Communicating with Men

NOTE: In my previous posts, I meant no disrespect to men when I said boy instead of man. I didn't mean men are boys I just said boy. From now on I'll be more clear.

To women:

If you feel you're not being heard by your man, try giving him your thoughts and feelings in a letter. Men speak a lot less words than women. Perhaps your spoken words are filling him up to the point that his eyes look glazed over. Write down your feelings and edit them to say things clearly and concisely. Be brief and say what you want him to do.

Save your words for your girl friends. Don't be mad at him because he doesn't talk as much as you - he's a man not a woman. Men tune women out because they talk so much! A woman can tell when a man's not listening, but instead of getting mad, it's best to say what you want in written form. He's listening, but maybe he tunes you out because you go on and on and on. Perhaps he stares into space, or whatever he does that seems like he's not listening to you, because he just wants you to get to the point of saying what you want. Maybe he seems like he's not listening because he feels attacked by blame. Whatever the reason might be that it seems like you're talking to a brick wall, maybe it seems like that because he doesn't want to hear the details.

Have you ever heard someone give a speech and instead of using a written talk they use an outline? They rambled and you thought Please, get to the point! After a while you tuned them out (for your own sanity) and you didn't hear a word they said because it took them forever to say it. Does the example sound familiar?

If you're a mom to sons, perhaps the same thing is happening. Consider this: A mom tells her son what to do when he's young. But when he becomes a teenager and she tell him what to do he might think Be quiet!And tune her out. (He wants to do what he thinks not what you think. It stings a bit to know the truth, but your teaching to a teenager is best said by correcting mistakes in a non-condemning way.) Anyway, my point is that at some point a mom's son stops listening to her first - because he wants to listen to himself first. Perhaps a written letter that's concise, brief, tells your feelings, and states what you want your son to do will help.

A letter's great because: 1) He can read it when he wants; 2) He can read it more than once; 3) You get to state yourself and be heard. The next time you don't feel heard by him, try writing him a letter.