Horrible and Hilarious

Since I've been sick I have not been able to hold my bladder. I used to pride myself in the fact that I could drink more than one Diet Coke without having to use the ladies room. Sometimes I went an entire work day without visiting the latrine. Now when I have one Diet Coke I have to excuse myself.

Why is this subject taboo? We don't discuss body functions because they're gross and yet we all use bathrooms. When someone breaks wind or pee's their pants...it's funny. We all laugh, now we just do so in private.

I'm giving you permission to laugh at this story. I know you're not laughing at me but at the funny events. It's horrible but when you think about it but it's also hilarious.

Earlier in the evening I told Per that I had just one speed. In the past, sometimes I'd forget and think I'll hurry and do that. Then I'd try and fail. I told him that I could only go one speed - slow. I explained how it frustrated me for years because I had become used to doing things fast. I said how only time had helped me to cope with my "new normal."

Later that evening Per and I watched my favorite show (The Big Bang Theory). Several times he said that I reminded him of the main character and that I acted just like him. After the show, I stood up to go to bed. I asked Per to save everything from dinner because I had really enjoyed it. He said "OK Sheldon." (Sheldon is the main character’s name.) His comment made me stand there and laugh. I couldn't hold my bladder as I laughed or as I walked upstairs to the bathroom.

In the bathroom, I partially disrobed. I thought I'd leave the room and go to my bedroom before anyone noticed. As I entered the hallway, Per glanced at my face before walking into the kitchen. I walked down the hallway and had almost reached the stairs leading to my room when Andrew appeared from the basement.  Instead of going to my room I diverted into the office. I hoped Andrew didn't see me as I closed the door, turned on the light and sat down in a chair.

I heard Per tell Andrew to get something in the basement. After Andrew went downstairs Per opened the office door and said "hurry and go upstairs while he's gone." I looked at him as if to say "I can't hurry." We stared at each other then stood there laughing. Andrew came upstairs again,  he and Per went into the kitchen, and once again I closed the office door and sat down.

Andrew went downstairs for the final time and Per came into the office to tell me I could safely go to my room. He said "take as much time as you need." He offered to help me then, after doing a double-take, said "are you naked?!"

I felt overwhelmed by everything that had just happened. I felt angry that I couldn't control my bladder. I had laughed so hard with Per that when he asked me the question I started laughing again...then crying. I asked him to bring me some new clothes so I could walk out of the office feeling decent. He brought to me my pajamas and I dressed in the office. Then, he helped me walk upstairs to my room. I kept chuckling and he said "don't laugh until you get up there!"