Comforter and Forever Friend

Life isn't fair. Sometimes things suck. We can be there for people and show them that we care but we're imperfect, too. The only one to whom we can turn, who will comfort us and always be our friend is the Lord, Jesus Christ. He understands our pains, trials, sicknesses, and sins because he atoned for us. There's nothing we experience that the Lord hasn't felt. He's our Savior and Redeemer but also our comforter and forever friend.

Being religious or believing in him doesn't matter, because when we reach out to him he reaches out to us. He comforts us when nothing else can. He calms our troubled hearts and gives us peace.

Before and After Sinning

I love this journal entry
April 28, 2007

I’ve been thinking about where I’d be if I didn’t have Jesus Christ and the Holy Ghost and the gospel in my life. I’d be a vile person full of darkness and sin. I’d be imprisoned by my sins, bound by no self control. I’d be carnal and full of mischief.

I have weaknesses that would have spiraled out of control and consumed my life. I’d be a slave to my weaknesses today if it weren’t for the goodness and mercy of Jesus Christ - if it weren’t for the fact that I know I’m not vile – I’m a divine daughter of God with beauty and purity. I happen to be living in a fallen state, in a fallen world. I am susceptible to my weaknesses and sin and only one person can save me from myself – the Lord Jesus Christ – He is my master. I will follow him forever and he walks with me.

I am not and never will be free from sin in this lifetime. I try to live with purity and keep the commandments. I pray, read the scriptures, and live by faith and good works. But inevitably I will sin. I will again fall and give in to my weaknesses.

Before sinning
Something happens. It consumes me and my thoughts until I must give in. Amidst the darkness – a light – a fleeting thought. No. Stop. You mustn’t.

After sinning
I stop. I retreat. I hide. How could I give in? This is not my true nature. Time goes by. Guilt. Sorrow. Remorse. And then the thought, where would I be without God? I’d be stuck here! Oh God, help me. Save me. I am not vile. I give my life to thee. Save me from myself. Save me from this fallen state. Reflection.

“Awake! My soul. No longer droop in sin.”

“The Lord is my shepherd ~ I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures.
He leadeth me beside the still waters.
He restoreth my soul.
He leadeth me in the path of righteousness for his namesake!
Yea, though I walk thru the valley of the shadow of death
- I will fear no evil for thou art with me.
Thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies.
Thou anointest my head with oil, my cup runneth over!
Surely, goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life.
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord.
Forever.”

“Why should I put my trust in the arm of the flesh or make flesh my arm?
I know in whom I put my trust.
Oh Lord, wilt thou encircle me in the robes of thy righteousness?
Wilt thou remove the stumbling block from before me and place a stumbling block before my enemy?
Thou art my rock and my everlasting God.”

Sunlight. A new day. Peace.
A beckoning, “Come unto me.”
Warmth. Forgiveness. Love.

Resolve
“Let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly. Then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God.”
“Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.”

My thoughts
I experienced this today. This experience is very enlightening. First, my weakness didn’t consume me – it didn’t defeat me. I didn’t hide from God even though I felt ashamed and disappointed. Second, an interesting thought came into my mind as I reflected, “I’m not vile – I’m divine. I’m a daughter of God.” I’ve never had so much faith. I cannot write 1/10 of what I feel – the words escape me. But the Lord is my shepherd.

Giving Up What's Holding Me Back

What I gave up
I thought my main addiction was something else, but it's not. My main addiction is food. Food is what stands between me and God. It's what I turn to for comfort, for peace, and for happiness. I asked God to help me lose weight but immediately had the impression that I didn't 'really' want to give it up; part of my heart was still attached to it. (I know He'll help me if I ask with all my heart, but that's where I feel stuck.)

I can hear Neal A. Maxwell saying, "We keep a summer cottage in Babylon." I can hear the father in Mark 9 saying, "Help thou my unbelief." It's a matter of trusting in God more than trusting in food. It's a matter of having faith that God will give me good things instead of having fear from thinking that bad things will happen.

How it held me back

He's already helped me in ways I can't explain. I need to remember His goodness and how He'll help me, and let go of something that will give me more of the same. I see myself carried in the air and wanting to rise, but holding on to something that keeps me down. If I'd just let go, I'd rise and experience happiness. It's like a person who went down with a sunken ship; they want to go to the top and get air but they're holding on to a dead body. They need to let go of the dead body, go to the surface, and save themselves.

For me, I need to trust God rather than trust food. Food has been my comfort, and my friend. It has brought me happiness and peace. But now it's time to let it go. God will replace all the things food gave to me. I'm not giving up my addiction to food to replace it with nothing. No! I'm giving it up to replace it with God. Giving it up is letting go of the past to have a new future. Everything in the future is new and the future is a place where I do it only because I choose.

Additional thoughts

This has been a huge learning experience for me.

The quote, "What you resist, persists" runs through my mind as I think about my 'diet' and what I couldn't have. I thought I'd have to give up certain foods, sacrifice, and that it would be hard. My 'sacrifice' became the elephant in the room that sat there EVERY DAY, and losing weight felt like a constant challenge.

Now that my focus has shifted I don't think it will be hard. I have absolute belief that I'll accomplish my goal and the great news is that it will be done while doing what I love...eating food! I look forward to this year as I slim down and reveal the 'real' me. This year will be fun, exciting, and the beginning of something new. My impression is that I'll still need to make wise choices, but that He'll help me.

Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith? (Matthew 6:30) I need to trust Him to take care of me.

My Personal Gethsemane

These words (from the song below) get me in my heart, 'My Lord Jesus, if you've got time to spend with me tonight then fly to me, Jesus fly.' When I feel sad, I think of something similar to, 'fly to me, Jesus fly.' In those quiet moments with just myself, when I'm in pain, I want Jesus to take my pain away.

God took away the pain I felt in my heart one time when I felt sad. (I cry because I truly love Him, and because I feel very grateful for what He did.) I consider myself the one sheep that the good shepherd left the other 99 sheep to find. A shepherd cares about every one of his sheep; if one got lost he would leave the flock to find it, and if it got wounded, he would care for and heal it. I was sad (wounded,) and God cared for me and healed my soul.

God loves every one of us-His children. Satan wants us to hate ourselves and to think we're not worthy of God's love; but we are. Satan lies to us, and tells us things that aren't true because he wants to hurt God by hurting us. Satan doesn't want us to feel good, he wants us to feel bad...so that he can control us with his lies, and so that we will believe him and be his. Truthfully, he just wants to win and to be better than God. Satan doesn't care about our fate; he couldn't care less if we burned in hell. God, on the other hand, cares about us, he wants to help us, and he cares about our eternal future. 

I believe that listening to God produces feelings of sureness, security, and confidence in believing that good things are deserved. Also, I believe that Satan whispers lies in my mind that cause me to feel unsure, insecure, and to only hope that desirable things are possible but not to believe that they're attainable. The good things (such as lessons learned, etc.) from suffering make my suffering (trials) worth it.

The first four paragraphs of the following song were written with the perspective of being in heaven and seeing Jesus suffer in Gethsemane.

Gethsemane

My Lord Jesus

Me in heaven, You on earth

You're in the garden

And Your heavy burden is growing worse 

I weep for You, Jesus

My poor Jesus

I'm so sorry to make You cry

But I'm far from like You

And all my sins, Lord, demand this price

I wish that I could come to You

And wipe away the blood

And then I'd bear Your cross, Lord

If I could

But I'm up here

And You're down there, Jesus

My poor Jesus

I'm so sorry to make You die

But, please, for me, Jesus

Die

Now Lord Jesus

You're in heaven and I'm on earth

Now it's my turn

And my little burden is getting worse

I weep for me, Jesus

Oh kind Jesus

I keep trying to win this fight

But I just can't change me

I need Your grace, Lord

Please provide

I wish that I could run to You

And all of this would end

If I could see Your face

Have You close again

But You're up there

And I'm down here, Oh Jesus

My Lord Jesus

If You've got time to spend with me tonight

Then fly to me, Jesus

Fly