Back in the day people said "I need to do that." They said things like I need to do my genealogy, I need to be a better friend, and I need to love my neighbor. People took things more seriously back then. Their word was their bond. When they said something they meant they would do it. No one questioned their motives but assumed their meaning.
Nowadays when people say "I need to do that," I question their motives and say to myself "They say they need to do it but will they?"
Somewhere along the line, most people stopped meaning what they said. They began to have hidden agendas and in their hearts meant something other than what they said. They tricked people because the people assumed their meaning. After their joke, they said the people were "gullible" for believing them. They caused people not to trust them because of what they did. Their funny thing caused untrue friendships. People pretended to be their friend but really thought they were a jerk. When they had a need, their friends would not be there for them.
Somewhere along the line, most people stopped meaning what they said. They began to have hidden agendas and in their hearts meant something other than what they said. They tricked people because the people assumed their meaning. After their joke, they said the people were "gullible" for believing them. They caused people not to trust them because of what they did. Their funny thing caused untrue friendships. People pretended to be their friend but really thought they were a jerk. When they had a need, their friends would not be there for them.
My example makes me think of two things. First, the story of Peter and the Wolf and second, a quote.
In the story of Peter and the Wolf, Peter cried "Wolf!" but there really wasn't one (he just said it because he thought tricking people was funny.) Later in the story, he cried "Wolf!" because he was in real danger. The town's people didn't want to appear gullible and didn't believe him. As a result of Peter's trick the town's people didn't come when he needed them.
In the story of Peter and the Wolf, Peter cried "Wolf!" but there really wasn't one (he just said it because he thought tricking people was funny.) Later in the story, he cried "Wolf!" because he was in real danger. The town's people didn't want to appear gullible and didn't believe him. As a result of Peter's trick the town's people didn't come when he needed them.
This quote is so true: "Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me."
Trust is not something to be taken lightly. People are quick to trust once, but slow (if ever) to trust again. Once a person's trust has been broken it might not be given again.
People shouldn't say things they don't mean if they want to keep their friends.
1 comment:
It is perhaps just wrangling over words, but I have sometimes said, "I need to ..." about something I am not currently doing. To me the words are nothing more than an acknowledgement that I am falling short in some way. My words are not meant to be a promise to actually do the thing. However, the hearer may certainly have inferred differently.
Perhaps the solution, at least in my case, is two-fold. I may need to be more careful about my words. Perhaps rather than saying, "I need to ..." I should say something like, "That would be a good thing for me to do, but it doesn't currently fit into my priorities."
But also, perhaps the hearer needs to not merely assume a commitment on my part. Perhaps when I do say, "I need to ...", if they are personally vested in my actually doing it they should follow up by asking, "Will you do...?" Then we can talk about whether I'm willing to make an actual commitment.
Just my $0.02
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