Life, Death, and Grieving

I existed before this life, and I will exist after; this life is not the only life in eternity. Granted, this life is important. Here, I receive a body, get married, have children, feel both good and bad, have experiences, and make choices. BUT, this life isn't my ONLY life.

My friend's husband recently died. She's grieving. I would never tell her to 'be happy' because she's sad. She needs friendship not judgment. No amount of anyone's happiness (including mine) will change her outlook, when her heart stops hurting long enough for her to even think of something other than her grief, then maybe she'll consider other things. 

My MS trial causes me to relate to her. I can relate to her because I know what it's like to grieve something that's gone; to grieve life being changed forever; and to grieve having to accept a 'new normal'. I know that grieving takes a while; I was sad for a long time, even years. I said, "This sucks!," and cried a lot. Only the passage of time caused my pain not to sting so bad. I didn't realize the reality of my attitude until when reading some of my early journal entries. Upon reading, I could hear sadness and frustration in my words, and could tell that I faced something hard. I don't know if it's possible for anyone not to be negative when initially facing adversity, but I do know that it's unrealistic and fake for anyone to force themselves to be happy when they're not. 

My friend needs time to grieve because she's facing something hard. I hope she won't grieve forever and never resume living her life. I hope that when the time is right, she will pull herself up by her metaphorical boot straps, and say, "Enough."  She had no control over stopping her hard thing from happening, but she does have control over her actions. Maybe it will ease her pain to hear a 'survivor' say that when their focus was on their ability (what they could control,) and not their trial, coping was easier.

Being sad forever, and never progressing in life isn't helpful in any way. It's of no help to replay, in my mind, memories that keep me sad. Life isn't fair. Not ever picking myself up, never moving on, staying depressed, or not ever progressing hurts me tremendously. I only have one life on earth, why would I choose to waste it being sad, angry, upset, depressed, or mad?

When I die, I don't want my loved ones who still live, to stop living their lives; I want them to live as if I had never died. In eternity, when we all look back at our earth lives, I hope we will see progression and have no regrets.