Most people want things done right now. They also want them to be done the "right" way. If the thing doesn't get done when or how they want then they tend to force. They nag and complain until it's done. As part of their nagging, they threaten.
Being forced to do something doesn't feel good. No one wants to be told what to do. People like to be asked. They want to be treated like a person, and given respect.
When "do this" is said, what will happen if it doesn't get done also needs to be said. Saying "Please take out the trash before you leave. If you don't then you can't go. If you leave without doing it I'll call you to come back and do it" let's the person know what is expected. It also puts the choice on them. If they choose not to follow instructions then they suffer the consequences. Most likely, they will do it and both people will be happy.
Will it hurt anything if it's done in five minutes and not right now? What's the rush? If it's done later isn't that okay? I think the people who want it done now don't want the person to forget. Waiting says "I believe you'll do it." Maybe patience is a virtue because waiting is hard. But I think patience gives the other person respect.
Force causes power struggles and animosity.
"I will be mad at them if they don't do what I say" is mean. It's loving to be persuasive. It also takes more effort to be persuasive than to bark orders. It takes time to think of what to say than to just say "don't do it." If I say "don't get a tatoo" I may have my reasons for not doing it but the other person may not agree. If I get mad and alienate them because they did it, they might not want to be around me because I alienated them.
Perhaps they won't always do what I would, but that doesn't mean I stop loving them.
I believe that people need to be loved regardless of what they do. Humans tend to give more or less love to a person based upon what they do. If someone does something considered wrong the tendency is to love them less than when they do something considered right. That's conditional. I want to have unconditional love.
I thinks it's necessary to separate who someone is from what they do. That way they can always be loved regardless of what they do. In scriptural terms "Love the sinner, not the sin."
Being forced to do something doesn't feel good. No one wants to be told what to do. People like to be asked. They want to be treated like a person, and given respect.
When "do this" is said, what will happen if it doesn't get done also needs to be said. Saying "Please take out the trash before you leave. If you don't then you can't go. If you leave without doing it I'll call you to come back and do it" let's the person know what is expected. It also puts the choice on them. If they choose not to follow instructions then they suffer the consequences. Most likely, they will do it and both people will be happy.
Will it hurt anything if it's done in five minutes and not right now? What's the rush? If it's done later isn't that okay? I think the people who want it done now don't want the person to forget. Waiting says "I believe you'll do it." Maybe patience is a virtue because waiting is hard. But I think patience gives the other person respect.
Force causes power struggles and animosity.
"I will be mad at them if they don't do what I say" is mean. It's loving to be persuasive. It also takes more effort to be persuasive than to bark orders. It takes time to think of what to say than to just say "don't do it." If I say "don't get a tatoo" I may have my reasons for not doing it but the other person may not agree. If I get mad and alienate them because they did it, they might not want to be around me because I alienated them.
Perhaps they won't always do what I would, but that doesn't mean I stop loving them.
I believe that people need to be loved regardless of what they do. Humans tend to give more or less love to a person based upon what they do. If someone does something considered wrong the tendency is to love them less than when they do something considered right. That's conditional. I want to have unconditional love.
I thinks it's necessary to separate who someone is from what they do. That way they can always be loved regardless of what they do. In scriptural terms "Love the sinner, not the sin."
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