Being Strong in Hard Times

As I've faced something hard the thing that's helped me most is being strong. I think it's better to suck it up and be brave than to stay sad and exclaim the unfairness. Life is unfair - but I'd rather lift by saying, "You can do it" and put a smile on my face than drag down by saying, "You're weak. You failed" and wearing a scowl.

I may not like the thing but it's up to me how to respond. A little optimism makes a world of difference. I make myself happy because I'd rather be happy than sad. I've had plenty of things happen to make me sad but I choose to be strong and not only survive but not get defeated.

My goal when facing something hard is to overcome it and once again just be myself. Like I've said before, "I'm not my trial" I'm me ... my trial doesn't define me, I do. I'm not a victim to the things in my life but determine where and who I am in spite of what happens to me.

Teaching in YW This Coming Sunday

I'm preparing to teach in YW this week; recently I received a calling to be a teacher in YW. It's a surreal experience to be in with the girls again after not being with them for almost six years. I don't doubt my ability but have insecure feelings because of not having a Sunday calling for so long. Instead of focusing on my doubts I'll remember what I read in my book called Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway. It said 'act as if'. Those words have helped me before. Here goes: I am: Patient, Kind, Loving, Merciful, Virtuous, Full of Faith, Hopeful, Charitable, Nice, Funny, Knowledgeable, Wise, Real, and Honest.

I'd rather state good things than doubts. This statement also encourages me and reminds me to have faith not fear:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. 'Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. WE WERE BORN TO MAKE MANIFEST THE GLORY OF GOD THAT IS WITHIN US. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.'

-Marianne Williamson

(quotations, italics, underline, and uppercase added for emphasis)

I'm looking forward to teaching on Sunday.

Laughter is Truly the Best Medicine

Thank goodness for humor because otherwise I'd be serious. I have a serious personality and sometimes when I get too intense Per says something funny to lighten my mood. I am soooo grateful for humor! I love these quotes on humor, they are so true:

• You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything, even poverty, you can survive it. -Bill Cosby
• Humor is mankind's greatest blessing. -Mark Twain
• Like a welcome summer rain, humor may suddenly cleanse and cool the earth, the air and you. -Langston Hughes
• A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs. It's jolted by every pebble on the road. -Henry Ward Beecher
• Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not; a sense of humor to console him for what he is. -Francis Bacon
• A well-developed sense of humor is the pole that adds balance to your steps as you walk the tightrope of life. -William Arthur Ward
• A sense of humor is a major defense against minor troubles. -Mignon McLaughlin
• Humor is the weapon of unarmed people: it helps people who are oppressed to smile at the situation that pains them. -Simon Wiesenthal
• If you could choose one characteristic that would get you through life, choose a sense of humor. -Jennifer Jones
• As we look for humor... we can endure hardship and trial. We can say, as did my mother, “Come what may, and love it.” -Joseph B. Wirthlin
• Find happiness in ordinary things, and keep your sense of humor. -Boyd K. Packer

If I didn't have humor I'd get offended so easily. Some situations are funny to me and all I can do is laugh. My favorite quote is by Marjorie Hinckley, she said: "In life you can either laugh or cry. I'd rather laugh, crying gives me a headache." If my choices are to either laugh or cry, laugh or get mad, laugh or feel offended then I'd rather laugh.

Kindness Goes a Long Way

Here's what I think: Be Nice.

Never hurt anyone. That's hard to do, especially when they've hurt me, but my actions always say how I am. I want to be loving so why would I be mean? Being nice means being nice at all times; that means even when people aren't nice toward me.

• The Dalai Lama said, "If you can, help others. If you cannot, at least do no harm."
• Mother Theresa said, "Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are endless."
• President Monson said, "You can never be too nice." 

Three people from different backgrounds all saying the same thing. What does being nice mean? Having love in my heart. There's always two ways to say things: 1) Nicely, 2) Meanly. The question is: Do I want to be kind or unkind? Here's another question: If I died today, would I want to be considered nice or mean? Whatever my answer is, that's how I need to always be.

I love this message:

"It's nice to be important. But it's more important to be nice." How true. I may get five seconds of fame but the way I am will live on for more than five seconds. So many people are sad. I may never know when someone's at the end of their rope, all I know is that what I say could either make them let go or encourage them to hang on. I want to be a bright spot in someone's day. I want to lift.

Does Every Cloud Have a Silver Lining?

My Challenge

It's taken me five years to get through the "this sucks" phase of dealing with life with MS. I've accepted my reality (that I have MS) because my life with MS feels more normal than my life without MS. Don't get me wrong, from time to time I still recall what I used to do, the difference is that now I realize "it is what it is" and don't get bummed.

MS threw me for a loop. My life did not go in the direction I thought it would. But here's the good thing - I didn't get defeated! I didn't let the crummy disease take over my will and my mindset and make me an eternally bitter person. My challenge caused me to think negatively for a while but not permanently. (I needed some time to figure out, "What do I do now?") Something big happened to me that turned my life upside down, and it took me a while to re-discover myself. But a bad situation also caused me to discover many good things about myself - including some things that I wouldn't acknowledge.

Thoughts on Challenges

Hard things happen to everyone. The key is that when I don't get defeated but instead learn from the hard thing, I end up knowing so much more than just knowing that I face something hard. 

How I Look at Life

I'm an optimist who would rather focus on blue sky and sunshine than on clouds. I love life, and realize that I can work on developing qualities and skills even when I have a challenge. I'm like water, if I can find a way to do it I will.

What is the Focus?

No longer do I feel like lamenting - thank you for listening to me. Now, I want to focus on the silver linings; the good that comes from facing hard things. To answer my question, does every cloud have a silver lining? Yes.

How I Had Courage Instead of Fear

My body reminded me again that it's sick. A few days ago I went to bed and every time I sat up I felt really dizzy. I thought that maybe it would stop when closing my eyes but that just made it worse. I laid in the dark and felt very woozy. For the next few days the dizziness was bearable and even forgotten in the daylight. Then recently, while sitting in my office, a wave of dizziness washed over me, followed by me feeling like I was on a roller coaster as stationary things on my desk seemed to spin, followed by me feeling really hot, followed by me feeling sick. I sat in my downstairs chair and thought about how I hadn't felt like that since initially getting sick five years ago.

I felt fine while sitting in my chair, but every time I moved the dizziness came back. Per helped me walk from my chair to the stairs so that I wouldn't fall. (I'm sure he felt worried but he put on a brave face for me.) I awoke in the middle of the night and when I sat up the dizziness hit me. I bumped into the door when walking to the bathroom (which I'm sure awoke Per) and felt sad when getting back into bed.

I laid there in the dark feeling scared. I didn't know for how long the dizziness would last - maybe a short time but maybe forever! Tears welled up in my eyes and I felt sad. After a little while of feeling terrible I thought No! I'm not gonna lay here and feel sad when I don't know what will happen. God knows my fate and I give my life to him. Think good things. I thought of my favorite story about how trials are like clouds but there is sunshine and clear sky above the clouds. I thought about good things and the sad feeling went away. 

Sad things happen to me but I won't dwell on them - it is what it is. What am I gonna do? Live my life, that's what! I refuse to give in to defeat. I'd rather have courage than fear. The sadness persists until I choose not to be sad and until I think happy things that change my attitude. (Five years ago I would have allowed the sad thoughts and bad feelings to overcome my mood.) Being sick isn't fun but - as crazy as it sounds - my trial has given me better self-esteem and correct thinking. Maybe it's a silly thing to say but I'm grateful for my trial; I'm an improved person. I step back and remember my goal (to have eternal life) and every challenge I face is worth it if it gets me closer to what I want. That night, I felt scared about having a new symptom but not for very long.

Does It Really Matter?

Every year (for the past few years) I've written a letter to "my girls". The girls who were Laurels (16-17) when I was Young Women's President. I've never forgotten about them and the joy they brought into my life. They are 22 or older now. Most are married and some have kids. Whatever they are doing is great.

In my opinion, you're never too old to hear an encouraging word. It's true that when a girl leaves the YW program she is welcomed into Relief Society and watched over by them (truly, a person in my church is never alone), but the fact is that all of my girls aren't going to stay in my church. Whatever they do, I want them to know that I love them.

As much as I want my life to be perfect, it isn't. It's a fact that life makes people face hard things. (Hopefully, those hard things make them stronger, but nobody likes or wishes for them.) It's a fact also that people face good things; things that bring joy and happiness.

What I want to point out is that when I don't see the good I miss out on the good things.

Last night I told Per that every time I walk into the guest bathroom I see the Christmas decoration that's in there and my attention is drawn to the antler that is broken on one of the reindeer. There are many good things about that decoration but I look at the one flaw. He said, "I've looked at that thing many times, and an antler is broken?" Then he told me that every time he goes in that bathroom he looks at the floor that he tiled and notices the chipped tile. I said, "One of the tiles is chipped?" 

How many times do I look at the flaw instead of the masterpiece? Maybe because I'm a perfectionist I notice the flaw when I want perfection. I will always be a perfectionist who wants perfection, but I also know that flaws don't = bad. 

No one wants to acknowledge that sometimes they see flaws. But no one is perfect or positive all the time. (Some things make me mad and I'm not positive about them.) It takes choosing to see the good instead of the bad; I hope to always see the good and I strive for it, but I know that always = someday. Instead, I'll try for as long as I can to see the good.

A Note About Unfairness

Dear Friends,

(I call you my friends because I truly think of you as friends. I don't say it to convince myself to like you but because that's really how I feel...if I didn't think it, I wouldn't say it.)

I've been adding my blogs (since 2009) to my journal (after all a blog is a public online journal, right?) After reading some blogs from 2012, I wanted to explain the way I am.

I don't get blindsided by trials and dwell on them for a long time. When I think something's unfair, I think it's unfair for a day then say, "It is what it is" and continue living my life. I don't dwell on the unfair thing for days or months, or never let it go. Perhaps I lament wishing for something different, but I don't lament about the thing that's out of my control because I can't do anything to change it. The only thing I can do is determine how I react and what I do. 

Saying something's unfair isn't the same as complaining about a situation. When I say that something's unfair, I also say what I wish...so that it would be fair. Complaining about a situation is saying it's unfair...and that's it...no stating a solution, just complaining...how is just complaining helpful? I say, "Either state a solution (which may just be defending my beliefs, but, at least, it's doing something,) change it, or don't complain."

After reading some of my blogs in 2012 and knowing how I am today, I considered that perhaps some people thought, How can she speak about other things?...Isn't she still mad about the thing that happened to her last year? I got hurt and offended, and lamented in early 2012. After stating the thing that hurt me, I posted other things that were interesting because I carried on with my life. It took me a year to stop feeling hurt, but it only took me a day to realize "it is what it is" and know that I wouldn't let it affect my behavior. I decided how I wanted to be, and behaved that way.

I believe that by saying, "It is what it is," letting the thing go, and honestly stating the truth, it allowed me to accept the unfair thing that happened (accept that it happened) and be who I am. Unfair things happen to everyone; it's a fact of life. The important thing is how I responded. It took months for me to stop feeling hurt about the thing that happened to me, but by not dwelling on it, I learned from it. (I believe that we learn things even from crappy experiences.) I learned about forgiveness, judgement, and my behavior from a bad experience...how great for me!

An unfortunate thing happened to me but I got over it, and I still say what I think because I hope that my words help someone.

A Truth About Opposition

The adversary can only tempt, not force me. Perhaps this knowledge was obvious to some people but I had never thought about it. In considering it, I see how he uses bad feelings to keep me in his clutches. When I think bad things, I'm his. And when I think good things, he inflicts bad feelings until I think bad things, and am his once again. Thinking good things is not arrogant or prideful. How is telling myself 'I love you' prideful or arrogant? 

How convenient for the devil to say that he doesn't exist. When people believe that there's no hell, he wins. I'm good but he tries to convince me that I'm bad. He wants to bind me in the chains of my negative thoughts and drag me down to hell. Actually, he can only tempt, not force me, therefore, he can only whisper in my ear and make me feel bad. If I choose to believe his lies, I drag myself down to hell. I will choose to believe only the truth and think positive thoughts - even when I feel bad - and drag myself up to heaven.

Being religious isn't popular. In today's world a religious person is considered weak. Who instilled that idea?..Satan. He wants me to hate God and Jesus Christ, because he doesn't want me to choose them but to choose him. His fate has already been decided; and he lost. Lucifer (Satan, the devil, the enemy, the father of all lies) got kicked out of heaven; he and his followers were never born. He and his evil minions got sent to earth to cause me to choose good or evil, God or him, heaven or hell. I have the upper hand to him. I didn't get kicked out of heaven. I was born, but he's cunning. He knows me better than I know myself, because he remembers heaven and I don't. He knows that I was faithful and he wasn't. He whispers lies to me because he want me to believe him and take me away from God.

To some, this sounds unreal, because real is only what is seen. I disagree. Just because God, Jesus, and the Devil aren't seen doesn't mean that they don't exist. I realize that some people will think I'm just a religious kook who believes in a lie (They are the same kind of people who thought that Noah was a kook, even when the rain fell.) I don't really care if some people think I'm a kook. There will always be haters who only see the negative. I want to warn people not to fall into Satan's trap. I'm blatant. I say it like it is, and I'm not scared of the people who hate (bully.) People can choose to believe whatever they want.

When I choose the good and the positive, Satan doesn't like it. He's miserable and wants me to be miserable too. He is a liar, who may tell me what I want to hear, but he won't - absolutely won't - support me in the end. He whispers damning things in my ear, but I won't listen to him! I say, "I won't listen to you, Satan." 

Saying positive things but thinking negatively doesn't mean that I'm positive. (It means that I 'want' to be positive, but it's not necessarily true in my heart.) When I choose to think positively, my inside matches my  outside. I will think positive things - good things - not only say them. I will be authentic and avoid the enemy's trap.

Choosing Hope Not Sadness

When I feel bummed, I think "at least this." For example, I felt bummed that I can't speak well enough that my friend understands me...instead of feeling sad I thought, at least I can talk! Life isn't fair. I felt sad about many things today - things that if I focused on them, they would bum me out. I had to consciously choose to feel happy rather than sad today, and the 'at least' statement helped me do that. I counted my blessings; I thought about how at least it was this and not as bad as this.

I believe that the enemy wants me to be sad; he wants me to feel bummed. He doesn't want me to have hope, he wants me to say, "this sucks" and to see the worst. He's miserable and he wants me to be miserable too. I choose every day whether to get bummed or not. When I feel sad, I listen to good music, surround myself with good things, and think "at least."

It Could Always Be Worse

Everyone experiences disappointment. In a hard situation, it could always be worse. 

- When I considered my trial, I thought, at least I'm not that guy.

- The person who has trouble walking might think, at least I have feet.

- The person with no feet might think, at least I have a body.

- The person with an imperfect body might think, at least I'm not paralyzed.

- The person who is paralyzed might think, at least I'm not dead.

I have a choice when I face something hard 1) see the good or 2) see the bad, be grateful or be angry, have a positive outlook (see the glass as half full) or have a negative outlook (see the glass as half empty.) My outlook determines my happiness.

This year marks five years that I've had MS. During that time, my disease hasn't gone away but has worsened. I could think of the awfulness of my reality, or I could think of the many good things that have resulted because of my illness. I'm not exempt from bad things happening to me. Yes, it sucks and I wouldn't choose it, but I have to admit that by looking on the bright side of my tragedy I have become improved.

I'm a religious person and believe that The Lord has strengthened me to endure my trial. I believe that He does what's best for each person in the eternal scheme of things. I wanted my life to be a certain way, but I'm willing to accept His way, knowing that He knows more than me and that He has my best interest in mind. 'I put my trust in Him,' so to speak.

The Lord has not removed my burden (much like he didn't remove Paul's 'thorn in his side',) but he has eased it in so many ways. For example, the negative voice in my mind is gone (it plagued me for years,) my family is closer, I learned correct thinking, and I learned the truth about some things. I'm grateful that many years ago the 'it could be worse' thought crossed my mind and caused me to consider the worse things which led me to feel grateful.

This life isn't fair, but how do I react to unfairness? I may have thought the worst and have seen only the negative at one time, but the thing I love is that I could change. It's amazing to think that a shift in my thinking led to many blessings. 

Inspiring Video

I saw this inspiring video, and wanted to post it: Inspiring Video

The video shows a veteran in a wheelchair who is trying to walk, a young girl at a dance audition, and a guy with a knee brace lining up to run a race. The video shows each of them doubting their abilities, but, regardless of the outcome, attempting to reach their goals. The song says, "Didn't always hear 'YES' as much as I heard 'NO' and later it says, "I can do anything". 

The video shows the guy in the wheelchair standing, the girl dancing, and the guy with the brace running. I don't know if they achieved their goals or not, but that's not really the point. The point is that they tried instead of regretting that they didn't.

The guy who sang the song has Autism, Asperberger's, OCD, ADD, and Tourette's Syndrome. He has many challenges, but he doesn't let his disabilities stop him from trying. He may fail, but the lessons he learns far outweigh the failures.

A lot of people don't try for many reasons; they're afraid they'll look stupid, they're afraid they'll fail, they're afraid people will laugh at them, they're afraid they'll get in over their head, and on, and on, and on. They let being afraid stop them. Yes they may look stupid, yes they may fail, yes people may laugh, yes they may be in over their head, but the important thing is that they try. They are smart and strong. When facing a challenge, they'll figure it out. (At least they can say, "I did it" even though they felt afraid.) 

People can do more than they believe. I hope that people will try even when they feel scared.

My Attitude

I've been reading my online journal from the beginning (Jan 2009) to now. I'm a lot different now than back then! I see how sad and frustrated I felt because of the changes in my life (that came on suddenly-and stayed.) I didn't want to accept my illness - my trial, but, as a reality, had to. I see how angry I felt when I had learned some truths while writing my book. Five years have passed since my diagnosis, and now I feel much more accepting of my illness, less sad, less frustrated about my life, more authentic and truthful, and more accepting of people.

Did I experience depression or grief? I say that I grieved my loss. I never felt a black cloud hover over me, nor did I have a hopeless feeling that lingered. I felt great sadness for losing my abilities, and great frustration for wanting the past, but I didn't stay permanently sad and frustrated. I think that time has helped me to accept my fate, and optimism has helped me to see the good in a bad situation.

I've said, "This sucks!" many times. I've also learned things that have caused me to change and to cope. I think that acknowledging the crap but not having an eternally crappy attitude has helped me to continue to progress.

Long ago, I experienced depression. I felt a dark cloud hover over me and wrote sad poetry. I thought my life would always be my current experience. My depression didn't end until changes happened in my life - changes that felt like a light switch; my depression suddenly went away when my life changed, and then my attitude went from sadness to happiness. When my depression went away, I could see 'a light at the end of the tunnel,' and looked forward to the future instead of just letting my current life get me down.

When I compare my depression from long ago to how I feel now (as well as to ways I've felt over the last five years,) the feelings aren't the same. With my current trial, I've never felt myself spiral down to lingering sadness, even though I've felt very sad. For me, a blessing in my life was my shift in thinking, from feeling sadness and despair to feeling hope and gratitude. I have surely felt negative things, but have never lost hope nor gratitude - in fact those two things have helped me to endure my trial.

I could have sunk into depression five years ago when I felt scared and didn't know why things were happening, but a thought reminded me that it could be worse. I thought about the things that I had experienced (eye problems, walking problems) and felt grateful that my problems weren't worse! In the last five years, I've had many 'it could be worse' experiences that have caused me to feel gratitude instead of sadness. The shift in my thinking (to look for good instead of bad) has helped me tremendously!

I believe in hoping to receive my dreams as well as in honestly acknowledging my reality. I didn't wish to get sick in 2008, but I did wish for things in my life to change. My life may not be how I imagined it, but the blessings I've received far outweigh my current trial. I refuse to let myself go to a bad place - in my mind, or in any other way.

Special Experiences in my Life

One of the special things in my life are my dreams. Vivid, colorful, detailed, honest, weird, liberating, repeating, and sometimes continuous. I remember a lot of my dreams as well as the feelings that accompany them. They are set in different times - some past, some present, and some future. A few are scary, and many are peaceful. Some are gross, and a lot are beautiful. When I think of certain places, certain dreams enter my mind. I remember less of my dreams now than before getting sick, but they mean great things to me.

I'm glad to write things in my journal. Many thoughts run through my mind and are easier to contemplate when I write them down. My journal is like a mute friend that listens for as long as I talk. People can hear too many words, but my journal never says, "Enough!" Many times, I've considered my journal cheap therapy because I've written my true feelings and later read and learned from them. My first journal versus the one I have now are quite different. One reflects my 10-year old self, and the other reflects a more mature me.

One of my favorite high school memories is when a group of friends and I went to a park at night, stood in a circle holding hands, and sang songs. Most teenage kids wouldn't esteem an event like that, but it touched my soul. I'm thankful for the spirituality that has always been a part of my life. Church services, seminary, firesides, and Super Saturdays shaped me. Even my high school choir experience had a spiritual effect on my life. I'm sure that the person I am today is partly attributed to the fact that a lot of my growing up years were done in Orem and Provo, Utah. Words cannot express the gratitude I feel in my heart for the spirituality in my life.

Nothing compares to love. My marriage and the birth of my children are special experiences, indeed. Per, Bryan, and Andrew enrich my life more than I can say. My heart overflowed last year when I saw my oldest son marry his sweetheart. Kimbra adds something special to our family - she is meant to be with us. 

The places around the world where I've been hold a special place in my heart. The people I've met have truly touched me - I'm fortunate to have met them. Some people don't want to travel far distances but I've always wanted it and appreciate the opportunity to have done so. The beautiful places I've seen have enhanced my life. Memories are forever etched in my mind of wonderful sites, fun things, and nice people.

There are many special experiences in my life that haven't been mentioned. Actually, every good experience I've had is special. I feel so grateful when I think about all the special things in my life. Sure, there are crappy things in my life too, but I don't mention them because they aren't special. I am not exempt from feeling sad, lonely, betrayed, and many other negative things, I just don't choose to remain depressed, mad, or hurt because I want to feel happy. There are many good experiences in my life. I love remembering them.

Doing What I Want

I do what I want during the day. If I want to go on the computer, or read, or do something else, I do it. I'm not confined to a chair and at the mercy of others. I may move slowly, but at least I have the freedom to do what I choose. Sometimes all I want to do is watch TV, but I don't do it every day. Other times, I go outside to the car, go somewhere with friends, or look at pretty things on rides. When I think about what I can do, I feel grateful that I have the mobility to do things.

Sometimes I read on Facebook that someone feels sorry for themselves. I know that some people struggle with depression too. I think people get down because something isn't happening the way they want. I believe that if they counted their blessings and realized what they have (even if it's not quite what they want,) they would feel better.

Today, I thought I'm like a baby. I just eat, drink, and sleep. Maybe I see that thought when I look at the the surface. But when I look below the surface and evaluate it, I realize it's not true. I do many more things than a baby; I just think that thought because I don't do what I once could. I do things differently now but that doesn't mean I do nothing. I do what I can, and don't sweat the small stuff.

Positive and Negative

Kids tend to be positive and optimistic because they see life through rose colored glasses. They haven't had to face hard things that may bring realistic viewpoints (which are often seen as negative although they're not - they're just real).

Thinking of things in a positive way is a matter of choosing to think positively when faced with both the positive AND negative. Saying something negative (that might be true) doesn't make for a negative person. A person isn't negative unless they choose to be that way.

Hearing the negative is not fun to hear. Sometimes the truth hurts. But on the good side, hearing the truth could also make for a greater person.

I know that to become a greater person doesn't come without pain; unfortunately it hurts to have a chip taken off here and a chunk removed there. But, if DaVinci wouldn't have chiseled the marble, he wouldn't have made the beautiful David.

I like this quote: "I saw in myself a cottage, but God saw in me a mansion". To me, the essence of this quote is that God will mold me into the person I'm meant to become. (But the chiseling, tugging and pulling will hurt.) What I know is that I will endure God's molding and trust Him to make me beautiful because He will turn me into my potential.

To Be or Wannabe

Sometimes the person who's rich doesn't flaunt their money - they just act normal - because being rich is just how they are. Alternatively, sometimes the person who doesn't have money acts rich because being rich is how they want to be; they really aren't rich but just pretending.

I believe that people need to be authentic/real and not pretend because pretending is fake. Also, I believe that if a person wants to be a certain way they need to believe they already ARE that way-that's not pretending; pretending is wishing and believing is being.

A person I know only says positive statements; they also don't like to hear negative things. In my mind, ignoring the negative doesn't mean that a person is positive. To me, when a person ignores the negative they pretend they were positive but they really aren't; if they were truly positive they'd be willing to hear negative things, too.

It's unrealistic to think that a person will never speak negatively. Strong-minded people don't let other people's statements affect what they think, and other people's thoughts don't change their opinion unless they allow it. People need to be willing to hear other opinions; they need to be willing to hear both negative and positive things while believing in their own thoughts.

Yes, I Can!

While talking to my son the other day, I indicated that I couldn't do anything without getting hot and tired. I told him how it made me sad to think that once I could do something that now I couldn't. He said "I'll bet you can do it. You'll just be slower but you should try." Well, I tried. And guess what? I did it! (Albeit slower.)

I CAN do things. That knowledge makes me feel like wanting to try.

I accept my disability in some ways. On the one hand I accept what I can do (e.g. Thinking, I wish I could do my hair better but I'm doing the best I can). And on the other hand I don't (e.g. I cry when I can't do things to the same degree of doing them before getting sick).

My perfectionism says, "Do all or do nothing" (e.g. the thought, if I can't do it well then I won't do it at all). My all or nothing thinking stops me from trying because (in my mind) I don't do it good enough. (All or nothing thinking goes back to my childhood of me trying to please people and do everything right.) I'm the kind of person who strives for excellence. I've learned that excellence doesn't mean being perfect but doing my best. (I can be excellent and imperfect at the same time when I do my best.) Not trying isn't doing my best but giving up. I need to to try even when I think that I can do better. (I need to realize that I'm doing the best I can, and if I'm not then I need to try harder.)

I love that President Hinckley said, "Do you best, plus a little more". He strove for excellence and I appreciate his counsel reminding me to do the same. My church teaches excellence. It teaches me that I can be more than I am and I work for it. I love the saying "Why hang with the turkeys when you can soar with the eagles?" That saying is really true and in essence says, "You can go further than you think, so try".

The stories of the pioneers are about excellence. They put one foot in front of the other when they thought they couldn't go on. They kept going when they wanted to give up. They thought, just get me over that mountain. It's inspirational. I think, if they could do it I can too. I don't accept that what I do is all that I can do. I thank my son for encouraging me to try to do what I considered impossible.