Goodbye Jade's Musings, hello Jadelovgren.com

This is the last post I will do from 'Jade's Musings' as I've created Jadelovgren.com and will spend my time there from now on. All my blogs on blogspot (Blogger) will remain, but will no longer be updated. They got created after I learned about having MS - to give me something to do since I no longer worked.

The reason for the change: I want to put all the things I love in one place (Jadelovgren.com.) Bonus for me, the website gives me something new to learn and develop. My website is new and evolving, but you're welcome to visit whenever you want to read my words and see my progress.

(I'm looking forward to learning HTML 5 since I only know HTML 3. I'm excited to also learn about CSS, Javascript, jQuery, and who knows what else. I know some of these things have been around for a long time but I gave up technical work when they just started being used and never learned them.)

I am thankful that my blogs gave me a focus. Now, my focus turns to other things. As I said months ago, I'm still here just not in the spotlight. I love you all. Thank you for reading my words.

Accepting What I Don't Like

There are two types of change:
1) Change that happens/doesn't happen depending on what I do or don't do.
2) Change that happens no matter what.

This post is about the first type of change. I need to take steps and do all I can to keep things the same or they'll change and be different. (Just because something's been the same way for many years doesn't mean it can't change; it takes very little to change if there's no resistance.) My statement is vague. "Of what does she speak?" can be said. My statement is vague because it applies to any situation that faces change.

Sometimes I don't want change but it happens right before my eyes because change was stronger than my resistance. I don't like change; I want most things to stay the same. (I like variety but I don't like change.) I may want something different but when too much changes I don't like it and want the old thing back, but usually it's too late because it already changed.

I'm not sure where this post is going. Sometimes I'm for evolution and sometimes I'm not. I believe in progress but I guess I don't like change when it affects me. Could it be that I don't like change because of fear of the unknown? Or perhaps could it be that I don't like change because I believe the change will bring it down and make it not good?

I'm on one side and they're on the other - I believe this and they believe that - we're at an impasse -  we don't agree - if I walk away from the argument, the other side wins - what to do. Sometimes all I can do is throw my hands up in the air and say, "It is what it is" and know someone else is in charge. When someone else is in charge the only thing I can do is support them (just like I'd want support if it was me). If it changes then the only thing to do is accept it, not be railroaded and move on.

One Person 'Can' Change the World

To Children of Baby Boomers:

Our generation is special because we know life both before and after technology. We are comfortable with computers and such, and we like the convenience they bring but we 'could' live in a world without technology if we had too. The generation ahead of us only knows technology. We might think 'I'm old, a younger generation rules the world now', but I say "No! I'm still alive and can share what I know. I stand up, defend and share."

Change happens with every new age. The Industrial age happened in the 1900's and forever changed society. The Information age happened in the 1980's (80 years after the Industrial age) and changed society again. The Technology age happened and continues to occur in the 2000's; the biggest difference between the ages is that the current age happened faster than the last one (only 20 years). Who knows how fast things will change in the future. Let's help the younger generations shape the world.

'What I Say' and 'What I Do' Need to Match

I complained to my husband and he said, "But you're the same way so you really can't complain". His comment made me stop and think Yeah, why is it that I do that?  He's so right, I do the same thing and have no right to speak against it. On one hand I believed, "If you don't try to fix it then don't complain" and on the other hand I did the opposite.

I think many people do that; their beliefs relate to other people but not to them. (I was part of that group until he pointed it out and I realized I wanted to change.) Change means 'Do differently'. I know I can change, not just recognize it but actually do it. I want to improve, therefore I'm willing to make corrections and acknowledge the truth.

It takes honesty and courage to change. Honesty to acknowledge the truth; courage to indeed change. It's a private thing (change) but what the public sees is improvement and a better person than before. Is it obvious that I'm psyching myself up to change?

Some of My Changes Take Time

How many times have I had an impression to do something, not done it, and looked back and said, "I should have done it." (At those times, immediately the little voice in my head inflicts a bad feeling for not being perfect.)

Then again, how many times have I had an impression to do something, done it, and looked back and said, "I'm glad I did it." (At those times, my heart feels glad.)

I'm an imperfect human. Sometimes I make mistakes then I look back and see where I could have done better. But, rather than dwell on how I am now I choose to dwell on how I can be. I'm happy that I can change and become what doesn't disappoint me. I make mistakes but find hope in the fact that I can become better than I was and not make those mistakes in the future.

Changing doesn't happen over night. I might think of how to improve my life but not dare to do it for a while. (Case in point: I knew five years ago that red meat was bad for me but it took me four more years to give it up. All changes don't take that long, I'm just saying that some changes take time.)

It's one thing to realize something but quite another thing to change. When I realize something, I mill it over in my mind for a while and think about it. If I need to change, I consider the effects before getting up the courage to act. I find comfort in the fact that I can act. I can change, I'm not a tree that is forever rooted and will always be a tree.

Old Habits Die Hard

I did too much yesterday. (Just because it's on my list doesn't mean I have to accomplish it that day-lesson learned!) I did things at the last minute, did too much, then (because of my disease where I can't hide my feelings) I got emotional and cried a lot.

Just because I have energy sometimes doesn't mean I have to fill that time up by being busy. It's okay if something doesn't get done, and it's alright that things are still on my list. The important thing is that I tried and I did what I could.

I tried to do what I used to do before getting MS and I failed. Again, I'll say it, the important thing is that I tried and I did what I could.

I've been a perfectionist for years-I guess I'm now a recovering perfectionist. If you give a recovering alcoholic a drink they're not gonna be a new drinker but pick up where they left off. Likewise, I tried to make things perfect just like old times. I won't revert to the old me as I remember what got learned between then and now. Nevertheless, my current beliefs don't stop me from doing things I shouldn't. I hope not do that again.

Is the Only Constant Thing Change?

Someone told me that a software program only names things in lower case. My rant: Written rules are changing right before my eyes! The rules have existed for hundreds of years, but now (because of what I consider arrogance and ignorance) they will change - and maybe cease to exist! Some people may think that lower case looks cleaner, but who cares?! - it's not right! :End of rant. I feel like I'm swimming upstream against something that will change anyway. I won't change but language will change and in the future people will think it's how it is. No! The truth will be that language changed to what it is now, but it didn't used to be that way.

I know that the only thing constant is change and that language has evolved. It's a fact that some things aren't said now that used to be said. I guess I want to hang on to how it is now because when things change then I will become obsolete. The only thing I can do is be myself and know that how I am now won't always be how it is.

Things Change

There's a time and place to do things, but some people do things at inappropriate times and places. Maybe they don't know they do wrong because no one told them, maybe they know they do wrong but don't care because they will do whatever they want. There are many reasons why people do things but when the situation is looked at stripped down, society changes unless people say "No!"

If society doesn't say anything but just turns their head for whatever reason, they accept the thing they don't defend. If they want to preserve something, they need to defend it. If they want something to change, all they need to do is nothing. When things change, all they can do is realize the truth.

My New Life

I raised children for 22 years. This is the first year since 1990 that I haven’t needed to know when school starts because my baby graduated from public school last May. I feel happy in some ways but sad in others. I find myself asking “now what?” regarding what to do with my life.

My oldest son graduated from college and married at the end of the spring term. My youngest son also graduated, but from high school. For years I wanted to see those days come. Now that my raising children time has been and gone, I look back over that time and realize how fast it went by. Back when I raised children I couldn't see the end and the time seemed like it would last forever. Now that my children have moved on with their lives (and I’m happy for them,) I want my babies back because raising children is what I know.

I find myself at a crossroad of leaving behind what I knew. The discovery of moving into new territory is exciting, but, as a creature of habit, I keep looking back. (I faced this when I got sick. I had to leave behind my old life and discover my new life. I lamented when I got sick because I wanted my old life, nevertheless, it had gone and I needed to embrace the new.)

I realize that the only thing constant is change. (Actually, I wouldn’t want things to stay the same because I’m not the same.) I like change but I like what I know…the two don’t mix.

Why Things are Done That Way

In some cases, I imagine people asking questions and hearing "I don't know." In other cases, I imagine them asking questions and receiving an answer. For example, my neighbor lets her kids play outside until 10pm. Perhaps her mom said, "I don't know how late kids should stay out" so my neighbor decided on 10pm. If I asked my mom the same question, she'd say, "Don't bother people after 9pm."

Society gets changed when people do things a new way either because they don't know or because they DO know but don't want it done that way. For years, people didn't get bothered after 9pm. My neighbor came along (who either didn't know the tradition or wanted to set a new one) and BAM! the tradition changed. 

I don't hear it called changing traditions but evolving. Sometimes I don't think evolution is necessary. I think we need to keep some things the way they are and teach people if they don't know. If I don't know, I need to find out before changing it.

The New and the Old

After 20 years we changed dentists. I thought about going on Angie's List to see what dentists people recommended, then I remembered how before Angie's List existed I used the Better Business Bureau to determine a company as good or bad. (I thought of a company as bad if they had unresolved complaints or a score less than A. I thought of a company as good if they had no complaints or an A. I thought of a company as really good if they had no complaints AND an A.)

Angie's List allows everyday people to comment about services. That can be good and bad. It's good because we get to see people's opinions, but bad because if they have a derogatory opinion, the company can be smeared without any form of protection. Also, haters exist who say mean things just because they can.

The Better Business Bureau may not tell people's comments but it protects companies from harm. People on Angie's List may have the ability to say whatever they want, but it's only good as long they have a positive comment. Some people say bad things, and sadly nothing stops them from being as mean as they want.

I think people don't consider how their derogatory comments may hurt the company for a loooooooong time. Perhaps the hurt person feels so angry at the company that they don't care if they hurt them.  (I can guarantee that the hurt person doesn't consider how their mean words might affect the company's future. Saying something mean is like sticking a red hot poker in the company's belly to make them pay for what they did. How vengeful! How spiteful! Does the hurt person really want to contribute to the reason for possibly ruining the company's success? Where's their mercy?) I believe in the statement more and more that "If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all."

No wonder companies need lawyers, because some people are mean. At least the company accredited with the BBB has the Attorney General on their side. The Attorney General doesn't investigate complaints on Angie's List but he/she does investigate complaints filed with the BBB. I say that a company needs to protect themselves by getting accredited with the Better Business Bureau.

Back to my search for a dentist. My post makes me appreciate people wanting to save me from trouble; however, I don't want to read derogatory comments. I think I'll stick with the BBB's accreditation score and realize that if a company has a score less than A,  someone doesn't like them.

Some of the things society has done for a long time seem to be unraveling as we advance. People may intend for new things to be helpful, but some people are not nice and the things they say are hurtful.

I think we'll see the return of established companies like the BBB when people realize that the grass isn't always greener on the other side.

No One Likes Change

People like variety but no one likes change. People like to do different things but they want the core things they know to reliably be there. People depend on their knowledge, their ability, their family, and their country. And, they are really creatures of habit. If something familiar in their life changes - they don't like it. They want what they know. They don't want the new thing but the thing with which they are familiar.

In job interviews the question is often asked: "how are you with change?" They probably mean "are you comfortable doing whatever is asked, or would you rather do the same thing only?"

Imagine asking an assembly line worker (who does the same thing over and over) how they are with change. (Actually, I think some assembly line workers like variety. But they also like getting a paycheck. I think that's why they'll do whatever they are told - even if it's the same thing eight hours a day and seven days a week.)

There is a difference between a person who likes to do various things and a person who likes to do just one thing. Think of an assistant who never knows what they might do and a person who does data entry all day. Both people probably think I would never do that. The assistant probably thinks the data entry job seems boring. The data entry person probably thinks the assistant's job seems unsure.

Both people do different things, but neither of them would like something with which they are familiar to change.

President Obama's political platform was change. People elected him because they wanted things to change but when things changed too drastically, people said "I wanted change but not that kind of change." Now some people want to elect someone who will put things back to the way they were. People say things are broken in Washington. They call for reform. They say they want it but do they really? If reform happens and things change, I'm guessing that people won't like it and will want it to go back to the way it was. In my opinion, our President is the only thing in Washington that will ever change.

The Only Thing Constant is Change

I just realized that the things I thought were appropriate seem to have changed. We used to not call or bother people after 9pm - now, it's 10pm. Actors didn't swear on tv - now, they do. Girls didn't call boys - now, they're forward. People insinuated - now, they come right out and say it. I never knew most people's views - now, I do.

I wish things would go back to the way they were, but they won't. Instead, I'll lament about the "good ol' days." I was innocent back then. I don't really want to go back to that time, it just occurs to me that I liked some of the ways things were. Times have changed but they aren't necessarily better -  they're just different. I'm not the young person now. Time caught up with me before I realized it. Now, another generation has grown up called "my kids”.

Every generation probably realized this. Girls stopped having escorts and the older generation said "it's not right." Rock-N-Roll was hated by parents but kids loved it. Girls didn't wear bras in the 70's and older people just shook their heads. I could go on and on. Count my beginning paragraph as part of this one.

I've become my parents. I'm a head shaker and someone who mumbles under their breath. The only thing I can say to this is "oh no!"

My Situation Now

Even though I'm disabled, I'm only 42 and that's young! I've learned so many things and have changed (I think for the better) in so many ways. I have the rest of my life to live with correct thinking. That's way longer than I lived with incorrect thinking.

I may move slower and look worse but I have no pain! It's a matter of learning to live with my limitations and carry on with life. Yes, I need help but I'm not dead! I'm alive! I'm here! My reality is something that I need to accept.

My situation is something to be happy not sad about.

My Epiphany about Change

I had an epiphany today. It was that it's one thing to learn but quite another to change.

When I got sick I think that God in essence said "put you money where your mouth is." When I learned things I would think I want to do that. Perhaps God said "She said she wanted to change, now lets see if she will."

It's possible for people to change. If I can do it then certainly anyone can! It tells me that not only does God listen and hear but that he also waits and encourages me to be better than I am. It reminds me of these words by Cheri Call:

"When I feel like just a tear drop in the rain, God sees the ocean in me."

He wants to see if I will be obedient to his commands, but he won't make me change.

My Trip to Utah and Change

I just came back from being in Utah for three weeks. This was my most challenging trip so far. I don't like going back to my hometown because I don't feel happy there and it reminds me of the past.

I guess I'm too honest and now one of my family members isn't talking to me. This bums me out. Another family member made me mad and caused me to distance myself from them. Drama isn't fun but I think that every family has it.

I realized while in Utah that people don't change unless compelled.

That's certainly true for me. I changed not because I freely chose it but because I was compelled. I've been compelled in a couple of ways.

First, by my husband. He honestly tells me how he feels, and like the adage says, "The truth hurts." After thinking about what he says, I change because I realize that he's right. He's my husband, I listen to him and don't think I have all the answers. I want to be the best person I can be; how can I be that unless he's honest with me and I change?

Second, by my illness. It 'forces' me to decide whether or not to change. My weaknesses are in my face and I have to look at them. I don't change unless forced or compelled because I like my life the way it is. I don't like the way some things are, but they're familiar and I am used to them. I say that I want things to change in my life but I also want the familiar; an oxymoron, and impossible. When I got sick I learned that I didn't like change, in fact, it occurred to me that most people didn't. (People deal with change but they don't like it.) After I got sick, I got frustrated with my 'new normal' and sometimes cried.

I chose to change after I got sick because I wanted to be an improved person. When someone tells me something honest that hurts, my first reaction is to not listen and to think they're mean. Plus, I want to defend myself and say why I did it. However, when someone is honest with me and either I realize they're right or I'm compelled, I think it's mean but I still change.

Most people don't want to hurt my feelings. They only want for me to do or think in a correct way. They have perspective and can see the trees because they're not in the forest. They can see what they think is best when I can't.

On a spiritual note, the only thing I can give to God is my will. He will not compel me, I have to make each choice myself. I don't feel that I'm strong enough to choose the higher path freely I only do so because I am compelled. It makes me sad to realize that I'm so weak, but it makes me happy to realize God's mercy. I change (for the better) and He accepts it.