Goodbye Jade's Musings, hello Jadelovgren.com

This is the last post I will do from 'Jade's Musings' as I've created Jadelovgren.com and will spend my time there from now on. All my blogs on blogspot (Blogger) will remain, but will no longer be updated. They got created after I learned about having MS - to give me something to do since I no longer worked.

The reason for the change: I want to put all the things I love in one place (Jadelovgren.com.) Bonus for me, the website gives me something new to learn and develop. My website is new and evolving, but you're welcome to visit whenever you want to read my words and see my progress.

(I'm looking forward to learning HTML 5 since I only know HTML 3. I'm excited to also learn about CSS, Javascript, jQuery, and who knows what else. I know some of these things have been around for a long time but I gave up technical work when they just started being used and never learned them.)

I am thankful that my blogs gave me a focus. Now, my focus turns to other things. As I said months ago, I'm still here just not in the spotlight. I love you all. Thank you for reading my words.

I Choose Happiness

Things are changing all around me and all I can do is be myself. I can't control what other people do but I can control what I do. What I know is that I don't want to control. Things will be how they are. They might control my environment, but they can't control my mind. They might think they control my mind by telling me how to be, but until they control my thoughts they don't control me. What I know externally as freedom may one day change, but internally I'll always be free.

Courage and Guts

To me, courage and guts have the same meaning.
It takes guts and courage to:

face it head on
take control
take the lead
stand up
be brave
say "no"
many more things...

Here's the truth: Everyone has guts. I say go for it!

People are Great!

Everyone is important to someone. Even the person who says, "I'm not important to anyone" is wrong; they're important to someone. Isn't it great that we're all loved?! I'm happy to know that someone cares about me - it makes my day.

These quotes give me something to think about:

• Life is a great big canvas, and you should throw all the paint on it you can. Danny Kaye
  
• If a man is called to be a streetsweeper, he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted, or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry. He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will pause to say, here lived a great streetsweeper who did his job well. Martin Luther King, Jr.
  
• Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much. Oscar Wilde
• People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. Maya Angelou
• Change your thoughts and you change your world. Norman Vincent Peale
  
• Friends can help each other. A true friend is someone who lets you have total freedom to be yourself - and especially to feel. Or, not feel. Whatever you happen to be feeling at the moment is fine with them. That's what real love amounts to - letting a person be what he really is. Jim Morrison

People are awesome and I love them.

Finishing is What Matters

Starting is easy, but then I get distracted when almost done and start something else. "Finish the first thing before going to the next thing" I tell myself.

Personal experience: I had just one thing left to do but moved on and thought to accomplish it later. My next thing overwhelmed me and felt hard. Yesterday, the thought crossed my mind to finish the first thing before going any further with the next thing. This morning (before doing anything else,) I finished the first thing. That project has no loose ends, and I'm so happy!

Lots of philosophical thoughts cross my mind now that it's done. (When looking back I see conclusions.) But not everyone is philosophical like me and I give them a break from my thoughts. Sufficiently said, "Finish the first thing before moving on."

WOMANHOOD not feminism, MANHOOD not chauvinism

On my ride yesterday it occurred to me that the way I think of feminism is the feminism of the 70’s (ERA, radical bra burning women who basically said women don’t need men because women can do everything like men.) But the way young girls think of feminism is that of womanhood. (That women have brains and that women are feminine, but not that they don’t need men.) In the sense of womanhood I’m for women, but in the sense of 70’s feminism I’m not for feminists.

I love being a woman. I have a brain and appreciate expressing myself. I also love men. I love that my husband and sons care for me. I love that I can explore my world. I give the same freedom to all.

Most women want to be women and I ask all women, “Do you want to be associated with womanhood or feminism?” 

To me, the word ‘feminism’ and ‘feminist’ sends chills up my back. I will never call myself a feminist because I don’t believe in the extreme things for which it stands. On the other hand, I will always call myself a woman. Where I grew up ‘Womanhood’ got associated with ‘Suzy homemaker who gets up every day at 6 am and bakes fresh bread for her family.’ I wouldn't mind associating womanhood with a different definition.

Comforter and Forever Friend

Life isn't fair. Sometimes things suck. We can be there for people and show them that we care but we're imperfect, too. The only one to whom we can turn, who will comfort us and always be our friend is the Lord, Jesus Christ. He understands our pains, trials, sicknesses, and sins because he atoned for us. There's nothing we experience that the Lord hasn't felt. He's our Savior and Redeemer but also our comforter and forever friend.

Being religious or believing in him doesn't matter, because when we reach out to him he reaches out to us. He comforts us when nothing else can. He calms our troubled hearts and gives us peace.

Truth About Appearance

Yesterday, I read online my blog posts from 2009 and 2010 to see differences in me then and now. Video clips also got watched to see what struck me then. The Mormon Message: My New Body got watched (a clip not seen in years) and it reminded me that truly, the appearance of the body doesn't matter but that I have one. What matters is who I am not how I look.

I'm grateful for this reminder which solidifies accepting myself just the way I am. (That how I look doesn't matter, and that my qualities matter - not my looks.) My spirit is the essence of me. I am an eternal being, a child of God of infinite worth. The truth: my character makes me beautiful, not my looks.

If At First You Don’t Succeed…

“If at first you don’t succeed try, try again.”

"Get back on the horse when it bucks you off."

“Keep going.”

“Do it. Don’t quit.”

All we can do is try - try and hope for the best. The result might be good but it also might be bad, but we'll never know unless we get the courage to try. Whatever the result is, I believe it's always better to try. It's always better to have courage and be brave. It builds courage to face "it" head on and believe "I can handle the outcome, no matter what it is."

I'm Happy

Six months later my blog is still here and I am, too. I sit at my desk with my frizzy hair in a ponytail until the hair dryer straightens it, happy to once again update my blog. Focusing on what I love every day gets my brain working and is my heart. I’m happy to express myself once again through blog posts. Basically, I claim my spot and say, “I’m here today.”

Life offers a sense of freedom – to do whatever is wanted. Today is what I make it, and I'm going to make it great! For me, today includes putting things in their places, blow drying my hair, creating something helpful, and seeing much beauty. I’m thankful for the internet which keeps me in touch with friends and the world. Today, my heart is full.

Peaks and Valleys

My blog didn’t get updated for months in order to allow me to write and organize my book; knowing that both couldn’t be done. The book is finished, but editing never is! The book could be revised until I’m blue in the face, but my decision is to stop editing, determine it’s done, and know “it is what it is.”

'Peaks and Valleys' is my offering to the world, hoping that it will help someone. Never before has a book been written by me, but I felt very compelled to do it. So, here it is. The accomplishment makes me proud. Grammar is not my strength; to those whose strength it is, please forgive my errors. But I think the content is good and that’s what matters, right?!

A Book That Helped Me Immensely

Feelings Buried Alive Never Die by Karol K. Truman identifies the differences between feelings, thoughts and emotions. The book helped me to allow myself to feel peace. It says "It seems that part of us is crying out to be liberated from untold years of suppression and denial. What's more, this cry for liberation comes from every corner of the globe. The cry comes seeking relief from pain, hate, anger, fear, war, suffering, hurt, sickness, resentment, loneliness, depression, failure, misery, prejudice, guilt and many other undesirable conditions that afflict mankind today."

It's ironic that I (someone who loves words and expressing themselves) couldn't do that very thing. I remember not being able to identify my feelings beyond saying, "That's mean." I was very hard on myself and lots of mean things ran through my mind. I believed the words in my mind and beat myself up internally many times. My theory is that we allow mean thoughts in our minds because we want to be humble and not arrogant. But it's not arrogant to be kind, loving and nice to ourselves and others.

This book has a section that identifies positive words for every negative thing I might think. I'm so very grateful this book came into my life and helped me. I believe that everyone needs to read it, get in touch with their internal dialogue and allow themselves to feel peace.

Making Lemonade out of Lemons

I'm an extremely light sleeper - the slightest thing awakens me. Thanks to MS my night now includes insomnia - where I'm awake for two hours (at least) after getting awakened. Sometimes my body wakes me up and I lay in my bed thinking I'm not gonna get up because if I do then I'll wake up every day at this time. Sometimes a noise awakens me then my body tells me, "Get up." Again, I think I'm not gonna get up... (No matter what wakes me my thought is also, annoying!)

Last night a noise awoke me at 2:55, and I stayed awake until 5:15. During my awake time (after thinking annoying! and I'm not gonna get up...) my thoughts turned to my YW's lesson this month (I'm teaching in two weeks). While laying there completely awake, ideas ran through my mind about what to teach. By the time I went back asleep my entire lesson was planned.

It's super annoying to be awake for hours in the middle of the night. (My mind isn't blank when I'm awake but is full of thoughts.) At least this time while awake my thoughts got used and not wasted. I'm grateful I had a productive mind last night.

The Truth

"You can please some of the people some of the time , but you can't please all of the people all of the time"

I'm just me, and I'm an American. I believe a subtle trap is to be like everyone else - to be politically correct (not say things that could upset someone), to be fair (not be all I can be because someone else isn't) and to not care about money (but instead care more about what I do regardless of money).

The American way is freedom

• To climb the ladder, be all you can be and make as much money as possible.
• To strive for and get to the top and be rewarded with success.
• To live where you want, do what you want and be who you want.

It's NOT American to be politically correct
It's impossible to say things that don't offend someone because eventually it'll happen. Political Correctness is control - controlling someone to say nice things when the people who push political correctness sometimes don't say nice things themselves. The truth is that most people try to say nice things and not hurt people but sometimes they do, and if they don't try to be nice then it's their choice. Another truth is that it's a choice to be offended.

It's NOT American to try to please everyone
Everyone doesn't win (there's survival of the fittest and it's a common fact...if they get something they don't deserve, they know it.) The truth is that making everyone a winner just makes everyone weak - when someone loses then they try harder to hopefully win the next time. If they don't win and get offended it's their choice to be offended.

It's NOT American to think money is evil
Just because someone doesn't have it doesn't mean I shouldn't have it either. The truth is that everyone has the same ability to get what they want. If someone get's offended by someone else having what they don't it's their choice to be offended instead of doing their best to get it.

The Truth
When drama is stripped away all that's left is choice. Everything is a choice and the things I stated are things designed to bring America down, to not make America great and to make America like everyone else. I'm proud to be an American and I love my country - the land of the free and home of the brave.

I'm Back! and My Greatest Wish

I've missed writing my blog since I did it for six years, but want to change my focus from handling my trial to living my life. I took a break from my blog because I needed it, but now I'm back. With having MS, I feel better than before and want to just live my life, but what I notice is that a lot of people treat me like I'm incapable and different. It's true that I'm not a "normal" person (I don't do things fast but instead take my time) but can still do things and want to try.

My challenge now is facing the pre-conceived notions of people that see me as different than them. They may judge me and think they know who I am, but unless they find out...it's just an assumption. No matter how they are, I choose to be loving because that's how I am. Life is full of injustices but it's up to me to either focus on the unfairness or focus on being how I want.

I focus on being how I want and on living my life. One of the things I want to do is publish my book because I think it will really help people. My book now is different from the original one. It's called  Peaks and Valleys and is a true story about various peaks and valleys in my life. The book is hopeful throughout every chapter. I want to say a few things I've experienced as well as how no one stays permanently in the valley but eventually they climb the mountain, reach the summit and see the beautiful world. I say honest things that everyone thinks but few dare vocalize. I believe people will relate to my story because they, too, face hard things, but more than relating I want them to know they can overcome, be brave, and know they can do it. I love people and my greatest wish is their happiness.

Accepting What I Don't Like

There are two types of change:
1) Change that happens/doesn't happen depending on what I do or don't do.
2) Change that happens no matter what.

This post is about the first type of change. I need to take steps and do all I can to keep things the same or they'll change and be different. (Just because something's been the same way for many years doesn't mean it can't change; it takes very little to change if there's no resistance.) My statement is vague. "Of what does she speak?" can be said. My statement is vague because it applies to any situation that faces change.

Sometimes I don't want change but it happens right before my eyes because change was stronger than my resistance. I don't like change; I want most things to stay the same. (I like variety but I don't like change.) I may want something different but when too much changes I don't like it and want the old thing back, but usually it's too late because it already changed.

I'm not sure where this post is going. Sometimes I'm for evolution and sometimes I'm not. I believe in progress but I guess I don't like change when it affects me. Could it be that I don't like change because of fear of the unknown? Or perhaps could it be that I don't like change because I believe the change will bring it down and make it not good?

I'm on one side and they're on the other - I believe this and they believe that - we're at an impasse -  we don't agree - if I walk away from the argument, the other side wins - what to do. Sometimes all I can do is throw my hands up in the air and say, "It is what it is" and know someone else is in charge. When someone else is in charge the only thing I can do is support them (just like I'd want support if it was me). If it changes then the only thing to do is accept it, not be railroaded and move on.

Doing It Again and Again

There is something comforting in the word 'consistency'. The dictionary says this:

1. a degree of density, firmness, viscosity, etc. (The liquid has the consistency of cream.)

2. steadfast adherence to the same principles, course, form, etc. (There is consistency in his pattern of behavior.)

3. agreement, harmony, or compatibility, especially correspondence or uniformity among the parts of a complex thing. (consistency of colors throughout the house.)

4. the condition of cohering or holding together and retaining form; solidity or firmness.

 

When I think of 'consistency' I think of:

1. doing the same thing every time
2. the stars and how they're always in the same place in the sky

I'm a creature of habit and do the same things again and again (have the same morning routine, follow recipes, go to the same places, take the same ride). If I want to achieve a goal it doesn't help to do different things - follow one course until successful, right?!

Avoiding Subtle Traps

Control
What I want so much is to be heard and understood. I've learned that everyone hears and understands in their own way. When I am open to knowing about being heard and understood the way they hear and understand me it expands my mind. Everyone is free to be themselves and they don't have to do it my way. I truly believe a subtle trap is control.

Hiding
When first having MS symptoms I felt greatly exposed and wanted to hide. I felt ashamed about needing others to do for me what I couldn't (sweep my floor, make my bed, clean my house.) When others helped me I learned 1) it's humbling to me and 2) they show their love. I've had MS for a while so I'm used to having help. I ask myself, "If I never needed their help would I have seen their love?" I truly believe a subtle trap is wanting to hide - letting other's believe I don't need help when I do.

Dishonesty
It takes great courage and honesty to admit private and imperfect things (some people call them weaknesses.) Some things are swept under the rug and no one knows about them but who is affected by dishonesty? I am ... it's my character trait that says 'dishonest'. I've heard the statement "The truth hurts" and believe the statement is a subtle trap - dishonesty is what hurts ... the truth liberates.

Drama
Getting caught in drama is like being extremely close to the fire and not realizing being cooked. I find a great sense of relief by stepping away from the drama and remembering that it'll work out. Letting myself get worked up, worry, be angry or say something mean shows the kind of person I am. It's a subtle trap to keep me focused on unimportant things so I miss what's actually important.

All these things are subtle and I want to recognize subtle traps and avoid them.

Kindness Begins with Me

A person can never be too kind, I truly believe that. It's easy to be kind to a nice person, but it takes effort to be kind to some people. Some people are rude, unloving, mean or disrespectful but that's how they are ... I'm kind to everyone. Call me 'Pollyanna' - a girl who's always nice - but what's the alternative? Being mean to some people, no thank you! I want to develop my personality into the things I want to be ... and 'mean' isn't one of them. When I feel to be mean it takes self-control not to do it (behave the way my instinct tells me), but when I have self-control then later I have no regrets. I love the words to this song:

Kindness Begins with Me
I want to be kind to everyone
For that is right, you see.
So I say to myself, "Remember this:
Kindness begins with me."

McMaster, Clara W. "Kindness Begins with Me". 1969. Children' Songbook. 145.

Being Strong in Hard Times

As I've faced something hard the thing that's helped me most is being strong. I think it's better to suck it up and be brave than to stay sad and exclaim the unfairness. Life is unfair - but I'd rather lift by saying, "You can do it" and put a smile on my face than drag down by saying, "You're weak. You failed" and wearing a scowl.

I may not like the thing but it's up to me how to respond. A little optimism makes a world of difference. I make myself happy because I'd rather be happy than sad. I've had plenty of things happen to make me sad but I choose to be strong and not only survive but not get defeated.

My goal when facing something hard is to overcome it and once again just be myself. Like I've said before, "I'm not my trial" I'm me ... my trial doesn't define me, I do. I'm not a victim to the things in my life but determine where and who I am in spite of what happens to me.