Fake vs. Real

I don't like fake people.

When I say "I don't like," I mean "I don't relate." How can I relate to something I'm not? Perhaps fake people can pretend to like real people but actually -- they don't like them. They are just pretending to like them but truthfully -- they don't. A real person would rather know the truth. Real people don't like it when fake people try to spare their feelings because it usually ends up hurting their feelings.

I used to be fake. I did things to please others instead of myself and denied what I really wanted.

Perhaps people are fake because they haven't learned how to be real. They don't have their eyes open to reality. Maybe they don't like the reality they see and would rather see rainbows and unicorns. It could be that seeing reality is seeing the negative and seeing rainbows and unicorns is seeing the positive. If that's true then it's sad because a person will never improve.

Criticism may be perceived as negative but if a person changes, they turn the negative to positive when they become greater.

Usually, everyone will listen to someone. I listen to Per. Even when his honesty hurts me, I know that hurting me is not his intention. His intention is that he wants me to quit doing something wrong and start doing something better. He can see the forest more clearly because he isn't close to the trees like I am.

That thought reminds me of how God knows my full potential. He wants me to be real; genuine; how I am in my heart. Some of my experiences hurt but when I learn something it causes me to grow and experience a good thing. The idea reminds me of this part of the song Ocean in Me, "When I feel like just a teardrop in the rain, God sees the ocean in me." God sees the ocean in me but if I just see myself as a teardrop I will never allow myself to be what God knows I can become. If I stay fake and never become real I will never improve.

I Feel Grateful

"...for ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith."  Ether 12:6

This scripture is so true. I felt angry (hurt) but read a book that helped me to have understanding. I wondered why people didn't care but when I went to church today more than one person said they loved me. I received a new VT companion and think we'll work well together. My new visiting teacher just visited me and left me feeling good.

God is blessing me with His tender mercy to let me know that He cares. 

I could have been angry back at the people who hurt me but who would that have affected? Me. Instead, I went to church, read a helpful book, and continued to have faith. Today God pours out blessings on me more than I can receive.

I think of the above scripture and the word that stands out is AFTER. He didn't bless me before I showed my faith and character. I showed Him how I wanted to be even when I'd been hurt. I didn't shrivel when faced with adversity (like the seeds on the rocks did when the sun beat down on them in the parable of the sower.) I complained and lamented but didn't let it defeat me. I was given the choice of how to react and chose to take the high road. As a result God blessed me.

I feel so grateful to know that He lives. He knows my heart and loves me.

I love the saying "when the student is ready the teacher appears." I have had this happen many times in my life. I'm like the pioneer who thinks about just taking one more step. Always striving for more and reaching a little higher. The pioneer's attitude inspires me and tells me "if I can do it then you can."

My gratitude doesn't express how I feel.

Positive and Negative

Kids tend to be positive and optimistic because they see life through rose colored glasses. They haven't had to face hard things that may bring realistic viewpoints (which are often seen as negative although they're not - they're just real).

Thinking of things in a positive way is a matter of choosing to think positively when faced with both the positive AND negative. Saying something negative (that might be true) doesn't make for a negative person. A person isn't negative unless they choose to be that way.

Hearing the negative is not fun to hear. Sometimes the truth hurts. But on the good side, hearing the truth could also make for a greater person.

I know that to become a greater person doesn't come without pain; unfortunately it hurts to have a chip taken off here and a chunk removed there. But, if DaVinci wouldn't have chiseled the marble, he wouldn't have made the beautiful David.

I like this quote: "I saw in myself a cottage, but God saw in me a mansion". To me, the essence of this quote is that God will mold me into the person I'm meant to become. (But the chiseling, tugging and pulling will hurt.) What I know is that I will endure God's molding and trust Him to make me beautiful because He will turn me into my potential.

Bryan's Engaged!

As of December 9th, Bryan and Kimbra are engaged! I'm so happy for them! Wow, her ring is gorgeous. I'd expect nothing less from Bryan; I've always known that he likes nice things.

Kimbra is so nice. I met her in July in Utah. She is coming here after Christmas and I look forward to getting to know her.

I just realized that I probably feel like Per's mom did when she met me! 

I'm excited for them to start their lives. (Sigh,) ah youth!

Speak Correctly

I've gotten into the habit of saying some slang words. I say "dis" for disrespect and "true that" for that's true. Why do I do this? I learned to speak correctly, why do I say some things wrong? Out of laziness I suppose. Maybe because everyone else does. Whatever the reason, I'm going to stop.

That's probably how language gets changed. People stop saying the correct word or phrase and use slang instead. Not me. If I say a slang word I will correct myself. I might not catch the slang I say. If I use an incorrect word, would you correct me, please?!

O Holy Night

Wow! I wish I could sing like her :) This song gives me the Christmas Spirit! I wanted to share it with you today.

Take a Stand!

I feel disturbed that people have resorted to tattling on other people.  A guy who dressed up in a Santa Suit reported non seat-belt wearing drivers to the police. Drivers didn’t suspect a thing. Maybe those drivers will suspect something when they get a ticket in the mail. Perhaps they will also suspect something when writing a check that uses their hard earned money. What’s the difference between the behavior of that Santa and the Stasi? Some people may think at least it didn’t happen to me. Sure, they think that now but it might happen to them in the future.

The Stasi  started over 70 years ago, they really existed! Look up "Stasi" on Wikipedia and read the part about infiltration. It’s disturbing, I know. That organization didn't end until almost 1990. They operated for over 20 years! Perhaps after reading about them some people say, “That won’t happen in America. We have freedom…and privacy.” The Stasi did some of their work in secret. To those people I say, “Go ahead and keep your head in the sand and think of happy Unicorns and Rainbows … Meanwhile, some people have bad behavior and do wrong things.”

Where are the people who stand up and say, “this is wrong”? Why won’t people listen to them? It seems like the only people I hear condemn bad behavior are certain newscasters. We need to put aside politics, like not listening to them because they are Republican or Democrat, and pay attention to history.  The phrase, “History is bound to repeat itself” seems relevant in this post. Even if that phrase became true (again,) after trying our best to prevent it, we could at least be counted among the people who stood for the right as opposed to being counted among the people who did nothing and said, “It is what it is.” No! I say, “stand up!”

I feel infuriated that our country is going downhill (in my opinion) and lawmakers in Washington, who say they want to change things, don’t seem to care. It appears that the people who notice wrong things are just average citizens. I watched the news and asked myself, “Are people in charge really that stupid? They are supposed to be smart. I wonder if they just acted smart to get elected.”

What’s wrong with America being feared by other countries? America used to go into other countries and kick their butts when they did wrong things to hurt us. Nowadays, it seems like America acts like a Woosie who says, “Let’s be nice and talk.” Some other countries act nice but really they secretly point their nuclear bombs at us. Instead of talking, I think we should let other countries know that we are serious and will defend ourselves if we need to.

Some countries are bad and everyone knows it. Why do they get good treatment and we continue to give them money when they hate us and want to kill us? I don’t want to see myself or any other person get hurt. Look at what happened on 9/11, many people died and got hurt. American's said, “We will not forget,” but just ten years later how quickly some people forgot.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Maybe I'm twisted, but I think this is funny:
http://sendables.jibjab.com/view/EOoQMnwiqAuePGSM

We Are All Pumpkins

We are all pumpkins. God lifts us up, takes us in, and washes all the dirt off of us. He opens us up, touches us deep inside and scoops out all the yucky stuff-- including the seeds of doubt, hate, greed, etc. Then He carves us a new smiling face and puts His light inside us to shine for the entire world to see.

Believe

I'm reading and doing the exercises in The Artist's Way and the 'Basic Principles' say that your creativity is between you and God; most people don't look at it that way, they don't want to put themselves in the same realm as God.

We have to put ourselves into God's realm in order to think we are worthy of his help. The Brother of Jared had to think highly enough of himself in order to see the finger of the Lord. Moses had to have thought the same way too.

People think far too low of themselves. In the Psalms, David said, "What is man, that thou art mindful of him?" I believe that God is aware of us and that He loves us. He is always there, and He shares His presence with us. Maybe it's we who won't allow ourselves to feel His presence.

We need to think higher of ourselves and believe that we deserve to have good things in our lives. We need to not just hope, but believe.

The Dryer Won't Work

Um, I don't think our dryer will work in this condition.

Per took it apart because it wouldn't work. He first thought that coins stopped the drum from turning. When he took it apart, he found a broken part and said "We're lucky it didn't short out the motor." He worked on it some more and determined that the motor is bad. He's gonna order a new motor and, voila! we'll have a working dryer.

I'm thankful that he's so handy. Do you know that in the 20+ years we've been married we've never needed someone to fix a repair? It's true.

UPDATE: We received a new motor this week. Per installed it on Saturday and now we have a functioning dryer. Thank you Per!

To Be or Wannabe

Sometimes the person who's rich doesn't flaunt their money - they just act normal - because being rich is just how they are. Alternatively, sometimes the person who doesn't have money acts rich because being rich is how they want to be; they really aren't rich but just pretending.

I believe that people need to be authentic/real and not pretend because pretending is fake. Also, I believe that if a person wants to be a certain way they need to believe they already ARE that way-that's not pretending; pretending is wishing and believing is being.

A person I know only says positive statements; they also don't like to hear negative things. In my mind, ignoring the negative doesn't mean that a person is positive. To me, when a person ignores the negative they pretend they were positive but they really aren't; if they were truly positive they'd be willing to hear negative things, too.

It's unrealistic to think that a person will never speak negatively. Strong-minded people don't let other people's statements affect what they think, and other people's thoughts don't change their opinion unless they allow it. People need to be willing to hear other opinions; they need to be willing to hear both negative and positive things while believing in their own thoughts.

My New Blog

I decided to move my blog here. I've taken The Lovgren Family blog long enough. I transferred all my thoughts here and will no longer update my other blog.

Also, some other blogs were created.
If you want to read about my family, click here.
If you want to read some of my writings, click here.
If you want to read about my family tree, click here.
If you want to know about my childhood memories, click here.
If you want to know how I feel about my religion, click here.

I know, six blogs! (I had to find some way to fill up my time instead of watching mind-numbing TV.) Now that I don't work, I asked myself, "What am I going to do?" I wanted to go to school but physically it wasn't possible...so that was out. The next thing I thought of was how much I liked writing...and blogging seemed perfect!

American Idol in January 2012

This is the first year that I will NOT watch American Idol. I just can't do it after last year. I'm disappointed that it's turned into a popularity contest instead of a singing contest. When Scotty won last year instead of Lauren I thought, Yep, he's more popular than she is! I'm so disappointed in how this show has turned out. Even James sang better than Scotty (in my opinion,) and he was a showman compared to Scotty who just stood there and didn't even try to work the stage.

No, I won't watch AI in January and probably won't watch it in the future either. It's become too commercial in my opinion. I don't like it and won't watch it. I guess that frees up an hour for me to watch some other reality show.

Boo...sad face.

My Situation Now

Even though I'm disabled, I'm only 42 and that's young! I've learned so many things and have changed (I think for the better) in so many ways. I have the rest of my life to live with correct thinking. That's way longer than I lived with incorrect thinking.

I may move slower and look worse but I have no pain! It's a matter of learning to live with my limitations and carry on with life. Yes, I need help but I'm not dead! I'm alive! I'm here! My reality is something that I need to accept.

My situation is something to be happy not sad about.

Being Your Child's Friend

Parenthood makes it all about your kid. Friendship makes it about you and your kid. If a parent wants a friend, they need to pick someone besides their kid.

The Environment

I was reading some Neal A. Maxwell quotes yesterday. He's a person I greatly admire. He basically said that we should take care of the earth and not abuse it. We should leave the earth beautiful for future generations, etc., etc. I thought I do care about the Environment but it makes me mad that now it's more than that. The idea now is that if you care about the environment, you also believe in climate change and a bunch of other stuff. I don't support that ideology. Politically speaking, that's liberal thinking.  I'm not a liberal but a conservative. Its too bad that these days caring about the environment means more than just caring about the environment. There are probably a lot of conservative people who think like me. They care about the environment but don't want to be forced to care. They probably also don't want to be forced to care about things in which they don't believe.

My Epiphany about Change

I had an epiphany today. It was that it's one thing to learn but quite another to change.

When I got sick I think that God in essence said "put you money where your mouth is." When I learned things I would think I want to do that. Perhaps God said "She said she wanted to change, now lets see if she will."

It's possible for people to change. If I can do it then certainly anyone can! It tells me that not only does God listen and hear but that he also waits and encourages me to be better than I am. It reminds me of these words by Cheri Call:

"When I feel like just a tear drop in the rain, God sees the ocean in me."

He wants to see if I will be obedient to his commands, but he won't make me change.

Don't Condemn

Love isn't condemning. When the sinner was brought before Jesus, he said "neither do I accuse thee." What love!

As I have gained more knowledge, I have felt less of a need to condemn the people who did me wrong. At some point we all do wrong. No one is perfect. Therefore, no one should be condemned. I'm thankful that HF doesn't condemn me. (Goodness knows that I do plenty of things wrong!) He just continues to love me.

I just realized that condemning is judging! Yet another thing I need to improve upon! Realizing my behavior is the first step to recovery, right?! Now that I realize I have this weakness, I can pray to HF and ask him to help me overcome it. I don't want to condemn people. My actions are a reflection of me. I want the things I do to reflect love, patience, and kindness.

My Trip to Utah and Change

I just came back from being in Utah for three weeks. This was my most challenging trip so far. I don't like going back to my hometown because I don't feel happy there and it reminds me of the past.

I guess I'm too honest and now one of my family members isn't talking to me. This bums me out. Another family member made me mad and caused me to distance myself from them. Drama isn't fun but I think that every family has it.

I realized while in Utah that people don't change unless compelled.

That's certainly true for me. I changed not because I freely chose it but because I was compelled. I've been compelled in a couple of ways.

First, by my husband. He honestly tells me how he feels, and like the adage says, "The truth hurts." After thinking about what he says, I change because I realize that he's right. He's my husband, I listen to him and don't think I have all the answers. I want to be the best person I can be; how can I be that unless he's honest with me and I change?

Second, by my illness. It 'forces' me to decide whether or not to change. My weaknesses are in my face and I have to look at them. I don't change unless forced or compelled because I like my life the way it is. I don't like the way some things are, but they're familiar and I am used to them. I say that I want things to change in my life but I also want the familiar; an oxymoron, and impossible. When I got sick I learned that I didn't like change, in fact, it occurred to me that most people didn't. (People deal with change but they don't like it.) After I got sick, I got frustrated with my 'new normal' and sometimes cried.

I chose to change after I got sick because I wanted to be an improved person. When someone tells me something honest that hurts, my first reaction is to not listen and to think they're mean. Plus, I want to defend myself and say why I did it. However, when someone is honest with me and either I realize they're right or I'm compelled, I think it's mean but I still change.

Most people don't want to hurt my feelings. They only want for me to do or think in a correct way. They have perspective and can see the trees because they're not in the forest. They can see what they think is best when I can't.

On a spiritual note, the only thing I can give to God is my will. He will not compel me, I have to make each choice myself. I don't feel that I'm strong enough to choose the higher path freely I only do so because I am compelled. It makes me sad to realize that I'm so weak, but it makes me happy to realize God's mercy. I change (for the better) and He accepts it.