If At First You Don’t Succeed…

“If at first you don’t succeed try, try again.”

"Get back on the horse when it bucks you off."

“Keep going.”

“Do it. Don’t quit.”

All we can do is try - try and hope for the best. The result might be good but it also might be bad, but we'll never know unless we get the courage to try. Whatever the result is, I believe it's always better to try. It's always better to have courage and be brave. It builds courage to face "it" head on and believe "I can handle the outcome, no matter what it is."

My Reflection of the 23rd Psalm

Yesterday at church, in Sunday School we focused on the Psalms. The teacher talked about the 23rd Psalm and since it's my favorite, and I like to look deeply at things, I take it a step further:

To me, this Psalm has three parts: 1) v. 1-3-Declaring who he trusts. (It reminds me of the Psalm of Nephi [2 Nephi 4:17-35] where Nephi says I know in whom I have trusted [2 Nephi 4:19].) David talks about how the Lord restored his soul. 2) v. 4-5-The Lord comforts him through trials. It's interesting that he says 'the Lord' but in trials he says 'Thou' - when not facing a trial he can handle life and the Lord steps back (the Lord) but during a trial it gets personal and the Lord gets close-he's right there (Thou) until he can handle life again, then once more the Lord steps back (the Lord). 3) v. 6-Again, declaring who he trusts.

David put his trust in the Lord. He messed up with Bathsheba and indicated how the Lord comforted him in his trial. Once again he declared that he put his trust in the Lord.

The Lord is merciful to us even when we make mistakes. He doesn't leave us when we do wrong but stays with us, comforts us and encourages us to do better-he is our forever friend (I think His love makes us want to repent and try again to do the correct thing). David putting his trust in the Lord at all times inspires me and increases my faith to do the same.

The 23rd Psalm
1 The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
2 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.
3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.
4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.

Not Two Ways, Just One

Before getting MS I wanted everything to be perfect including me, my house and my family. Getting MS hit me so hard that all I could do was -focus on getting better and -focus on the things important to me. I let a lot of things in my life go - including appearances - and figured WYSIWYG (what you see is what you get).

Yes, I felt like people could see through me because I didn't hide anything. I couldn't hide my emotions even if I tried and felt greatly exposed. I used to say that I had no filter but now I know it's called PBA (uncontrollable laughing or crying). Most people can mask their feelings (not show when they feel like crying or laughing) but I can't; if I see someone laughing or crying I do the same. When I laugh too hard I start crying and that's why I don't joke anymore (even though I have a sense of humor). I look emotionless because I'm trying to hold it together and not lose it; I'm trying to maintain some kind of control over myself.

Yesterday, I bore my testimony in church. I got up and said things "off the cuff" and let the holy spirit guide me. Upon sitting down that all too familiar voice in my mind said that what I said was crap. The old me used to listen to that voice and believe it's damning words. I fell in line with the old me because when a few people told me they liked my testimony the old me shrugged off their compliments and disbelievingly said, "Really?" For the rest of the time at church I acted and felt insecure.

I'm not a person who thinks quickly (I call it "off the cuff"), I have to think about it for a while and let my rational mind kick in or else I'll just lash out with pure emotion. I thought about me acting insecure at church and realized, that's not me. My faith crushes doubts and insecurity.

One of the biggest blessings of me getting MS is that I used to be two ways (1-what the world saw, appearance, outer, 2-the real me, the unseen, inner), and now I'm just one way (the outer and inner me are the same). I want to be only one way. I strive to overcome my faults but I'm not perfect and have weaknesses (i.e. insecurity). The good news is that after my weakness shows I think about it and decide if it will remain.

In the case of insecurity, it will not remain. I am confident and sure and cross the point of no return leaving insecurity behind. It feels scary to be what I haven't always been in the past but I believe in myself, know God sustains me and act.

No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon. -Matthew 6:24

This scripture crosses my mind as I consider how I used to be two ways but now I'm just one way. Regarding insecurity I give myself a pep-talk and tell myself this, "Dare to be real. Have the faith to act knowing that sometimes acting is going into the unknown. Don't give in to your weaknesses but run the show, be in the lead, take charge. You're strong and you can do it."

Going For My Dreams

 

"The moment one definitely commits oneself,

Then providence moves too.

All sorts of things occur to help one

That would never otherwise have occurred.

A whole stream of events issues from the decision,

Raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents

And meetings and material assistance

Which no man could have dreamed would have come his way.

Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it.

Boldness has genius, power and magic in it.

Begin it now."

The statement (on a plaque I purchased several years ago) to make a decision, to be committed, is so true. The automatic thought is to think the worst; an effort has to be made to think the best (for example the automatic thought is "maybe it will suck" instead of "maybe it will be good".) I totally believe that all sorts of [good] things occur when someone has the courage to not only decide (for example thinking "maybe it will be good" instead of "maybe it will suck") and trying.

The above statement says a lot of words that could make a person say, "Huh?" More to the point:

Commit yourself, decide, and

Believe that good things lie ahead.

Many good things will happen in your favor.

Have the courage to go for your dreams.

Decide and Do It now.

I Did It...and It Felt Great

The thought came to me (yes, in the bathroom) that wanting and doing things are different. I thought about the differences and it comes down to one word: excuses. I may want it but give  reasons why I won't get it. They may be valid reasons, logical reasons but in the end-when all those reasons are stripped away, they become excuses that hold me back, that keep me the same and that cause me to never change.

When I do it, it's the point of no return. I said it and can't take it back because now it's out there. I did it and things will never be the same again-life moves forward not backward. Changing is hard and a lot of times uncomfortable because it's leaving what I know and going to what I don't. New territory is unfamiliar and sometimes I feel afraid of the unknown and it stops me from even starting.

I hear 'dare', 'try', 'just do it' and all those things are easier said than done. Change is hard but it is also one step closer to my goal. Those words all have one word in common: courage. It's taking the leap of faith, stepping into the unknown, hoping for good things, and trusting that it can be done.

Excuses are negative and don't bring good things. Courage is hard, sometimes there's failure, but in doing it instead of just wishing it I act and can look back with no regret. Courage is positive, its the high road, it's the uphill climb, and, to me, it's worth it.

Be Nice 'Cuz Sticks and Stones Hurt When They're Thrown at People

When I see other people in pictures if I don't like the picture I would never post a mean comment. Bullying seems to be so much worse today than years ago. With the advancement of technology and the ability for people to comment on things, some people say things they would never say to a person's face; they are so bold and hide behind being anonymous on the internet. If their login name is 'jokester' how would anyone ever know its them? Even if their login is their real name, they don't care because they're typing a comment on their computer not saying it in person.

Today on Facebook, I saw a post about cyber bullying. A girl posted a picture of herself in a bikini and some comments were nice but some were really mean. She posted a comment saying that she knew there would be bullying posts, but she posted a picture of herself as a freshman because as a senior and doing a research paper on cyber bullying she said the comments would prove her point.

Why not try to rise above mean behavior to be kind? If saying mean things is the inclination then why not try to change it? Everyone can improve. I say, "Try".

I Want These Traits

How is trying depicted? Is it this?

Or this?

I love people. I believe we can all have COURAGE to get our goals and accomplish our dreams. FAITH to withstand fearful things. HOPE to wish for good things. LOVE to love God, others, and ourselves. (I believe we are all tremendously loved.) BELIEF IN SELF that we can do it, that we're strong, and that we're good. OBEDIENCE to realize that we can follow rules. and GIVING to think of others, not just ourselves.

We all have faults, but we can overcome those faults and try to be our best selves. Why not do that? Why not try to be as good as possible? I believe that trying and being good brings happiness. I think that sometimes people don't do things because its what other people want. (I never like being compelled and feeling like I have to.) I truly think that they want to do it, but they want to do it and they want to have the choice. I say that even if other people want them to do it, why not do it and in their heart say "I'm doing it because *I* want to". I think, Why not try to be what you want?

I know I can always be better. Sometimes I fail when I try but I truly believe the important thing is to get back on the horse when it bucks you off - to try again when I fail. My greatest hope is that others are happy - when they're happy I'm happy. 

I Did It! (and it helped me)

What I Did

I cleaned the living room as best I could. I asked Andrew to do the things I couldn't including bringing up the vacuum from the basement. He wanted to help but he just needed to know what to do, and he didn't want my project to become his. I vacuumed the floor and did the things I could. The living room is clean thanks to me.

How it Helped Me

Cleaning and vacuuming felt hard but afterward I felt a great sense of accomplishment. I realized, I CAN do it and I'm glad I had the courage to try. Sometimes when I struggle I can feel other people's discomfort. Many times they have stepped in to help me, but I think they do it so they won't see me struggle. I truly believe that they want to be nice but when they do things for me that I can do for myself my faith in me disappears and I think, I can't do it. 

Thoughts About What I Did

I may be handicapped but I'm capable to do some things and want to try. I know myself well enough to say that I'll ask for help when I've tried to do something but can't do it. It might be hard to see me struggle but when I do it myself I'm stronger and believe in my ability. I know that people wonder if they need to help me and I hope they'll ask me before just doing it. When I say, "No thanks" I hope they'll let me try and step in only if the fact is that I can't.

Religiously speaking: Jesus' main teaching is that you can do it. He says, "It's never too late" and "Try". LDS missionaries serve to help people believe in themselves. They say, "You can do it" and they inspire people to know it for themselves. The only thing I can do for others is teach, encourage, and inspire; I can learn a lot from the master teacher.

I'm glad that I cleaned the living room and that no one did it for me.

Never Quit Trying

I could be somewhere today, and get hit by a bus - all that can be said is that my life is over. I believe that if I want to do something, or go somewhere, or be something I need to make a plan to do it - then try my best to make it happen as soon as possible. I don't want to just wish and hope for the best, but really try to make my dreams come true.

I remember watching a reality show and thinking, I'm sitting here watching someone else live their life. I think reality shows are fine, but not to the point that I don't do anything and am satisfied with just watching somebody else do it. There are things that I see that I don't want to do myself, but sometimes the things I see give me motivation to do it, or go there, or be that, and I believe that I need to do all that I can to make my dream a reality. 

I watch certain movies, read specific books, and imagine myself doing, going, and being what I watch and read. That's all fine and good, but if I only wish and never do, then I will always be sad that I didn't even try to make my wishes happen. I won't give up! I'm alive and capable of overcoming my fear. I vow to never quit trying until I quit breathing.

YOLO

I don't say this to tattle on kids but to help parents:

Some kids are saying, "YOLO (yoh-loh)" these days instead of admitting they did wrong. As an alternative to saying, "That was wrong! I'll never do that again!", they justify their wrong behavior by saying, "You only live once (YOLO)." You don't have to touch the stove to know it's hot, but it seems like some defiant kids are ignoring their conscience and touching it just to say they did.

To me, saying, "YOLO" is like saying, "I can never do better, so why try?" I say, "Why settle?" and, "Why not keep trying?" What if someone worked to improve one of their qualities then said, "YOLO"? What if they said, "I didn't honk my horn at the guy in front of me when the light turned green, YOLO" or "I smiled instead of frowned, YOLO" or "I controlled myself instead of lashing out, YOLO" or "I didn't lie when I could have, YOLO." Why not say, "YOLO" when doing something right instead of wrong. I believe we don't have to accept the way we currently are because we can always be more.

MY WISH:

I hope for parents to be informed and to teach their children to listen to their conscience. Today's world says it's not cool to listen to your conscience or do what's right. Whatever the world says, kids know what's right. Parents help their kids when they teach their kids to choose the right - even if their kids will be considered "goodie-goodies" by some people. In today's world devils, darkness, and Satan are cool - angels, goodness, and Jesus aren't. Kids say that saying, "YOLO" is no longer cool; it's a joke, but they still say it, jokingly, as a justification for wrong behavior.