My Theory About Society

(This is from an American perspective) For most of the 80's America had a conservative president and society was appropriate. Inappropriate things started to show on TV (violence, rudeness) but the norm was 'appropriate'. Americans equated success with money and America appeared successful. Underground, a few social groups pointed out the poorness of other countries, the cruel treatment of animals, and how 'greedy capitalists' were ruining the environment-especially the rain forest. The social groups were viewed by many people as extreme.

For most of the 90's America had a non-conservative president. Some people turned away from conservatism to the inappropriate. More extreme things were liked (Roseanne, Jerry Springer). A few social groups caused change in the way we talked (political correctness), the way we treated animals (dolphin-safe, PETA-vegetarian), and the way we treated the environment (EPA-protect the spotted owl and the wetlands).

For most of the 2000's America had a conservative president. More people (than in the 90's) liked inappropriate things and didn't like the conservatism of the president; they bashed him and criticized him harshly. Things became even more extreme. Some people wanted to re-define the word 'appropriate'.

From 2010 to now America has a non-conservative president. Many people have turned away from conservatism to embrace what they once considered inappropriate. A lot of extreme things are liked (on TV, in magazines, and on the internet). Social groups are no longer underground and in some cases seem to run society (instead of government). Money is not equated with success but equated with evil and greed. Truly, good is bad and bad is good.

I'm not a social analyst but it doesn't take a degree to notice the direction of the world. In my non-professional opinion (based on the last few decades) society will get more extreme. It's a distraction designed to keep me focused on things over which I have no control and stop me from focusing on things over which I DO have control: my character.

I look at the last few decades of history and say, "I won't get distracted. I'll focus on my character and ignore the direction of the world. I know where I want to go and what it takes to get there. I won't let society get me off course."

It's Not What I Wanted to Hear but It Helped

Recently, I felt offended and a little insulted. It caused me to never want to see that person again. I thought about it and my rational mind said, "It's your pride and ego that hurt. Swallow your pride and show love because that's how you are". Part of me felt like a little girl who clenches her fist, straightens her arm and stubbornly says, "I don't want to", but the loving part of me said, "Okay, I will".

It's hard to swallow my pride and show love to someone who didn't show love to me but loving is how I am and therefore I show love even when others don't. (I say it's how I am because it's how I want to be. If I just say I want to be it, I'll never be but only wish. I say 'I am' but sometimes (out of instinct) 'I am not'-just keepin' it real :)

I could quote the scripture about loving your enemies but I won't. Instead I'll just say that I'm trying with the hope that one day I'll be.

Four Differences Between Men and Women

After a couple has been married for a while, they know each other well. They seem to think like each other and know each other's tastes and interests. Even though they are alike, they both have unique differences and qualities that the other doesn't have. Their differences complete each other. It would be a shame if they became so close that they lost their uniqueness; that they became like their opposite.

I went to a class once that pointed out the differences between men and women. The class suggested seeing life from the spouse's perspective. The teacher said that each person interpreted love differently, and that the way a person said, "I Love You" didn't necessarily say it to another person. The teacher said that people usually gave others what they liked, but the most effective gift was to give what the other person liked. The message of the class said, "Consider what the other person likes and give to them what they think says I love you."

I thought about the differences between men and women and came up with this:

1. Men are like the countryside and women are like the wind.

Women talk more than men. Women explain things in 10,000 words when it takes men 5,000 words to make their point. Most women like to keep busy, too whereas most men are quiet and still. 

2. Men are like the calm before the storm and women are like the storm. 

Each thing is important - if women were the calm, there would never be the storm.

3. Men are like lakes and women are like rivers. 

A lake holds the reserve of water and doesn't give the river too much or it overflows. A river takes what it has and keeps it moving. (Like the wind and the storm, each is necessary in what they do. If a woman became a lake there wouldn't be a river!)

4. Men are direct and women are roundabout.

Men get complimented for their clothes and they say, "Thanks!" whereas women say, "Thanks! I got it on sale at Macy's". Not only do women state their bargain but they say where they got it. Women want to tell others where they got a deal, men don't.

Some partners think, it would be better if they were like me. I beg to differ - it would be better if they were like them; a person possibly thinks that because they want their life to be easier. I think that if their spouse was just like them, they wouldn't like it. Spouses might not acknowledge it, they might even think the differences drive them crazy, but I believe that in one way or another they actually like them.

Having a Passion or Not

Some people know what they want to do with their lives. They identify their passion early in life and do what they love in their work. A lot of people don't know what they want to do with their lives. They don't identify their passion until later in life (usually in their 40's) and instead do a skill they learn. Sometimes when they discover their passion, they change jobs to do what they love. I've heard that if a person does what they love, they'll never work a day in their life. That's great for people who know what they love, but what if a person doesn't know what they love? In that case a person needs to do what they do well.

What a person loves (their passion) comes naturally. Maybe they develop it, but at the core it's an innate quality. It takes some people more time to discover their passion. I think of it like different body types: some people have high metabolisms and other people don't. Likewise, some people can identify their passion and other's can't.

I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life so I just took a job that paid good money and taught me a valuable skill. I did that skill for many years then switched to do another skill that I also did well. After getting sick, I identified my passions. I see how my jobs used my qualities, but those jobs weren't passions - they were just jobs that I did to get a paycheck. 

If I wanted to do my passion, I'd need more education. I'm not going to attend college now, so that option's out. What's another option for me? To identify my passion(s) and realize how I used my qualities in my jobs.

Qualities are parts of my character - they say how I am. They are ways I've always been. For example, I've always philosophized and I've always been a deep-thinker; I've always loved people; I've always loved to research things; I've always loved to express myself; I've always been religious; I've always loved music; I've always been creative; I've always loved men; I've always been domestic; I've always loved my things.

I see how my qualities have influenced what I've done. I'm a good mom and have a happy home because I'm domestic; I have many heirlooms because I cherish my things; I have a husband because I love men; I make things because I'm creative; I sing and play the piano because I love music; I talk about spiritual things because I'm religious; I have many journals because I love to express myself; I know certain things because I research them; I help people because I love them; I figure things out because I ponder. Each one of my jobs have included things that I like to do, as well as things I'm good at. Everyone has qualities whether or not they've identified their passion(s).

My Goal in 2013

The year 2012 gave me many discoveries. I learned how people are; how I am; how Per is; how my kids are; how my extended family is; how my friends are; how people in my church are; and how society is.

In 2012 I had a goal to be nicer (blog post). My honesty and bluntness hurt some people in 2011 when I felt compelled to be honest; not sweep things under the rug; and say how I felt. In 2012 I wanted to hold my tongue (just realize things but not necessarily say them.)

In 2013 I want to continue to practice holding my tongue and to work on developing my character. My goal is to be patient, loving, and kind.

Life's Not Fair But I Don't Need to Focus on That Fact

Yesterday, at the movie theater, a worker discriminated against me. I think handicapped people are sometimes treated unfairly and I've experienced it several times. Some people are nice; when they see a person walking with a cane or sitting in a wheelchair, they smile at them and are helpful. But some companies don't train their employees (enough or at all) on how to treat handicapped people.

My first inclination told me to post on my blog that AMC discriminates against handicapped people. I wanted to say it because I wanted their company to change. I thought about the consequences of the situation and decided to stay out of the discrimination fight for many reasons. First and foremost, I want to say inspiring things. Life's unfair, and although justified, the discrimination situation is bigger than me and would cause me to become a negative person. I have valid points, but making them just proves I'm right. (I want to be improved not justified.)

Life is full of unfairness and it stings when it touches me. I could retaliate or work at becoming the best me possible. My perception comes down to my focus. I know that life is unfair and includes discrimination, and knowing it and yet choosing not to give it my focus makes me improved. It hurts when I experience unfairness, but when I show mercy (don't stick it to them) my character grows.

I don't automatically think mercifully, but choose mercy after thinking. I'm glad I learned to think before acting because I know I would regret my first inclination.

My Character and How I Choose to be

In Downton Abbey the classes of people are very apparent. Back then, some classes existed because of things beyond their control, like who their ancestors were.

I think we have still have class (or caste) systems today - but they are more subtle. Classes divide people instead of bringing them together. I see a class form when a person has the attitude of "I'm better than you because..." Perhaps its because of the color of their skin, or because they have only one parent, or because they belong to a certain political party, or because they have money, or because they have an illness, or because they're gay, or because their parents valiantly raised them. Classes form when a person thinks they are better than someone else because the someone else is different.

Classes dissolve when a person thinks the best of someone else; and they genuinely treat them that way. They dissolve when a person sees potential in someone else and helps them become that way. The dissolution of classes is loving; love brings together, unlove divides.

Sometimes life isn't fair but that doesn't give a person the right to behave badly. A person's character, who they are, is shown in times of adversity. Not everyone has the same things. No one has the right to think they're better than someone else because they had or have something that someone else didn't or doesn't. The important thing is the character of a person despite their situation.

If a person is judged because of any reason they have the choice as to how they will be in return. Will they be loving or unloving? Will they be who they want even when they've been hurt? Will they judge? Will they lash out? Will they seek revenge?

A person's character is the most important thing they have control over.