Kindness Begins with Me

A person can never be too kind, I truly believe that. It's easy to be kind to a nice person, but it takes effort to be kind to some people. Some people are rude, unloving, mean or disrespectful but that's how they are ... I'm kind to everyone. Call me 'Pollyanna' - a girl who's always nice - but what's the alternative? Being mean to some people, no thank you! I want to develop my personality into the things I want to be ... and 'mean' isn't one of them. When I feel to be mean it takes self-control not to do it (behave the way my instinct tells me), but when I have self-control then later I have no regrets. I love the words to this song:

Kindness Begins with Me
I want to be kind to everyone
For that is right, you see.
So I say to myself, "Remember this:
Kindness begins with me."

McMaster, Clara W. "Kindness Begins with Me". 1969. Children' Songbook. 145.

In Helping People I Help Myself

Someone out there needs help. Granted, I probably need help, but somehow problems seem diminished when helping someone else. What's more, usually an understanding of how to solve a problem comes when helping someone else. What's even more, usually blessings are counted after seeing their problem and often the thought is, compared to their problem I'll take my own.

I'm not saying problems are great, they aren't-they suck! All I'm saying is that everybody has them and it feels better to help someone else than to just sit and sulk. I say to myself, "Don't be Debbie Downer-who's always down in the dumps, instead pull yourself up by the bootstraps-put a smile on your face-wipe your tears-and go do something nice for someone else. I promise, you'll feel better".

I can promise it because I've seen it happen. I've been sad, but my sadness felt less when I did something nice for someone else. Today, I'm 45 years old, have my share of problems, and yet feel happy. I don't cry for help, but if I did someone would kindly and lovingly come.

I love the words to this song:

Not too Far From Here

Somebody's down to their last dime
Somebody's running out of time
Not too far from here
Somebody's got nowhere else to go
Somebody needs a little hope
Not too far from here

And I may not know their name
But I'm praying just the same
That You'll use me, Lord
To wipe away the tears
'Cause somebody's crying
Not too far from here

Somebody's troubled and confused
Somebody's got nothing left to lose
Not too far from here
Somebody's forgotten how to trust
And somebody's dying for love
Not too far from here

It may be a stranger's face
But I'm praying for Your grace
To move in me
And take away the fear
'Cause somebody's hurting
Not too far from here

Help me, Lord
Not to turn away from pain
Help me not to rest
While those around me weep
Give me Your strength and compassion
When somebody finds
The road of life too steep

Somebody's troubled and confused
Somebody's got nothing left to lose
Not too far from here
Somebody's forgotten how to trust
And somebody's dying for love
Not too far from here

Now I'm letting down my guard
And I'm opening my heart
Help me speak Your love
To ev'ry needful ear
Someone is waiting
Not too far from here
Someone is waiting
Not too far from here 

Be Nice 'Cuz Sticks and Stones Hurt When They're Thrown at People

When I see other people in pictures if I don't like the picture I would never post a mean comment. Bullying seems to be so much worse today than years ago. With the advancement of technology and the ability for people to comment on things, some people say things they would never say to a person's face; they are so bold and hide behind being anonymous on the internet. If their login name is 'jokester' how would anyone ever know its them? Even if their login is their real name, they don't care because they're typing a comment on their computer not saying it in person.

Today on Facebook, I saw a post about cyber bullying. A girl posted a picture of herself in a bikini and some comments were nice but some were really mean. She posted a comment saying that she knew there would be bullying posts, but she posted a picture of herself as a freshman because as a senior and doing a research paper on cyber bullying she said the comments would prove her point.

Why not try to rise above mean behavior to be kind? If saying mean things is the inclination then why not try to change it? Everyone can improve. I say, "Try".

Saying Nice Things

Should I stop saying honest things because they sound judgmental and only say 'nice' things so I sound nice? Yes. People can do what they will-just like I will only do things if I want. I'll hope for them but I won't judge. I'll say things on my blog from now on that don't condemn.

I will 'be like' my Savior but I won't 'be' my Savior. I will follow him and do what he said including: "Judge not", "Love one another", "Keep my commandments" and "Follow me".

The things I learn are meant to help me but they aren't meant for me to tell anyone else how to be. People can learn for themselves just like I learned for myself. Besides I'm not their teacher, but the Holy Ghost. I may be a vessel the Holy Ghost works through but I need to only say things (uplifting, edifying, and encouraging things) when prompted.

I get irritated by things but I don't need to express my irritation. Instead I need to express my faith.

Is Kindness Diminishing?

People are outside mowing their lawns early on Sunday morning. What happened to courtesy? What happened to waiting until later to do things that might bother others? Is it just where I live? I feel disturbed by the selfishness I hear but maybe it only happens in my neighborhood.

I hope that at some point those people will think of someone besides themselves. I can only hope but the choice belongs to them. What they do is not up to me, but I can maybe influence their choice by my words. I feel like I'm complaining, but how can anyone fix something if they don't know about the problem?

I'm not implying that I'm perfect and they're not. I'm implying that they are doing something wrong and I hope they'll correct themselves. I love people and give them freedom to be how they will, but honesty sounds like judgment. I'm sorry if people think I'm judging because I'm not, I just want people (including myself) to have good behavior.

Wanting to Act Not React

Kindness

Sometimes my gut reaction is to burst in anger and say mean things. I don't want to do that ... ever! I really want to be in charge of myself at all times, and choose at all times how to act. I don't want to sometimes react with instinct but instead want to choose what to do.

Yesterday (while sitting in my living room chair) I had the impression that honesty diffused anger. I thought about the idea, and in my mind saw how when I said my feelings they wouldn't get bottled up and cause me to eventually explode.

I don't want to explode yet I want to say how I feel. I never control people's actions. It wouldn't be right to expect them to do what I wanted because they could make up their own minds. Sometimes people don't do what I want but the nice thing is to accept how it is and be nice anyway.

I totally believe that I control how I act. Sometimes I might feel to lash out, but at those times I need to suppress my instinct and instead be nice. I'm not an animal that only acts on instinct, I'm a human that chooses how to act. (I truly believe that if I don't give in to my instincts, those feelings will eventually go away.)

I'm thankful for my journal where I can express my feelings. When I'm mad I need to write down how I feel and not hurt anyone.

Thinking About Someone Besides Myself

I was sleeping this morning when I heard music playing outside at 730AM! Just because that person was awake and ready to work outside didn't mean their music wouldn't disturb me. That person was clearly not thinking about how other people would be affected by their choice.

I am reminded of how some people do things or allow things to disturb me then have the attitude like "they need to understand". Why do I need to understand and accept wrong behavior? They need to not allow things to disturb me.

I see the attitude of selfishness becoming more prevalent these days. It seems like a lot of people (even people my age and older) have this thought, 'everyone does it so I'll do it too'. I can hear a mother tell her child "If everyone jumped off a bridge would you do it too? You have your own brain and can decide for yourself between right and wrong."

It seems like even though some people have brains that can decide between right and wrong, they don't care and seem to tell me, "deal with it". I don't want to deal with it and don't think I should. My hope for people who do selfish things is that they think about someone besides themselves. Thinking about others removes the blinders from their eyes and allows them to see/consider others, not just think about themselves.

Feeling Really Bothered, But Expressing Something Else

My Experience
I had this experience and wanted to share it because it truly makes a difference when I think before reacting rather than just reacting:

If every time I talk to someone and they put up a brick wall, I can either make a change or not and go crazy. RATIONAL MIND: CHANGE IS HARD. SOMETIMES PEOPLE DON'T CHANGE THEIR ENTIRE LIVES, BUT THEY HAVE TIME TO CHANGE. ITS GOOD TO VOICE MY OPINION BUT ALWAYS STRIVE TO GIVE OTHERS MERCY. ALWAYS STRIVE TO LOVE.

 

Some people put up brick walls and don't listen to me because they only listen to themselves. GIVE MERCY, GRACE, AND LOVE. LOVE THEM THE WAY THEY ARE WITHOUT EXPECTING THEM TO CHANGE.

 

I'm done talking to a brick wall that won't change. I'd rather be poor and happy than comfortable and lonely. IS THAT TRUE? AM I *REALLY* WILLING TO BE DIFFERENT OR AM I JUST SAYING THAT 'CUZ IM MAD?

 

It's a shame to not be friends but everyone's actions determine their choices. IT'S TRUE THAT EVERYONE CHOOSES. ITS ALSO TRUE THAT PEOPLE WHO CHOOSE CAN CHANGE THEIR MINDS.

 

I don't expect perfection, but I do expect respect. TO HAVE RESPECT I NEED TO GIVE RESPECT.

 

I won't be a doormat that faces a brick wall when they don't want to hear me. THAT'S CONDITIONAL - 'I'LL ONLY GIVE YOU MY LOVE IF YOU DESERVE IT'.

 

I have an opinion and it deserves to be heard. YES, THIS IS TRUE, AND IT WOULD BE HEARD IN A PERFECT WORLD...HOWEVER, I LIVE IN AN IMPERFECT WORLD AND DONT ALWAYS GET WHAT I DESERVE.

My Thoughts
Reacting is based on my words in lowercase. Acting after thinking is based on all my words. What a difference I see between the two. In this experience, I reacted then later apologized after I thought about it. I wish I wouldn't react but I'm working on my gut reactions and have hope that I can change. I know that I do things that bother people, too. I just hope they will be kind and forgiving and choose to see the best in me and not the worst.

This experience has taught me to give people a chance, to know that people aren't robots - sometimes they make me upset but I choose how to respond, and to know people are trying - they don't want to make me mad, they're my friend.

I want to be kind and loving and am working on being that way. I might not be kind and loving all the time but I'm willing to improve and want to change my ways. I'm not perfect, but I have hope that one day I will be.

 

Making It About Them

Before I got sick, someone did something at work that really bugged me. I felt so bothered that I talked to someone else about the situation. They suggested that I be nice and not let the person know that I felt bugged. I did it and it took tremendous effort on my part. I never expressed my frustration to this person. We worked together for several more months and if I saw them today I'd say that we're friends. They have many good things about them.

I think of that situation and how even though I wanted to be mad, the thing I did diffused my anger and let me see them as my friend. I have to go back to my mantra, 'You can never be too nice'.

Living by The Golden Rule

The Golden Rule says to treat others the way you want to be treated. So, if I want people to be kind to me I need to be kind to them. I remember when society tried to live by The Golden Rule; they often thought of others. People held the door open for others because they knew it would be held open for them, they didn't call people after 9PM because that was rude, they quieted their kids so they wouldn't bother someone, and they gave the older person their seat. They did many more things but the bottom line is that they thought of someone besides themselves.

I wish that society today would live by The Golden Rule but it seems like society lives by this: Whatever you do to me I'll do to you. The Golden Rule thinks about the other person, but the current way of thinking seems selfish. It's hard to live by The Golden Rule, especially when others don't, but how I behave says how I am and it comes down to this question: Do I think of others or just myself?

Soft Around the Edges

I'm a perfectionist who once thought in extremes - either this or that. I didn't used to give myself or anything around me a break, 'Why would I? Things can always be better', I used to think. Back then, I was nice on the outside (never said a mean thing to friends, said what I thought people wanted to hear, agreeable, friendly, nice) but tough on the inside (mostly to myself-judgmental, always expected more, did things to the nth degree, never gave myself a break).

When I got MS, I felt very sad to know that all I could do was sit-sit and realize everything I wanted to do but couldn't. I had to let others help me, and as a result felt their love. I let others do my things, and as a result saw their ability. Letting others into my life has made me soft around the edges (instead of rigid and stiff like I used to be).

I've experienced many hard things but from them have come many blessings. Five years later, I can look back at my trial and see the good. I'll always be a perfectionist - someone who strives for the best - the good news is that I've learned many things that have made me a good perfectionist. My trial, although hard, has given me many benefits.

Respect

I understand the Savior's declaration, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do."

He was looking at the situation from their view point. If a person wasn't spiritual and they didn't believe in him they wouldn't understand why He did what He did. Instead, they wouldn't like that He rocked the boat of normalcy, they'd dislike his honesty, and they'd want to get rid of Him.

If I don't believe what another person does and I don't respect them, I might mock them and the things they hold dear; in that case, I don't understand and know not what I do. Sympathy and Empathy can only happen when I have respect for them. If I don't respect them, I might be able to pretend that I care but really, I don't.

Kindness Goes a Long Way

Here's what I think: Be Nice.

Never hurt anyone. That's hard to do, especially when they've hurt me, but my actions always say how I am. I want to be loving so why would I be mean? Being nice means being nice at all times; that means even when people aren't nice toward me.

• The Dalai Lama said, "If you can, help others. If you cannot, at least do no harm."
• Mother Theresa said, "Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are endless."
• President Monson said, "You can never be too nice." 

Three people from different backgrounds all saying the same thing. What does being nice mean? Having love in my heart. There's always two ways to say things: 1) Nicely, 2) Meanly. The question is: Do I want to be kind or unkind? Here's another question: If I died today, would I want to be considered nice or mean? Whatever my answer is, that's how I need to always be.

I love this message:

"It's nice to be important. But it's more important to be nice." How true. I may get five seconds of fame but the way I am will live on for more than five seconds. So many people are sad. I may never know when someone's at the end of their rope, all I know is that what I say could either make them let go or encourage them to hang on. I want to be a bright spot in someone's day. I want to lift.

He Will Make a Masterpiece of Me

What a beautiful song, and what beautiful words! Wow! I just listened to this and it touched my heart:

He Will Make a Masterpiece of Me

The Painter’s hand is firm and never falters

As He shapes the living portrait of my soul

There is wisdom in each line He smooths and alters

Where I see unfinished canvas, there the Painter sees the whole

Chorus:

He knows the strength that grows in shadow

When I’m reaching for the light

He sees the majesty and glory

beyond my mortal sight

And though I may not understand

The artistry of heaven’s plan

I will trust the Painter’s hand unceasingly

He will make a masterpiece of me

The Painter’s hand is gentle as He renders

Every stroke of living color patiently

In shades of darkest night or brightest splendor

He reveals His grand design, and shows me what I’m meant to be

(Repeat chorus)

And when I come before Him, kneeling at His feet

I marvel at His love for one so small and incomplete

Then His spirit whispers peace to me

Restores my soul and teaches me

The wonder of my provenance and worth

(Repeat chorus)

-Sally DeFord

She said that just before she put this song on her website, she read the following from a friend on Facebook; how fitting:

Imagine this: you just painted an absolutely beautiful painting. It’s exactly what you wanted, and you’re really proud of it! You absolutely love it, so you give it to someone special. The problem is that they constantly point out the flaws. There’s always something that just isn’t right. And they don’t hang it up, they just leave it on the ground, not really caring what happens to it. Imagine that Heavenly Father is the painter, and you are the person He gave this painting to. Keep in mind that it breaks Heavenly Father’s heart to hear you constantly criticize yourself, out loud and in your head… You are absolutely beautiful in His eyes.

Life's Not Fair But I Don't Need to Focus on That Fact

Yesterday, at the movie theater, a worker discriminated against me. I think handicapped people are sometimes treated unfairly and I've experienced it several times. Some people are nice; when they see a person walking with a cane or sitting in a wheelchair, they smile at them and are helpful. But some companies don't train their employees (enough or at all) on how to treat handicapped people.

My first inclination told me to post on my blog that AMC discriminates against handicapped people. I wanted to say it because I wanted their company to change. I thought about the consequences of the situation and decided to stay out of the discrimination fight for many reasons. First and foremost, I want to say inspiring things. Life's unfair, and although justified, the discrimination situation is bigger than me and would cause me to become a negative person. I have valid points, but making them just proves I'm right. (I want to be improved not justified.)

Life is full of unfairness and it stings when it touches me. I could retaliate or work at becoming the best me possible. My perception comes down to my focus. I know that life is unfair and includes discrimination, and knowing it and yet choosing not to give it my focus makes me improved. It hurts when I experience unfairness, but when I show mercy (don't stick it to them) my character grows.

I don't automatically think mercifully, but choose mercy after thinking. I'm glad I learned to think before acting because I know I would regret my first inclination.

Show Kindness

Nobody's perfect and yet today's world expects perfection or a person gets smeared. Where's the forgiveness? Where's the mercy? Some lawyers tell people to get mad and not tolerate bad things, but when they do something wrong, they want mercy shown to them - don't they? I refuse to listen to people who tell me not to forgive; my lack of forgiveness will only make me bitter and angry.

I want to be someone who shocks people with my kindness. I like to do nice things for people and not only see happiness on their face but feel good inside. It's hard to forgive people who don't deserve it: especially when I feel mad and think it isn't fair! But when I let it go, it's over and can't fester within me. I don't want to be a part of the status quo of people who don't forgive. I choose to be nice because that's how I am.

It Never Hurts to be Nice

Andrew's video The Little Things reminds me of two things. 1) President Monson's story 2) The Mormonad that implies including a person who seems left out. 

Click here to watch The Little Things.

The story from President Monson (the leader of my church) is this: to paraphrase "be nice."

He said that he and his wife used to have a paper boy who threw their newspaper everywhere but on their porch. Among other places, he found the paper in the bushes, on the lawn, and on the driveway. A neighbor knocked on the door one time when President Monson was at work. His wife answered the door and the neighbor explained to her that a petition had been started to get the boy fired. The neighbor asked her to sign the petition. She said she wouldn't and that she didn't think it was right.

One evening President Monson came home to a very upset and crying wife. After several minutes, his wife calmed down enough to tell him what was wrong. She explained about the petition and said she was glad she didn't sign it because the boy had killed himself. He was found dead in his car in his garage. He had taken his life after being fired from his job.

President Monson said that we can never be too nice. He said that we never know what a person is dealing with in their personal life. He indicated how we will never know the ramifications of our actions. Our unkind word or deed could be the last straw for someone and cause them to do something drastic. That's why we need to be nice.