Avoiding Subtle Traps

Control
What I want so much is to be heard and understood. I've learned that everyone hears and understands in their own way. When I am open to knowing about being heard and understood the way they hear and understand me it expands my mind. Everyone is free to be themselves and they don't have to do it my way. I truly believe a subtle trap is control.

Hiding
When first having MS symptoms I felt greatly exposed and wanted to hide. I felt ashamed about needing others to do for me what I couldn't (sweep my floor, make my bed, clean my house.) When others helped me I learned 1) it's humbling to me and 2) they show their love. I've had MS for a while so I'm used to having help. I ask myself, "If I never needed their help would I have seen their love?" I truly believe a subtle trap is wanting to hide - letting other's believe I don't need help when I do.

Dishonesty
It takes great courage and honesty to admit private and imperfect things (some people call them weaknesses.) Some things are swept under the rug and no one knows about them but who is affected by dishonesty? I am ... it's my character trait that says 'dishonest'. I've heard the statement "The truth hurts" and believe the statement is a subtle trap - dishonesty is what hurts ... the truth liberates.

Drama
Getting caught in drama is like being extremely close to the fire and not realizing being cooked. I find a great sense of relief by stepping away from the drama and remembering that it'll work out. Letting myself get worked up, worry, be angry or say something mean shows the kind of person I am. It's a subtle trap to keep me focused on unimportant things so I miss what's actually important.

All these things are subtle and I want to recognize subtle traps and avoid them.

Is It Actually What It Seems?

Drama surrounds me and I'm tempted to get involved but I won't. Instead I'll step back and look at the big picture of what matters. Stepping back gives me perspective. I don't want to be so close to the forest that I can't see the trees. It's not helpful to see only right in front of my face.

The old me used to blame myself for other people's drama. On the outside I appeared very sure but on the inside felt crushed by mean words and actions. Now I'm only one way - the same outside and in. The new me says, "Let those who want drama in their lives have it. I'll be over here." I recognize drama but try my best not to get involved.  A lot of people like drama, they feel useful; what they actually like is solving problems. I say, "Let's solve problems and leave the drama alone".

Putting It Into Perspective

"Once there was a little bird who decided to stay in the north for the winter. The weather soon turned cold. The bird reluctantly decided to fly south. Ice began to form on his wings. Almost frozen, he fell to earth in a pasture. A cow wandered by and crapped on the little bird. Our feathered friend thought it was the end, but the manure was warm and defrosted his wings. Warm, happy, and able to breathe he started to sing. Just then a cat came by. Hearing the chirping he investigated. The cat cleared away the manure, found the singing bird, and promptly ate him.

The moral of the story is: The one who craps on you is not necessarily your enemy. The one who pulls you out of a pile of manure is not necessarily your friend."

I love that story, it's so true! To me it puts burdens in perspective and causes me to think that maybe my burden isn't just bad, maybe it's also good. My burden is awful...but when I look at it in another way it's helpful. I'm not so close to the forest now (my burden) that I can once again see the trees. I've had my MS diagnosis for almost six years and can now look at it objectively. It doesn't hurt me like it did even last year. (Maybe time needs to give distance between a person and their burden, because if the person is still mad they don't want to hear reason but feel support.)

I don't want to tell anyone how to think or feel, I just say that for me I can now look at my burden objectively. When I feel sad or mad I do things that make me happy. Maybe I watch a good movie, talk to a friend, listen to nice music, read an uplifting book, write, go to lunch or take a ride. Whatever I do distracts me for that time from the reality of my burden. I'm my true self and not handicapped at those times. I endure my burden and today feel happiness.