Changes to My Diet in 2014

In 2013 I gave up red meat; I haven't eaten beef since December 2012. I'm not going back. I will continue not to eat beef in 2014 (and probably forever). In addition, I've decided to also make these changes:

-No carbonation

-No HFCS (high fructose corn syrup)

No carbonation is obvious - no soda pop. But I didn't realize how many products besides drinks have HFCS. Here are the foods I like that need substitution:

Stove Top Stuffing - Turkey

Thomas English Muffins

Most Kellogg's cereals

Most Lifesavers candy

Kellogg's Pop-tart's

Nabisco Ritz Crackers

Nabisco Wheat Thins

Cool Whip

Yoplait Yogurt

Nabisco Oreo Pie Crust

Any Oscar Meyer Lunchables that contain bread, breading, or cornmeal

I didn't mention a lot of products that have HFCS. The most important thing will be to check the labeled ingredients before deciding to buy.

What's On My Mind?

Today, my mind is filled with poetry - thoughts said in few words. Here's what I'm thinking:

My Work

The mason chisels stone 

The sculptor works with clay

I chisel and sculpt my words

Until I find what to say

I mold and scrape and work 

My words until they are just right

My unfinished work spurs me on

Even until late at night

The Definition of an Artist

When thinking of the word “artist”

Singing, and painting come to mind.

But an artist is someone who creates,

And art is undefined.

“I’m not creative” some might say

As they submit a spreadsheet sublime.

“I beg to differ” as they make

Their work to last a long, long time.

Fine art is held by photographers,

Dancers, sculptors and the like.

But don’t count yourself out of artistry,

Just because you can’t chisel with a spike.

All

The word “all” connects 

The widow’s mite with 

The first and great command.

It also connects service

To love

And to giving with an open hand.

“Hold back nothing
And receive everything”

Is the counsel we are told

I open my heart
And give all that I have

Because I want the blessings of old

It's Never Too Late

The song "Desperado" says this, "you'd better let somebody love you before it's too late". That song runs through my head this morning as does this thought, it's never too late. At one time I thought, I'm too old - too deep into it - to change. That's not true - the truth is that I needed to have a willing heart and to trust that God would do the rest. I did - I chose and trusted, and He did - He changed me.

God is good. He is my loving Heavenly Father and He wants to help me. It felt hard to trust (because I didn't want to be tricked) but I considered His perfection and that He wouldn't fool me. I kept in mind that He knew best and that He had my best interest in mind, so I trusted Him. He put things in my path that made my life better (music albums, people, books, thoughts) and eventually He changed my life.

I didn't used to refer to God so much. I guess I refer to Him because I want to acknowledge the truth. The truth is that He cares. Even when facing something hard I see that perhaps I face it to receive strength, or to be taught. I love how He does that for me. It may be too late according to someone, but it's never too late according to God.

Let Girls Be Girls

I just watched a video saying that girls need more toys to inspire them to use their brains. It implied that from an early age girls are given toys that steer them away from engineering, mathematics, and science as only 1 in 10 girls go into those fields.

I believe this a feminist video that says, "Equality!" Girls don't need special toys to encourage them to use their brains. They can use their brains just as well with Barbies, My Little Ponies, and girl toys. There's nothing wrong with girl toys and pink. The video kind of said, "If you're a girl and not an engineer, mathematician, or scientist then you're stupid and don't use your brain."

Not all girls want to do those things, but almost all girls want to be girls. Why should girls do those things unless they want to do them? That video made me mad! Women's rights is now at the little girl level. Girls are not boys, they have gender and roles, and according to this video that's a bad thing.

Perhaps the video's maker doesn't intend to disrespect other girls; they probably just want to promote their toys to girls - and that's fine. But I think they can go about their promotion in a way that doesn't throw other girls under the bus. I'm not an engineer, a scientist, nor a mathematician but I have an analytical mind and certainly use my brain. 

Living in the Past is Fantasy

Returning home was not the same once I left; I wasn't the same person. (I'm talking about when I was 18.) I had my own life. I stopped being my mother's child to be myself. When I got married I also became my husband's wife. When I had children I became their mom.

I will always be my mom and dad's child, but I've grown up and have my own life now. I faced a dilemma the last time my mom came to visit me. I reverted to being my mom's daughter (the past) because I didn't have the courage to be myself (the present). After my mom left, my family felt confused because I didn't act like me. When they told me how they felt I faced a crossroad: Would I revert to the past? (and confuse my family) or be the current me? (and let the past be in the past). I chose the second one - to be the current me, a grown woman, a wife, and a mother.

Same with childhood friends. As a young girl, I had a best friend. She will be my friend forever, but after we grew up we got different lives. What we had was special, and I'll always remember it, but my current life is special, too. It's fun to rehash old times with her, but honestly old times are just that - old times, memories, not today.

It's not my job to make people see me as I currently am. They are responsible for themselves. All I can do is be who I am today and live my life in the present moment. 

Where's the Mercy?

Our router stopped working on Monday, which meant that everything that used the internet didn't work; in our case that meant all the computers (including my iPad), and the TV. Per called ATandT and told them what had happened. The person he spoke with said they'd send someone out on Tuesday. He told them that he worked from home and that he needed their help that day (Monday) because he couldn't do his work. He told them that we paid a lot of money every month to have the internet and expected it to work or, if it didn't, to be fixed right away. The phone technician said they'd tell him a temporary fix and asked him to turn on the router. Per said that he was an electrical engineer so he wasn't a novice. He said that there was something wrong with the router and he wasn't going to turn it on and have a potential fire hazard in his house. 

During their conversation, Per discovered that the ATandT power adapter was bad when he swapped it with another one and the router started working. He told them what he had done, and asked them if they could send a technician over to simply drop off another power adapter. He said that he needed it on Monday because early on Tuesday morning he was going on a business trip and wouldn't be home to accept their package. ATandT said a technician would be over on Monday in a couple of hours, but no one from ATandT ever came. This morning (Tuesday) FedEx delivered a box containing a new power adapter. Per is gone.

No matter how big a company is, they can help if they choose to. Their action of sending a box to be delivered on Tuesday said, "Do it my way. Fall in line and accept the way I do things." They weren't thinking about us, they thought about them and expected us to accept their method. 

I have thought about this situation, and no matter how selfish someone else is, I can choose to be merciful and forgiving. Even when dealing with a company, I choose how I am. My first inclination may be to get angry and say hurtful words, but what does that say about me? It say's that I have meanness in my character. Unfair things happen all the time, and how I react to them says something about me. I want to be loving. That means to be loving even when someone else isn't. I forgive ATandT and don't think badly about them, even if they didn't help us yesterday. I don't say this for people to be mad at ATandT but for them to look in their hearts and honestly consider how they are regarding mercy and forgiveness.

Trusting Me With Money

Per is the perfect partner for me. He is kind and loving, and goes out of his way to help me and make me comfortable. He is also strong where I'm weak and helps me to learn a better way. One of my biggest weaknesses is handling money. I tend to spend when he saves. Usually, I think that saving is boring and that spending is fun. But now I see that saving has these advantages: 1) You have money, you haven't spent it all, and you can buy the things that you really want. 2) Saving helps you to live within your means. You're realistic and don't pretend that you have more money than is a reality. It's good to be realistic about how much money you have so that you don't overspend.

It's one thing to buy things for right now, but if those things are only for me does it really matter? What matters is spending money on things that invest in building relationships; relationships that last into the next life. Being able to show something bought is relative - it depends on whether showing it right now or later. Spending money on something to be shown "later" is not a waste...it's just shown later. 

Per has been the voice of reason that has said "no" to me many times during our married life when I wanted to spend money. I appreciate that he said "no" so that at the right time he could say "yes". Also, I appreciate that he gives me control over our money (even though I'm bad at it and have wasted it several times). I've learned so many things about money that I couldn't have learned if I didn't have access to our funds. I've learned because I truly want to be better. I strive to improve. If I didn't care to improve I don't think I'd have access to our money because he wouldn't trust me. Thank you, Per, for your patience and for trusting me with our money.

Being a Saturday's Warrior

I grew up being called a "Saturday's Warrior". A Saturday's Warrior meant someone born in the last days who would "fight" against evil and (hopefully) be alive at the Savior's second coming. A musical called "Saturday's Warrior" was made and to this day I can sing all of the songs. (The musical was written as a college project and the writers never intended for it to become as popular as it became.)

I'm 45 now and my youth has come and gone. Was I a Saturday's Warrior? Yes. How? Well, the Savior hasn't come yet. I'm a "warrior" because I stand up against evil. It really doesn't matter who's alive when the Savior comes again. The real thing that matters is getting eternal life. I'm still a Saturday's Warrior because I choose the right. I have taught my children to choose the right, I hope they will teach their children to do the same thing, and on and on and on.

One thing I can share with my kids is how I remember a truly peaceful time. Back when the play was written, the writers thought times were bad - they didn't know that times would get worse. (They must have thought that times were pretty bad because they hoped for the second coming. The musical was first performed in 1973 - that's 40 years ago! If they thought things were bad then, imagine how bad they are today.)

No matter how bad things are, I always have the choice as to how to be myself. Having a morally bad world is kind of a blessing because something really bad makes it easy to choose the good. I will forever and always be a Saturday's Warrior even if I'm not alive at the second coming.

Saturday's Warrior (a song written in the 70's for the musical)

Who are these children coming down, coming down.

Like gentle rain though darken skies.

With glory trailing from their feet as they go.

And endless promise in their eyes!

Who are these young ones growing tall, growing tall.

Like silver trees against the storm.

Who will not bend with the wind or the change,

But stand to fight the world alone!

These are the few, the warriors

Saved for Saturday, to come

The last day of the world

These are they, on Saturday.

These are the strong, the warriors

Rising in their might to win

The battle raging in

The hearts of men, on Saturday.

Strangers from a realm of light

Who have forgotten all.

The memory of their former life.

The purpose of their call.

And so they must learn why they're here

And who they really are.

They must learn why they're here

And who they are!

These are the few, the warriors

Saved for Saturday, to come

The last day of the world

These are they, on Saturday.

Reassuring People

I felt inspired to say this on Sunday, February 3, 2013:

"A good leader inspires their people...from their people's perspective. They don't expect their people to think like them - because their people get stressed and think I can never be like that - but they say things that cause their people to consider possibilities."

The possibilities statement is an example of giving people true freedom. The opposite of freedom is control. Control says, "I'm in charge" and "Do what I say". Freedom says, "You're in charge" and "Do what you think is best". Freedom encourages and allows the other person to choose. Control offers no encouragement and only says, "Do what I say because only I know best." 

Control doesn't trust anyone but themselves. Freedom and trust go hand in hand because freedom trusts that the person will make a good choice. Whatever the choice is, freedom has hope that a good choice will be made. Freedom also has belief that ability is had to make a good choice.

Parents maintain control over their children. They tell them what to do when they're young because their children truly don't know what's best. I can see how power struggles exist between parents and teenage children when at some point they both think they know what's best. I think when a power struggle shows itself, it's the perfect time for parents to step back and let their children take the lead, and for parents to let their action (stepping back) say, "I believe in you and know you can do it."

Good parents don't get offended when their children want to take the lead but realize that their children are doing exactly what their parents raised them to do - make decisions (not scared to make decisions because only their parents can do that and do it right.) 

Good parents give control to their children and are there to lift them through encouraging words when they fall. Parents can greatly influence and inspire their children when they give the reins to their children and essentially say, "Here, you drive".

Everyone wants the freedom of being in charge of their own life. No one wants to be controlled, on the contrary everyone wants the reassurance that they can do it. When freedom is given, it is out of love. When a person is given freedom that love is given back through appreciation.

The Totally Awesome 80's!

The 80's may be old but they were my teenage years! I remember them because I lived them. The 80's are old now, but they were cool then. I remember seeing Karate Kid in the theater and thinking that Mr. Miagi and Daniel were really cool. 

I saw many movies in the theater like Superman, Raiders of the Lost Ark, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, The Empire Strikes Back, Return of the Jedi, Ghostbusters, Home Alone, Splash!, Wall Street, E.T., Poltergeist, Savannah Smiles, Wind Walker, The Little Mermaid, Who Framed Roger Rabbit?, Pretty in Pink, The Breakfast Club, Cocoon, Short Circuit, The Princess Bride, Something Wicked This Way Comes, Rambo, Rocky 4, The Terminator, Red Dawn, Popeye, Highlander, The Dark Crystal, Little Shop of Horrors, Tootsie, Sixteen Candles, Aliens, 2001 A Space Odyssey, Adventures in Babysitting, Top Gun, Back to the Future, Flashdance, Footloose, Good Morning Vietnam, Beaches, Steel Magnolias, Tron, The Golden Child, Mannequin, The Secret of My Success, Die Hard, Beverly Hills Cop, Friday the 13th, Airplane, Caddyshack, Pee Wee's Big Adventure, Star Trek: The Wrath of Kahn, Dirty Dancing, Ferris Buelller's Day Off, The Goonies, and many more. 

Yes, things have evolved since back then but I can say that I had the old things. I had a record player in my room. Records were the "in" thing and I still have my records of Rick Springfield, Chicago 17, West Side Story (sound track,) and a 45 of Michael Jackson singing "Billie Jean". Even though I had a few cassette tapes I had mostly records as a teenager.

I watched The Love Boat, The Bionic Man, Wonder Woman, M*A*S*H, Charlie's Angels, Saturday morning cartoons, and many more shows on a brown TV with rabbit ears. There was no cable or 24 hour TV. Many times my sister and I awoke before our show came on and turned the TV on to snow or colored bars. Our TV had no remote control to change the channel. To view a different station, we had to turn the dial (and hope that the noise wouldn't awake our parents!)

70's TV with snow

Color bars

Now that the 80's are over, I can see a definite look. I didn't notice the amount of makeup people wore (even men!) The business in the front, party in the back hair style was cool. A lot of women wore the fashion of Flashdance or the look of Madonna and most men looked clean cut.

I loved the 80's; it was a coming-of-age time for me. I love to see the cheesy shows of that time because it brings back memories. When I see something on a website from the 80's I think, oh ya! and smile.

The Value of a Journal

1) I can record my thoughts and get them out of my head.

2) Reading what I wrote as well as considering the entire situation gives me perspective.

3) Writing it means I don't have to remember it.

4) It's like having a mute friend that let's me "talk" as much as I want.

5) I record history and things that are important to me.

6) Reading past entries causes me to learn from what I wrote. I forget current things quickly (as do most people.) When I read what I previously wrote I get to remember the thing that was important to me and learn from it again, and usually also learn other things. 

My journal helps me evolve and grow toward becoming what I want to be. When reading past entries I see patterns. Sometimes I see ways that I want to change. No matter what is going on around me, I can say honest things to my journal and never be ridiculed. There is no right or wrong way to journal, if the journal looks like a scrapbook then so what - the most important thing is that what's in there - written or otherwise - is something valued. I've included cards, notes, ticket stubs, flowers, drawings, and my words in my journals.

Some people are short and sweet; they record one sentence or maybe just one word to sum up their day. Some people are elaborate and write many words. Sometimes people record something they studied. Sometimes people do all the above. People's moods change every day: sometimes they feel like writing and sometimes they don't. Some people feel like their life is boring and they have nothing to say. Some people are private and don't want to record what they think because then the public may read it. Some people think, "No one, including me, wants to read my words." No matter what type of person someone is, there's value in journal writing.

A journal helps the person who wrote it, and when they move on to the next life a journal lets the reader know them. My Great Grandma Clark is dead but I have a few of her journals from the 1950's that tell me a lot about her. She wrote one line entries, and I give her credit because she wrote every day! I know what she valued by what she mentioned. I know what she did by what she recorded. I don't have to only rely on hearsay to know about her because I have her own words. My Grandma Gordon, who is also dead, never kept journals but I have a pocket book calendar that she probably had in her purse when she went on a trip in the 1970's. She made notes in it. Not only do I have what she said but I have her handwriting. A journal not only helps me but it will also help my posterity to know me for generations.

I don't write for future generations but for my own benefit. I've written journals since 1978 (when I was ten.) Now, the year is 2013 (35 years later) and I still and probably will always keep a journal. At times I've considered my journal "cheap therapy" as I've recorded my honest feelings and worked through hard things. There's no way I would have remembered a lot of things I recorded because so much time has gone by. It's fun to go back and read what I thought was important then. If I'd never kept a journal I'd tell myself that it's never too late to start.

God Cares

I sat in the yellow chair in my kitchen, feeling very sad and crying to my husband about the unfairness of something. All I could think to do was to pray to God in my mind and tell Him about all the things I didn't understand. My husband left the room, and I continued to feel sad. My thoughts took over and I didn't stay aware as I reflected. I don't know when the shift occurred, but I became aware that I was thinking of what I loved about God. To me, the miracle is that my attitude shifted and instead I felt happy.

Here are some of the things I thought about when I became aware: I love how God sees my potential. I love how He encourages me (often through others). I love how He gives me the courage to do what I consider impossible. I love how He forgives me every time I ask for forgiveness. I love how He cares about me. I love how He wants good for me.

Grown-up Make Believe

On Facebook, a friend posted an article written by a mom who lives in Utah County (Provo) about opting out as Supermom to instead be more real. Click here to read the article. She talked about how perfect the moms in Utah County seemed, as well as how clean their houses seemed, as well as how well-behaved their kids seemed, and as well as how everything they did seemed to come naturally. That sounds exactly like the former me - I was the Utah Valley Supermom...but I lived in Kansas. (A friend of mine even used to call me "Supermom.") Perhaps women from Utah are not fanatical about perfection, but I was. In high school, I made fun of Suzy Homemaker who got up at six AM and made freshly baked bread for her family, but I became like her in my own way as I attempted perfection in everything I did.

When I lived in Orem, Utah (which is a part of Utah Valley,) my friend said, "Jade, let him do it" when I moved my son's game piece. Many years later, I thought I was controlling, but perhaps I wanted to do it so that it seemed perfect. I agree with the author that it's better and a relief to be real - to just be yourself and to let your family be themselves, too, because real life isn't perfect, sometimes the house is messy, sometimes the kids wear mismatched clothes, and sometimes we eat ramen noodles for dinner. It takes a lot of courage to be "real" - to go against the grain when so many other people pretend. The author called pretending "grown-up make believe" and that is so true.

I didn't want to stand out and do something different; I wanted to be like everyone else. I wanted to be one of the millions who all did the same thing. And for years I did - I did what I thought was the typical but, according to the article I read, my pretending to be perfect was the extreme.

Haiku Poetry Attempts

My email has been receiving one haiku poem per day for years (from Tinywords.com). According to my research online, American haiku's are 10-14 syllables long, and it seems like they could be related to nature or a thought. Japanese haiku's have 17 syllables, with the format of 5-7-5, and are related to nature in some way. A haiku has two topics which relate to each other (are juxtaposed), and are short enough to say in one breath.

Today, I wrote my own haiku's and here are my attempts:

Sharp pencil

My words are

To the point

MS Diagnosis

I walk

Like I'm Drunk

Conformity

When in Rome

Do like the Romans

Birthday Ideas

My birthday is this month. In years past, when someone asked, "What do you want for your birthday?" I didn't know so I said, "World peace." They got me a gift, but since I never said what I wanted...I got whatever they gave. This year, I have thought about it and suggest that they give me something that relates to something I love. 

Here are some things that I love: Books. I love books that enrich my life or uplift me in some way. Music. I have a lot of music and I listen to something all the time. I love choral music, show tunes, and music that feels good to my soul. Movies. I'm a girlie-girl and love romantic comedies, but also I love science fiction/fantasy, and action. (I love drama's too, but have to stay away from them since I have MS because they make me cry.) All Jane Austen movies, Downton Abbey, Once Upon A Time, Star Wars, The Lord of the Rings, Terminator Salvation, Iron Man, Fast and Furious 5, Casino Royale, King Arthur, and The Bourne Identity are among my favorite movies. I do have some stipulations about movies: 1) It needs to be rated something lower than and not including R. 2) It needs to be appropriate; no nudity or steamy love scenes (consider me watching it with children.) 3) It needs to not depict the future in a sad, bleak way. (I didn't like War of the World, or The Matrix for that reason.) 4) No cartoons unless it's Disney, and no movies that patronize kids. (I didn't like Madagascar, The RV, or Cheaper by the Dozen, but I loved Mirror Mirror, Brave, and The Chronicles of Narnia.) I guess I have a lot of stipulations about movies since once an image is in my mind it's there forever. Maybe a gift card is best instead of a movie. Being creative.Decorating and beautiful things. Pictures. Family pics or pictures to hang on my wall, I love them all. Poetry. Nothing says something better than well-said words. Homey things that smell good. Looking my best.Writing/typing (expressing myself.)

Wow! That's quite a list, but I learned from a dear friend that if you don't say what you want, you have to settle for what you get...and that might be nothing. I love getting gifts that tell me that the person thought of me enough to give me something. Whenever I see or hear the gift I remember them.

My Personal Gethsemane

These words (from the song below) get me in my heart, 'My Lord Jesus, if you've got time to spend with me tonight then fly to me, Jesus fly.' When I feel sad, I think of something similar to, 'fly to me, Jesus fly.' In those quiet moments with just myself, when I'm in pain, I want Jesus to take my pain away.

God took away the pain I felt in my heart one time when I felt sad. (I cry because I truly love Him, and because I feel very grateful for what He did.) I consider myself the one sheep that the good shepherd left the other 99 sheep to find. A shepherd cares about every one of his sheep; if one got lost he would leave the flock to find it, and if it got wounded, he would care for and heal it. I was sad (wounded,) and God cared for me and healed my soul.

God loves every one of us-His children. Satan wants us to hate ourselves and to think we're not worthy of God's love; but we are. Satan lies to us, and tells us things that aren't true because he wants to hurt God by hurting us. Satan doesn't want us to feel good, he wants us to feel bad...so that he can control us with his lies, and so that we will believe him and be his. Truthfully, he just wants to win and to be better than God. Satan doesn't care about our fate; he couldn't care less if we burned in hell. God, on the other hand, cares about us, he wants to help us, and he cares about our eternal future. 

I believe that listening to God produces feelings of sureness, security, and confidence in believing that good things are deserved. Also, I believe that Satan whispers lies in my mind that cause me to feel unsure, insecure, and to only hope that desirable things are possible but not to believe that they're attainable. The good things (such as lessons learned, etc.) from suffering make my suffering (trials) worth it.

The first four paragraphs of the following song were written with the perspective of being in heaven and seeing Jesus suffer in Gethsemane.

Gethsemane

My Lord Jesus

Me in heaven, You on earth

You're in the garden

And Your heavy burden is growing worse 

I weep for You, Jesus

My poor Jesus

I'm so sorry to make You cry

But I'm far from like You

And all my sins, Lord, demand this price

I wish that I could come to You

And wipe away the blood

And then I'd bear Your cross, Lord

If I could

But I'm up here

And You're down there, Jesus

My poor Jesus

I'm so sorry to make You die

But, please, for me, Jesus

Die

Now Lord Jesus

You're in heaven and I'm on earth

Now it's my turn

And my little burden is getting worse

I weep for me, Jesus

Oh kind Jesus

I keep trying to win this fight

But I just can't change me

I need Your grace, Lord

Please provide

I wish that I could run to You

And all of this would end

If I could see Your face

Have You close again

But You're up there

And I'm down here, Oh Jesus

My Lord Jesus

If You've got time to spend with me tonight

Then fly to me, Jesus

Fly

I Celebrate Success

An untrue belief says that if someone else doesn't have something, not to celebrate it because it's "bragging." That's not true. That belief controls people's behavior. The truth is that people are free to celebrate what they have, and other people are free to either be happy for their success or be jealous because they have something that the other person doesn't. For example, one thought is that if I have a husband and they don't, don't say, "I'm grateful for my husband" because it rubs in the other person's face the fact that they don't have one. Another thought is that if I say "I'm grateful for my husband," the other person has the opportunity to be happy or jealous of me. If I lived according to the first thought, I could never celebrate what another person didn't have - we would always be equal - actually, I would be brought down from my success to their non-success.

A baby is good until they're born into this negative world. They may live negatively for many years; but once they're grown they can choose how to live. Everyone has the same opportunity to succeed, but the world's downward pull says, "Success is bad." It's a lie, success is good. A child's life may be bad, but their childhood doesn't dictate their future success.

I'm Proud to be an American

This song has been running through my mind since yesterday; it got to be the most patriotic song I've ever heard. Click here to hear it.  It's "I'm Proud to be an American" by Lee Greenwood. I love my country; the comfort that Americans expect, and the nice and helpful attitudes of most people.

I love traveling to places around the world. I enjoy seeing things and meeting people that are different than me. And I always enjoy coming home; having my things, knowing the culture, being familiar with the way people do things, and feeling happy to communicate in my language. Half of my family are from another country and I love them. 

I am an American and love my country. There are things in America that I don't like, but not enough to make me leave; I would never live anywhere else than America. I love my country. I'm proud to be an American.

I Love the Visiting Teaching Program in My Church

My visiting teaching companion and I just finished visiting our last sister (for August) yesterday. Yay us! High five! I love visiting teaching! (We don't usually go this late in the month, but this month all of our schedules worked out that way.) Yes, it's a chore to go, to work around schedules, and to walk up many stairs (my personal mountain :) But I love knowing them and hearing about their lives. I love that I have the opportunity to watch over them. I love that I get the chance to serve them. They bring richness to my life, and I'm glad that we're friends. My companion encourages me to bravely do things that, otherwise, I wouldn't. She tells me about her life and her family, and she is my friend. (We would help our sisters if they needed it, and I know that she would help me. I would do the same for her, and I hope she knows that she can count on me.)

My visiting teacher is a sweet lady. She comes over every month and not only visits but also helps me with whatever I need. She says, "I know that I don't have to, but I want to." I love that she visits me even though her companion never comes. She doesn't let that stop her, and I feel her love for me.

Funny story: she can't hear very well (she has hearing aids,) and I can't talk very well! (We are like the blind leading the blind!) Last month, sadly, she lost one of her hearing aids - so when she visited me she really couldn't hear what I said. After me saying the same thing four times and her not understanding me I said, "I'm done!" I meant I'm done saying the same thing, and I feel frustrated so I'm going to stop saying this. Well, she thought I meant I'm done with our visit. She said a quick prayer, apologized, and quickly left. My husband poked his head around the corner from the kitchen upstairs and said, "That was weird!" 

My poor visiting teacher! I should have called her and set the record straight, but I didn't. For a month she probably thought that I had wanted her to leave. I talked to her at church last Sunday and she said, "If my hearing bothers you, they can get you someone else...it won't hurt my feelings...really." I told her what I had meant, and that I didn't want a new visiting teacher. She came over yesterday, and happily the past is now in the past.

I love that the women in my church watch over each other. I know that no matter where I live in the world, when I tell my church that I'm there a visiting teacher will visit me. I don't want to be an island - alone in the world, I want to have friends and relate with people.

The Lord Blesses Me With More Than What I Ask

I truly believe that The Lord wanted to bless me five years ago, before I got sick, but I couldn't receive it so he gave me a trial to make me stronger. How could I feel His love when I couldn't say, "I love you" to myself? His perfect love would have crushed me because I couldn't bear it. I felt that others deserved his love, but in my heart I didn't feel that I myself was worthy to receive anything good. It is so sad to hear how badly I thought and felt, but it's true. I've learned so many things in the last five years! Even in my trial, He blesses me as much as He can.

Before getting sick, I had plans for myself. Unfortunately, my heart didn't truly believe that some of the things I planned would actually come true. I wished and hoped for them to come true, but in all honesty, my heart didn't believe that some things would ever happen. 

To me, the Bible story in Mark 9 relates to this topic so well. The father wished and hoped that his son would be well, but in all honesty, he didn't truly believe it would ever happen. He hoped for any kind of help to stop his son from harming himself, but didn't ever think that his son would be completely healed and free from the things that tormented him. He said to Jesus, "Help me." The Lord knew the father's heart. The Savior knew that the father hoped but that even his hope was not complete. Jesus said, "All things are possible to him that believeth." I love the thing the father said in reply. He said, "Lord I believe; help thou mine unbelief." The Savior didn't condemn him, He didn't chastise him and say, "I won't help you until you believe," No! Instead, He completely healed his son. Jesus Christ blessed the father...and more than the father hoped.

The Lord is good. I believe that he wants to bless me. I truly believe Him - in my heart. I trust Him completely, and I couldn't say that five years ago. He doesn't want me to have trials, or hard times, but it's through struggles that I learn. He doesn't teach me when I'm happy - he rejoices with me! He teaches me when I'm sad. If my trial isn't permanent and if I don't learn, then I get to experience the same trial again. I love that He blesses me as much as He can.