Dress to be Taken Seriously

While on my way to church yesterday, I saw a guy drive into another church's parking lot wearing a t-shirt. I thought it was odd that he wore something so casual to worship the Lord. I kept thinking of a boy saying to a girl: if you don't want me to treat you like a hoochie, don't dress like one. That guy made me think of how we judge people based on their appearance. I also thought about how what a person wears dictates their behavior. Would that guy be as respectful in a t-shirt as he would if his shirt had buttons and was neatly pressed? 

A guy who's pants slouch under his behind will never get hired to work in an office. Maybe McDonald's will hire him but no other boss in their right mind ever will. I'd say that if he wants to get paid more he needs to take pride in how he looks and start by pulling up his pants.

I've seen girls wear tight (and revealing) clothes. Girls need to leave something to the imagination and respect themselves. They don't need to wear shirts that have straps so narrow that their bra straps show - it's just not attractive and people think of the girl as lower class. Something in my mind says it's wrong when I see girls wearing shirts that are so see-through (or non-existent) that their entire bra shows - the girl may think she looks good, but, believe me, when people see it they'll think she doesn't. If the trend is to be immodest, I hope some girls will have the guts to stand up for themselves and not follow it. I believe they don't want to wear something that later in life they'll regret.

Maybe some people think I say this because I'm conservative. It has nothing to do with that but respect, honor, decency, right and wrong. In today's world, everyone has their own version of what they think is best. No longer is there a standard that everyone lives by because some people say there shouldn't be one. (The standard is what's right and I stand for it.) I say that wearing inappropriate things is wrong - because people judge what we wear. If we want to be taken seriously, we need to look the part.

Doing What I Want

I do what I want during the day. If I want to go on the computer, or read, or do something else, I do it. I'm not confined to a chair and at the mercy of others. I may move slowly, but at least I have the freedom to do what I choose. Sometimes all I want to do is watch TV, but I don't do it every day. Other times, I go outside to the car, go somewhere with friends, or look at pretty things on rides. When I think about what I can do, I feel grateful that I have the mobility to do things.

Sometimes I read on Facebook that someone feels sorry for themselves. I know that some people struggle with depression too. I think people get down because something isn't happening the way they want. I believe that if they counted their blessings and realized what they have (even if it's not quite what they want,) they would feel better.

Today, I thought I'm like a baby. I just eat, drink, and sleep. Maybe I see that thought when I look at the the surface. But when I look below the surface and evaluate it, I realize it's not true. I do many more things than a baby; I just think that thought because I don't do what I once could. I do things differently now but that doesn't mean I do nothing. I do what I can, and don't sweat the small stuff.

I Love My Husband

If I didnt have a chonic illness I could manage to do 75% of the things that needed to be done; but I would need someone else to do the other 25%. My husband makes it 100%. He makes up for what I lack. He's logical, good with money and athletic. I need him and he needs me.

I notice things that he doesn't and make things look pretty. He's functional and I'm visual. As a single person, his house would run but it wouldn't look as nice as our's :)

He could do 75% too, but I make up for the things he lacks. For example, I have a kind of compassion that he doesn't. He's nice to people, but he's also honest and could hurt feelings. I say "don't say that, say this" when thinking something could be said better. 

He's logical and I'm emotional. He makes things work and I make them look good. We're different but we have things in common too. For example: we like things to smell nice; take the initiative to get things done; have similar humor; and strive to be the best at what we do.

I've learned a lot from him. I handle money better, don't give in to the people I once did, and no longer apologize for myself. I also believe he's learned from me. I'm glad he's in my life and when I say he's made me a better person, the above explains some things. I love him.

Show Kindness

Nobody's perfect and yet today's world expects perfection or a person gets smeared. Where's the forgiveness? Where's the mercy? Some lawyers tell people to get mad and not tolerate bad things, but when they do something wrong, they want mercy shown to them - don't they? I refuse to listen to people who tell me not to forgive; my lack of forgiveness will only make me bitter and angry.

I want to be someone who shocks people with my kindness. I like to do nice things for people and not only see happiness on their face but feel good inside. It's hard to forgive people who don't deserve it: especially when I feel mad and think it isn't fair! But when I let it go, it's over and can't fester within me. I don't want to be a part of the status quo of people who don't forgive. I choose to be nice because that's how I am.

Live The Golden Rule

It's easy to treat people nice when they treat me nice, but it's hard to be nice when they're mean. Some people say they live the golden rule and perhaps they do when someone's nice, but they retaliate and want revenge when someone's mean. (Suddenly they believe in 'an eye for an eye' instead of 'The Golden Rule.') When people get hurt, they want: 1) The people who hurt them to live the golden rule; and 2) The people who hurt them to be nice. It's hard to be loving when the other person isn't the same. When people act meanly, the first inclination is to be mean back. Perhaps it helpful for a person to ask themselves, "Is that how I want to be?" Maybe a follow-up question could be, "If I die tomorrow do I want people to consider me 'mean' or 'loving'? It might be helpful for them to realize that if they want to be considered loving, they need to be that way in ALL situations.

People don't automatically think nicely. Perhaps at first they think of revenge. But after they recognize their thought (and perhaps behavior,) they can choose differently. When their feelings get hurt, they might turn their pain over to the Lord and think 'Please help me deal with this. I don't want to be vengeful but loving.' (People have feelings that get hurt when someone hurts them.) Some people might think, 'This sucks a big fat hairy toe!' They may cry because of poor treatment. (It takes a lot of effort to be nice.) The important thing is that it's not helpful to retaliate. People need to be kind even when other's aren't.

I used to think be how you are in your heart. I want to rise above what I might think automatically to think the way I choose. Now I think be how you 'want to be' in your heart. I hope everyone will think that way too.

Choosing the Right

Choosing the right used to be popular; when a person chose wrongly, society or their parents shamed them until they chose the right. Now, if a person wants to be a part of the 'in crowd' they need to choose the wrong. (It seems like when a person chooses the right in today's world they get pressured to choose the wrong.) 

Being a hero by doing the right thing used to be glorified in films and on TV. Superman, The Lone Ranger, and Kwai Chang Caine of Kung Fu were all hero's. Now it's Jason Bourne, Dominic Toretto and Walter White. 

Today we cheer for hero's that are actually bad. Jason is an assassin but we like him because he's kind. Dom is a theif and running from the law but we like him because he's loyal. Walt make's drugs but we like him because he's a good guy at heart. Every bad guy has a good quality but they're still bad!

We embrace what we like (their skills,) and overlook what we don't. Crime Drama's like CSI and Bones show a murder or dead body at the beginning of every show...but we overlook that part because we want to see how the murder gets solved. The Mob Boss show on TV glorifies killing. Some say The Sopranos were good (even though some of them killed people) because that show had likeable characters.

Even though right and wrong seem to be upside down, right is still right and wrong is still wrong. Choosing the right may be unpopular now, but I think we still need to have the courage to stand up for it. We need to be brave enough to walk out of theaters or turn off our TV's when we see something unsavory instead of just sitting there and watching it and tolerating what we know in our hearts is wrong. Let's decide to not even begin watching a show that is wrong because we know we will think it's OK when we fall in love with the characters.

If society says that the good movies are children's movies because they're bland, then let's have the guts to say "OK, then I guess I only watch children's movies!" We can withstand what society says is popular when our heart tells us that it's not. We need to be willing to stand with the millions of other people who choose the right.

We Do Important Things

I went to a women's conference yesterday. While the keynote speaker (The President of the Mormon KC Temple-President Hardy) spoke, I realized that most women thought poorly of themselves. President Hardy said that Heavenly Father loved us and he reminded us of our importance. His talk reminded me of the talk I heard President Uchtdorf give about the forget-me-not flower and how essentially he had said the same thing.

Women are nice. They are about feelings and friendship. They like people. Men can be nice but they aren't nurturing. They are brave and knights in shining armor. They are providers and tough. Men are supposed to protect women not dominate over them! Men and women each have individual qualities that make them great. They compliment each other but one isn't better than the other!

I think male domination is why feminism came about. Women didn't like being dominated by men and so not only did they want to be better than men but they wanted men to not exist. When they looked back at history, they didn't want to see how men had evolved but how men hadn't existed at all! 

I don't agree with the feminist thought that men are good-for-nothings! I believe that men and women have different roles; that one isn't better than the other; and that they need each other to truly be happy.

Some women in my church treat themselves like second-class citizens. I realized this one time when I sat in Relief Society and listened to a sister's words. She said her calling required her to tell people what to do. She thought a man needed to have that calling because she felt uncomfortable directing men. Some people in my church call men "the priesthood" instead of calling them men. True, men hold the priesthood but that power blesses both men and women. Men are no better than women because they have the priesthood any more than women are better than men because they can have babies.

Perhaps women would have good self-esteem if they valued what they do. Too many women shrug off the things they do because they come easy to them. They think of the things they do as no big deal because they do them without effort. I believe that just because a person can do something naturally doesn't mean it's not important. Everyone can't do what they can! Take a photographer, for example. Taking pictures seems easy to them. But, not everyone knows how to capture the right scenery in a photo. Not everyone knows how to frame things or how to take pictures just right. Look at me, I'm not a photographer. I don't know how a camera works or even how to hold a camera correctly. I don't know about lighting and the details that make picture taking an art. Basically, I take pictures to document history. But I have other talents that I do know details about.

Women are important. Who women are and what they do IS as important as who men are and what they do.

Violence in the Middle East

Yesterday felt somber to me. The memory of 9/11 and all those who died touched my heart and caused me to feel sad. Today I learned that four Americans were killed yesterday at U.S. embassies in the Middle East. While in America, we mourned the loss of those who lost their lives, people in Cairo and Lybia killed Americans as well as burned and tore apart the U.S. flag. Why do we help them when for decades they have hated us?! The news is infuriating to hear. Just because we aren't yelling and shooting guns in the street doesn't mean we aren't passionate!! But, it does mean we're civilized.

Americans wouldn't have a bias toward Arabs if they didn't do things like this! The Arabs are causing the bias by their actions. 

I feel further infuriated when the leaders of my country apologize to the Arabs! Are the Arabs apologizing to us because they killed our people? No! And yet we bow down to them time and time again so they won't hurt us! They are being bullies! I think we need to be the tough country we should be!!!

My Thoughts about 9/11

That horrible experience happened 11 years ago, but I remember it like it happened yesterday. The things I will never forget (besides what happened) are the humanity of the media, the patriotism of Americans, and the outpouring of support from around the world. The pictures I saw for weeks after that event, and every year afterward will always be etched in my memory. I looked in my journal to see if I had written anything about the event and here's what I wrote:

We Need to Act

About a month ago I felt compelled to write a talk about afflictions and trials. I don't know why I wrote it other than because I felt the need. To make a long story short, I gave that talk in church on Sunday. (I truly feel I received inspiration to say the things I did.) I could have been a better speaker because I spoke too fast and didn't make eye contact. I know that, but didn't do them for a couple of reasons. First,  looking into people's eyes would have made me cry after feeling their emotions.  I can't contain my feelings, therefore I didn't look at them. Second, I spoke quickly because I know that my voice gets worn out when I speak, and to me it sounds worse.

When I step back and review this accomplishment, the important thing is not the words but that I spoke. I didn't let fear stop me from delivering the talk, but swallowed my pride and said things that hopefully touched another person. I put myself aside and gave the talk (even though I have limitations) because I hoped the words would reach someone.

After I'd been asked to speak in church, I kept thinking of the words "slow of speech."  I had read those words in the Bible where God told Moses to tell the Israelite's something and Moses said they wouldn't listen to him because he was slow of speech. I think God told Moses to speak, to test Moses' obedience. I believe God wanted to know that Moses would do what God told him. Moses could have made excuses, but instead he did as directed...and became a great leader.

I'm not comparing myself to Moses, but saying that it's important to be obedient when compelled to do something. We need to act not make excuses for why we don't. When we're obedient to promptings, God knows He can count on us. He uses us to convey messages that He wants people to hear. Perhaps the opportunity is lost when we don't act. I spoke even though I felt many insecurities. I hope that God knows he can count on me.

Here's the talk:

Afflictions and Trials

I’m Hawaiian and in the Hawaiian language there is the word ‘Ohana’ which means family. In families people express their love. I hope you will feel my love for you today and that the Holy Ghost will teach you (through my words) what you need to learn.

I have been sick for four years. Before that time, I could stand and walk and talk just like you.  I have MS and some of my symptoms have never gone away. I had a life before I got MS. I worked. I made dinner for my family almost every day. I cleaned my house. I exercised. I ran errands. I wrote in my journal. I played the piano. I sang and I served at church.

After I got sick, my life turned upside down. I became disabled. I had to quit my job. I couldn't cook, clean, exercise, or shop any more. I no longer had balance. My strength became weakness. I felt dizzy. My hands wouldn't hold things correctly. Writing became difficult. My hands shook whenever I attempted to play the piano; my fingers wouldn't stay on the keys of my favorite instrument; and, my playing became slow and included lots of mistakes. This has been a great learning experience for me. I always wanted to stay home and not work…but I didn’t mean and be sick too!

 Anyway, my illness is a blessing because now I get to talk to you about it. I can’t stand for very long (because then I get hot and feel like I want to cry) so I’m sitting while I talk to you, I hope you don’t mind. My voice has been affected by my illness. I haven’t always sounded like this, so I hope you can understand me.

Afflictions and trials aren’t the same thing. Most trials start out as afflictions but trials can be manmade, for example, when one doesn't learn a certain lesson so they experience the same trial again.

Sometimes people get afflictions to learn to live with them. When a person learns from their afflictions, they receive the benefit of being improved. We learn through the furnace of affliction. Isaiah records God saying: "Behold, I have refined thee, but not with silver; I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction." (Isaiah 48:10) We don’t learn from happiness but from sorrow. God doesn’t teach us when we feel happy – He rejoices with us! God teaches us when we feel sad.

Afflictions are a part of sanctification. Abraham recorded God saying: "And we will prove them herewith, to see if they will do all things whatsoever the Lord their God shall command them." (Abraham 3:25) God wanted to know if we’d be obedient to his commandments. Essentially, He said: “Put your money where your mouth is.” He wanted to know if we’d keep his commandments even when afflicted. 

Afflictions are whatever the Lord determines we need to experience. A great prophet in the Book of Mormon said: "For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been since the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, as a child doth submit to his father." (Mosiah 3:19)

Joseph Smith suffered for months because bad people accused him of a crime he didn’t commit. He said that he’d seen God, and because of that and other things, bad men locked him up.

He sat in the Liberty Jail during one Missouri winter. (I’ve lived in Kansas for over 20 years and know how cold it gets in the winter on the plains. Joseph Smith received the revelation that I’m about to quote from at the end of March - it’s still pretty cold then. Plus no glass covered the windows of his cell. I’m sure it got pretty cold in his jail room.) Joseph received a very touching answer when he prayed to God to ask how long he and the saints had to suffer persecution before God intervened. God answered him with this: “My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; and then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes. Thou art not yet as Job; thy friends do not contend against thee, neither charge thee with transgression, as they did Job.” (D&C 121:7-10) Then God went on to say “…if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good. The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than he? (D&C 122:7-8)

(I cry because I consider that the things God said to Joseph He would also say to me. God’s words comfort me and I believe that everything I suffer will be for my good.)

God told Joseph comforting things  – the last thing is also a bit chastising. Joseph wanted to know how long he had to wait for God to intervene, and God reassured him. God also said in essence, I’ll intervene when it’s time, not when you want. He basically said: “Be patient.” Sometimes we need to patiently endure our afflictions until God determines our endurance is enough. I believe that Joseph would have been willing to have patience, but that he really wanted the assurance that God would intervene. I think the experience is in the scriptures to tell us to trust that God will do the same for us. Trust is a hard thing for us to have because we’ve been let down. The thing to remember is that we’re trusting in God not a in a human. God won’t let us down.

We know that Jesus suffered. It’s not as well known that he suffered throughout his life. Paul told the Hebrews: "Though he were a Son, yet he learned obedience by the things he suffered." (Hebrews 5:8) Jesus thought higher than everyone else and even though He had friends He basically went through His life alone because no one related to Him. In the Garden of Gethsemene He sweat great drops of blood. On Calvary He got stabbed, had nails driven through His hands and wrists, and got crucified on a cross. He willingly suffered for me and I love Him. I thank Him. He had no sins - He was a perfect person - and yet He paid a price for me with His life. His atonement saved me from my imperfections. He is my savior and I will praise his name forever. Jesus had many happy times, but He also suffered greatly.

We learn through suffering - probably because in suffering we’re humble. God wants us to be humble, not proud, so He can teach us. When I first got sick I kept thinking about the scripture about the natural man. At the time, I also thought of this story about a crab. (Please visualize the images as I tell you my story.) 

"I'm brave. I'm fine. I can handle my problems" said the little crab.

"I have a shell and I'm tough. Nothing can break me", it continued.

The wise old crab asked the little crab to take off its shell.

"If I take off my shell, I'll be weak. I could be crushed" said the little crab.

"Take off your shell" said the wise old crab.

"Trust me. I have a reason for asking you to do this", he said.

The little crab took off its shell.

It saw the wise old crab and felt deflated.

"I'm exposed. I'm vulnerable. I'm not pretty without my shell," said the little crab.

"I can't hide. Everyone can see me for who I really am, and I'm just a crab" it continued.

The wise old crab saw the little crab without its shell.

The little crab is beautiful, he thought.

Other crabs saw the little crab.

"It doesn't have a shell" they whispered and thought of him as brave.

"I took off my shell like you asked" said the little crab.

It frowned and said "Now I'm not pretty. Everyone can see my problems. I'm not tough and I don't feel happy."

"That doesn't matter" said the wise old crab.

"One day you'll feel happy. Here, take my shell." he said.

The little crab crawled in the wise old crab's bigger and stronger shell.

"This new shell is good" the little crab said as he crawled into the shell and it fit just right.

The little crab realized that he had outgrown his old shell.

He felt grateful that the wise old crab had seen something in him that he hadn't seen in himself.

The little crab had taken off his shell and received a bigger and stronger one.

The little crab felt happy.

After I thought of that story, I wondered how God could comfort or teach a person when they had their shell on. It occurred to me that God wanted His people to be exposed and vulnerable so He could come to them. In my story, the crab's shell represented pride – tough and hard to crack. In my own life, I had replaced my Savior by thinking I'm tough, I can handle my own problems. I didn’t have humble thinking - but didn't consider myself arrogant and prideful. God wanted to be with me, comfort me, and tell me how to solve my problems, but when I thought I could handle my problems on my own, I wouldn’t let him help me and faced them alone. 

Recently, I read a book where the author also talked about a crab. He said that a crab had to walk backward to move forward because its front claws were too heavy. He related going backward to us becoming like a child. He quoted King Benjamin when he said that to live with God again we had to become like children. King Benjamin didn’t mean that we had to be children but that we needed to be like children…to have child-like qualities. He listed a bunch of qualities and basically said we needed to be willing to learn…which is a child-like quality.

Children don’t have egos that can get hurt or offended. They honestly acknowledge what they don’t know, then do what it takes to find out. They are positive and optimistic. They make friends without judgment. They include people. They have fun and don’t stay down in the dumps. Those are some the qualities that King Benjamin meant that we needed to have in order to have eternal life. He basically said that we needed to develop Godly qualities in order to live with God.

When I got sick, I had served in this ward for two years as the Young Women's President. I felt spiritual and did things like listen to good music and read my scriptures. I refrained from things that would make the spirit leave because I liked feeling His presence. Sometimes, I had spiritual experiences that caused my heart to swell. I'd been taught to be self-reliant and take care of myself and my family and that's what I did. I cooked. I cleaned. I ran errands and I tended to my children's and my husband's needs.

One day, right after I got sick, I sat in my living room wondering how I would endure sitting there for one hour, let alone for the entire day. I had always kept myself busy and felt torture doing nothing. As I sat there, I could feel no warm feelings in my home. On the contrary, my home felt empty, and, in a way, cold. I thought I’d rather be at work.

In speaking about our personal lives, we just did the motions at my home. We acted like a happy family, but everyone did their own thing and we were slowly drifting apart. Today, I shudder to think what my family would be like if I hadn’t gotten sick. Isn’t it strange to hear me say that my family would be worse off, if I hadn’t gotten sick? Even though my illness caused us to suffer, I consider it a blessing in that we’re close.

I’ve cried many times when I’ve thought of my limitations, but then the Lord has taught me something that has resulted in me feeling grateful to him. Whatever I’ve wanted to know I’ve learned, and then the thing has taught to me. I think of the quote: “Leap, and the net will appear.” That’s quote speaks the truth. I’ve taken the leap of faith many times throughout my life. Sometimes the net has been a book, and sometimes it has been a song. Other times it has been something someone said, or something I’ve seen.

In all of those cases however, it has been up to me to learn. If the net appeared to teach me something, but I didn’t learn it because I didn’t want to listen or hear, then it would re-appear until I learned its lesson. That scenario reminds me of the scripture in the D&C that says: “For what doth it profit a man if a gift is bestowed upon him, and he receive not the gift?” (D&C 88:33)

What good does it do if we take a leap of faith but don’t learn from the experience? We won’t become a better person but will stay the same. Some people think well, I don’t want that lesson! They want to control their life instead of let the net be in control. They don’t get to determine the lesson – they only get to reap the reward or pay the consequence.

Another quote that I love is this: “When the student is ready, the teacher appears.” I believe that God puts inspired teachers in our life to teach us something. Again, sometimes it’s a book, a song, a person, a scene, or many other things. We pray and ask God for help then, when He gives it, we say: “No! Not that!” and don’t accept it. We’d be better off to accept His help, trust Him, and remember that he knows what we need better than we do. Let’s remember and believe what He said to Joseph Smith and apply it to ourselves - He said the experience would be for our good.

I’m thankful that I got to tell you this and that I got to spend some time with you. I know that our Heavenly Father loves us and wants us to have successful lives. Sometimes we are thick-skulled and won’t learn the things. He wants to teach us but if we won’t learn His lesson, we get to experience the thing again. If we experience something and don’t learn from it, it can become a trial in our life.

Let’s let Heavenly Father be in charge. Let’s trust him. We can spend our entire life focusing on things that don’t matter – things that build our pride – and ignore the things that do matter and that make us better people. Let’s be willing to learn what God wants to teach us. Sometimes we have to go backward to go forward. Remember the crab and that we need to be teachable and like a child in order to be taught. The only things we possess, that we can give to Heavenly Father, are our wills and our actions. Let’s take the leap of faith required to learn. And, let’s believe the lesson will help us become the person Heavenly Father knows we can be.

Not all the things we suffer are bad. Remember that our goal is to have eternal life. When we step back from the things we suffer and remember what we want, somehow the things we need to endure seem worth it. Sometimes all our faith needs in order to regain perspective is for us to step back, look at the big picture, and remember our goal. We want to live with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ again. That’s a good goal to have. They also want to be in our lives right now. Jesus taught that he stands at the door of our heart and knocks. (Revelation 3:20) It’s up to us to let Him in. He won’t just open the door and walk in, we have to open the door and invite him in. Opening the door and inviting him in is taking a leap of faith to let God make our life better than we imagined.

Heavenly Father has made my life great as I've put my trust in Him. He's turned my sorrows into joys. My life may not be what I imagined, but like Nephi, I know in whom I put my trust. The Book of Mormon is the word of God. Thomas S. Monson is the prophet today. God is my friend and will be with me throughout my life. I love him and will praise His name forever. He is my rock and my everlasting God. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Then and Now

I’m transcribing a document for Per and the process has taken weeks because of slowness and fatigue. I used to type really fast; so fast, in fact, that I thought in words instead of letters. One of the things I experience because of MS is that my right hand is slow and inaccurate. To use an analogy, I used to be a rabbit and now I’m a turtle.

Slowness isn’t the only thing I experience – I get tired too. Once I did many things, but now I do one thing before feeling extremely tired.  I work on the document then stop after a short time because of fatigue. For the rest of the day I sit in my living room chair because I feel too tired to do anything more.

After getting sick I lamented about my lost abilities. One day I realized that lamenting just made me feel bad and caused me to live in the past. (In my heart I want to be a fast typist like before, and wish I could do many things, but I can't and that's realistic.) Accepting what I can do now causes me to live in the present moment (even though I remember what I once could do.)

Now to be philosophical: We can do many things at a young age, but when we get older we wish we could do the things we once could. (I think excessively wishing this causes mid-life crises.) We’d be better off to accept the current reality and let the past remain in the past. When we accept the current reality, we don't give in or giving up or say “Why try?" but “I'll do my best with what I can do right now.”

I want to remember the positive and hopeful feelings I have when I think of what I can do and not what I can’t.

I Don't Believe in Feminism

Where I grew up, men and women had defined roles. In the 70's, my church taught that women had divine nurturing abilities and needed to be in the home raising children. Many people in my town had that opinion in the 80's. I felt guilty working back then but I had to work because I had responsibilities and I didn't have a husband who could earn the money needed to cover them.

Now that I no longer work, I look back and wonder why my church said women needed to stay home. The feminist movement had a lot of influence back then. In the 70's, a lot of women left their homes and took jobs. Back then women talked of equality and equal pay for equal jobs. Women had the best of both worlds because they worked AND after they got pregnant and had their baby, some of them stayed home to raise their children.

I have an "I don't like it" opinion about feminism. I believe that the movement damaged my husband's chance to succeed in that his income got lowered because now more people work. I think that the workplace would be better off being a man's world. I believe that women have different attitudes than men and that women complicate environments where both men and women work. Men know how to do business with other men. Men know how men think. Women can be catty but men can be crushing. Men know how to deal with crushing blows, but when a woman gets crushed she retaliates. Men let things go whereas women hold on to things (and it takes longer for them to let go if they ever do.)

I believe that women should do what they do best. Some men want to take care of women. They want to be the breadwinner, but some women have an I can do it myself attitude, and want to have the best of both worlds. Some women want to work as well as be mothers and they want to do it right now! (Imagine a little girl with a straight armed fist stomping her foot.) That woman's attitude has caused her children to think that all women are like her; that all young women need to be like her; and that women are better than men. (Where's the equality in "better than"?)

Some of my friends are thinking right now I can't believe you're saying this because I have to work. Other friends are thinking right now I can't believe you're saying this because I want work. I'm not saying to women, don't work, I'm saying do what you do best (which is, if you're young, to raise children and be a woman, or, if you're older, to do what you love and be a woman.)

To women I say, be women; embrace your womanhood and don't try to be men.

Grateful For the Simple Things

Something simple makes me as happy as something complicated. I find pleasure in anything that brings me joy. Today, the simple thing is my mattress. Let me fill you in... I've thought many times I love my bed because I've felt comfortable when I've laid on it. Recently, my back began to ache because I waited too long to flip my mattress. Per flipped it for me but it didn't help, so, a few days later, I asked him to flip it another way. This time, after I slept on it, my back felt better. So good, in fact, that I went back to bed a second time and got some much needed rest. Once again, I awoke thinking I love my bed. My back still hurts, but I know It'll get better.

I am thankful for solutions to problems. I know that my husband is too, because I'm not crabby when a solution is found. I feel sad that I get crabby when faced with something that brings me pain. (I wish I had a nicer temperament when facing that kind of situation. It's not fair that I take my frustration out on the people I love because I know they are only trying to help.) Back to my bed, I can say with assurance that my husband is happy that I love it again.

My New Life

I raised children for 22 years. This is the first year since 1990 that I haven’t needed to know when school starts because my baby graduated from public school last May. I feel happy in some ways but sad in others. I find myself asking “now what?” regarding what to do with my life.

My oldest son graduated from college and married at the end of the spring term. My youngest son also graduated, but from high school. For years I wanted to see those days come. Now that my raising children time has been and gone, I look back over that time and realize how fast it went by. Back when I raised children I couldn't see the end and the time seemed like it would last forever. Now that my children have moved on with their lives (and I’m happy for them,) I want my babies back because raising children is what I know.

I find myself at a crossroad of leaving behind what I knew. The discovery of moving into new territory is exciting, but, as a creature of habit, I keep looking back. (I faced this when I got sick. I had to leave behind my old life and discover my new life. I lamented when I got sick because I wanted my old life, nevertheless, it had gone and I needed to embrace the new.)

I realize that the only thing constant is change. (Actually, I wouldn’t want things to stay the same because I’m not the same.) I like change but I like what I know…the two don’t mix.

Make a Difference

Something to think about…

     Xvxn though this typxwritxr is an old modxl, it works quitx wxll, xxcxpt for onx kxy. It is trux that forty-onx kxys function wxll xnough, but just onx kxy makxs thx diffxrxncx. Somxtimxs it sxxms that our lifx is somxwhat likx this typxwritxr, not all of thx pxoplx arx working propxrly. You may say to yoursxlf, “Wxll, I’m only onx pxrson. I won’t makx or brxak a program.” It doxs makx a diffxrxncx bxcausx xvxry xffxctivx plan nxxds thx participation of xvxry mxmbxr of thx group. Thx nxxt timx you think that you’rx only onx pxrson and that your xfforts arxn’t nxxdxd, rxmxmbxr this typxwritxr and say to yoursxlf “I’m a kxy pxrson and nxxdxd vxry much.”

     It only takxs onx pxrson to sxt thx xxamplx! Go ahxad, bx that xxamplx. You’ll bx surprisxd at how by just onx pxrson’s actions, many morx will follow! Bx thx onx pxrson to lxad thx crowd. Bx thx onx pxrson that othxr pxoplx follow. Bx thx onx pxrson that changxs somxonx’s lifx!

Thoughts About Sweden

This is Per's family: Tore, Monika, Ann-Sofie (Ahlqvist), and Nils Lövgren. They all live in Sweden. My family lives in the U.S., in Kansas, 3,000 miles away. I like to go visit them in Sweden, but we only go every few years because it's expensive. We usually have to take three or four airplane rides to get to Sweden (Kansas to Minneapolis to Zurich to Stockholm) then it's another four hours from Stockholm to their home in Väse. The entire trip takes about 24 hours and their home is seven time zones ahead of what we're used to, so we have jet lag when we get there.

The longest airplane ride is about nine hours on a 747 (Minneapolis to Zurich.) In the past, this plane ride has been fun for many reasons including that the airplane is big and I get to sit with my four family members. (On 747's, in coach, two seats are on the left side, two seats are on the right side, and four seats are in the middle [the place my family always sits].) Now that we have five people in our family, I imagine three of us will sit in the middle and two of us will either sit behind, in front, or to the side of the others. In any case, the trip will be fun.

The last couple of times we've gone to Sweden, TV screens have embedded the backs of each seat. I've thought of this as convenient because each person could put their headphones on and watch their own movie. Usually, the airplane had about nine movies to choose from; so if a person couldn't sleep they had something to do.

Flight Attendants usually serve two meals on that nine hour ride: dinner and breakfast. The food tastes pretty alright. (One of my memories of that airplane ride is: As little boys, Bryan or Andrew would inevitably spill their drink on Per.) After flying for a while, the air on the plane gets pretty stale and the throat gets dry. About that time, a flight attendant walks down the aisles and asks awake persons if they'd like some water. (I always feel glad to drink it.)

When we finally get to Per's Swedish home, some kind of food always awaits us. Sometimes we eat dinner, other times we eat something light. No matter what we eat, we always have Knäcke Bröd (cracker bread) with butter and yummy cheese. I love Knäcke Bröd with butter and thin slices of cheese. For some reason, it tastes even better in Sweden (probably because the butter and cheese are different [better] than where I live.) In any case, I love to have Knäcke Bröd in Sweden. (I especially like it when Per makes it for me [probably because he uses more butter than I do].)

Per's mother, Monika, is an excellent cook. We've had her deer roast, moose meatballs, smoked salmon, pancakes with pea soup, and fresh strawberries with vanilla sauce to name a few things. The deer roast is amazing. When Per asks her how she makes it she says "I just do a little bit of this and a little bit of that." (She made the roast one time when she visited us in Kansas, and my house smelled just like Sweden.) She has told me how to make it but I'll never be able to make it like her. If I practice a few times, I'm sure it will be good but not as good as hers. 

Per's home in Sweden is about 100 years old and on a farm. It's so quiet that when I awake in the morning I can hear the leaves rustling in the trees. If I look out the front door I'll see forest to the left, farm fields to the right, and a barn and a pig house down the lane straight ahead. The house has a lot of wood inside it, and when I'm there the smell of wood and the air tells me I'm in Sweden.

Sweden is the same latitude as Juno, Alaska. There, the sky never gets dark in the summer. But, it gets very dark in the winter. We mostly go there around mid-summer (the end of June) when they have the midnight sun. (During the midnight sun, it get's about as dark as dusk so it's hard to tell what time it is. The sun still rises and sets but it never gets dark at night. It could be 3AM and still light enough to see without a flashlight.) 

The food is one of my  favorite things about Sweden. We always get Swedish pizza while we're there. The thing I like is that no matter where I'm at, the pizza menus I've seen are always the same. I like that because, as a creature of habit, I get the same thing every time. My pizza is called Bussola: it has ham, shrimp, tomato sauce and cheese. There are two best things about getting pizza in Sweden. The first is that each person gets their own, which is about the size of a dinner plate. The second is that it only costs about five bucks per person.

Menu at Swedish pizza restaurant

The thing that strikes me most in Sweden is how old things are. The Lutheran church in Väse (Per's hometown) has saints buried under tiles (inside, at the front of the church.) The font used to bless newborn babies is from the 700's. The oldest thing I know of in America is from the 1600's. Sweden had vikings a thousand years ago when part of the country was under ice. The country had Kings and wars (they still have a King but politics are handled by the Prime Minister and they haven't been a part of a war for a while because Sweden is a neutral country.) I've seen ruins and walked through a castle that stands today. I've seen (in a natural history museum) the remains of a viking woman - her bones are at least 1,000 years old. I've walked the streets of cities from medieval times. Seeing those things has made history come alive for me. (I wonder if Swedish people have the same awe I do, or if something old is just another thing to see.)

Väse Church

Väse Church Font

Borgholm Castle ruin

More ruins on Ӧland

Kalmar Castle

Visby, once a medieval town

Skull in chainmail at the museum of natural history in  Visby

The cobblestone streets of Visby

I love Sweden. Unfortunately, I don't speak Swedish. Also, I don't go there often enough to feel like a Swede. (Almost everyone there knows how to speak English, but they prefer to speak Swedish.) I understand how people feel that come to America but don't speak English. I admire people who speak fluently in more than one language. I could go on and on about Sweden. It's a lovely place. My family and I have been there quite a few times.  It's always great to see family and I love to be in that foreign place.