Turning to the Best Source

I believe that at some point everyone pleads "help me" to God. We'd like to think we have life under control and don't need his help, but perhaps when we're all alone or in our mind sometimes we pray to him to help us. We might think we're better than the person who's addiction we can see, but everyone struggles with something. At some point everyone needs their loving Heavenly Father to help them. He helps us but is it recognized?

Yesterday morning a negative thought and feeling reminded me that I'm a failure because I'm not perfect. I felt like crap. I took a shower and still felt bad then certain words to a primary song repeated in my mind: "Through a still small voice the spirit speaks to me...listen, listen to the still small voice". Two voices in my mind. I focused on good things and ended up feeling good. Another thought in my mind said to think only good things. I thought about how from childhood to now the church had been a huge influence in my life and had always been inspiring. Soon I felt good

I believe he helped me but I had the choice of which thought to listen to. (It's like a little devil sat on one of my shoulders and whispered bad things in my ear, and a little angel sat on my other shoulder and whispered good things in my ear but I had to choose which one I'd listen to.)

I truly think that if I don't focus on negative feelings they will go away. (It's like focusing on what I want not what I don't want.) When I'm on my way to overcoming something but then relapse I might think I'm a failure because I gave in; I suck; I can't do it so why even try; I'm weak, and let those negative thoughts become more negative thoughts. I could keep lying to myself and telling myself things that make me feel bad, or I could tell myself the truth and hope for good things like I'm not a failure just because I gave in; I'm not perfect but I'm trying to overcome this and I won't give up; I'm good; I'm strong.

Some things are really hard to overcome but I can do it and I won't quit trying. I know that God helps me - he loves me, he wants the best for me - just like a parent loves their child simply because they exist. I feel sad when I give in to things I'm trying to overcome, but I know that I'm not overcoming it alone because He helps me.

Giving Up What's Holding Me Back

What I gave up
I thought my main addiction was something else, but it's not. My main addiction is food. Food is what stands between me and God. It's what I turn to for comfort, for peace, and for happiness. I asked God to help me lose weight but immediately had the impression that I didn't 'really' want to give it up; part of my heart was still attached to it. (I know He'll help me if I ask with all my heart, but that's where I feel stuck.)

I can hear Neal A. Maxwell saying, "We keep a summer cottage in Babylon." I can hear the father in Mark 9 saying, "Help thou my unbelief." It's a matter of trusting in God more than trusting in food. It's a matter of having faith that God will give me good things instead of having fear from thinking that bad things will happen.

How it held me back

He's already helped me in ways I can't explain. I need to remember His goodness and how He'll help me, and let go of something that will give me more of the same. I see myself carried in the air and wanting to rise, but holding on to something that keeps me down. If I'd just let go, I'd rise and experience happiness. It's like a person who went down with a sunken ship; they want to go to the top and get air but they're holding on to a dead body. They need to let go of the dead body, go to the surface, and save themselves.

For me, I need to trust God rather than trust food. Food has been my comfort, and my friend. It has brought me happiness and peace. But now it's time to let it go. God will replace all the things food gave to me. I'm not giving up my addiction to food to replace it with nothing. No! I'm giving it up to replace it with God. Giving it up is letting go of the past to have a new future. Everything in the future is new and the future is a place where I do it only because I choose.

Additional thoughts

This has been a huge learning experience for me.

The quote, "What you resist, persists" runs through my mind as I think about my 'diet' and what I couldn't have. I thought I'd have to give up certain foods, sacrifice, and that it would be hard. My 'sacrifice' became the elephant in the room that sat there EVERY DAY, and losing weight felt like a constant challenge.

Now that my focus has shifted I don't think it will be hard. I have absolute belief that I'll accomplish my goal and the great news is that it will be done while doing what I love...eating food! I look forward to this year as I slim down and reveal the 'real' me. This year will be fun, exciting, and the beginning of something new. My impression is that I'll still need to make wise choices, but that He'll help me.

Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith? (Matthew 6:30) I need to trust Him to take care of me.

Addiction

We all need God's mercy - not just the addict. In a way we're all addicts. An addiction is something that is very hard (if not impossible) to quit. Some people are addicted to drugs, or cigarettes, or alcohol, or gambling, and it's easy to know a person does those things because we see them, but what about a person who has anger, or tells lies, or is encompassed by the desire to see pornography, or has a low self image, or is not able to wait?

Those unseen behaviors aren't considered addictions - we call them tendencies. Like "She tends to get mad," or "He tends to bend the truth," or "He tends to sit in secrecy and look at in appropriate things," or "She tends to be so hard on herself," or "He tends to be impatient."

We want to think we are better than the addict but we aren't. We may not smoke or drink, but we all have addictions to things that are hard or impossible to quit. When we get fed up with our behavior, we ask God to help us. He will if we sincerely want to quit. That's the problem, we want to quit but we don't.

Truthfully, most people have become used to their addiction and don't know what will happen when they give it up. They need to trust that their life will be okay and that they'll be able to live without it. Rationally speaking, they're not gonna curl up in a ball and die when they give it up. They need to believe that bad behavior will be replaced with good behavior. They need to know that they're strong and can handle more than they thought.

I hope they won't be like Smeagol in The Lord of the Rings who confronted Golum (his schitzophrenia.) Smeagol said "leave now and never come back" but when Golum left, Smeagol wanted him to come back. Smeagol wanted to have his friend even though Golum brought him down. Golum had been a part of Smeagol's life for so long and he didn't really want to give him up (even though it seemed nice.)

Once I heard a person say "we keep a summer cottage in Babylon." I think the speaker meant that we give up our addictions, but not completely. We give up most of our addiction but then visit it in the summer. If we keep doing that, eventually the addiction will return and we will end up not only having a summer cottage but also a house where it lives all the time.

All we can do is be willing to give it up. I think some things can't be eliminated without God's help. It would be unfortunate to avoid giving something up because of not understanding how God does it. I don't know how He does it, but I know that He does. I know that when we sincerely want His help, He gives it. Perhaps He removes the desire, or gives us knowledge, or strengthens us to be able to endure the burden, or all of the above.