My Grateful Heart

I used to clean multiple rooms in one day. Now, cleaning one room takes me several days. I do a little (not very much to a well person) and have to sit down because my heart is beating and my temperature is raised; if I kept going I'd cry. Over the years I've learned to listen to my body. In the past, I've tried to do what I once could - bad idea. My attempts to do things like I once could have resulted in: 1) Me feeling frustrated; or 2) Me crying; or 3) Me quitting.

I'v learned that it doesn't take much to break a sweat (that's when I need to sit down.) I remember several instances where cleaning caused sweat to run down my nose. (At that moment I kept going until the job got finished.)

I don't mention these things hoping that people will feel sorry for me or hoping that they'll feel sad, but hoping that they'll realize that people can't always do what they once could. I guess I also say these things hoping that people will have more compassion, and that they'll be grateful for what they can do.

I'm gentle on myself now. I allow myself time to accomplish something, and don't expect myself to do it quickly. I know my capabilities. I push myself to do my best and say, "It's great that I tried." (I know that I tried my best and that's all that matters.) I tell myself, "Progression not perfection."

My disease is hard, but it has caused me to look at things in a different way. Instead of feeling angry about my trials being unair, I feel grateful for new knowledge that has improved me.