended to my children's and my husband's needs.

One day, right after I got sick, I sat in my living room wondering how I would endure sitting there for one hour, let alone for the entire day. I had always kept myself busy and felt torture doing nothing. As I sat there, I could feel no warm feelings in my home. On the contrary, my home felt empty, and, in a way, cold. I thought I’d rather be at work.

In speaking about our personal lives, we just did the motions at my home. We acted like a happy family, but everyone did their own thing and we were slowly drifting apart. Today, I shudder to think what my family would be like if I hadn’t gotten sick. Isn’t it strange to hear me say that my family would be worse off, if I hadn’t gotten sick? Even though my illness caused us to suffer, I consider it a blessing in that we’re close.

I’ve cried many times when I’ve thought of my limitations, but then the Lord has taught me something that has resulted in me feeling grateful to him. Whatever I’ve wanted to know I’ve learned, and then the thing has taught to me. I think of the quote: “Leap, and the net will appear.” That’s quote speaks the truth. I’ve taken the leap of faith many times throughout my life. Sometimes the net has been a book, and sometimes it has been a song. Other times it has been something someone said, or something I’ve seen.

In all of those cases however, it has been up to me to learn. If the net appeared to teach me something, but I didn’t learn it because I didn’t want to listen or hear, then it would re-appear until I learned its lesson. That scenario reminds me of the scripture in the D&C that says: “For what doth it profit a man if a gift is bestowed upon him, and he receive not the gift?” (D&C 88:33)

What good does it do if we take a leap of faith but don’t learn from the experience? We won’t become a better person but will stay the same. Some people think well, I don’t want that lesson! They want to control their life instead of let the net be in control. They don’t get to determine the lesson – they only get to reap the reward or pay the consequence.

Another quote that I love is this: “When the student is ready, the teacher appears.” I believe that God puts inspired teachers in our life to teach us something. Again, sometimes it’s a book, a song, a person, a scene, or many other things. We pray and ask God for help then, when He gives it, we say: “No! Not that!” and don’t accept it. We’d be better off to accept His help, trust Him, and remember that he knows what we need better than we do. Let’s remember and believe what He said to Joseph Smith and apply it to ourselves - He said the experience would be for our good.

I’m thankful that I got to tell you this and that I got to spend some time with you. I know that our Heavenly Father loves us and wants us to have successful lives. Sometimes we are thick-skulled and won’t learn the things. He wants to teach us but if we won’t learn His lesson, we get to experience the thing again. If we experience something and don’t learn from it, it can become a trial in our life.

Let’s let Heavenly Father be in charge. Let’s trust him. We can spend our entire life focusing on things that don’t matter – things that build our pride – and ignore the things that do matter and that make us better people. Let’s be willing to learn what God wants to teach us. Sometimes we have to go backward to go forward. Remember the crab and that we need to be teachable and like a child in order to be taught. The only things we possess, that we can give to Heavenly Father, are our wills and our actions. Let’s take the leap of faith required to learn. And, let’s believe the lesson will help us become the person Heavenly Father knows we can be.

Not all the things we suffer are bad. Remember that our goal is to have eternal life. When we step back from the things we suffer and remember what we want, somehow the things we need to endure seem worth it. Sometimes all our faith needs in order to regain perspective is for us to step back, look at the big picture, and remember our goal. We want to live with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ again. That’s a good goal to have. They also want to be in our lives right now. Jesus taught that he stands at the door of our heart and knocks. (Revelation 3:20) It’s up to us to let Him in. He won’t just open the door and walk in, we have to open the door and invite him in. Opening the door and inviting him in is taking a leap of faith to let God make our life better than we imagined.

Heavenly Father has made my life great as I've put my trust in Him. He's turned my sorrows into joys. My life may not be what I imagined, but like Nephi, I know in whom I put my trust. The Book of Mormon is the word of God. Thomas S. Monson is the prophet today. God is my friend and will be with me throughout my life. I love him and will praise His name forever. He is my rock and my everlasting God. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

My Character and How I Choose to be

In Downton Abbey the classes of people are very apparent. Back then, some classes existed because of things beyond their control, like who their ancestors were.

I think we have still have class (or caste) systems today - but they are more subtle. Classes divide people instead of bringing them together. I see a class form when a person has the attitude of "I'm better than you because..." Perhaps its because of the color of their skin, or because they have only one parent, or because they belong to a certain political party, or because they have money, or because they have an illness, or because they're gay, or because their parents valiantly raised them. Classes form when a person thinks they are better than someone else because the someone else is different.

Classes dissolve when a person thinks the best of someone else; and they genuinely treat them that way. They dissolve when a person sees potential in someone else and helps them become that way. The dissolution of classes is loving; love brings together, unlove divides.

Sometimes life isn't fair but that doesn't give a person the right to behave badly. A person's character, who they are, is shown in times of adversity. Not everyone has the same things. No one has the right to think they're better than someone else because they had or have something that someone else didn't or doesn't. The important thing is the character of a person despite their situation.

If a person is judged because of any reason they have the choice as to how they will be in return. Will they be loving or unloving? Will they be who they want even when they've been hurt? Will they judge? Will they lash out? Will they seek revenge?

A person's character is the most important thing they have control over.

What Will I Choose?

There is opposition everywhere. Science even has a theory about it. It says "for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction."

Opposition has existed forever and I see it every day. Right or wrong? Good or bad? Hot or cold? Sweet or salty? Republican or democrat? Liberal or conservative? 99 or 1%? Christian or not? American or something else? Sick or well? Happy or sad? Positive or negative?

The only thing I control is what I choose.

If I focus my time on one side and favor it only, how can I objectively see the point of the other side? Sometimes it's hard to understand the other point of view, but if I want to  make a decision objectively I need to know the viewpoint of both sides.

If I focus on anti things, I will eventually believe them. If I constantly listen to negative people, I will think they make good points - of course they make good points, their purpose is to make me not like the other thing. They may say, "Open your eyes." They want me to be FOR them and AGAINST the other guy. They have their reasons for saying what they do, but I know that when I strip everything away anti = hate.

I don't want to be hateful but good. When people speak of me I want them to say "she's nice" not "she's mean."

I can't sit on the fence and not choose. I need to pick one thing or the other. I pick what feels good to me. I choose white over black, light over darkness and the truth over a lie.

Be a Good Person

Becoming corrupt is a choice between good and evil. Whatever a person chooses is a decision. Every decision has either rewards or consequences and some people's decisions affect me. I also choose to be a good or evil person. No matter what people do to me they can't dictate my heart and in my heart I choose to be good.