It Never Hurts to be Nice

Andrew's video The Little Things reminds me of two things. 1) President Monson's story 2) The Mormonad that implies including a person who seems left out. 

Click here to watch The Little Things.

The story from President Monson (the leader of my church) is this: to paraphrase "be nice."

He said that he and his wife used to have a paper boy who threw their newspaper everywhere but on their porch. Among other places, he found the paper in the bushes, on the lawn, and on the driveway. A neighbor knocked on the door one time when President Monson was at work. His wife answered the door and the neighbor explained to her that a petition had been started to get the boy fired. The neighbor asked her to sign the petition. She said she wouldn't and that she didn't think it was right.

One evening President Monson came home to a very upset and crying wife. After several minutes, his wife calmed down enough to tell him what was wrong. She explained about the petition and said she was glad she didn't sign it because the boy had killed himself. He was found dead in his car in his garage. He had taken his life after being fired from his job.

President Monson said that we can never be too nice. He said that we never know what a person is dealing with in their personal life. He indicated how we will never know the ramifications of our actions. Our unkind word or deed could be the last straw for someone and cause them to do something drastic. That's why we need to be nice.

KC is Getting a Mormon Temple!

I've been to see the KC temple while it's being constructed. The completion day is soon here! No more driving for four hours to the St. Louis temple. Soon and in just 45 minutes I will be walking into the house of the Lord. Before each temple is dedicated, it is open to the public. It's called an open house. Anyone can get the rare opportunity to see inside the beautiful structure. Once dedicated, only those with temple recommends will be allowed beyond the foyer.

Click here to see the invitation to visit the KC Temple open house.

When a person goes in the temple they will feel great peace. I'm grateful to have this opportunity in my life.

No One Likes Change

People like variety but no one likes change. People like to do different things but they want the core things they know to reliably be there. People depend on their knowledge, their ability, their family, and their country. And, they are really creatures of habit. If something familiar in their life changes - they don't like it. They want what they know. They don't want the new thing but the thing with which they are familiar.

In job interviews the question is often asked: "how are you with change?" They probably mean "are you comfortable doing whatever is asked, or would you rather do the same thing only?"

Imagine asking an assembly line worker (who does the same thing over and over) how they are with change. (Actually, I think some assembly line workers like variety. But they also like getting a paycheck. I think that's why they'll do whatever they are told - even if it's the same thing eight hours a day and seven days a week.)

There is a difference between a person who likes to do various things and a person who likes to do just one thing. Think of an assistant who never knows what they might do and a person who does data entry all day. Both people probably think I would never do that. The assistant probably thinks the data entry job seems boring. The data entry person probably thinks the assistant's job seems unsure.

Both people do different things, but neither of them would like something with which they are familiar to change.

President Obama's political platform was change. People elected him because they wanted things to change but when things changed too drastically, people said "I wanted change but not that kind of change." Now some people want to elect someone who will put things back to the way they were. People say things are broken in Washington. They call for reform. They say they want it but do they really? If reform happens and things change, I'm guessing that people won't like it and will want it to go back to the way it was. In my opinion, our President is the only thing in Washington that will ever change.

Misconceptions About My Church

I believe that if people understood The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (not what they think they know) maybe they would embrace or respect it.

Some people get offended by the word "church." They think I'm trying to convert them but I'm not. I know that many of them have their own religions. I just want them to know the truth about my church, not what they heard, or what they've been told, and respect what I believe. Instead, they have pre-conceived notions. They think they know how my church is but they don't.

I've been a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints all my life but no one asks me about what I believe. Instead they listen to non-members, or people who hate my church, or people who used to be members but now they aren't. It bugs me that people listen to them and think they know how my church is.

Polygamy has NOT been practiced in my church it for over 100 years but it's the first thing people associate with Mormons. When people find out someone is Mormon, they say "how many wives do you have?" My church is against polygamy, but there are polygamists in Utah. The polygamists are not Mormons. They don't mind using my church's internet technology but they do mind being called a Mormon because they aren't. They are a group of people who broke away from my church. Shows like Big Love and Sister Wives glamorize polygamy - and confuse people. Those shows make people wonder if the characters are Mormon or not - they are not. The characters have a lot of the same beliefs as Mormons but they aren't Mormons.

Mormons don't believe in smoking or drinking or having sex before marriage. Just because other people do, they hold it against the people in my church and say "who do you think you are?" Mormons stand up for values, and doing the right thing but people don't like anyone who has high standards so they tease or bully.

They say Mormons aren't Christian because they believe in other scriptures and modern-day revelation. Who gets to determine the Christian definition? Mormons have Jesus Christ in the name of their church. They don't bash other religions. They try to love everyone. If that's not Christian, then I don't know what is. One thing I do know is saying that Mormons aren't Christian isn't very Christian.

I've heard that people think of Mormons as sheep who just blindly follow what their leaders say. Isn't the opposite really true? Aren't people like sheep when they blindly listen to anti-Mormon propaganda without verifying the truth for themselves?

I am convinced that people want to think wrongly of my church because negativity is attractive. People like the drama that badness brings rather than the inspiration that goodness brings.

If people want to know the truth about my church, they should ask me or a long-time member, or the missionaries, and be open and not quick to judge what they hear.

I Love Music

The kind of music I love most is choral music. I sang in choir starting at twelve but have sung for as long as I remember. When I began singing in choir I had just entered the seventh grade in junior high school. Our choir did a musical called Christmas on Elm Street.  I sang and acted one of the main characters.

Some people hear instruments first then voices. I hear voices first, then words, then instruments. Some words, like Come! Come! Ye Saints, stir my soul to tears. Other times I am stirred by the music (instruments, voices, and words) like when I hear The Last Words of David. I hear not just the soprano part, but also alto, tenor, and bass. It's probably because in my high school choir I had to sit and quietly listen as the conductor worked with other people and their parts. I am grateful that I learned to hear other parts because I appreciate each one. I am also grateful that I was required to memorize music because it's a skill that I have to this day.

Last night I listened to my favorite choir, The Mormon Tabernacle Choir. I wanted to be a part of that choir for years. Now that I can't sing I look forward to singing in the heavenly choir. I heard my favorite choir sing Ubi Caritas Et Amor and it touched me deeply - I thought how beautiful. Gaelic Blessing, My Song In The Night and Choose Something Like a Star reminded me of high school because our choirs sang them.

It's impossible for me to have a favorite song. I like all of my music and they are all my favorites for one reason or another.

Proud of My Heritage

Recently I made a graphic of our family tree - so that I would know who to focus on when doing genealogy. Seeing the names of my ancestors made me feel proud of my heritage. I have six nationalities - Hawaiian, Chinese, Portuguese, Swedish, Danish, and English. I thought I was mostly Hawaiian (on my dad's side,) but I'm mostly Chinese too. I have three ancestors who were from China, three from Hawaii, and two from Portugal.

The most interesting person to me was on my dad's side. She was my dad's grandmother - Sarah Kinney. Her parents never married (even though they had a child together.) She's interesting to me because she was an illegitimate child (a person nonetheless) and she was my great-grandmother. It wasn't her fault that her parent's never married! I want to know more about her and the kind of person she was.

I want to know about all my ancestors - especially my fourth generation because I never knew them. Their names are Nettie Christine Andersen, Marten Niclas Hansson Boberg, Mary Rebecca Bolton, John Henry Gordon, Emma Maria Farrer, John Gideon Clark, William Kendall (Parshall) Hatfield, Catherine Ansell, Maria de Sousa, Francisco Perreira, Genevieve Aki Akana, Chang Cho Sing, Puaokina, Kihapiilani William Kinney, See Yeun and Wong Yee Chu.

Each one of them was a person who had a story. They had reasons why they did things and I want to know what they were. They are truly more than just names and dates to me.

I appreciate my Great-Grandma Clark's genealogy work. She did a lot of research that has been very helpful to me. I love her for many reasons and her genealogy work is one of them. But the work she did is for only part of my family tree - actually, a small part. I also want to know about the Gordon's and the Chu's - and Per's family history.

I have two children and when they begin their genealogy work, my third generation will become their fourth generation. They will say they never knew those people, but I knew some. I hope my knowledge will be helpful to them.

Choosing to Focus On the Good

My goal in 2012 is to be nicer. Since I've been sick I say whatever I think (I call it having no filter.) I realize now that I could have held my tongue and spared some feelings but it was really important to me to speak the truth.

For as long as I can remember it was important to me to be liked. So much so that even though I recognized bad behavior I would never say it because I didn't want people not to like me.

Now I still want people to like me (if they want) but it won't crush me if they don't.

It's strange to think that my illness has given me better self-esteem, but it's true. I care enough not to turn my head when someone does wrong. However, I don't need to point out their err. I'll just make a mental note and move on. No one is perfect - we all err.

This year my goal is to give people the benefit of the doubt; to look on the bright side; and to acknowledge good qualities. I may know about bad qualities but I choose to focus on the good.

Wanting to be Prepared

Much of my life now depends on the internet. I write in my journal and blog online. I look up what I need to know on Google. I am entertained by online music, movies, and Facebook.

I realized my dependence on technology when I didn't have access to the World Wide Web. I was not able to use the Internet, or update my blog(s), or basically use my computer, for three days. I tried to fix the problem but couldn't. Because of this, my life, more or less, stopped. I found myself doing things at 9am that I normally did at noon because I wasn't on the computer.

My extra time caused me to think philosophically. I thought about my dependency. I considered how what I had once done was not what I did now. Technology made my life easier but it also handicapped me in that it did for me what I once did.

For example, balancing my checkbook and writing checks. Checks got replaced with my ATM card. Instead of paying for things with a check (or second guessing my purchase,) I handed the cashier my ATM card.

Other things had also changed including: 1) No longer receiving paper bills, 2) Receiving electronic receipts, and  3) Using electronic mail. My bills came to me electronically and I paid them the same way. I no longer received a lot of paper receipts because, for the most part, receipts were sent to me electronically, and I sent much more email than "snail" (regular) mail. (I have a Yahoo! email account and if they went out of business I'd be in a world of hurt.)

My car has a computer. So does my washer and dryer. In fact, so do most of the appliances in my house. If they don't have computers, they're at least digital. My furnace and air conditioning are controlled by an electronic thermostat. And my TV is HD.

Most of the things in my life exist for my comfort. They make my life easier, but I don't "need" them. I can exist if they're not there. If I want to be radical, all I really need are the basics - food, shelter, and heat. Everything else exists for my comfort and I like them but they're not necessary.

I never waste my time dwelling on what ifs, but realizing my dependence on technology and what could happen if the things I'm used to are taken away make me feel concerned and to want my life before technology.

I'm comfortable because of technology but can see how I've given control to the companies with whom I do business. My control also means my freedom. I used to direct most of the things in my life. Now, companies do that. They say "for your comfort" but what they really mean is "for us to call the shots in your life".

I don't want to radically give up all technology - because I like comfort and staying with the times. But my realization has helped me to know what I will and won't do. I am willing to live without technology (if necessary)  and luckily, I remember life "before." (I know I can handle it if something happens to permanently cause me to live in the past.)

I want to be prepared for any situation I face. Therefore I want to know how to do things the old way - just in case.

My Character and How I Choose to be

In Downton Abbey the classes of people are very apparent. Back then, some classes existed because of things beyond their control, like who their ancestors were.

I think we have still have class (or caste) systems today - but they are more subtle. Classes divide people instead of bringing them together. I see a class form when a person has the attitude of "I'm better than you because..." Perhaps its because of the color of their skin, or because they have only one parent, or because they belong to a certain political party, or because they have money, or because they have an illness, or because they're gay, or because their parents valiantly raised them. Classes form when a person thinks they are better than someone else because the someone else is different.

Classes dissolve when a person thinks the best of someone else; and they genuinely treat them that way. They dissolve when a person sees potential in someone else and helps them become that way. The dissolution of classes is loving; love brings together, unlove divides.

Sometimes life isn't fair but that doesn't give a person the right to behave badly. A person's character, who they are, is shown in times of adversity. Not everyone has the same things. No one has the right to think they're better than someone else because they had or have something that someone else didn't or doesn't. The important thing is the character of a person despite their situation.

If a person is judged because of any reason they have the choice as to how they will be in return. Will they be loving or unloving? Will they be who they want even when they've been hurt? Will they judge? Will they lash out? Will they seek revenge?

A person's character is the most important thing they have control over.

What Will I Choose?

There is opposition everywhere. Science even has a theory about it. It says "for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction."

Opposition has existed forever and I see it every day. Right or wrong? Good or bad? Hot or cold? Sweet or salty? Republican or democrat? Liberal or conservative? 99 or 1%? Christian or not? American or something else? Sick or well? Happy or sad? Positive or negative?

The only thing I control is what I choose.

If I focus my time on one side and favor it only, how can I objectively see the point of the other side? Sometimes it's hard to understand the other point of view, but if I want to  make a decision objectively I need to know the viewpoint of both sides.

If I focus on anti things, I will eventually believe them. If I constantly listen to negative people, I will think they make good points - of course they make good points, their purpose is to make me not like the other thing. They may say, "Open your eyes." They want me to be FOR them and AGAINST the other guy. They have their reasons for saying what they do, but I know that when I strip everything away anti = hate.

I don't want to be hateful but good. When people speak of me I want them to say "she's nice" not "she's mean."

I can't sit on the fence and not choose. I need to pick one thing or the other. I pick what feels good to me. I choose white over black, light over darkness and the truth over a lie.

What is the Motive?

Back in the day people said "I need to do that." They said things like I need to do my genealogy, I need to be a better friend, and I need to love my neighbor. People took things more seriously back then. Their word was their bond. When they said something they meant they would do it. No one questioned their motives but assumed their meaning.

Nowadays when people say "I need to do that," I question their motives and say to myself "They say they need to do it but will they?"

Somewhere along the line, most people stopped meaning what they said. They began to have hidden agendas and in their hearts meant something other than what they said. They tricked people because the people assumed their meaning. After their joke, they said the people were "gullible" for believing them. They caused people not to trust them because of what they did. Their funny thing caused untrue friendships. People pretended to be their friend but really thought they were a jerk. When they had a need, their friends would not be there for them.

My example makes me think of two things. First, the story of Peter and the Wolf and second, a quote. 

In the story of Peter and the Wolf, Peter cried "Wolf!" but there really wasn't one (he just said it because he thought tricking people was funny.) Later in the story, he cried "Wolf!" because he was in real danger. The town's people didn't want to appear gullible and didn't believe him. As a result of Peter's trick the town's people didn't come when he needed them.

This quote is so true: "Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me."

Trust is not something to be taken lightly. People are quick to trust once, but slow (if ever) to trust again. Once a person's trust has been broken it might not be given again.

People shouldn't say things they don't mean if they want to keep their friends.

The Golden Rule

People SAY they believe in the the principle of the golden rule, to treat others the way they WANT TO BE treated, but they tend to believe in the principle of an eye for an eye, to treat others the same way they HAVE BEEN treated. If someone is mean to them then they are mean back.

A person can never be too nice. If they err, they need to err on the side of being nice. Being nice causes a person to love them. Whereas being mean causes a person to hate them.

Jesus was loved by many people. He was honest (to help) and always gave people the benefit of the doubt. When someone needed something he didn't act put out, but helped them. In turn, they loved him for it. Maybe they could have found the answer themselves. But he helped them when they asked and later showed them how to help themselves.

Even when people were mean and crucified him he said "Father, forgive them."

He was truly a great example of how to be.

My New Favorite Show

I've gone too far when I blog about something that isn't real! I dreamed about Downton Abbey, the not-real TV series, all of last night. I have fallen in love with the characters and think about them periodically through out the day.

I saw the series advertised on Netflix and thought I'd watch and maybe like it. Now I've watched the entire season 1 (on Netflix) and season 2 (on the computer at Pbs.com.) I ordered the DVD's for seasons 1 and 2 and anticipate watching them repeatedly like I've watched the Pride and Prejudice movie (of course the one with Collin Firth!)

I thought my movie obsession only related to Jane Austen movies since I've watched Mansfield Park, Sense and Sensability, and Pride and Prejudice several times. I enjoyed the Jane Austen Book Club and have watched Lost in Austen several times. I can't seem to get enough of Jane Austen. I've watched everything that has to do with her books!

I thought I hated romantic movies, but that's not true. I hate gushy love scenes. (Maybe that's why I like Jane Austen movies, because the characters, even when in love, display...propriety.) Downton Abbey is another movie to add to my list of favorites. I enjoy watching movies again and again if I like them. I think the Downton Abbey DVD's will get worn out.

The Best Things in Life are Free

A baby's laugh, things said that warm my heart, watching a beautiful sunset, smelling the air after it rains / or a lawn after it has been mowed, appreciating flowers, seeing crops poking up from the ground.

All of these things make me smile and give me a happy feeling.

It takes effort to "stop and smell the roses." But it also makes me feel grateful when I slow down enough to appreciate (and even see) the little things.

I used to be too busy to appreciate something little. The big things (submitting an important report, attending my child's event, serving valiantly in my calling at church) only had the value needed to get crossed off my list, but making my bed wasn't a big thing - it was a little thing among the thousands of other little things on my to-do list. The little things didn't get acknowledgement - I just did them. Today, the little things in my life have become the big things.

Before getting sick, I didn't slow down enough to see certain people. I saw them but they weren't my friend and that was that. After getting sick I felt shocked that they and so many people were nice to me. I thought they would judge me but they didn't. I had the attitude of being better than them and after I got sick it was hard for me to consider us alike. I wanted to be more than them but my disease made us the same.

My illness made me slow down and see the things around me. It gave me the opportunity to appreciate the things I didn't. It's been almost four years since I got sick. I thank God for giving me the opportunity to see people and the beauty in the world. I shudder to think where our lives (me and my family) would be if I hadn't gotten sick.

The other day I stepped down a step while holding a friend's arm. I said "Yaaaay!" That small thing would have made me cry in years past because I would have been disappointed to find joy in something so small. I didn't cry and that simple act made both me and my friend smile with gratitude.

I feel happy that I can appreciate the things in life that are all around me. It's true that they are usually free. Most of the things I enjoy don't cost anything to see, hear, smell, or touch. I feel grateful that I can appreciate those things even though to me they were once considered small.

Happy Valentines Day

My alarm woke me at 6:00 this morning. I got up early to make breakfast for my family to say "I Love You." I cored the strawberries to slice them and make little hearts. I made Swedish pancake batter and decided to make bacon to go with it.

I called to Per to come in the kitchen and find the little cast iron skillet for me (so I could make Pancakes.) Then I said "I need your help." He said "With what?" I said "Will you make the bacon...and the pancakes...and slice the strawberries...and whip the cream - basically everything!"

He's such a sweetheart - he made breakfast. He said "I think it's funny that you got up early to make breakfast for me, but now I'm making it!" I think it's funny too.

I want to do things for my family to let them know I love them, but I think they already know it. Nevertheless, I think we should have a nice breakfast - even if I don't make it.

Eight Blogs Might be Considered Excessive

I have eight blogs. It's true. Click on my name and see them all listed. Over achiever? Too Talkative? Has nothing else to do? Interested in a lot of things? Yes, to all of the above.

Currently, I am working on a family tree graphic to put on my genealogy blog. After that, I want to tell about Grandpa Gordon and how he served in WWII. I want to tell about Grandma Gordon and how nice she was and how she loved to sing. I want to tell stories of each of my ancestors and keep their memories alive.

I am a product of the things I like. I say quotes and inspiring things all the time. I enjoy being a wife and mother. I talk about religious things a lot. I have a memory like an elephant. I talk about my relatives. I write and express my thoughts. I laugh and think things are funny.

I could write about each of those things in one blog but I've split my blogs so that I can say specific things about each one.

I am no one of consequence - I'm not famous. I'm just an ordinary person who talks A LOT!

Goodbye Whitney

Whitney Houston was found dead last night in her bathtub.

I feel about Whitney Houston the way millions of people did when Michael Jackson died. I think about her songs and the way her music effected my life. I, like I'm sure so many millions of people, shake my head and sadly say "why?"

I bought her Whitney Houston album when it came out in the 80's - you know, the one with the songs Saving All My Love for You and Greatest Love of All. I went to her concert (which was even better than her album) when I was in high school.

I cheered for her when she went on Oprah in 2009 after being out of the limelight for so long and I bought her comeback album. I listened to that album several times in my car and thought the words, especially the first two paragraphs, to A Song For You were so fitting:

I've been so many places in my life and time

I've sung a lot of songs and made some bad rhymes

I've acted out my live in stages with ten thousand people watching

Well, we're alone now and I'm singing this song to you

I know your image of me isn't what I hoped to be

I've treated you unkindly but darling can't you see

There's no one more important to me? Baby, can't you see through me?

We're alone now and I'm singing this song to you

To me, she resembled my friend in one of her videos. I just watched that video on YouTube and got all choked up that she's gone. I remember when Mariah Carey's first song played on the radio. I thought is that Whitney Houston? I have so many memories related to her songs. Today, I grieve the loss of her.

The Prop 8 Hype

If you live in America, you've heard of Prop 8. It's a proposition for a law in California that supports traditional marriage. Gay people are outraged because they want to have legal access to the word "marriage" and they want homosexual marriages legally recognized by the state.

Someone came up with the slogan "No Hate" regarding this proposition - inferring that if a person supports traditional marriage, they hate gay people.

My church is related to this proposition (as are many churches) because a person in my church is running to become the U.S. President. My church has told its members in CA to support traditional marriage and vote for the proposition. My church believes in traditional marriage (between a man and woman) and is in favor of traditional families (a dad, a mom, and children.)

The people who support gay marriage don't approve of supporting only traditional marriage. They say to my church (and it's people) "Who are you to judge?" They think gay people should be allowed to legally marry whomever they want and that no person (or organization) has the right to stand between two people who love each other.

I think that a person can do whatever they want but if they want to change the law to include their behavior, in this case I don't think that should happen.

My church doesn't get involved in political elections. It doesn't tell it's members to vote for certain people. It does, however, tell it's members to vote for or against values in which it believes - when those values are threatened.

I believe the slogan and the people who want to legalize gay marriage are bullying people who disagree with them.

I support traditional marriage, but that doesn't mean I hate gay people.

Since when is it wrong to have an opinion? I stand up for what I believe - even when people try to intimidate me - even when they try to sway my beliefs.

Some Mormon's are hateful and bigoted and narrow minded and say mean things. Their thinking and behavior is wrong. But to use a blanket statement like "Mormons think..." is naive. I'm a Mormon and perhaps I don't think what is said.

It's ironic that the people who don't want to be judged seem to be judging.

I don't treat gay people any differently than straight people. But I do have my opinion. No matter what I think, I believe in following the law. Also, I believe in the 12th Article of Faith of my church which says "We believe in being subject to kings, presidents, rulers, and magistrates in obeying, honoring, and sustaining the law."

Currently U.S. law only recognizes traditional marriage. If the law changes to recognize homosexual marriage too I will have my opinion but continue to follow the law.

I don't agree with everything a person thinks but that doesn't mean they get to call me names. Sometimes we will have to agree to disagree.

Thank You, Schwan's!

If it weren't for Schwan's, I'd starve. My husband cooks when he's home, but he travels. When he's gone, meals are up to me. I used to go out to eat (and still do) but don't as much because I found Schwan's. 

Schwan's brings foods that are frozen right to my door. Their catalog and website have many things, but I mostly buy things to microwave. I ordered from Schwan's off and on for a few years, but consistently do so now.

The deliveryman, Marv, and I have become friends. He's nice and even offers to put my things in the freezer. I say "no, thanks" so instead he puts them in the garage BY the freezer - where Per or Andrew can put them away when they are available. In the summer, I might take Marv up on his offer so the food doesn't unfreeze.

Anyway, I digress...

The things I like about Schwan's food are: 1) they taste good 2) they make a home-cooked meal 3) I can make a little or a lot. 

Let me just mention their blueberry muffins. They are sold as frozen pucks that I can just put in a muffin pan and cook. Did I mention how good they are? They are delicious!! The thing I like is that I can make as many as I want. Did I mention how good they are? :)

I'm sitting here right now having blueberry muffins and herbal tea. I can assure you that if I didn't have the muffin pucks, when I wanted something for breakfast, I'd have nothing.

More thoughts: Why did I choose to do things the hard way? For years, I cooked from scratch. (I'm a creature of habit and don't consider things that would make my life easier.) I see now that, in cooking, taking shortcuts but getting the same results is fine. When my kids were at home, my family liked home-cooked meals. I made everything from scratch and wore myself out because that's what I thought a wife and mother did. 

My family didn't care how the food came to be...all they cared about was that it tasted good. I see now that taking some shortcuts would have made my life more enjoyable. Even if I took shortcuts to make my life easier, having dinner at home with my family would have been more than what most people did.

I was taught to do the hard thing and take the high road. That didn't mean 'make things things harder than they need to be.' It's okay to give myself a break. It's okay to be nice to myself. I know that my family is getting the best from me. If I kill myself over preparing meals, it hurts me most. It's not selfish to do things the easy way when it comes to meals. And it's not selfish to think about myself. I'm not a second class citizen. I give. I serve. It's okay to treat myself like a precious object. In fact, doing so will make me strong.

Count Your Blessings

I just read the last few entries of my blog and I feel so grateful for the blessings God has given me. He has truly blessed me. I see it now but didn't see it then. I didn't think of them as blessings then. He blessed me even when I didn't ask for it because my heart was in the right place. Some parts of my life have been hard but now I see where he blessed me so my life wouldn't continue to be hard.

This song runs through my mind today and is truly how I feel:

Count Your Blessings

1. When upon life’s billows you are tempest-tossed,
When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost,
Count your many blessings; name them one by one,
And it will surprise you what the Lord has done.

Count your blessings;
Name them one by one.
Count your blessings;
See what God hath done.
Count your blessings;
Name them one by one.
Count your many blessings;
See what God hath done.

2. Are you ever burdened with a load of care?
Does the cross seem heavy you are called to bear?
Count your many blessings; ev’ry doubt will fly,
And you will be singing as the days go by.

Count your blessings;
Name them one by one.
Count your blessings;
See what God hath done.
Count your blessings;
Name them one by one.
Count your many blessings;
See what God hath done.

3. When you look at others with their lands and gold,
Think that Christ has promised you his wealth untold.
Count your many blessings; money cannot buy
Your reward in heaven nor your home on high.

Count your blessings;
Name them one by one.
Count your blessings;
See what God hath done.
Count your blessings;
Name them one by one.
Count your many blessings;
See what God hath done.

4. So amid the conflict, whether great or small,
Do not be discouraged; God is over all.
Count your many blessings; angels will attend,
Help and comfort give you to your journey’s end.

Count your blessings;
Name them one by one.
Count your blessings;
See what God hath done.
Count your blessings;
Name them one by one.
Count your many blessings;
See what God hath done.

Codependency or Wishing for Good Behavior?

A friend came over last night and cleaned. She had also come over and cleaned last Friday. Another friend is coming over on Thursday to clean. Yet another friend is here right now, cleaning my entire house. My brother gave me some money to pay for some cleaning.

I posted a blog entry on Thursday, Feb 2nd, called "What Was Once Done Out of Goodness has Stopped." Then I shared it on Facebook. In my post, I lamented about how people used to clean my house but then the service stopped.  Some people responded to my words. I'm sure that many people read my post but didn't respond. 

(Some people say things and some people don't. Just because a person doesn't say something doesn't mean they don't care. I know a lot of people care but don't take the next step and say or show it. It's the people who do take the next step, but aren't genuine, that are hurtful.) 

Bryan said on Facebook that he wished he was here to help me. Another friend said the same thing. Yet another friend said she'd come over and help me. Her daughter, emailed me and said she'd like to come over and help me on Saturday. 

I had allowed my feelings to get hurt when people told me that my church would no longer help me. It hurt when they said that I should seek help from the city. Their words shocked me. I wasn't expecting to hear them and my exposed feelings got hurt. I trusted them and my bare, vulnerable feelings got stomped on by their unhappy news.

One friend had told me that I acted codependent when I didn't say what I needed but expected people to read my mind. They said that my church taught people to be codependent.

Their statements bothered me and I wondered if they were true. I realized they weren't. I didn't expect people to read my mind, I expected them to have good behavior. I sought help from people in my church after my family (Per and Andrew) did what they could but I needed more. People in my church knew about me being sick and needing help. I knew they talked about giving service and being charitable and that's what I expected them to be - for as long as I needed. They helped me for a while but then stopped. When they stopped, it hurt my feelings because I thought they would help me for as long as I needed. This experience taught me to separate my church organization from its people. I truly know that my church's doctrines are perfect but its people aren't. (This is a well known statement in my church: "The church is perfect but the people aren't".)

When I posted about my feelings getting hurt because the service suddenly stopped, my friends and family responded. I had sought help from my family first, then from my church, then from everyone. I am not codependent. I say what I need. Maybe some people in the church are codependent - but my church doesn't teach and has never taught that. On the contrary, it teaches a person to give of themselves and be charitable. People used to do that for as long as needed. Now they only do it for the short term. They do what's easy and don't do what isn't. A good leader could inspire them to be more but that isn't the case where I live.

My friend said it's the first time I've said what I need, and if she would have known that I needed help she would have been here sooner. The statement about saying what I need is true - and false. It's false because I've said what I need - to people in my church. It's true - because I haven't said it to everyone.

Now that I've posted what I did, I've realized that people, both inside and outside the church, want to help me. I only sought help from people in the church. I won't bash my church because I love it, but I know that not only people in my church care about me.

Update to a Blog Post

I added more words to my "Striving for the Best" post after the words "I wish for people to have high ideals and strive to be their best selves."

Scroll down and see for yourself.

Horrible and Hilarious

Since I've been sick I have not been able to hold my bladder. I used to pride myself in the fact that I could drink more than one Diet Coke without having to use the ladies room. Sometimes I went an entire work day without visiting the latrine. Now when I have one Diet Coke I have to excuse myself.

Why is this subject taboo? We don't discuss body functions because they're gross and yet we all use bathrooms. When someone breaks wind or pee's their pants...it's funny. We all laugh, now we just do so in private.

I'm giving you permission to laugh at this story. I know you're not laughing at me but at the funny events. It's horrible but when you think about it but it's also hilarious.

Earlier in the evening I told Per that I had just one speed. In the past, sometimes I'd forget and think I'll hurry and do that. Then I'd try and fail. I told him that I could only go one speed - slow. I explained how it frustrated me for years because I had become used to doing things fast. I said how only time had helped me to cope with my "new normal."

Later that evening Per and I watched my favorite show (The Big Bang Theory). Several times he said that I reminded him of the main character and that I acted just like him. After the show, I stood up to go to bed. I asked Per to save everything from dinner because I had really enjoyed it. He said "OK Sheldon." (Sheldon is the main character’s name.) His comment made me stand there and laugh. I couldn't hold my bladder as I laughed or as I walked upstairs to the bathroom.

In the bathroom, I partially disrobed. I thought I'd leave the room and go to my bedroom before anyone noticed. As I entered the hallway, Per glanced at my face before walking into the kitchen. I walked down the hallway and had almost reached the stairs leading to my room when Andrew appeared from the basement.  Instead of going to my room I diverted into the office. I hoped Andrew didn't see me as I closed the door, turned on the light and sat down in a chair.

I heard Per tell Andrew to get something in the basement. After Andrew went downstairs Per opened the office door and said "hurry and go upstairs while he's gone." I looked at him as if to say "I can't hurry." We stared at each other then stood there laughing. Andrew came upstairs again,  he and Per went into the kitchen, and once again I closed the office door and sat down.

Andrew went downstairs for the final time and Per came into the office to tell me I could safely go to my room. He said "take as much time as you need." He offered to help me then, after doing a double-take, said "are you naked?!"

I felt overwhelmed by everything that had just happened. I felt angry that I couldn't control my bladder. I had laughed so hard with Per that when he asked me the question I started laughing again...then crying. I asked him to bring me some new clothes so I could walk out of the office feeling decent. He brought to me my pajamas and I dressed in the office. Then, he helped me walk upstairs to my room. I kept chuckling and he said "don't laugh until you get up there!"

Striving for the Best

I'm not gonna bash my church because I love it. I love the gospel principles and what I've been taught.

However, I will point out  behavior that is mean, unloving, unkind and wrong even when it's done by people within my church. I will call out anyone with bad behavior.  Yes, some people in my church have bad behavior. I will not look the other way and pretend they don't do wrong. If a person listens to my words,  even if they think they're mean (to me they're true,) perhaps they'll think she makes a point.  If my words cause them to change and become greater then what I said will have been helpful.

Perhaps it's true that the truth hurts. I can see that it hurts because it dents a person's ego. No one wants to be told they did something wrong. But, I wonder if people only want to hear good news. When should a person hear bad news? A wise person said that we can't be shaped without feeling a little heat. Perhaps the heat is the truth - and the truth can hurt. But, when a person changes for the better because of the truth, they benefit. 

Honesty and telling the truth, can hurt a person. But they can also help. Honesty and telling the truth are good things. Perhaps that's why "Thou shalt not lie" is one of the Ten Commandments.

When I'm dishonest I sacrifice my feelings to save another's. Unfortunately, I also hold them back. When I say nothing, my lack of words allows them to continue their bad behavior. The truth isn't brought into the light but swept under the rug. It's true that they get to choose to improve or not. At least my honesty takes me out of the picture and their choice is all on them.

I believe that people used to strive for the ideal and want to be their best selves. At some point, people stopped striving but instead ACTED like they still did. They became concerned with APPEARING to strive rather than striving. Others thought they did strive, but when they faced something that challenged them their true colors showed. 

Nowadays, it seems like a lot of people are their worst selves. They try to get away with things. They lie, cheat and steal. They are selfish. They think of their own welfare before that of someone else. They don't try to rise higher but want everyone to sink to where they are. 

If people have high ideals then people with low ideals make fun of them. The people with high ideals are labeled "goody-goody" and the people with low ideals think who do they think they are? The people with high ideals feel like they are swimming upstream and are a fish out of water. A lot of people with high ideals conform because they feel pressure from people with low ideals.

I believe that people with high ideals need to stand for what they believe. They also need to learn how not to hurt people's feelings. I think If they make a mistake, they need to repent (turn back to God) and ask God for forgiveness. If they hurt someone, if they try to right the wrong, that someone needs to forgive them and not hold their mistake over their head by bringing it up again or thinking less of them. 

I wish for people to have high ideals and strive to be their best selves.

Some people will disregard this post and think I'm being negative. It's not negative to point out the truth. I see the negative AND the positive - the good AND the bad. But I choose to be good. I choose the positive and happy because they give me a good feeling. I won't, however, ignorantly think the negative and bad don't exist. I won't sweep bad things away and pretend they don't happen because they do. I just won't participate in them.

Maybe some people wouldn't need to take Prozac if they just acknowledged the truth. They probably see the truth but numb their feelings because their family wouldn't like their honesty, or whatever. They should stand up against wrongness and choose to stand for the right. It will make them feel better and they won't be victims to dishonesty. If anything, at least other's will know they won't take part in sweeping the truth under the rug. They can do it. They are stronger than they think.

Everyone gets to choose how to behave. Some people choose to be mean. Some choose to be nice. Some choose to be mean but say they are nice - that is dishonest - they are really mean.

When someone doesn't say anything about a person's bad behavior because they never know when they will change, it doesn't help the person but leaves them out in the cold. That is not nice and is unloving. The loving thing to do would be to honestly tell the person about their bad behavior, have faith in them that they can change, and be their true friend.

The way a person reacts says something about THEM. I wonder, do they want to be loving and kind or mean and nasty?

I'll repeat what I said earlier. I wish for people to have high ideals and strive to be their best selves.

What Was Once Done Out Of Goodness Has Stopped

After I awoke, I rolled to my side and looked at my clean clothes on the floor. I wish I could hang them up but going from the bedroom to the closet and reaching to hang up each article of clothing is hard. A person who isn't sick wouldn't consider it a big deal to walk 30 steps to the closet while carrying their clothes, and then hang them up. I used to think of that as a little thing among the many things I had to do.

In just my room this is what I did: Opened the curtains daily and opened the blinds to let light in. Made my bed. Kept the floor clutter free and vacuumed. Maintained the clutter and put or threw things away when necessary. Wiped dust off the furniture, walls and lamp shapes as needed. Emptied the trash cans when they filled up. Picked up stuff on Per's side of the room. Washed the bathroom counter and sinks when they got dirty. Cleaned the toilet and shower. Vacuumed the bathroom floor.

Now, it good when I do one thing. It takes effort to walk even a few feet. My head feels dizzy when I stand. I don't have the balance to carry things and could fall. Reaching makes me feel tired. Bending over causes even more dizziness. My fine motor skills are clunky, for example: compare an adult and a child buttering bread and think of me as the child.

As I walk through my house, that I used to keep clean, I see all the things that need to be done. I think pick your battles and decide to lower my expectations.

I used to maintain my home and cook most of our meals. I wanted to do it. I still do, but I can't. It's crappy to realize I'll have to pay to have those things done but if I want them done I'd better get out my money. Non-sick people wouldn't dream of paying for a service they could do themselves. 

A person never knows when they will go from non-sick to sick. I pity the sick person who stays sick because people will help them for a while but then...they will stop. If the sick person wants a thing done, they will either have to pay for it or realize that it won't be. If something is paid for, the idea is sad because what is paid for was once done happily and for free.

I am grateful for my illness because it has taught me many things. Nevertheless, I wish I weren't sick and could do things myself. I'm the kind of person who likes to be in charge of my own destiny. I don't like to be dependent upon others. I was independent for years. Now I'm not. I remember when I could do things. 

I imagine this is how an old person feels. I'm young (43) but I feel like my illness has caused me to age 40 years. I won't allow myself to get depressed but I could be if I went there. I feel frustrated that people once helped me and now they don't. They don't do what I need when I need it most. I'm sad that I served people in my church but they won't serve me back. I gave everything I had to people but they won't give it back to me.

I want to scream "I'm a person with feelings" because I want certain people to acknowledge me. I want them to embrace me and be charitable because that's what they preach a person should be. I want them to do what they say otherwise I feel like they are temporary and fake. I want them to put their money where their mouth is and practice what they preach.

The church's policies are implemented based upon interpretation. No one is perfect except God and he doesn't live here. My church is run by imperfect people who I thought tried to do their best, and some do, but some don't. The ones that don't say helpful things, instead make people feel guilty or they offend people by their unkind acts and words. I can see why some people get offended and leave the church - because while the principles are perfect the people aren't.

A person thinks the healthcare system is fine - until they have a need and don't receive the care they expect. The same is true for my church. It's fine as long as a person is well. When that person has an ongoing need that doesn't get helped it causes them to feel confused, then hurt, then to want to broadcast the injustice to the world.

How will a problem ever be fixed when the person who discovers it is cast to the side and the problem is swept under the rug? The problem has to be faced otherwise it will remain a problem. 

The Only Thing Constant is Change

I just realized that the things I thought were appropriate seem to have changed. We used to not call or bother people after 9pm - now, it's 10pm. Actors didn't swear on tv - now, they do. Girls didn't call boys - now, they're forward. People insinuated - now, they come right out and say it. I never knew most people's views - now, I do.

I wish things would go back to the way they were, but they won't. Instead, I'll lament about the "good ol' days." I was innocent back then. I don't really want to go back to that time, it just occurs to me that I liked some of the ways things were. Times have changed but they aren't necessarily better -  they're just different. I'm not the young person now. Time caught up with me before I realized it. Now, another generation has grown up called "my kids”.

Every generation probably realized this. Girls stopped having escorts and the older generation said "it's not right." Rock-N-Roll was hated by parents but kids loved it. Girls didn't wear bras in the 70's and older people just shook their heads. I could go on and on. Count my beginning paragraph as part of this one.

I've become my parents. I'm a head shaker and someone who mumbles under their breath. The only thing I can say to this is "oh no!"

When to Serve

Is it only necessary to serve someone who appears needy? Is there a time limit set as to how long a person should be served? If a person has money and capacity should they be served or expected to be self-sufficient and take care of themselves?

Service means doing something for someone that they can't do for themselves. A person's station shouldn't matter, nor should the length of time, but whether or not they need help. 

When a person gives service it says how they are. When a person receives service their actions also dictate their character. They may feel humbled and show a grateful character. They may feel embarrassed and show an ungrateful character. If they don't receive service they may feel hurt and show a bitter character. Whatever they show says something about their character, not the other person. No matter what they show, if they have a need that they can't do for themselves they should be served.

In the story of the good Samaritan a man was beaten and left on the road for dead. Two people passed by him, looked at him, and did nothing. A Samaritan man saw and took care of him. He didn't know the man or if he had money. He just saw that the man needed help and helped him. 

He gave service and it said something about the kind of person he was.

When people refused to help me, it really hurt my feelings. My hurt caused anger, bitterness, and a desire to hurt back. Ultimately, I chose to show love and kindness because that's how "I" wanted to be. If I would have chosen to be something negative, it wouldn't have hurt them - it would have only hurt me. 

I felt angry (which is always a symptom of something else - I really felt hurt) but I didn't let the anger dictate my character. After feeling the negative emotions, I thought about it and chose how I wanted to be. I know now that the way I am doesn't mean that others are the same way. I thought it did. I assumed that if two people went to the same church then they believed the same things. I learned that is not true. People think differently and not everyone thinks the same.  I am the way I am because I choose to be.

When I give service, it doesn't say how the other person is, it says how I am. Am I the kind of person that when I see a need passes it by and says "I'm glad it's not me," or do I stop and do what I can?

People want to think of themselves as a good Samaritan, but if the service is too hard for them to do are they?

Common Sense or Political Correctness?

Society used to have a minority of people who didn't have common sense. Now the minority seems to be the majority. It appears that a lot of children were taught to see happy things like unicorns and rainbows instead of being taught that sometimes life is unhappy and unfair.

Common sense requires people to think rationally. I don't think that some people have that ability. Maybe that's why being politically correct is more popular than having common sense. 

Political correctness is something that everyone can have. Political correctness says "everyone can get an award because everyone is a winner." Common sense says "everyone who gets an award earned it but not everyone will get one."

Political correctness will never go away but it will create Wuses who cry when they think they aren't treated fairly. Political correctness causes people to treat each other better. Now, most people try to avoid saying things (sexist and racist) that might hurt someone else. I like that part of political correctness.

But, I like common sense too. It causes people to "suck it up because life's not fair." Common sense causes people to be tough. There's something to be said about boys not crying.

Can you imagine men crying when things don't go their way?  How can a man be a knight in shining armor, a protector, and gallant when he shows his weakness and cries? I don't want my man to cry. I want him to be brave and chivalrous. I want him to show me that he can defeat whatever he faces. I want to know that he's smart and willing to do the right thing.

I'm for people acknowledging their feelings (because everyone has them!) But, I'm also for people being tough. It seems like society thinks we should be one or the other - either politically correct or have common sense.

I think we should have both. People need to be nice but they also need to be tough.

Thinking "Make it Work"

I've always had the attitude to "make it work." This attitude applied at home, when I felt tired but my kids needed something. And at work, when I didn't know how to accomplish the thing someone wanted. 

A few weeks ago on Sunday, Andrew asked me if I was going to church. I should have said "No." I didn't plan to go. I knew I'd sleep in and I did. I awoke at 8:46.  In order to go out in public and be at church by 9:00am, I needed to flat iron my hair, put on makeup and get dressed.

I did my hair and makeup and just needed to get dressed. I tried to hurry since I didn't want to miss the sacrament. (After all, whats the point to attend sacrament meeting if I miss taking the sacrament?) I tried to put on my newly opened opaque hose but I kept  slipping off the bed and had to keep standing up and sitting down again. I tried to hurry but I felt myself getting hot. Then I looked at my shirt - it had cat hair all over it. I removed the hose from my legs and thought I'm not going. This is not how I want to arrive at church - a mess. I'd rather have time to get ready the way I wish.

I didn't go to church and wrote this instead.

I think the "make it work" attitude comes from the pioneers. They passed that attitude down to their children and it continued for generations.

I grew up hearing my mom say "make it work" and "do whatever it takes." The pioneers were tough, Mom was tough, and I was tough. Now, I don't want to be that way. I don't want to do things just to please others. I want to please God and I think He wants me to do things because I want to do them.

I realize that the "make it work" attitude causes me to participate in things I might have missed. However, I wonder if I participate because I want to or because of duty. When I do things because it's what I want, it comes from my heart. Does doing my duty come from my heart? When I honestly think about it, usually not. I want to do the things that come from my heart, therefore, I will make it work...when I want to...not when I'm compelled.

Thinking "I'll do it if I want to" is not how most people think. Most people do things to please others...even if they don't want to do it. I did that for many years. The person who had the most unhappiness was me. 

I refuse to be that way any more. Too bad if some people don't like it. My thoughts usually go against the grain. But...I think my thinking is right. I'm not taking the low road  but being authentic. I act one way, the same way in all situations. I don't act two ways, one way to please people and one way to please God.

Getting Over My Pain

Recently, some people said things to me that really hurt my feelings. I felt offended and wanted to hurt their feelings like they'd hurt mine. For weeks I struggled. I truly didn't know what to do. I wondered how I could go to church and see them when they made me mad.  

When I thought about what they said, again it opened my wound. I thought of their words as unkind and unfair. Although painful, I had to allow myself to feel anger before I could come to terms with the truth and decide how to be. Only then could I feel happy again.

It happened so long ago that I no longer wished to lament. I also didn't want to feel upset. I wanted to find a solution. One day, I realized that their actions were a reflection of them and my actions were a reflection of me. I decided to be loving and kind even if they weren't that way toward me.

I love my church but it's full of imperfect people including some to whom I don't relate. Some people are kind -- but some aren’t. 

The thing I know is that I can't control anyone else's thoughts, feelings and actions. All I can do is work on being the way I want to be.

That knowledge has helped me overcome my dilemma. Now, I can go to church and see the people who hurt me without feeling angry and bitter because I focus on how I want to be instead of their words.

Fake vs. Real

I don't like fake people.

When I say "I don't like," I mean "I don't relate." How can I relate to something I'm not? Perhaps fake people can pretend to like real people but actually -- they don't like them. They are just pretending to like them but truthfully -- they don't. A real person would rather know the truth. Real people don't like it when fake people try to spare their feelings because it usually ends up hurting their feelings.

I used to be fake. I did things to please others instead of myself and denied what I really wanted.

Perhaps people are fake because they haven't learned how to be real. They don't have their eyes open to reality. Maybe they don't like the reality they see and would rather see rainbows and unicorns. It could be that seeing reality is seeing the negative and seeing rainbows and unicorns is seeing the positive. If that's true then it's sad because a person will never improve.

Criticism may be perceived as negative but if a person changes, they turn the negative to positive when they become greater.

Usually, everyone will listen to someone. I listen to Per. Even when his honesty hurts me, I know that hurting me is not his intention. His intention is that he wants me to quit doing something wrong and start doing something better. He can see the forest more clearly because he isn't close to the trees like I am.

That thought reminds me of how God knows my full potential. He wants me to be real; genuine; how I am in my heart. Some of my experiences hurt but when I learn something it causes me to grow and experience a good thing. The idea reminds me of this part of the song Ocean in Me, "When I feel like just a teardrop in the rain, God sees the ocean in me." God sees the ocean in me but if I just see myself as a teardrop I will never allow myself to be what God knows I can become. If I stay fake and never become real I will never improve.

I Feel Grateful

"...for ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith."  Ether 12:6

This scripture is so true. I felt angry (hurt) but read a book that helped me to have understanding. I wondered why people didn't care but when I went to church today more than one person said they loved me. I received a new VT companion and think we'll work well together. My new visiting teacher just visited me and left me feeling good.

God is blessing me with His tender mercy to let me know that He cares. 

I could have been angry back at the people who hurt me but who would that have affected? Me. Instead, I went to church, read a helpful book, and continued to have faith. Today God pours out blessings on me more than I can receive.

I think of the above scripture and the word that stands out is AFTER. He didn't bless me before I showed my faith and character. I showed Him how I wanted to be even when I'd been hurt. I didn't shrivel when faced with adversity (like the seeds on the rocks did when the sun beat down on them in the parable of the sower.) I complained and lamented but didn't let it defeat me. I was given the choice of how to react and chose to take the high road. As a result God blessed me.

I feel so grateful to know that He lives. He knows my heart and loves me.

I love the saying "when the student is ready the teacher appears." I have had this happen many times in my life. I'm like the pioneer who thinks about just taking one more step. Always striving for more and reaching a little higher. The pioneer's attitude inspires me and tells me "if I can do it then you can."

My gratitude doesn't express how I feel.

Positive and Negative

Kids tend to be positive and optimistic because they see life through rose colored glasses. They haven't had to face hard things that may bring realistic viewpoints (which are often seen as negative although they're not - they're just real).

Thinking of things in a positive way is a matter of choosing to think positively when faced with both the positive AND negative. Saying something negative (that might be true) doesn't make for a negative person. A person isn't negative unless they choose to be that way.

Hearing the negative is not fun to hear. Sometimes the truth hurts. But on the good side, hearing the truth could also make for a greater person.

I know that to become a greater person doesn't come without pain; unfortunately it hurts to have a chip taken off here and a chunk removed there. But, if DaVinci wouldn't have chiseled the marble, he wouldn't have made the beautiful David.

I like this quote: "I saw in myself a cottage, but God saw in me a mansion". To me, the essence of this quote is that God will mold me into the person I'm meant to become. (But the chiseling, tugging and pulling will hurt.) What I know is that I will endure God's molding and trust Him to make me beautiful because He will turn me into my potential.

Bryan's Engaged!

As of December 9th, Bryan and Kimbra are engaged! I'm so happy for them! Wow, her ring is gorgeous. I'd expect nothing less from Bryan; I've always known that he likes nice things.

Kimbra is so nice. I met her in July in Utah. She is coming here after Christmas and I look forward to getting to know her.

I just realized that I probably feel like Per's mom did when she met me! 

I'm excited for them to start their lives. (Sigh,) ah youth!

Speak Correctly

I've gotten into the habit of saying some slang words. I say "dis" for disrespect and "true that" for that's true. Why do I do this? I learned to speak correctly, why do I say some things wrong? Out of laziness I suppose. Maybe because everyone else does. Whatever the reason, I'm going to stop.

That's probably how language gets changed. People stop saying the correct word or phrase and use slang instead. Not me. If I say a slang word I will correct myself. I might not catch the slang I say. If I use an incorrect word, would you correct me, please?!

O Holy Night

Wow! I wish I could sing like her :) This song gives me the Christmas Spirit! I wanted to share it with you today.